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(aka Bike) Part 1125 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
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“I see the fairies must have been,” I smirked seeing Danny so pleased with himself.
“Thank you, Mum,” he gave a huge hug.
“How d’you know it was me?”
“’Cos I do.”
I hugged him back, “Well don’t tell the others, they’ll all want one.”
“No I won’t,” spouted Trish, “stupid football–I hate it,” she added and went out of the room.
“This is probably a guess, but I get a distinct impression that your sister doesn’t like football.”
Danny thought that was hugely funny and burst out laughing. “Yeah, but she’s like, quite good at it.”
“One of life’s little ironies.”
“What’s an irony, Mum?”
“It’s when things seem to happen that are opposite to what they should be, so it’s ironic that Trish is good at football but hates playing it.”
“Hey, that’s clever, having a special word for it.”
“It’s been about for a long, long time, I think the root of the word is Greek meaning pretended ignorance, or something like that.”
“You’re so clever, Mum.”
“No I’m not; you confuse a good education with intellect. I had the former, I’m somewhat lacking in the latter.”
He went off shaking his head, so I think that went over his head, but at least he has some idea of what irony is.
I went in search of Trish who was doing her homework. The others had gone off somewhere else and I could hear giggling coming from upstairs. “How’s the down below, now?”
“Okay, thank you, Mummy–it hasn’t hurt since they took the stitches out.” It worried me that the skin would shrink and be less for them to make labia from–but she made a decision to lose her testes, and unfortunately, will have to live with the consequences, for good or bad. I know that’s tough on a six year old, but sadly they couldn’t stick them back in.
“What homework are you doing?”
“Geography, we have to fill in the answers to questions.”
“Like what?”
“Which country has water features called fiords?”
“And which one has?” I asked her.
“Norway, that’s right isn’t it?”
“It is, but they also have them in Denmark, because I’ve sailed along one.”
“Oh, they never told us that.”
“Norway is the one with the spectacular scenery along the fiords, so I’d leave it like that.”
“I shall ask our teacher tomorrow,” she said, “Any of the others wrong?”
I glanced through them, “No they look fine to me.”
“Good, thank you, Mummy.”
“You make me smile, girl.”
“Why?”
“Well you’re so competitive, but you don’t like doing it at sport, do you?”
“No, that’s for boys.”
“You tell that to Victoria Pendleton or Nicole Cooke.”
“I ’spect they’re clever as well.”
“Oh yes, they sure are.”
“Are you competi-wotsit?”
“Yes, I like to win when I enter something.”
“So maybe I take after you, Mummy.”
Sure you do–can hardly be an inherited factor–“Maybe, anyway, if you’ve finished you can lay the table for me.”
“What are we having, I’m starrrrrrrrrvin’?”
“Dromedary giblets on black bread, why?”
“Ewwwwww,” she said wrinkling up her face.
“Do you know how difficult it is to get bits of dead camel in Portsmouth?” I kept a straight face but she was screwing hers up in disgust.
“I don’t care, I’d rather have bread and jam than dromdy wibbles, or whatever you said, and I don’t mind brown bread, but black bread sounds horrible.”
“Okay, you can have a bit of bread and butter,” I said, trying to get to the kitchen before I started to laugh.
“What’s f’tea, Mummy?”
“Forty is two twenties, why?”
“No–for tea, Mummy?”
“I told you forty is two twenties.”
Livvie was starting to get irritated by my apparent stupidity, “Muuuuummy, don’t be so silly, what are we going to eat for our tea?”
“I’m being silly, well it made you think how to rephrase the question, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, so?” she shrugged.
“It challenges you to speak more correctly and to be more explicit in your questions.”
“Yeah, sure,” she said and I almost saw my statement go washing over her head without her taking any of it on board.
“We’re havin’ dromdy wiggles or something, aren’t we, Mummy–I’m not, I’m havin’ bread n’ butter.”
“What’s dromdy wiggles?” asked Livvie.
“Bits of dead camel.”
“Yuck, that sounds like, totally disgusting. Can I have bread and butter too, Mummy?”
“If you wish.” I left the two of chatting together while I finished the grated cheese which was going on the jacket potatoes. Dromdy wiggles indeed.
I quickly placed a salad garnish on each plate, popped the potato in the middle, sprinkled on the cheese and began carrying them to the table. I called them all once the first plates were on the table and they arrived in dribs and drabs afterwards.
“This isn’t dromdy wiggles,” stated Trish.
“Would you prefer them?” I shot back at her.
“Um, no thank you, silly Mummy.”
“What on earth are dromdy wiggles?” asked Stella trying to work out what Trish had mashed this time.
“Bits of dead camel,” offered Livvie.
“You mean dromedary something or others?”
“Dromedary,” said Trish, “Could be? Is that right, Mummy?”
“Absolutely.”
“Are they the one or two humped camels?” Stella enquired.
“Dromedaries are single humps, they also call them Arabian camels, the others are Bactrian.”
“Are they?” Stella wasn’t up on exotic ruminants. Then she said to Trish, “If a dromedary has one hump, and a Bactrian has two, what do you call a camel with three humps?”
“Pretty uncomfortable, I ’spect.”
“No, Humphrey.”
“Why Humphrey, Auntie Stella?” asked Livvie.
“Three humps–hump-free–hump-three, now do you get it?”
“Oh yes, Auntie Stella, that is so clever,” Livvie beamed at her auntie.
“Have you ever tasted camel milk cheese?” I asked Stella.
“Ugh, no.” She made a funny face and the kids laughed like mad at her.
“This isn’t camel’s cheese is it?” asked Danny poking at his potato.
“No, this is ordinary mousetrap,” I replied.
