Easy As Falling Off A Bike
by Angharad
part:284

"Can't they make you Emeritus Professor?" I asked.

"Not if they want to save pennies."

"This is just so unfair," I felt tears coming to my eyes, "I was looking forward to working with you for years to come."

"Look, I might be prejudging the issue, they are looking to save money and we have to consider where the axe might fall."

"So if one of their major sponsors was to lean on them, they could chop away somewhere else?"

"In theory, I suppose so. Who do you know? Oh no, not Henry?"

"The same," I said gleefully, "he owns half of the known world and all of the unknown, I'm sure he could get the Secretary of State for Education or the minister for universities to say whatever he wants."

"But it's a socialist government, and he's a Tory peer."

"I don't care who he pees with, he'll do what I want if I ask him nicely."

"What, you mean if you sleep with him?"

I blushed, "No Tom, I didn't mean it like that, I only have to go all girly on him and he's like putty. Watch and learn something."

I dialled his number and Monica answered, "Hi Monica, is Henry about?"

"No Cathy, three line whip in the Lords opposing the Education Bill's second reading."

"He's opposing it?"

"Yes, don't you read the papers?"

"Not too often these days, will it be in Tom's Guardian?"

"I expect so, he's leading the opposition."

"Opposing what?"

"Bigger student fee contributions, they want the universities to cut costs instead."

"Like cutting teaching staff?"

"If they have too many, I suppose so. Did you want me to get him to call you back tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I was just going to say about how Stella is improving."

"Oh good, I'll tell him you called."

I rang off, and frowned.

"Easy was it?" Tom chuckled.

"Wait until tomorrow, by then I'll have slept on it."

"But not with Henry?"

"I don't love you that much Tom, sorry."

"I'd better start looking at my pension arrangements."

"Don't start hatcheting your counts," I cautioned.

"Don't what?" he looked perplexed.

"Before they've chickened."

"What?"

"It's an ancient shaggy dog story, which ends with the punchline, don't hatchet your counts before they've chickened."

"Oh instead of hatching chickens, ah, I see the awful pun."

"Yes, it's one that you can tell for hours, then slay 'em with the pun-ch line."

"I'd have thought there was more chance of them killing you."

"Maybe, but remember, before I discovered Smirnoff, I thought Wan king was a town in China."

"Cathy, maybe you should just go to bed." He was shaking his head at my rather puerile jokes, or should that be puella jokes?

"Okay adopted Professor," I leant forward and pecked him on the cheek. I had great pleasure in seeing him blush.

I tossed and turned much of the night, racking my brains to come up with a solution to save Tom's job. Simon woke me again when he went to the bathroom as he got up.

"What's the matter with you, tossing and turning like a dancing instructor?"

"I'm worried about Tom," I said as he disappeared in the shower.

He reappeared ten minutes later, "Worried about John who?"

"Not John, Tom. Our Tom."

"Why is he ill? Was it your cooking?"

"Be serious Si, he could be about to be made to retire."

"Tom, made to do anything, except by nefarious females like you? Nah!"

"Yes, that Tom, they want to cut his post."

"No they don't, we sponsor them."

"They are looking to save money."

"If they get rid of him they won't save that much, they'll have to employ a successor. Besides can't he become emeritus or whatever they call it, you know, long term ivory tower syndrome by another name."

"He doesn't think so, besides, I want my PhD to be under his management."

"Don't you mean tutellage?"

"No, he can't tutor me, he's too close to me. He manages the department and it's because of him we have the EU money as well as other private sponsors like High Street Banks plc. His reputation is enormous and the respect he enjoys from other academics and institutions is immense."

"Not forgetting, he's a nice guy with aheart of gold."

"That too. Oh Simon, what are we going to do?"

"Leave it with me."

"What are you going to do?"

"Dunno yet, but I won't exclude buying the university."

"Eh?"

"Well there's Liverpool John Moore's University, why not Portsmouth High St Banks uni?"

"It can't happen like that, universities cost millions to run."

"Doh! There's me forgetting I went to one." He gave me an irritated look.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't think the bank would have that much spare to risk."

"How do you think the bank got here, it was built on risk. Have you spoken to Dad yet?"

"No, I tried last night, he was at the Lords."

"Oh the education thingy, well at least he'll be primed for thinking about universities."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Probably not, as far as he's concerned universities are things to be exploited and their drones enslaved."

"Don't you mean dons?"

"No drones, the students, especially the very bright ones like you."

"What!" I blushed, "How has he enslaved me?"

"Try fifty grand a year and marrying me."

"Marrying you? That doesn't tie me to either the bank or the family."

"You're not tied to the family?"

"Not especially, why?"

"Where did you go yesterday?"

"You know where I went, you asked me to go."

"I rest my case."

I sat and thought for a moment, oops! "But that's different, that's Stella."

"She is a family member, least last time I looked she was, she is also a director of the bank."

"What!"

"All members of the family are, you'll be too when we're married. It's an unpaid position, but there are perks."

"Can I refuse?"

"If you want but Henry will send Monica to tickle you until you change your mind."

The scenario that flashed through my mind made me think I would accept immediately. Then another one assailed me. "Does that mean I'd lose my pay, the money he gives me now?"

"No, you'd become director with environmental responsibility, which would actually mean a hike in pay to probably a hundred K or more, but with responsibility to keep us in the minds of the green lobby, as supporters of green issues."

"Oh!" I squeaked, what was I getting into?"