The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1104 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

One of these days I would actually throw John Humphrys out of the window–not him personally, but the radio, through which his voice was irritating me. I groaned silently, afraid any noise would wake the baby–the excuse I needed to turn off Mr Humphrys. I leant over and reached for the radio and in my sleepy carelessness, I knocked over the bedside light, which clattered to the floor and woke up my baby.

I cursed, and swiped the radio off the bedside cabinet, somehow instead of the radio alone, I now had the radio and the alarm thing buzzing at me. Oh for a hammer, a big one.

Trish came rushing in to see what was happening, and helped me clear up the mess before I went for a wee and came back to see to the baby. Trish was already sitting on the end of my bed nursing her–in fact, she seemed as if she was trying to get the baby to suckle her flat chest.

“Um–what are you doing, Trish?” I asked and she nearly dropped the baby. I stepped forward and took her.

“Nothin’, honest, Mummy.”

“So why is your pyjama top rolled up your chest?”

“Um,” she started to sniff, and I invited her to come and sit with me. “I was seeing what it felt like to breast feed.”

I chuckled and ruffled her hair, “You silly goose, you have to have breasts first, and even then it’s a bit hit and miss.”

“How can you do it, Mummy?”

“I don’t know, darling, I’m just lucky I guess.”

“I want to be able to do it too.”

“Well, by the time you’re grown up, it might well be possible for you to breast feed if you can find a baby to do it for.”

“I’ll find one okay.” She said that with a cold, calculating everyday sort of tone that made me shiver.

“Yes, I suspect you will.”

I opened up my pyjama top and then my night bra–yeah, I have to wear them all day and night or get milk down everything. I let the baby clamp onto my breast and while Trish sat and oohed and ahhed at this, I thought back to my wearing of bras.

I first wore them while I was at school–until my dad found out–apparently one of the teachers spotted it through my grey shirt and I had to surrender the two tee shirt bras I’d bought, which he cut up with scissors and handed back to me.

I spent the next few evenings sewing them back together, but they never did work again so I had to chuck them. I bought another and he chopped that up as well and gave me a hiding. He mistakenly thought he could knock my girlishness out of me–he failed and had the grace to admit he was wrong before he died.

Once I started the magic pills, my hips grew more than my boobs and my waist, which wasn’t very big, got smaller. My nipples doubled in size and darkened in colour a bit–I’m quite fair skinned, so they didn’t go very dark. Eventually, I started to grow boobs after taking the pills for months–two fried eggs, but they were all mine and I was so chuffed to be wearing an A-cup. Of course, I then had to wear a sweater over my shirts or a jacket to hide my greatest achievements.

I eventually realised if I wore a sports bra or a bandage, I supported them and hid them, so until I was either in transition or practising for it, I tended to hide them. But, and here’s the irony, I couldn’t wait to have to wear a bra–I felt so fulfilled, even if it wasn’t. Then a year or so down the line and I have to wear one as breast growth really kicked in and I was living in role and discovered, like heeled shoes, the nicest things about bras is taking the damn things off as soon as you can. Now, I’m stuck wearing one because my boobs are so big and heavy they pull on my chest muscles, and secondly, I need something to hold the pads in place, or I leak milk everywhere.

I switched the baby to my other breast and felt something touch the other one. Trish was licking my other breast–what do I do now? She looked up at me and blushed. “Sorry, Mummy, I just wondered what it tasted like.”

I put my arm around her, “Okay, sweetheart, don’t cry–but don’t tell the others, okay?”

She nodded, and I hugged her with my free arm, while the baby clamped herself to my full breast. I disengaged her and burped her, she grumbled and I put her back on the second breast. She sucked away for all she was worth, then she started to go off to sleep, sucking just occasionally.

Trish spotted this and giggled, “She’s gone to sleep, Mummy.” Of course this woke up the wee yin, and she began sucking away again. When she was finished I put her down for a short while and cleaned myself up.

Then accompanied by Trish and Livvie, I went down and put the kettle on. I decided it was time I bathed our new arrival, I had done so before, but not perhaps as often as I should.

With my two helpers, I put the water into the baby bath and put it on the kitchen table. Then alongside but not too close, I popped Baby C on the changing mat, stripped her off and removed the smelly nappy and babygro–the all in one suit thing she was wearing.

Having wiped off any residual poo or wee with baby wipes, I picked her up and checking the water again, put her gently into the bath, holding her head and neck with my left hand. Then while I talked to her, I wiped her hair and body with a flannel with some baby wash on it; then rinsed it off–which was the bit she didn’t like. Until then she’d giggled and kicked and laughed at Trish and Livvie who tickled her and made silly noises.

At one point she kicked as Trish was bending down over her, and she ended up with a face-full of water. Livvie laughed until the baby kicked again and she got splashed all down her pyjamas.

Once she was clean, I lifted her out on to a towel which I’d laid out on the changing mat and I let the two girls pat her dry, I don’t know who was chuckling the most the girls or the baby. Then we creamed and powdered her, with Trish being fascinated by her groin.

“What you looking at?” asked Livvie.

“Nothing,” she said in a normal voice but under breath, I heard, “I wish I had one.”

“What a front bum?” said Livvie, obviously hearing it as well.

“Yeah,” she said and ran off upstairs.

I dressed Baby C and after a quick top up, put her down to sleep while first, I went to see where Trish was, and secondly, to get the others up and breakfasted.