"Yes, but not in a childish way, more an undeveloped shyness, which you have turned into a vibrant and confident, young woman. I am delighted to see it happen."

"You were the midwife," I suggested.

Easy As Falling Off A Bike
by Angharad.
part 206.

Simon and Tom were in deep discussion as they drank their 'wee drams'. To be honest it's the same colour as wee, and to me would probably taste as about inviting as Eau de bladder, but they were enjoying it.

"I'm going to bed," I said, they either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me. I poked my tongue at both of them and then went up to bed. A short time later I was in bed and asleep.

I had half a recollection of someone else getting into the bed, but went back off to sleep. I don't know what time it was, but my next recollection was Simon waking me up to say he had to go to work. I think he kissed me but I fell asleep again. How he manages on such a little amount amazes me.

I finally woke up at seven and staggered into the loo and then the shower. Then I threw on some clothes and went down to breakfast. Stella was apparently still in the shower, I asked Tom to tell her not to rush and I'd be back as soon as I could. I ate very quickly and rushed off to see my shrink.

I was early for the appointment. I'd grabbed a local newspaper and read of the confrontation between some woman and this bloke in a cafe and she poured trifle over his head. I wondered who that could be!

'Ken Young confessed that his appearance in the paper a few days before had been a hoax and that he wasn't seeking a sex change. He said he perpetrated the hoax to draw attention to the money the NHS wasted on such treatments.

The paper had been deluged with calls from readers supporting him in getting the operation, an anonymous business man even offered to pay for it. There were also some against it, suggesting he would be a very ugly woman.

However, direct action was taken when a young woman in a cafe, called him names and tipped her dish of trifle over his head, followed by his glass of water. We are not sure why this happened, although the owners of the cafe suggested it might have been because Young was bragging about his anti-transsexual line, although they were also sure the woman concerned was a genetic one.

Maybe she'd like to get in touch and tell us why she did it.'

I smirked as I read it. I'd said all I wanted to in my actions. That they thought I was a genetic female was flattering, but also suggested to me that no one had looked at me properly.

My name was called and I went off to the door labelled for Dr Thomas. I knocked and entered, she was pouring coffee and offered me a cup. I was honoured.

We sat by her coffee table, "Not long now," she said to me.

"Yes, I'll be glad to get it over and done."

"Any second thoughts?"

"About that, none whatsoever."

I showed her the paper and explained my part in it. She looked at me and then roared with laughter.

"Serve him right, the moron." Then she looked at me. "I don't think Charlie would have had the nerve to do such a thing, would he?"

"Probably not, although Charlie would have got thumped. Cathy didn't."

"Yes, the confrontation would have had a different dynamic were it between two men. So what else is new?"

"Simon and I had a little difficulty."

"In what way?"

I explained what had happened over the last days, plus the event's leading up to it. Amazingly, she had missed all the media references to me. I wondered if she been on the moon, then remembered her thing with my surgeon and thought, I should probably prefer to be with him than watching telly.

"So it's all hunky dory now?"

"More or less. I don't think you can ever go back to a previous position because you are changed by the events. So we are different people now than when we first met."

"Not having met Simon, I can't comment on him, but you dear girl, have matured enormously since I first met the real you."

"Does that mean I was very immature?"

"Yes, but not in a childish way, more an undeveloped shyness, which you have turned into a vibrant and confident, young woman. I am delighted to see it happen."

"You were the midwife," I suggested.

"Oh I wish," she said, "sadly, I think that epithet must pertain to your soon to be sister in law."

"As a nurse specialist, if I tell her she's a midwife, she'll kill me."

"Oh dear, in which case maybe it had better remain our little secret then."

"I think so."

I told her about my involvement in the last weeks of Stevie's life.

She shook her head. "That is so sad. Still you say he and his father affected some sort of reconciliation before he died."

"So his sister said."

"Good, otherwise he would be wracked with guilt for a very long time."

"When I first met him, I would have thought he deserved every bit of it, but I know Stevie would not have wanted it that way."

"Any more than you would have with your father."

"Erm, no." I felt myself blush, she had this knack of hitting me between the eyes simply by showing me how something else could be interpreted. I had obviously seen the parallels myself, anyone with a negative parent pushed my buttons, especially a loud and aggressive father. So it would be easy to empathise.

"So you're going to read the lesson?"

"Yes, I'll honour his request."

"You have a very strong sense of honour and duty, don't you?"

"Yes, is that not a good thing?"

"Oh it's fine as long as you remember to only apply it to things which really matter."

"But I was brought up to believe if I gave my word, I was bound by it."

"And so you should be, however, don't give that undertaking too freely because sometimes those you give it to wouldn't do the same for you."

"I don't see what difference that makes."

"When someone gives a promise and then cannot fulfil it for whatever reason, those who genuinely meant it, become very upset and often go off on a guilt trip. You are best to moderate it with some rider, such as, I will do it if I possibly can."

I looked oddly at her, I almost felt as if she were telling me that pledging my word was an unwise action.

"Okay, this is a bit of countertransference, I am disclosing something which I hope you treat with the same degree of confidentiality as I do the things you tell me."

"But of course, Dr Thomas."

"Many years ago, I was engaged to a young man. I was a junior houseman, he was a registrar in a surgical speciality. He promised a patient he saw that he would perform a particular operation the next day. He was a brilliant surgeon, much better than his then boss. We went over to the Isle of Wight to a meeting of some sort or another in which he was very involved. There was a storm preventing the ferries sailing which blew for two days. When we got back, the consultant had operated and the patient developed complications and died. Colin, my fiance never forgave himself for that man's death. He hanged himself a month later."

"Oh no! How awful!"

"He left a note saying, he'd given his word and not honoured it. He'd let everyone down and caused a patient's death. So you see, I have a thing about making promises. It's also why I became a psychiatrist instead of a cardiologist which was my original intention."

"I'm glad you did Dr Thomas, although I feel sad about the reason. Thank you for telling me. I will think carefully about it when I promise anything in the future."

I left her thinking that I had made a promise to Stella, which was now an hour late. I would apologise and offer to pay for lunch as recompense. However, given her occasionally explosive nature, I entered the house in fear and trepidation awaiting the firestorm.