“Mousetrap, eeeewwwch,” said the girls in unison.
“Camel cheese is very difficult to get, because it’s difficult to make, it’s very low in cholesterol.”
“Yeah, okay–I’ll stick to this, thank you,” said Stella.
“Tomorrow, we’re having wallaby steaks,” I teased the girls.
“Wobbly steaks?” Trish’s eyes were like saucers, “What, you mean they wobble?” Before I could answer they were all giggling, including Stella, who was shaking her head and tears were rolling down her face, so I guess she found that rather funny.
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Comments
Dromdy Wiggles
Sounds like a small village in Yorkshire or summat. They'd probably tell you that they fought for the Roundheads during the war (that's the English Civil War) and that the village is in the Doomsday Book.
We've a village like that in Cheshire, so I know about these things.
Susie
Fun fayre!
Dromedary giblets on black bread today, wallaby steaks tomorrow...whatever next?!
Apparently ostrich steaks are getting more popular (or at least, I've seen them on sale at Stratford Food Festival today [1]). Of course, you could always be extra sneaky and call conventional foods by unconventional names - Gallus, Ovis, Bos, Meleagris... (genus names for chicken, sheep, cattle and turkey respectively).
[1] Plus goats cheeses, vinaigres produced to ancient Greek and Roman recipes, a company promoting rapeseed oil as an even healthier alternative to olive oil, goose and duck pates, award-winning potato vodka, and even a champagne containing 23ct gold flakes!
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
We always use to have…
…’OVIS bread. Don't all groan at once.
Gabi.
Gabi.
Food
Thanks A+B+I (exotic foods): really enjoyed the discussion on various types of foods.
It's interesting what children will and won't eat, and in some cases how tastes change as people mature.
Mind you, there's quite a few vegetables from my own childhood which my mother managed to cook to death, which I won't eat even now. Hmmm, it'd be interesting to see what sort of reaction Cathy would get if she prepared Tripe and Onions for the children. That's another delicacy that I can't stomach!
Providing Sustenance
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
brilliant!
Back on form I see.
Loved it.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
Please be advised
ALISON
' that a camel is actually a horse----designed by a committee!!!
ALISON
WONG!... Thankfully!
Committees produce only one-offs, namely the DONKEY... and they are not self-replicating! Thank ( Insert god, goddess or other being of choice, here. )
my kudo
i put my kudo this way as hitting the button produces an xml error
careful cooking wobbly
Not sure I've ever had wallaby but have had roo several times. Lovely lean meat but if you over cook it gets very tough. I suppose there's the clue though, wobbly means rare... maybe. Umm....
Kristina
Or could it be 'rare' as in
don't see it very often?
'Ovis, butta and jam. Yummy!
And there's me thinking that a drummerderry is a percussionist from Northern Ireland.
S.
Groan!
That's a bit like saying that a metronome is a short Parisian.
Punning Stupidly
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Double Groan
So I suppose a Politician is a parrot who paints?
Gabi.
Gabi.
Daily Dormouse.1125
Would be funy if Simon brought home some Camel steaks from an Arabian client.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Cathy was pretty good at
Cathy was pretty good at pushing Trish's, Livvie's, Meem's and Danny's "buttons" regarding the various types of "weird" foods. She even had Stella going for a minute or so. I read once that camel milk was placed in a leather bag and then the bag placed under the saddle and by the time the caravan got to its first destination, they had fresh camel cheese ready for them. It does seem to me that the heat of both the camel, the rider and the desert in general would cause this stuff to be rancid before it could be eaten.
Wow.
What a mom, introducing her kids to "unusual" culinary "delights?". :-)
BTW - They have Fjords in the US and Canada too (Northern Washington State, BC & Alaska). They're quite stunning, even though (I've seen some of the Alaskan Fjords). According to Wikipedia, New Zealand, Chili and Tasmania all have them as well. I learn many new things reading your story. Thanks for the "question" that prompted the looking.
Anne
I wasn't going to comment on this, but...
...since you've mentioned other places with fiords:
Fiordland.org.nz
Phenomenal Scenery
Bike Resources
Bike Resources
Don't you
just love these chapters full of cheesy jokes,And as for poor Trish having her leg pulled, It's almost enough to give her the hump!!!
Kirri
Setting the Table
Trish is supposed to be an intelligent kid. She should
have stayed in boy mode a little longer that way she
wouldn't have to set the table.
Well .... where do I begin?
Let me introduce myself - I am English, was born in Kent, attended a certain Southern Uni, and am really pleased atm! I was pointed to the story of Sarah Carrera, then from that found Big Closet, then from that found something called blahdy blah pt 1117. I knew immediately that it couldn't be the one thousand, one hundred and seventeenth part of a serial, so I was intrigued and opened it. Well blow me down! It WAS! So the second episode I read was number 684, and the third was somewhere in the 2 hundreds - my fourth was #1, then #2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and so on. I and all my family and friends and my blog followers now all hate you! And I wondered if it was a world record to read it all in a week? Yes, there are a few (very few) spelling errors, a few missing words, a few punctuation mistakes, the odd continuity error, but I must congratulate you on a stunningly well written and entertaining little series. And I am thinking that maybe I need to go and eat something now. I seem to be a tad hungry. Thank you very much for your efforts. I do have one small tiny teensy-weeny little smidgeon of a favour to ask though ...... as I am so used to reading around 150 episodes a day, could I beg you to step up your output? *ROFLMAO*
Cathy's humor
can be offputting. Problem is, she is teaching it to her kids!
Take me wallaby back, Jack
The house of exotic teas. Which Cathy like to do all the time, tease that is.
Cefin