Easy, Westy, Northy, Southy.
By: Angharad
part 265.

I left at the end of visiting at eight. Stella seemed far more settled. She'd seen Dr Redhead again and his therapy was helping. She tried to explain it all to me, something about right brain, left brain and integrating it. I'll stick with real science, you know, counting beans, or in my case, dormice.

The reason for going early was to see Tom, I'd called him and he said he'd be home and would I have time to look at his new telly, he was having trouble setting it up. I told Stella and she laughed.

"You said you'd have to set it up for him."

"He can't work the timer on the video, I have to do it for him even though it's got that number code thing, Video plus, or whatever they call it. He still can't do it.

He has a new computer at work and he can't use it properly. They got him one with Vista on it, and he complained so much they brought him an older one with XP. Can't say I blame him. I still have to sort things for him or Pippa does, especially if it's word processing or emails, he is hopeless."

I got there about half eight and he welcomed me in. He made some tea while I had a look at his new flat screen monster. I always think they distort people, they look shorter and fatter like one of those fairground mirrors, but come the world track racing championships, I may overlook the distortion if I can watch them at Tom's.

It seemed easy enough and the bloke from the shop had installed it, so it got all the terrestrial channels plus all the freeview digital ones. It seemed really easy to use but he was having problems.

He showed me what he was doing and I was able to sort it very quickly. His remote was one of those ones that control everything. He was pressing the video end and waiting for the telly to alter. It wasn't that well marked so he felt better about that.

I drank my tea and ate a couple of biscuits, I seemed to be off my food at the moment, which if I lost some weight, may not be all bad news except I bet it'll be off my boobs!

"So Tom, are you going to allow the refugees back into your house given they caused it to be damaged before?"

"I don't know, it's rather nice to be able to have my house to myself."

"Oh, okay, I'll make arrangements to take the rest of my stuff away." I felt this flip in my stomach.

"Fine," he said.

"I'll come and get some of it tomorrow."

"Okay, I'll be in work of course, alright for those with elastic sick notes."

"Tom, have I done something to offend you?"

"Yes, you have."

"Please tell me what it is, so I can make amends."

"You spend several months here with Simon and Stella treating it like your home, but have to ask if you can come back, when I told you at the beginning you could stay as long as you wanted."

"I didn't like to appear to be taking you for granted."

"This old place has had more life in it than since my daughter left home. It was lovely to have company, and such good company and you have to ask if you can come back?"

"Yes Tom, you are too special to me to ever take you for granted."

"I suppose I should be grateful for that, but I want you to. I want you to treat me like an uncle, or extra father figure. It is so lovely to think that someone needs me again apart from those spotty kids at the university."

"Uncle Tom, I suppose this is your cabin." I winked at him.

"Very funny." He kept a straight face and I couldn't read his body language at all. I really didn't know what he was thinking, and I felt very unsure.

"Tom, I feel very uncertain with you tonight. Normally, I know what you're thinking, or at least how you feel about what you're saying. Tonight, it feels different."

"In what way?"

"I don't know."

"It's thirty years since my girl died."

"What, today is the anniversary?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Tom, I am sorry." I went to sit with him on the sofa.

"Before you were born, but I can remember every detail like it was yesterday."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not really, it's a long time ago and I should be over it by now."

"Why should you? Losing a child is a terrible trauma, some people never get over it."

"You're the expert, I take it."

"I didn't mean it like that. Tom, you are like an extra father to me, although I have one already, albeit a not very useful one. I would love to help fill some of the role you miss from losing your daughter, but I wouldn't have the arrogance to try and take her place."

"Just by being here and bringing some vitality to the house, you already bring back part of my sense of purpose."

"But you have a university department to run, and the mapping project, doesn't that give you purpose?"

"In part, but not in my home life, which at the end of the day is more important than work. If I died tomorrow, they'd replace me in work. Here I hope I'd be missed by my friends."

"Oh Tom, I've been so busy looking after Stella's needs, and my own which seem endless, I have overlooked yours. I am sorry."

"That's what daughters do, Cathy, especially these days, they live for themselves and that's a good thing, rather than being tied to their aging relatives, as in my generation."

"But you are important to me. I want to care about you."

"I know girl, and I know you do care. I care about you, too, and those terrible siblings who follow you around."

I found myself beginning to cry, and he put his arm around me and I cuddled into him. There was nothing between us except a mutual love and respect.

"It's more than thirty years since someone cried in my arms."

"I'm sorry, Tom."

"Don't apologise, it's lovely. I actually feel needed emotionally."

"You've been so good to me, ever since I came to Portsmouth. I can't thank you enough."

"No girl, I'm grateful to you, I'm actually living again, not just going through the motions."

"It's I who should be thanking you," I sobbed.

"Just think how far you've come in such a short time. It really isn't that long ago I met you in town and we had tea together. My first meeting with Cathy."

"How can I forget? You saved my life then, and have done so quite regularly ever since."

"I saw something special in you and you haven't disappointed yet."

"Special? You mean my gender thing?"

"No, Cathy, there is something special about you. I can't put my finger on it, but you are like a catalyst, things happen around you."

"Yeah, like gun fights and mayhem."

"No, that is the negative element which perhaps balances the positive. You have an enormous capacity to love. Everyone who meets you falls under your spell, you charm and captivate them."

"You're joking?"

"I'm not, Cathy, I am deadly serious, you are a remarkable young woman, and you should use those gifts for something far more important than counting dormice or squirrels."

"But dormice are important to me."

"I know that, but I wonder if you you could do more for them by seeing the bigger picture."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"With your research and the mapping project we can build a case for environmental protection. Anyone with half a brain can do that bit, especially as you devised the protocols, they just have to get off their arses and walk their squares and tick boxes."

"So?"

"Interpreting the data is a bit harder, but that's what I'm there for."

"So don't I have a role there anymore?"

"I'm coming to that. Once the data is produced it needs someone to sell it to the others, to politicians and the public, to industry and commerce. You are that person, Henry recognised it, which is why he wanted you for his bank."

"He just wanted to keep things in the family."

"No he didn't, that picture is charming customers going to his bank. they have had to reprint the posters and leaflets once already and donations are already over a million pounds."

"Who told you that? Henry I suppose? I wouldn't believe much he said."

"He sent me a copy of the bank's own committee's findings on the first four months of their environment project."

"I still don't believe it, not if Henry is involved."

"He wants to endow a chair at the university."

"He what?" I sat up and my head went quite dizzy. "I thought for one minute you said Henry wants to endow a chair."

"He does, one for the protection and enhancement of the environment and all it's little furry and feathered things."

"Hence his dormouse and squirrel accounts."

"No, that's just a gimmick. The conservation stuff is quite real and he wants you..."

"I can't be a professor in a chair endowed by my pa in law!"

"If you'd let me finish, he wants you to act as the spokesperson. You're too young to be a professor, you need a PhD and a beard."

I laughed and so did he.

We had some more tea and I ate some toast and bit of his extra mature Cheddar. Simon sent a text to say he wouldn't be home, too busy.

"So why don't you stay here tonight?"

"I suppose I could, thanks Tom." While I ate my toast and cheese he went off and came back with a bottle of red wine.

"You can have a drop without worrying about driving back to Southsea."

I had two glasses and dropped off to sleep like a baby.