(from part 1)

“Now I have a serious question. Have you ever told anybody before me?”

“I…I only ever told one other person.”

“Good. Lets start with him then.”

“We can’t. He was a friend of my brothers, but …“

“But what? Why can’t we see him?“

“He died last year….”

Part 2

She sat there thinking about that for a minute, and then the bell rang, and we had to go. My “escort” was our gym teacher, and we headed to my next class. I thought he was an odd choice, since he often used “sissy” in his “encouragements” in gym class.

I said to him, “I am kinda surprised you volunteered for this duty”

“I am not doing it for you. I am doing it for Miss Anderson. She thinks you deserve it, so I will help”

As we walked, my mind was racing in a dozen directions. First, the whole idea of having an “escort” seemed surreal. I felt like one of those black students who were integrated under the protection of the national guard.

Then there was Linda. How can she still want to help me? I have considered myself a freak nearly my whole life, how can someone as pretty, as popular as her want to even be in the same zip code as me?

Lastly, I thought about the only other person I had told some of my story to. He may not have lived long, but he certainly left an impression on me…

Three years ago …

“Hay John, you got another tape from your friend back home”

“Yeh, David. Its nice to hear a friendly voice.”

“What’s he like? Your friend?”

“He is… a little different. Actually I think you and he would get along. Maybe if we get back home, I can introduce you.”

Two years ago …

“Nice to finally meet you Alex I have heard a lot about your from John”

“Nice to meet you too.“

“Hay. Are those D and D books? I love those games”

“I run a campaign if you want to join.”

“That would be cool.”

One and a half years ago …

“You got a strange name. I mean, ‘Alexi Kiev?’ What’s that about?”

“I was born Mike Johnson. But I fell in love with Russia, and I decided I wanted to change my name to show it.”

“That is … a bit extreme.”

“What can I say? I like to shake things up a bit.”

One year ago ….

“Dave, you always play a girl in our games, you ever thought of having a male character?”

“I… I just like it.”

“Come on, I want to show you something. I think we have something else in common.”

“What is that you are grabbing?”

“A picture. Take a look at it.”

“That’s … that’s you ? In a dress?”

“That’s me as my female self. I call her ‘Barbie’”

“Why… why would you think I have something in common with this?”

“Because your guy act isn’t as good as you think.”

“I… I guess there is a bit of a feminine side to me.”

“If you say its only a bit.”

“Look, you have gone out looking like that? Were you not scared?”

“Maybe at first. But the secret to dealing with fear is to just do what you think you need to. And don’t let the fear stop you. Besides, there are a few safe places for people like me. Here. I have some magazines that show that you are far from alone. It includes the places we hang out.”

“These are… adult mags.”

“You are close enough. I hope it helps you.”

Nine months ago …

“I am sorry David, he is gone.”

“Dead, John? How can Alex be dead? I didn’t even know he was sick.”

“It happened really fast. That’s all I know. Because we are not family, I couldn’t find out any more.”

“It doesn’t seem real.”

“I know. I can’t believe he is gone either. I am going to miss him.”

“me too, John. I just wish I could have at least said goodbye.”

“Me too David. Me too.”

Now ….

As the day drew to a close, I found another subject to think about.

Ever since I had told Linda about how I felt, it was like I had opened a door I couldn’t close. The fear and anxiety I had kept under wraps was bubbling up to the surface, and I simply didn’t know how to cope.

Compared to the furtive cross-dressing I had indulged in before this, what I was experiencing now was like the difference between splashing around in the kiddie pool compares to being dropped into the middle of the Pacific.
And I didn’t know if I was going to sink or swim….  

I had another fear too. It seemed like the longer I was dressed like this, the less likely it was that I would be able to tolerate going back to the way things were before…

The day came to an end, and I had to go home. Linda offered to walk with me at least part of the way so I wouldn’t have to be alone, and I was grateful for the company.

“How are your folks going to handle what you look like?”

“My best hope is to sneak in and hide in my room for the night”

“Seriously?”

“My mom is a good person, but my step-dad… Let’s just say he isn’t the most liberal minded person, and tends to express himself in physical ways.”

