Twice in a Lifetime  an anthology of sequels to Chances Are

From Lauren’s Chance

“I know about cutting, honey,” he said softly. “We’re talking about the scar across your wrist. None of that…you’re much too important. “She shook her head in disagreement before Melanie grabbed her hand and patted it.

“Trust me on this, kid. Jimmy Muldoon doesn’t care about anything more than the Eagles and one other thing, and that’s kids. You listen to him, okay. We care about you, and we’re gonna see this through with you. When I was your age, I had someone just as special as Jimmy say the same thing, and I’m here today because of her. Listen to us….okay?”

Thankfully, for once in the girl’s brief life, being exhausted and stretched beyond her means was actually a good thing, and she relented, pulling Melanie close as she laid her head on Melanie’s arm and wept.

Norfolk, Virginia, week of July Fourth…years later…

“Who thinks it’s a good idea to hurt girls?” Lauren lowered her head slightly. The question always invited more than a variety of answers; some of them quite profane and very telling. One boy raised his hand timidly but was ignored in effect by the loud shouts from the other boys in the group.

“'Depends on who’s doin’ the hurtin’,” one boy laughed and fist-bumped the kid next to him. Another placed his hand on his crotch and gyrated slightly in his seat. Mr. Rollo rolled up the notes in his hand and swatted the boy in the back of the head.

“Okay.” Lauren took a deep breath. Twelve year old boys had no business being stuck in a treatment facility, much less juvie, but behavior dictates how we are received, and these boys were as incorrigible as they came; not the marginally bratty ‘incorrigible’ of the von Trapp boy in the Sound of Music, but mean and unforgiving and downright dangerous on occasion.

“Any of you have a sister?” Several boys raised their hands; almost looking proud of something other than their own existence.

“You have Aunties?” Nods and more hands. The boy on the side still hadn’t lowered his hand, but just waved it from side to side.

“What about you, Theus? You have an Aunt?” The boy nodded.

“And Moms? I know some of you don’t have Moms, and I’m sorry, but some of you do, right?” Rollo leaned back and smiled and nodded; he knew where Lauren was going with this.

“Yeah” and “Fuck, yeah!” It didn’t matter, like some might expect, which neighborhood they called home. No matter what color or what language. All of the boys were hardened for the most part beyond their tender years. No baseball or football in middle school. No skateboarding or video games save for the six-year-old Playstation in the unit lounge. Even that was a sad testimony as it was surrounded by clear Plexiglas for protection. The shouts died down.

“Well, we have boys who have girls in their lives, Mr. Rollo.” Several of them looked at her like she had two heads, as the old saying goes. Rollo suppressed a laugh.

“Okay, guys. This is easy. How many of you would get pissed off if someone hurt your sister or your Auntie or your Mom?”

“I’d kill the motherfucker!” Winston said it sullenly, unlike his usual boisterous bravado. An underlying and ever-present current of anger seemed to move him along daily. This wasn’t his usual self talking, but a boy hurt by countless disappointments and harm.

“Fuck that. I’d kill em’ and use magic to bring em’ back to life….” Danny looked around and paused for effect.

“Then I’d kill em’ again.”

“What the fuck? There’s no such thing as magic,” one boy said; evoking a punch in the arm from the kid next to him.

“So….it’s okay for you to hurt girls, but it’s not okay for anyone else, right?”

“Hell, yeah.”

“What does that mean, guys? What am I asking you?” They knew she knew, and they all resisted the temptation to laugh and joke about how she didn’t know what she was doing.

“I don’t give a fuck!” Winston turned his face to the wall and closed his eyes. Usually the one to shout out obscenities that would make a sailor blush, he just tuned everything out and in moments appeared to be sleeping.

“Miss Lauren?” The boy who had been holding his hand up waved it slightly; his voice, as slight as it was, carried across the lounge when the group calmed down.

“Yes, Davey?” She leaned forward to focus.

“Man…shut the fuck up,” another boy shouted, earning a swat in the head from Rollo. He glared at the boy and he slumped in his chair and quieted down. Davey spoke.

“I think it means like when you know how someone else feels.”

“Dude, would you just shut the fuck up?” Winston murmured from his nap.

“That’s right. We want to be respected and to have our friends and family okay, but what does it say if we can’t do the same thing for others?” Rollo looked over the group. Other than Winston and the boy who slumped in his chair in a sullen pout, all the other boys….seven of them…stared at Lauren in wide-eyed recognition. It was a daunting task to reach the boys. And these were the ones with promise. Picked specifically for the unit because they had some glimmer of empathy lying underneath the angry surface.

“Yeah…” and “Oh shit…yeah, I guess.” A tallish woman appeared in the doorway.

“Hi, Miss Tanika!” Lauren said.

“Miss Martina is ready for them in the gym,” she said, causing most of the boys to jump up from their slouches.

“Hold it!”

