Easy As Falling Off A Bike
by Angharad
part 283.

"Good Lord!" said my doctor as I explained my take on recent events.

"Heavens above!" he continued, his mouth gaping in astonishment.

"Gee whizz! And all of this happened since Christmas?"

"In the last couple of weeks."

"You're dangerous to know. You're not mad and bad as well, are you?"

"That wouldn't be for me to say." I blushed, maybe I was all those things and probably more as well.

We talked about my surgery and how it was going. I was candid about my dislike of dilation and my disastrous sexual experience.

"Given the injury and the relatively recent surgery, I'd be surprised if it was comfortable yet, I mean it is in a tender spot. To be honest, you have my admiration, how anyone could undergo what you have, utterly defeats me."

"To me it was simply altering a skin flap that I used to pee." I shrugged, it really was no big deal. I was more upset that I couldn't ride my bike.

He gave me a local anaesthetic paste which I could use to help ease the agonies of dilation, although he wasn't too hopeful of it's effectiveness. He did think that doing it in a warm bath may help by relaxing things.

I got a couple of prescriptions and left, popping in the pharmacy at Morrisons, I did some food shopping while they filled them. Then it was home and more cooking.

I did some baked fish in the Aga, wrapped in foil with basil and sliced tomato. While it was filling the kitchen with aromas which made my mouth salivate and my stomach rumble, I did some veg and rice and then some ironing.

At one point I speculated if it was possible to cook a flat fish on a flat iron. I didn't reach a conclusion, because Tom arrived.

"Hmm something smells good."

"It's my new deodorant, eau de halibut."

"Is that what you're cooking?"

"Yes, why?"

"I haven't had it in years."

"So I'd heard, which probably explains the bad temper." I removed myself from range while the penny dropped.

I'm not sure it ever did. The problem with super bright people is they can be awfy thick, as my ancestors would have said. Tom, frequently proved the case. Whereas, moi, being common and possessed of a significant amount of sense, made me the opposite. I didn't want to live in an ivory tower, just rent one occasionally.

In all fairness, Tom was fairly down to earth for an academic and he enjoyed his garden. He was out there as I made him a cup of tea, while he let the dog out. Roll on the lighter nights and he could do some real gardening and I could get out on the bike. I felt a little twinge from down below, damn it could be a while yet!

We discussed Stella's progress over the tea and he looked cheered by the news.

"I'm so glad you two have made it up, I really didn't see how you would have coped without the other."

"Hang on a minute, I coped before Stella...."

"Did you? I don't remember it, maybe I'm getting old and forgetful."

"Okay so she sort of precipitated my emergence from Charlie's shadow..."

"I think she did more than precipitate it, she dragged it out of you."

"I think I might have had a small part in all this," I protested.

"Was that the effect of hormones?" He came back at me.

"Probably," I offered, then, "I think I have coped pretty well since anyway," I pouted to emphasise my point.

"For a nadgerless girly, you have done very well indeed."

"All girls are nadgerless!" I protested.

"Most are I'll give you, but you weren't originally and they do give a bit more assistance in assertiveness or aggression. Just look at your cycling buddy, Floyd wotisname, the Yank disqualified from the bike race."

"Landis," I said.

"That's him, the one who produces synthetic testosterone, interesting case, very rare."

He kept a straight face but I couldn't, especially with his next remark. "Now if it had been the other Yank, the one with the prosthetic bollock, then one might expect that to produce synthetic testosterone."

"Do we know if he has a prosthesis?" The idea was mind boggling, would he need one? I'd never thought of it before, he could have had a transplant, I'd finished with mine, so he could have had three if he'd wanted, assuming he started with one of his own.

This silly conversation was just the antidote I'd needed to some of the stress I'd suffered recently. I was almost rolling about on the floor with laughter, considering a certain TdF winner, with a pawn broker's sign, the three balls, painted on his bike. Maybe they'd need to rename the bike from Trek to Trike.

Simon came in a short time later, looking very tired. I dished up dinner, which went down very well with a glass of rose. I cleared up and when I looked round Simon had gone to bed.

I went up to check he was okay, and he was fast asleep. It seemed even he had his limits of endurance. Tom and I had another cuppa and chatted about uni stuff. There were possible cuts coming in funding.

"Does that mean you want shot of me?"

"No sweetheart, how could I sack my adopted daughter, it's more likely they'll sack me. I'm dearer than you."

I was shocked. "How can they sack you? You're running the mammal survey."

"No, Cathy, you are. I'm dispensible, maybe even disposable."

"If you go, so do I," I pouted and wanted to stamp my feet in anger.

"No you don't, you are going to save all those poor furry things, especially those tree rats, you're so fond of. You are going to make it a success for me."

"The hell I will," I said trying to sound like John Wayne. It sounded more like Wayne Sleep.

"I told you, you were important in the greater scheme of things."

"Only because I work with you."

"My work is done, what we need now is irrefutable evidence that climate change is affecting mammal populations. Common sense should prove it, but that is never enough, so we need evidence. With your mapping techniques, we should be able to do population studies much more easily and within five or ten years prove it without doubt."

"Anyone could do that!" I puckered my lower lip.

"If they could have done, don't you think they would have done? You are a rare beast, a field biologist who can also do statistics and computer stuff. You can lead from the front and make this happen, save the planet before it's too late, and in doing so save your precious dormice too."

"You said the 'D' word!" I exclaimed.