“You should tell someone. I mean, that’s just wrong.”

“Who would I have told? All it would do would be to hurt my mom.”

“Maybe we should have got the V.P. to call ahead.”

“I am not sure it would have helped.”

“What are we going to do? I… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I looked at her hard. Her expression was sincere.

“I .. I will survive. I don’t want you to get hurt trying to protect me.”

“Are.. Are you sure?”

“Yes. You go home. I will face what comes.”

She squeezed my shoulder, and turned away, leaving me to walk up my driveway alone.

As soon as I entered, I heard my mother’s voice.

“David, I need you to come here.”

Oh, crap. What the heck is she doing home already?

“I need to visit my room for a sec mom.”

“David please.”

I went toward the kitchen, and said, “Mom, I can explain how I am dressed…”

She got up from the kitchen table and met me as I entered, and gave me a hug. “You don’t have to worry sweetie. I got a call from a Miss Anderson from your school. Her story was incredible, but then something happened after I got home that made me believe her.”

“What happened mom?”

“This thing… this creature that had possessed her took me.”

“Oh, God, mom, are you ok?”

“I am a little shaky, but I will be okay. I… I have to take get you some more girl clothes.”

“I am sorry mom.”

“It isn’t your fault. But we should go.”

“What about Ken?”

“Your stepfather is.. Taking a short vacation. I.. I don’t know when he will be back.”

“I am really sorry mom.”

“Again, not your fault. And it might be for the best in any case. Now, we really should go. ”

On the way to the mall, she had a strange look on her face.

“What are you thinking of mom?”

“I was thinking that when I was pregnant with you, I was so sure you were going to be a girl. And I dreamed of us taking a shopping trip together. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so scary.”

“Yeh, mom. I kinda know what you mean.”

She smiled at me and said, “Remember when I caught you in that nightgown? You wouldn’t talk to me. You want to talk now?”

“I… I am sorry mom. I guess I didn’t want to have to tell you I am some kind of freak.”

“Now you listen to me. You are not a freak!”

“But mom, I … I feel more like a girl than a boy! Even my church would think that’s a sin, or at least crazy”

“I don’t think you are crazy or sinning. After I caught you, I did a little digging. You ever hear of Rene Richards?”

“Who is she?”

“She was a tennis player. But more importantly, she had been born a boy, and eventually had a surgery to make her into a girl. So you wouldn’t be the first to feel like that, and there is a way to help you if you do end up needing to make that kind of change”

“I am so sorry mom. I didn’t want to make you upset”

“I love you, and whether you are my daughter or my son, you are still my child. No matter what, we will get through this. Together.”

“Mom, I am scared about going in the mall dressed like this. What will people think?”

“Sweetie, I doubt they will pull out the pitchfork and torches. You may get some stares, and maybe even negative comments. But your attitude is going to be crucial. If you act like you are ashamed of yourself, you are more likely to draw negative attention. If you relax, and act like you accept yourself, there is a chance that others will respect that.”

“I will try mom. It is hard to tell yourself not to be scared though.”

“Don’t try hon. Try and tell yourself that no matter how scared you are, you don’t have to show it. And that you wont let it stop you”

“That’s funny mom. My friend Alex told me something like that once.”

“That’s the boy who died last year, isn’t it?”

“yes mom. I have been thinking about him a lot today”

“Any particular reason?”

“Well, I told someone at school about how I felt, and she asked me if I had ever told anybody else. And Alex was the only other person I had told.”

“She, huh?”

I blushed.

“Don’t get your hopes up for wedding bells. She is just a very nice person who wanted to help me.”

“Don’t knock that. Lot of good relationships have started with less.”

“Maybe. But for now, let’s just get this shopping trip over with.”

“Come on, sweetie. Chin up, smile, and enjoy. This might be the only time someone else pays for your shopping sprees. And shopping is a true pleasure for girls. And women. ”

“Yeh, but most girls or women don’t have to worry about being found out as really being a guy”

“Hon, I hope you don’t find it insulting but I have been watching you move since you got home. Trust me when I say nobody is going to think you are a guy unless you tell them.”