She stood in the lounge doorway. “Everybody out in line and no poking or hitting, okay? I’ll stay here with Davey and Winston and Mr. Rollo will take you guys over.” The boys did as much as they could to obey the instructions; only a bit of poking and no hitting at all. Winston looked up and shook his head. Most of the time a unit restriction would have brought angry outbursts. He was improving, however slowly. Davey’s behavior hadn’t been sudden and acute, but he was consistently failing to follow the simplest of directions without argument or downright refusal. He rose slowly and walked over, sitting next to Lauren as the other boys walked off the unit to gym.

“Miss Lauren?” His voice, even in a near empty room, seemed to be almost a whisper. She turned and faced him, noting that he was staring at her. While boys of that age might think staring was flattery, and that Davey might be just such a boy, Lauren noticed an almost fear in the boys eyes.

“Yes, Davey?” He lowered his head at her words; appearing ashamed of a mere question, but he continued, much like someone might run through a small fire to get out of a burning house. He lifted his face once again and she was sure there was more than just fear; that hopeless look she had seen countless times since she started working with kids. He bit his lip and spoke.

“Miss Lauren….I got….can we talk?” She nodded and rose.

“Let’s go to my office, okay?” The boy’s fear seemed to abate and grow at the same time; talking about things can do that to a child. He swallowed hard and walked out into the hallway, not waiting for her. She stepped out of the lounge and watched him as he went down the hall; looking all the world like a dead boy walking.

“Oh, gosh, Davey, we can’t go in my office with two of you on the unit.” Lauren looked around and Tanika waved.

“We’ll take Winston with us, Miss Lauren. Mr. Paul said he’s off restriction.” She paused and turned toward the boy.

“You’re gonna do what Miss Melanie says or there’s no outing for you tonight.” The boy glared at her but his frown was quickly replaced by a smile; his compliance perhaps a bit contrived but still workable since he was at least willing to fake it until he made it, so to speak.

“We’ll be going right to lunch after rec, Miss Lauren. You can bring Davey over to the caf or to rec if you like?”

“I guess we’ll play it by ear. Thanks, Miss Tanika. You’re the best.” Lauren always made a point to build up the residential staff. Many of the men and women working at the program were ‘enjoying additional employment elsewhere,’ as HR would put it. Sacrificial for many of them since the place hardly paid but expected almost Herculean sacrifice. And many of the staff had experienced so many of the hurts and disappointments as their charges, but had overcome the struggles that faced the boys on the unit.

“K, Miss Lauren. Thanks!”

Tanika often suffered the slings and arrows of words that would make a sailor blush. She was a very diligent woman who was working on her degree; fitting her classes into holes in her work schedule and supporting her mother and sister as well. Apart from the city and the family background, she and Lauren likely shared many of the same horrors in childhood as well; save for the gender issues that had nearly torn Lauren in two. Tanika was such a stalwart support to Lauren that the young woman gained the trust of the older and knew what Lauren had experienced years ago.

Apart from Miss Tanika and Miss Julie; the therapist on the Adolescent unit, and Dr. Roberto, no one knew about Lauren’s past. Not so much a secret as a decision to keep her own things private. As much as Dr. Roberto had become a mentor to Lauren, she had also become to a few of the residential staff, but most notably as a good friend to Miss Tanika.

“You gonna be okay?” She said to Davey as she stood by the exit. Winston had run down the hall to get his jacket. Davey smiled nervously and nodded. While she would never share a word of what Lauren had told her, that knowledge helped her understand and encourage Davey to open up to Lauren.

“See you at the caf.” Tanika placed her hand on Winston’s back as he hurried to the door way.

“Okay, little man, let’s go.”

“Can we talk out here?” Davey asked nervously.

“Sure. We’re alone, so no problem.”

“If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell anyone?” The boy put his head down.

“Well, Davey? You know that I talk to Dr. Roberto and Dr. John when I need help in helping you and the other boys, right?” Davey nodded and spoke in a near whisper.

“No…I mean…you won’t tell them, right?”

“Oh, no, Davey. Nothing you say….I don’t talk to anyone besides Dr. Roberto and Dr. John.” She paused.

“And Miss Tanika?”

“Only if you say it’s okay. And Miss Julie upstairs. She’s going to work with you when you go up there next week, right? Would you like her to be here, too?” The boy shook his head.

“Not yet, okay?”

“Sure…whatever you want. We can talk to her later if you like….maybe at your staffing this afternoon?" The boy nodded once again. He took a big breath; the look on his face was almost one of sheer dread.

“No matter what you tell me, you’re okay. You’re doing very well since that problem last month, and I think things will work out just fine when you get to the Adolescent unit.”

“I….I….” The boy’s eyes quickly filled with tears and he put his head down.

“You’re okay, Davey. Take another breath and talk when you’re ready. I’m here for you.” The boy did exactly that and a few moments later whispered once again. The wide corridor seemed to echo and amplify his words.

“I’m scared….”

“What scares you, Davey?”

“I’m really scared….” His voice trailed off and he looked away, but the glimpse that Lauren did catch showed that the boy was almost terrified.

“Something really bad scares you? I bet you’ve wanted to tell someone for a while, huh?”

“I told Miss Tanika an she said to tell you,” the boy blushed; turning his dark complexion almost magenta.

