Well, I posted my latest story, and I am waiting to see how well it is received. I am not going to beg here for kudos or comments unless they are deserved, but weather or not the story continues will depend somewhat on the response. I happen to think it was funny, but I am the AUTHOR for heaven's sake, so what do I know? I hope it lightened at least a few people's day, but we will have to see.

Well, this might be my last update for a bit. I am writing like crazy, and i would like to finish my current project before life catches up with me. Hugs to all, and I will be back when i can post it.

I have discovered a side effect of my little breakthrough the other day. I seem to have lost any protection i had from my emotions and they are in overdrive. I am hyper-cycling, with my ups and downs going like a roller coaster traveling at about Mach 10. I am going from stratospheric highs to crying from utter depths of depression in less time than it took to write this paragraph. I am not sure exactly what I can do about this, except ride it out and hope things slow down soon.

Well, first i want to thank everyone who offered support to me by leaving a comment on my last entry. Each one of you helped me greatly, and I thank and bless you. But I also have some big news to share. First, I have to relate a story, and forgive me if I have told it before: When I was 16 years old, I saw the movie "The Wall", and I became fascinated with the concept of having a wall. I then did something a little odd - I prayed to God to have my walls come down. Well, be careful what you pray for, to mangle a quote. I discovered that I didn't just have walls to keep others out.

Well, for all my anxiety before I went out today, things could not have gone better. I got dressed up, I stopped for gas, I went to the coffee shop, and nobody blinked. Then I met my friend, and she was lovely, gracious, and we hit it off like two old girl friends catching up. We chatted, laughed, and gossiped for more than two hours. Best of all, she said she could definitely see me as female, which made my day, week, year, and possibly century. Wow! I can't wait to do it again!

I know to some people regarding your dreams as something worth thinking about once you wake is a little odd, but I do. I don't necessarily think that they are messages from God, but I think they often show me whats going on in my head better than i can sometimes express it when i am awake. So last night, I had a dream of being in a large room, perhaps a gym that had been converted into something like a flea market. I recognized most of the people there. Then a girl came up to me, shook me, and said, "When are you going to stop running?

I am, as I have said before, something of a spiritual orphan. I cannot help but take my faith and the Bible seriously, but what i am is not accepted by churches that do for the most part. But yesterday was just about the last straw for me at the ex's church. They had a guest speaker who essentially was a Christian version of "the power of positive thinking" crowd. "If you are struggling, it's cause you want to struggle" was his message, and it took all my self-control not to get in his face.

Well, nobody even tried to guess the character that is based on a well known character from another author. This could mean i did a better job of disguising her than I thought, or it could mean nobody cares, take your pick. I have tried very hard to be kind to everybody here, so I hope its not the latter. I have a little piece I am working on that i hope to be finished soon, then i plan to get back to working on my "Wild Cards" story. For those who are not familiar with the series, I will put a short glossary of terms at the end of the story.

I am not sure if I have mentioned it, but I am now on anti-depression medication. The funny thing is that this doctor has never seen me in male clothing. Its still a little strange to be in a public waiting room dressed, but so far, nobody has made a big deal of it. I think that's good news, right?

I think i may have a world record in the Strangest Coming Out Story Ever category. See, some time ago I shared my status in a very joking manner with some co-workers. Well today was the first time I had seen one since, and he announced my girl name to everyone at the morning meeting. The general response was giggles as they assumed he was kidding, and that i was playing along. But, the result is that I think more people know about Dorothy than don't. Weird, huh? On a lighter note, nobody has yet guessed the character that is based on a well-known character featured on this site.

I am concerned about the portrayal of TG in the media recently. For example, a Canadian Colonel has recently pled guilty of a escalating series of crimes that ended with the rape and murder of two women. But the image that has made the rounds is the man dressed in woman's underwear that he had stolen from women and girls, and his cross-dressing has been played up. Even my mother wondered if he was like me.... It would be wonderful if we could get someone from our community who does something wonderful, that we can show as positive role models. Ah well.

I would like to take a moment to talk about how the story "Choices" evolved. Like some other ideas i have had, this one came to me while I was struggling to sleep, and originally, it was a lot darker.

At the time, it was going to be about a straight male who is presented with horrible choices, of which slowly transforming into a woman is the least objectionable to him, even though he is not transgendered. Everyone believes this transformation is his own idea, and is totally supportive, which he finds frustrating.

Despite having a tough day at work, mostly frustration over being given a job but not given the tools to do it, and being asked to do several jobs not actually part of what my assignment is supposed to be, then criticized for taking longer than expected (which was darn short even if I could have focused on the one task), I actually feel better. I focused on the fact I was able to go out as Dorothy to a restaurant on Sunday for brunch with other TS girls, and giggled listening to stories about some of the more humorous comments made to some of the girls.

Had a horrible night last night, and got no sleep. I am not sure how best to describe it, but its sort of like this: Imagine having the sex drive of a typical teenage boy, but instead of having a nightly fantasy of poking one's peter into the nearest available hole, there is a terrible emptiness the needs, craves, demands to be filled. I don't know if that's how genetic girls feel arousal, but that's how I experience it.

Last night, I had a odd dream.

I had gotten a job as a security guard, and someone i knew from my real life job gave me a lift to a bus stop.

The bus turned out to not stop there, but I figured I could walk to somewhere where I could make a connection.

I then found myself cutting through a small shopping center, and my daughter appeared, and I had to cut her looking around short in order to try and catch a bus.

After I heard the news about Graham James, the hockey coach accused of abusing children who played for him, I really struggled with anger and depression. That this man was convicted, but still allowed to leave the country. really makes me feel like the authorities still don't take abuse seriously. Is there ever going to be justice for all those who were like me? How do I live with the fact my rapist never had to face punishment for what he did to me?