Well, I just had a big dust-up with my mother. She is totally afraid that I won't be able to be accepted by the world at large as Dorothy, and I will not be able to meet my obligations. I know its mostly because of her own exhaustion and stress, but it still hurt.

Well, I had my interview, and I think it went well. I should find out by the end of next week if I got the job, but they seemed okay with me being me, and I think i showed my telephone skills. So we will have to wait and see.

Well, I just got back from dropping off a resume with a call center as Dorothy. Not only that, but I dropped in at my current work as Dorothy, and said hello to everyone. Thanks to having been talking about this for the last while, nobody seem shocked. One of my co-workers even called me Dorothy. Pretty good day, I think.

Well, I am trying very hard not to feel discouraged by the error I made in posting my Phoenix story. I really liked how the story turned out, and now it will probably vanish without much recognition. I am trying to focus on the fact that just writing something that long is a major accomplishment for me. I am starting to wonder if the meds I am on for depression are doing any good any more. I am finding it harder to keep positive, and much easier to feel hopeless. Monday, I will call the doctor and tell him. Meanwhile to try and cheer myself up, I am working on the last part of Fluke.

Well, i apparently had a large part of the middle that didnt post. dont know why. i fixed it, I hope.

I have been fighting a losing battle with negative self-image lately, and yesterday, I think I figured out why. I was working in the health and beauty department, restocking the hair color isle, when it hit me. Every box I put on the shelf had a picture of a beautiful woman, with flawless skin, amazing hair, and all the rest. Each picture was like water torture, eroding my ability to see myself as passable, much less pretty. I have to keep fighting this feeling. Despair is deadly.

I am trying to make sure I hold on to hope. I have been struggling with bouts of hopelessness, and I have to keep fighting, even when I don't want to. Ah, well.

Well, I am now over 17,000 words in my phoenix story, and it shows no sign of slowing down. I figure its probably over half done, but frankly, I am not sure. It has gone in a totally unexpected direction from my original idea to the point I feel like I am just hanging on, trying to keep the story from falling into a ditch. Fun stuff.

Well, the countdown has officially begun. On April 27, at 1030 AM, I see the gender specialist. Wish me luck.

Well, some of you probably can tell I am an avid reader/commenter/blogger here. (Take my word for it, if you don't) But I may have to pull back on my interaction here for a bit, so I can focus on my phoenix story (right now, at about 12,000 words, and just getting started...) The other project I would like to focus on would be taking a role in the formation of a "Best of Big Closet" book.

Well, looking back at my blog entries, I realized I hadn't talked about how a couple of my stories came about. I suspect this kind of stuff doesnt really interest a large number of people, but it's my blog, so blech. So without further ado...

Well, right now, its hard to not to feel boxed in. The road to transition seems totally blocked by that wonderful thing, finances. I need a full time job if I am going to make any serious headway, and between the economy,and my commitments to my daughter, its hard to find one as Todd, and much harder to try and find one that will accept Dorothy, especially since I don't pass terribly well.

I am working on a new Phoenix story, and it made me think about a lesson I hope I have learned, thanks to a story that failed. As some of you know, I wrote a "Amanda Waller" story for the ret-con universe, and it got rejected as being in need of a total re-write. Later, I wrote my story "The Tears of the Phoenix", and as you can see if you look for it, it was accepted. So why the difference? Well, with the Amanda Waller story, I think I got myself thinking like a comic book writer, not a novelist. I concentrated on some visual images I thought "cool", and I think the story suffered for it.

I just wanted to share about one moment that occurred while Kylie and I were writing "A College Outing". We got to the part where Todd was going to find out Tracy's secret, and we tried to figure the best way for that to happen. But once we had set his basic personality as creepy stalker, the only way that made sense to me was some kind of attempted assault. Kylie had written quite a bit of the stuff leading up to that moment, and needed a break, so I tackled it. As most of you know, I deal with my own assault, and so we had to be careful crafting the scene.

Well, for those who havent checked it out yet, the collaborative story I wrote with my gf Kylie is up. How to determine who wrote what? Easy. If you love it, thank Kylie. If you hate it, blame me...

Sorry folks, Just kidding about blaming me. Kylie says I am not allowed to put myself down, and she is right.

Well, I went back to the doc who put me on anti-depressants, and other than my little "glitch" before Christmas, things are going well. So, after my time with him, I decided to go to the largest mall in the city (and indeed, one of the largest in the world), West Edmonton Mall, dressed. I still had a 50 dollar gift Mastercard, so i wanted to see what I could find. Well, i went into Pay-less shoes, and they not only measured my feet (in stockings), and helped me find the right shoes, but were very nice while doing it. On my way out, I noticed they had a help wanted sign.