Easy As Falling Off A Hospital Bed.
by Bonzi
part: 373

I sat in the chair trying not to move too much, the bruising I'd received from falling off the bed was now becoming painful, and even breathing was hurting. I think I'd probably bashed some ribs a little too hard. If by non-disclosure, I was going to get out of the hospital, I would keep my suffering to myself.

Stella arrived, moments later so did Dr Kelly. I had an image float into my mind, that Stella released pheromones and Padraig Kelly, somewhere on his body had two feathery antennae which picked up on these within seconds, just as moths do. When I was doing my BSc at Sussex, I had to do a project on moths and pheromones - fascinating stuff, but I still prefer dormice.

"Are we ready then?" asked Stella, after she helped me pack my few belongings in my bag. "D'you mind if I just nip off with Paddy for a few minutes?"

"Carry on," I said with resignation. I couldn't sigh, it would have hurt too much.

I was busy listening to my MP3 player, when a nurse came by. Why do people always speak to you when you'd just as soon not talk to them?

"I thought I saw your sister, was I mistaken?"

I had to remove the ear pieces, "Sorry?" A lie if ever I told one.

"I thought I saw your sister?"

"You did?"

"Where is she? Wasn't she coming to take you home?"

"She will when it doesn't interfere with her love life."

"I beg your pardon?"

"She's nipped off to the sluice for a quick how's yer father."

"She's what?"

"She's gone for a quick bonk."

"What!" She was bristling with indignation.

"She's gone for a coffee with a colleague."

"Oh, right oh, would you like one, I'll be bringing the trolley round in a minute?"

"I'll have a cup of tea if that's okay?"

"Of course. You were joking about your sister weren't you?"

"What about the coffee? Yes, she usually drinks tea."

"No, about the how's yer father bit?"

"I was just teasing," I smiled and tried not to breathe.

I was just starting my tea when a flushed looking Stella returned. There was a sparkle in her eye, which could only have been caused by one thing and it wasn't Optrex. "When you're ready," she said.

"You could have a cuppa too, you know, or would a fag be more appropriate?"

"I don't smoke, you know that."

"Why are you looking so flushed then?"

"I've just run back from the cafeteria."

"Why?"

"I thought you wanted to go home?"

"I do. Running didn't give you that twinkle?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind, I hope it was worth the risk."

"Absolutely," she said with a far away look in her eye.

A little while later, I was limping up the steps to the front door. "Are you sure you should be home, you seem to be in a lot of pain."

"I fell off my bed yesterday, didn't lover boy tell you?"

"No, how did you do that?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Of course she challenged me and she didn't believe me.

"They were talking about her prosthetic?"

"Yes, she had an artificial leg."

"Well surely, when she mentioned talc, you didn't really think she used it for, erm, you know what?"

"The whole conversation was surreal, two old biddies talking about what sounded like sex."

"But other people's sex lives are so passe."

"Tell that to Kinsey."

"Good lord, you didn't read that, did you?"

"Of course I did, by the age of twelve, I'd read Havelock Ellis and Magnus Hirschfield."

"Who?"

"Never mind, it didn't teach me very much anyway, except people were just as crazy in those days as they are now?"

"Do you think so?"

"You and Simon are living proof."

"Yes - WHAT did you say?"

"I said it's all about living your truth," my fingers were crossed behind my back.

"Are you sure? I thought you said something about Simon."

"I did, he lives his truth." My fingers were still crossed.

She gave me a very funny look. Then after shaking her head in disbelief, she asked if I wanted a sandwich.

"As long as you don't burn them."

"Burn them? What are you on about? Did you bang your head?"

"Not as far as I know, why?"

"It's an odd thing to say, are you sure you don't have concussion?"

"Well your little friend examined me, so I should be all right."

"Why?"

"I thought you said he was a good doctor?"

"He's certainly good at somethings, I don't know about doctoring." She had that dreamy look again. She also burnt the sandwiches. Don't go there, I don't want to know! Somethings are better not known - 'ignorance is bliss,' and all that. I was glad she wasn't a surgeon.

"I get a distinct impression that you are getting fond of Padraig?"

She blushed and hesitated before she answered me, "And what gave you that impression?"

"A lifetime spent watching dormice."

"What have dormice got to do with me? I think you're taking the urine."

"Oh, that's where you're so wrong, like Miss Marple says, there are patterns shown in simpler forms which are repeated, or is it reflected, upon a larger, more grandiose stage."

"You just made that up, didn't you?"

"Would I do a thing like that?"

"Yes."

"Oh ye of so little faith."

"So you did make it up?"

"How can you say such things?"

"Easily, now tell me the truth, did you make it up?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, but someone who could get engaged to Simon, is capable of anything."

"Huh!" I pouted, "I shan't tell you now."