Easy As Hauling A Pike.
by: Her 'n her pussy
part: 301.

I sat in the car and looked at Simon. "I'll have to rent my house to them, won't I?"

"You don't have to, but it would be kind of you to do so. Plus it would generate a bit of income and keep squatters out."

"It's just the thought of someone else living in my parent's house, feels a bit strange."

"I can see that, but at least you know them and it isn't open ended, they'll want to get back to their own place, but there's months of work there, assuming the insurance company gets their act together."

"I hope they are insured."

"They don't seem the sort who wouldn't be, but you can never tell. Most often people have problems because they are under insured."

"What happens then?" I asked.

"Simply, if say you insured something for ten thousand and it was going to cost twenty thousand to fix, the insurance company would say you were fifty percent under insured and would therefore only pay out fifty percent of what you had insured it for, so five thousand."

"So I'd be fifteen thou a drift?"

"Fraid so."

"They get you every which way, them and the banks," oh God, I wished I hadn't said that.

"Yep, screw every last penny out of you, we have people to pay on inflated salaries and our shareholders."

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean it to come out like that."

"Don't worry about it girl, I have to deal with it a hundred times a week. Everybody, but everybody is screwing everyone else, except me, I'm the only honest and decent person on the planet. Hypocrisy, is the new black."

"Sometimes, Simon Cameron, you astonish and delight me with your depth of thought." Damn, that was another back handed compliment!

"You mean, I don't normally come up to it?"

"No, you're always saying thoughtful things, but sometimes you say something which shows that you don't just think about practical things, but philosophical things too. I'm an idealist, so I dream all the time, I see you as far more of a realist, so it's nice to hear you talking about more spiritual subjects."

"I can be spiritual too, you know. I got an A for Religious Knowledge at GCSE."

"Yeah, so did I, fat lot of good it did me. It was about that time I started to argue with my parents and their narrow minded parson. My religious studies teacher was so good, I wonder what she'd think of me now?"

"Want to try and find her?"

"No, I don't think so. Sometimes it's better to remember things as you thought they were, rather than explore and find they weren't."

"Now who's being philosophical and realist?"

I poked my tongue out at him.

"One of these days you'll do that and a black bird will think it's a worm."

"Ha bloody ha!" I teased him.

"It's true, my gran used to say it to me, and she'd never lie to a child."

His eyes sparkled which indicated he was winding me up. If he wasn't driving, I'd have slapped him one.

"I don't believe you or your old granny."

"Please yourself, see if I care."

"You, Simon, are one of the biggest wind up merchants I know."

"Who me?" he sounded shocked. "I have never been so hurt in my life," he pretended to cry.

"Simon, we have a police car behind." We didn't, but his demeanour changed instantly.

"You cow!" he said, then laughed when I did hit him.

"Let's eat out tonight," I suggested.

"Okay, anywhere in mind?"

"I don't care as long as it isn't a chip shop."

"What about the pub down at Aust?"

"We can't go there again, they thought we were loonies."

"It's probably changed hands by now, country pubs do."

"Tomorrow I need to sort out what I'm going to wear to my father's funeral."

"Something new, and because my aunt is coming, something expensive. Will you take me to Bath, they have some nice shops there?"

"If you like, it may be easier to catch the bus, parking is a nightmare."

"Or the train, let's go by train."

"Okay, we'll need to get to Temple Meads station though."

"Get a bus or a cab."

"Okay, fine by me. So tell me about your auntie."

"My dad and her couldn't stand each other ever since they were kids, she was a spoiled brat and he was jealous. She thought she was a cut above everyone else, including my grandparents."

"Oh, not good."

"No she treated them rotten, even though they'd given her so much. She is an awful snob."

"I am so looking forward to meeting her," Simon said chuckling.

"But you lied to her, she'll call you a liar if she finds out."

"What the heir to a multi-million pound fortune, plus a bank, plus a beautiful wife. you need to get yourself off to a salon the morning of the funeral, I think your dad would love to see us take the piss, even at his funeral."

"Keep an eye on the coffin, it may start rocking with laughter," I said, and wiped a tear from my eye. I was sad and yet I could see the funny side too. I know my father would have done.

"Hey up, look at that," he pointed at a sign for the Bristol Evening Post. It read, 'Heroic Neighbours Save Lives in House Fire.' "Want to get one?"

"Can if you like." He pulled into the kerb and I ran into the shop and bought the paper.

I read out the story. "Neighbours quick thinking saved the lives of a couple in the city, when lightning struck their house causing a roof collapse and subsequent fire.

Bristolian, Cathy Watts, and her fiance, Simon Cameron, from Portsmouth, gained access to the burning house and together with other neighbours managed to get the injured couple, Gregg and Margaret Soames, to safety, where they did resuscitation on the unconscious Mr Soames, probably saving his life.

Deputy Chief Fire Officer, David Raleigh, said, "The quick thinking and action of the young couple almost certainly saved both lives. We rarely suggest people should enter burning houses, but this time it was the right thing to do and we shall be nominating them for an award from the Royal Humane Society.

Simon and Cathy are hoping to get married next year."

"What no mention of my title? I shall have to sue you know." He paused before saying, "They don't get this paper in Swindon, do they?"

"God, I hope not," I answered, "Auntie Do, would have a field day with us, you especially for leading her on."

"Damn, I'm not member of the Order of the Garter," complained Simon.

"You're not likely to become one after marrying me, are you?"

"Dad's a member of the Thistle."

"What, that's even older isn't it?"

"What Partick Thistle?"

"That's a bloody football club, isn't it?"

"Aye it's a fitba' club."

"Doesn't quite rank with the Order of the Thistle though, does it?"

"Henry is one of those too."

"Wow," I was truly impressed.

"Oh yes, he has some nice regalia."

"So I've heard," I said desperately trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh you've heard the rumours too?"

At this, I just collapsed laughing and I think Simon was glad we were at some traffic lights.

"Come on," he said, let's get home and get changed and out to eat, I am starving.

The meal was okay, better than fish and chips, although I've had better tuna jacket potatoes and I suspect Simon had tasted a nicer hotpot. But it filled a hole, and we came home full but tired. Dragging people out of burning houses is very tiring.