Easy As Falling Off A Bike
by: Bonzi typed by Angharad.
part 246.

"I'm not at all happy about this film," Simon opined as we drove back to my father's house.

"Neither am I."

"For different reasons, I suspect."

"Okay so you don't trust me with Des, and I don't want to make it full stop."

"I trust you, it's Des I don't. He's been a Casanova since he was about fourteen."

"Fourteen, at that age I didn't know which way was up!" Actually I was feeling very frustrated because all the girls I knew were starting to sprout breasts and I wasn't.

"I think you might have been a late developer, Cathy, which given your problem, is understandable."

"So don't you think I'll be able to deal with Des?"

"You are an ingenue compared to that rake, he'll play you like a violin and you won't be able to stop him. I've seen him in action, it's frightening, he almost seems to hypnotise the girls into going along with him. A short time later he dumps them."

"So what's his interest in me, has he never shagged a tranny before?"

"Oh I suspect he has, he'll tell you if you ask."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's like a collector, you're his next item. He's proud of his collection and will talk about it. If he knew you were a virgin, he'd be knocking on the bedroom door."

"You make him sound like a vampire," I said feeling a chill creep up my body.

"Yeah, that about sums him up. A vampire, maybe I need to get some silver bullets."

"I don't think shooting him would do any good, unless it was below his belt."

"What a lovely idea, Cathy. Hmmm, I wonder."

"Simon come back to real time, he is your friend."

"If he makes a play for you, he'll move to enemy very quickly."

"He already has and I turned him down, remember I told you about it."

"Did you? No I don't remember. I wonder if Tom knows a good gunsmith."

"Simon I love you, but if you hurt Des, I shall never forgive you."

"I knew it you have feelings for him don't you? Why am I asking you this, you're a woman so you're bound to fancy him."

"It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the fact that I love you and I know if you hurt Des, you'd have to pay the consequences."

"Could be worth it."

"If you lost me as one of them, and it has nothing to do with any feelings for Des, but about mine for you. I love you because you are kind and generous to everyone. You spoil me and make me laugh. I care for you and would hate to see you hurt for harming Des. But it would also show that the compassion I love, is flawed. I don't know if I could cope with that."

"What do you mean my compassion is flawed, of course it is, I'm a bloke, an ex rugby player. Compassion my arse! I'm an ordinary bloke, well once you remove the silver spoon, I am. I'm not some saint."

"Simon, I'm not going to argue with you, perhaps I have it wrong, in which case I apologise. To me you've always seemed kind and gentle."

"You didn't see me play rugby."

"No I didn't, but that's a game for juveniles who need to express aggression. Adult men sublimate it, use it for positive things."

"What? Adult men enjoy beating the crap out of each other, it's old men who don't."

"I think we'd better stop here Simon. You are describing sub-adult behaviour, sorting out the alpha male in social groups, assuming it's a patriarchal group."

"What? Thank you Dr Desmond Morris."

"Can I take that as a compliment?"

"Take what?"

"I think Desmond Morris is brilliant, a polymath."

"Oh, do you? I was just thinking Naked Ape."

"Were you? Oh!" I thought for a minute we were on the same wavelength.

"Never mind. Here we are, Chez Watts."

"Chateau Watts, if you don't mind. Remember an Englishman's home is his castle."

"What about an Englishwoman?"

"Even a part Scots one?"

"Aye, even that, I knew ye weren't all bad lassie."

"Come on, let's go in, I'll put the kettle on." I left the car and ran to the house.

Later we cuddled up in my old bed and chatted. "Can we call a truce?" I asked Simon.

"That implies we were engaged in some form of hostilities."

"We are engaged," I said jokingly.

"But the hostilities don't occur until after marriage."

"You would appear to have a very strange model of marriage, Simon."

"I come from a very long line of strange models. Compared to them you are very normal, even with your different evolution."

"I'll take your word for that, Simon, I don't think I want to hear about your bizarre ancestors tonight."

"When you finally agree to visit the country seat, I'll introduce you to them all personally."

"I assumed your ancestors were deceased, and I am not walking round a mausoleum shaking hands with some skeletal remains. I'm a biologist not Indiana Jones."

"You silly goose, we have dozens of portraits on the walls. There is a mausoleum too, we could...."

"No way!" I shouted and slapped him on the shoulder.