Easy As Crawling Through A Pipe.
by: A&B
part: tri-centenary edition.

"Cathy, how good to hear from you, when can we get together again?"

"Would you like to come around this evening?"

"Would I ever?" said Des gleefully.

"Good, I'll tell Simon to order for three of us."

"What?"

"We're having a Chinese take away, so we can devote time to talking about the film."

"Oh yes, the film, I'll bring my stuff over."

"Why else did you think I would phone?"

"No reason," he lied in reply to my silly question.

He eventually arrived at seven thirty as invited and the food came at eight. It was okay, I've tasted better but it filled a hole and enabled me to concentrate on the subject of the film.

At this stage we were considering the overall theme, that of a dormouse from it's birth to maturity. Maybe even a shot of a tawny owl attacking something and a horrible squeak.

Dormice may be protected from humans, they aren't from predators so things that can climb or fly can theoretically take them. Owls are phenomenal hunters, able to strike by hearing alone helped by their asymmetric ears. Behind the facial disc are two ears, one is higher than the other, which gives them a sort of stereophonic hearing and an ability to judge distance with deadly accuracy, ask any field mouse. Cats have the same sort of ability with equally amazing hearing.

Simon sat in on the meeting with some purpose, apart from protecting 'his' property, he contributed to the ideas we were brainstorming. His one outing with me dormouse hunting, gave him some insight and he helped us to see things we might have missed without.

So whilst the film would show the life and times of one individual dormouse, it would also show some of our recording team doing their rounds, counting and weighing dormice and using the trackers to see how far they ranged in their foraging.

It appeared I was going to narrate the thing, of which I was not terribly in favour. However, Henry was, so that was that. We would coauthor the script and adapt it as we went along. If it showed me, it would be fleetingly and most of the narration would be by voice-over not with me as part of the film.

Simon got me to agree to include the dormouse juggling clip in it, Des was equally in favour. That was it, he'd now consider the direction and how he wanted to film it and then we'd start shooting.

When Des left, I crawled up to bed and nearly forgot to brush my teeth, I felt so tired. I did manage to get to bed and the last thing I remember was falling asleep with Simon tucked into the back of me and his left arm around me.

I awoke in the night, it was very dark. I lay still and listened, something had woken me. I lifted my head off the pillow and listened again.

"What's the matter?" asked Simon sleepily.

"I don't know, I thought I heard something."

There was a blinding blue flash which reflected off the mirror on my wardrobe and nearly dazzled me. A short time later a huge crash seemed to rattle the bed in which we were lying.

"Wow!" I said and snuggled close to Simon.

"You're not scared of thunder and lightning are you?"

"Not really, but that was very close."

"Yeah, I know count the seconds between them," he said, "I was in the scouts too."

"I wasn't, they told me to go to the guides, but I never did."

"You could now?"

"I'm too old, silly." I chaffed him.

"No you nit, to be a guider, run the local group or help to."

"How could I do that, I've never been to a guide meeting, let alone made a fire by rubbing two boy scouts together."

"How about we see if I can light your fire, you know, rub you with my little boy scout?"

"Simon, you are silly, and it's the middle of the night."

"So," he said and pulled me over on top of him, kissing me and stroking my breasts.

Far from feeling sleepy, I became excited, more so as he kissed me and his hand felt down to my legs and then between them. I was still tender there, but he was so gentle and a little while later we made love.

Okay so I shall be walking around with a big smile on my face for days, it was so lovely and better than anything I'd experienced before, now I was so tender and felt so hot, that I thought I could fry eggs on it.

With that post orgasmic glow, I snuggled into Simon and drifted into a relaxed sleep. It wasn't to last.

I don't know how much later, there was a flash and bang, followed by another and another. I was trying not to surface from my sleep, but the noise was too much. Flash crash! The whole house shook, and I swore at it.

It seemed to stop for a moment and I smirked at Simon, who sniggered. Then we had a blindingly bright flash with an almost simultaneous flat K_E_R_A_S_H, the noise was different and horribly loud.

"Jesus!" I said, something's been hit.

"What?" said Simon as I jumped out of bed.

"Crikey, it's the Soames house, the roof's on fire, call the fire brigade."

I threw on a jogging suit and shoes and ran off towards the house. The rain was teeming down but it wasn't abating the fire which was looking serious.

I was banging on the door and shouting, Simon came running up behind me, "They're on their way."

"They're not answering, I hope they're okay."

Some neighbours from across the road had arrived. The double glazed windows and doors were beyond forcing. Someone arrived with a big screwdriver and tried to force the lock, it wouldn't work.

I snatched it off him and struck the bottom corner of a small window, it bounced off. I hit it again even harder and the glass broke sending a big crack up the window. Another bash and the inner pane broke. Simon pushed me aside and opened the window, than goodness it wasn't locked. However he was too big to get through it.

"Lift me up," I said.

"No Cathy, you're not going in there."

"Lift me up, now!" He reluctantly did so and I found myself inside the cloakroom.

The lights didn't work, I crept up the stairs, then I heard shouting, I ran into the bedroom, the roof was well alight now and the flickering flames showed me what was happening. They were pinned in their bed by a fallen timber. Margaret was screaming, Gregg lay still.

I couldn't move it by myself, so I ran down the stairs and let in some of the men, they followed me up the stairs and between us we managed to lift the wood enough for another one to drag Gregg out of the bed, then we did the same with Margaret who was by now hysterical. She'd hurt her leg so someone had to carry her. Gregg was manhandled down the stairs and put safely onto the lawn in the front garden of a neighbouring house.

I checked him for vitals, he had none. "Oh shit!"

I began thirty chest compressions, then two breaths and thirty more. Simon came to assist me, he did the compressions while I did the two breaths.

Sirens and flashing blue lights announced the arrival of the fire engines, two of them. They told us to continue while they produced oxygen and and a defibrillator.

"Stand clear," said the paramedic who had now arrived to take over and Gregg was zapped by the current. His body jumped or jolted - nothing. Another go and this time his heart produced a rhythm which was irregular but at least beating.

He was taken off in the ambulance, Margaret had already gone with a suspected broken femur. The fire was extinguished after two hours, so a large part of the house was damaged. It would be uninhabitable for months.

About five in the morning, after consuming a cup of tea made by some of the neighbours, I felt exhausted, I suppose the adrenalin had stopped running. Simon and I went home and showered and dried and went back to bed. I couldn't sleep, all I could hear were Margaret's calls for help.

I did manage to sleep eventually, Simon of course was snoring like a pig within a relatively short time. We awoke about ten and after a quick breakfast found out that the casualties had both been taken to Southmead.

To cut a long story short, Margaret had a pin and plate in her femur and Gregg was in intensive care, he'd suffered a blow to his head which somehow had caused the heart attack. They thought he was going to make it.

"Thank you Cathy," said Margaret, "You saved our lives."

"Well us girls have got to stick together," I said winking at her, she smiled and nodded.

"You, you're a regular girl scout!" said Simon as he put his arm around me and led me back to the car park.

"Yeah, but helped by a regular boy scout, this time," I said before I kissed him.