“You really think I can pull this off?”

“I know you can.”

I smiled for the first time since this crazy day started.

“One more thing. I can’t call you David in public without giving the game away, can I? You have any preferences for a girl name for the time being, at least?”

I thought about it for a second, and then said, “call me Alice. Like Alice in wonderland?”

She actually giggled a bit, and said, “I guess it’s appropriate. Com’on, Alice. Let’s shop ’till we drop. ”

I smiled and actually giggled myself, straightened my skirt, and we went in.

It was an unreal experience. In one way, it was a dream come true for me. If my mom had sometimes wondered what a mother-daughter outing would be like, I spent even more time wishing for something like this. And yet, any enjoyment was tempered by the fact that we still didn’t know who or what was doing this, or why.

Our first stop was a lingerie shop. The sales lady wanted to measure me without the dress on, and I started blushing like crazy. My mom came to my rescue, telling her, “My daughter is a little shy. Let me take the tape measure into the change room, and I will get you the measurements.”

Soon I had enough underwear to last me a week or so, some nightgowns, and a selection of hosiery. The next stop was outerwear, and for that we visited a department store. I tried on dresses, skirts, and blouses of various styles and colors. My mom tried to encourage me to pick items I liked, to develop a style that suited me, and I tried, but often I ended up relying on her opinion.

We stopped at the jewelery counter, and bought me a simple girl’s watch, and a cute necklace that was surprisingly cheap. We then went back into the mall, and stopped at a place that would pierce my ears. I have to admit I flinched a little, but the I liked the earrings we chose, especially since they matched the necklace.

After we left that store, we walked around for a bit, until my mom noticed I was slowing down, and asked me, “Hon, you okay?”

“I am just realizing why you complain about your feet at the end of the day”

“I can help fix that. Lets go over there.”

“Over there” turned out to be a make up and nail salon, and I had what was hands down the most pleasant experience of my transformation, a pedicure and manicure. After they finished with me, a glance at the mirror made me wonder who that pretty girl waving at me was, only to realize it was me.

Our next stop was a shoe store, and soon I had a couple of choices of heels to wear.

I asked my mom if flats were an option, and she just shook her head, and I resigned myself to the discomfort I knew would have to get used to. We also got me a couple of purses.

“Mom, I am a little worried about how much we are spending on me today.”

“Don’t worry sweetie. I… I had some money put away. I had decided to leave your stepfather, and wanted to be prepared.”

“I am sorry mom.”

“I am sorry it took me so long. I should have left him the first time he raised a fist to you boys.”

Our last stop was the food court, Mom got us both a couple of salads.

“Remember girls eat a little less that boys dear” she said.

“Okay mom”

“I wanted to compliment you on your voice sweetie. A little soft, but very feminine. How are you doing it?”

“Practice, mom.” I said, “One of the mags Alex gave me had suggestions on how to make your voice more feminine.”

Again, I found myself thinking of Alex. He had told me he thought I needed a little nudge to develop the courage it would take to come out. But, if somehow his ghost was behind this, why was he doing it in such a cruel way?

Hurting Miss Anderson like that, it was horrible. And my mom hadn’t actually said what had happened to her, but it didn’t sound like she had a fun time either. Would Alex have done something like that? I had been one of the few people he was actually fond of, but that’s a long way from torture. I simply didn’t have any clear answer.

We made our way home, and I asked my mom about my brother.

“He is at collage, as you should remember. By the time he has a break and comes home, we will figure out what to tell him.”

When we got home, I took my new clothes to my room, and realized that all my boy clothes were gone.

“Mom, what happened to my old clothes?”

“I am sorry hon. I had no choice but to get rid of them. Believe me when I say you wouldn’t have liked the alternative.”

“That’s what happened when you were… possessed, controlled?”

She nodded, and wept, and said, “I am sorry hon.”

I held her and we both cried for a while.

Finally, I got out of my dress, and slipped into one of my new nightgowns, and went to bed. I slept fitfully. I had no clue then that this nightmare had just begun, and soon my fellow students would have their turn facing this horror. The worst was yet to come…..