“I’m glad you trust Miss Tanika. It’s good to know you can trust someone. And I’m very glad you trust me. Can you tell me what you told her?” The boy nodded.

“Oh….okay.” The boy nodded even as the tears continued to fall. Lauren waited as the boy regrouped. A moment later he looked up and spoke.

“I think I’m…. I think I’m a….” Lauren had no way of knowing what the boy would say, but the look on his face was so very familiar; a look she had displayed long ago to some very kind people who sought to understand. And she knew exactly what was going to come next. Like a lawyer, sometimes it’s good to know the answer to the question you intend to ask. And Lauren knew, even if the boy would struggle with the word. She nodded and smiled a warm, welcoming smile…..

“I’m afraid.” The word was different but the dread was the same; the shame and guilt and confusion mixed all together in the same manner it had been for Lauren all those years ago. He was afraid, but would find out sometime soon that his fears would be held as valuable as any emotion he might express. And he’d find out that a burden shared is a burden halved.

“I know you’re afraid, Davey. I’ve been afraid in my life. We all get afraid sometimes, so I think I can understand.” He looked at her and the warm smile seemed to gently pull the needful words out of the boy over the next hour. After a while, Lauren put her hand up in gentle caution.

“Let me make a quick call, okay?” The boy nodded reluctantly and bit his lip. Lauren picked up the phone and dialed.

“Miss Melanie? Would you mind asking Miss Tanika to pick up a couple of lunches? Oh, no problem. We’re okay, but we need some time. Oh, yes. And a coffee? Thanks.” She hung up the phone and turned to Davey again.

“Now, we’re going to talk some more, okay? But I need to talk with Dr. Roberto and Miss Julie before your staffing later. And I think we’ll need to talk with your Mom at some point, but we don’t have to hurry.” She noticed the look of fear return to the boy’s face.

“I know this is hard, but the hardest part is over because now you won’t have to hide…at least with me and Miss Tanika. But I think you’re very smart to keep this a secret to the guys on the unit. And we’ll make sure that you’re in the right place for you. I know it won’t be easy, but I know someone in Arlington that can help you better than I can, since she knows exactly what you’re going through.” The boy’s eyes widened and he shook his head no.

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t tell her anything. She can come visit you here and you can tell her what you want or not at all. We can meet with Dr. Roberto and Miss Julie and her and find just the right way to help you, okay?” The boy nodded nervously and sighed.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Davey.”

“Two questions?” Lauren smiled and nodded.

“Why did God make me this way?” The boy bit his lip again as the tears began to fall. Lauren would never presume to speak regarding her own faith, and certainly had discovered long ago that the question was almost one for which she had no answer anyway, so she smiled once again and spoke.

“I don’t know, Davey. There are times when I ask myself the same question. I bet everyone does, you know? But you’re okay either way, right?” The boy nodded reluctantly once again and then paused in thought.

“What else did you want to ask?”

“If it’s okay, could you ….?” He looked down at himself in almost an examining posture.

“I mean…would you….I mean in your office?”

“In my office? Yes?”

“When we meet in your office? Could you not call me Davey?” Lauren resisted the urge to smile; nodding instead in welcome ‘permission.’ The boy sighed in relief.

“Could you call me …I don’t know….” His eyes teared up in embarrassment.’

“You don’t have one yet….Maybe you and Miss Julie and I can talk about this afternoon. No hurry, Dav…sorry….” She smiled and the boy sighed once again; this time in relief.

“My mom’s sister….my Auntie…her name is Audra.”

“Okay….Audra?” The boy nodded nervously; the vestiges of shame still holding on. Lauren smiled.

“Okay…Audra it is.” A few minutes of nervous silence passed before the boisterous shouting of the other boys could be heard from outside the unit. Lauren put her finger to her lips and spoke even as the clack of the door latch echoed down the hallway.

“Our secret, okay?” The boy half-smiled and mimicked her gesture with a finger to his lips.

“Hey….you on close watch?” One of the boys shouted. Davey stood up and went to protest but Lauren put her hand up in caution while directing her attention to the line of boys marching onto the unit.

“We were just talking about school and stuff, right Davey?” The boy looked at her in confusion until she winked; her expression hidden by Davey’s body.

“Oh yeah….Mr. Okifor and me are gonna work on Math.”

“Stupid!” Winston said as he walked by the pair.

“Just fuckin’ stupid.” He laughed at his own joke and disappeared through the door to his room.

“Thanks, Miss Lauren,” Davey said. He turned to find Mr. Rollo redirecting Stevie after a quick shove from another boy. And Miss Tanika stood with arms folded; not in boredom or expectation but in calm assurance as she nodded to Davey and Lauren as she placed two Styrofoam containers and two cups on the table before walking down the hallway. A few minutes later Lauren was back in her office and on the phone.

“Niecy? Yes… It’s great to talk to you as well. Say, do you have any time this week to come down here…Friday? That’s perfect. Yeah. Any openings? You do? Great. See you on Friday.” Lauren hung the phone up and looked out her office window at the open square between the surrounding units. It had begun to rain. And she smiled.

Next: Marta’s Gift