Well, I think the pills are starting to have an effect. This morning after I got home, I considered err... relieving some tension, and discovered that even my over-active imagination could not make the old soldier salute, as it were. God, that is such a relief.....

I just wanted to apologize for the delay in part 3 of "Between one step and the next". I felt like I had written myself into a corner, and was about to despair, but I think I see a way out now. Unfortunately, with real life being what it is at the moment, my writing time is seriously curtailed, so it will take a bit. It will come when it does, so thank you for your patience. and again, my apologies.

I just wanted to tell everyone not to panic. I'm an a mature woman, I will not let this little setback with my shifts stop me. I'll do a little grovelling tomorrow, and hopefully, that will be the end of it.

Well, my first shift was pretty good, and at least a couple people made a point of calling me Dorothy and one teased me and called me a young lady. All in all, I'm impressed so far. Meanwhile, I wanted to take a moment to talk about "Yes, Dear." I've been playing around with showing the difference between forced fem and consensual dressing up. The latter can be a fun experience between a couple, the former is merely torture. Accordingly, I set the piece up as dark as I dared, making it appear that I was telling a horror story, and then sprang my little surprise of the fact it was all a game.

Well, I got my schedule, and for the next two weeks at least, I'll be working full time. Cant wait for my first official shift Monday night.

well, as of this morning my girlfriend has left her home, her job, and everyone she knows to make a fresh start. She is going to Portland, not having anything waiting there except whatever hope she brings with her. I can do little but pray until she is reconnected with me, hopefully when she arrives.

Well, I start working for Wal-mart today. Orientation will be interesting, since I will be dressed female, but have a male name tag. Ah, well.

Well, once in a while, my ex surprises me, and its rarely for a good reason. Tonight, we had a belated mother's day dinner for her and my mom, and she mentioned about my dad, that she wanted my daughter to consider someone else as her grandfather, instead of my dad. Now, my dad committed suicide, so apparently, that means he cant even be in the family tree in her view. Doesn't give me a lot of hope on how she will react when I come out. Ah, well.

I just wanted to share a link to my girlfriend's blog:

http://blog.whispersofalostgirl.com/2011/05/what-is-love.html

Well, I am officially hired part time, as Dorothy, working for Wal-Mart. I got the call today, signed a contract, and start training Wednesday. Thank you, God!

Well, I managed to give myself a scare this morning. I tried to get a hold of Wal-Mart about the job, and was told I didn't get it, which almost killed me. Then I went to phone back to find out why, and realized, I was phoning the WRONG STORE! A quick recalculation got me the right one, and I was told they were just waiting to hear from my supervisor from my old store, and he will be in this afternoon. I'm praying he gives me a good reference, and trying to restart my heart at the same time.

I feel like I'm riding a roller-coaster of emotions. One moment, I'm feeling pretty good about the choices I'm making, and the next I'm either wracked with fear that its all going to go up in smoke, or I'm beating myself up for being so selfish as to risk my relationship with my daughter over a couple of inches of flesh between my legs. Hopefully, the ride will smooth out soon.

Well, I got a call from a local Wal-Mart, and I might just have a job as Dorothy. I had gone for the interview yesterday, and they called me today to come in to fill in a background check request and to give them permission to contact my references. Baring a bad review from them, I'm hired. The manager took a moment to tell me not only was I brave to do what I'm doing, but she told me I interviewed as well as anyone they have ever had. Pretty good news, yes? Plus, I wanted to send out a special shout-out to someone here. JennaFL sent me a couple of bras, and I wanted to thank her publicly.

Well, my mom almost let things slip out with my daughter. She bought me a Dorothy outfit, and came back just as I was feeding my daughter. She then pulled it out and asked me to try it on while my daughter wondered why she had bought me a skirt. Fortunately, my daughter has very short attention span, so probably not much chance she will be telling her mom. Maybe its time I came clean, but I would rather be working in case she makes me fight to see my girl.

Well, my muse refuses to give a lot of details about what she's been up to - just some hints about snogging some girl named Pippa at a wedding .... But, now that she has recovered from a hangover, she is pouring ideas into my head at a furious pace. Its too bad my daughter doesn't type, maybe I could offload some of my workload .....

I'm sitting here, with tears in my eyes, and shaking so hard its hard to type. Wave upon wave of self-hate is hitting me, and I'm not sure I can swim. I am battered on all sides with self-doubt, one moment fearing that I could be a woman someday, and then a worse moment when I wonder if my sister-in-law is right that I am just .... rejecting my male identity.
 

Well, it seems that my muse has departed for parts unknown, leaving at least one story started and stranded. I hope she comes back soon .....