Dorothy Colleen

My muse came back

Well, my muse came back. Minus a shoe, ripped hose, her dress covered in stains from I don't even want to know what, but she's back. I've got two stories burning right now, my first and probably only entry into the "years worth of challenges", and a new Phoenix story. I wonder which one will get done first?

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sitting here with tears in my eyes

I'm sitting here, with tears in my eyes, and shaking so hard its hard to type. Wave upon wave of self-hate is hitting me, and I'm not sure I can swim. I am battered on all sides with self-doubt, one moment fearing that I could be a woman someday, and then a worse moment when I wonder if my sister-in-law is right that I am just .... rejecting my male identity.
 

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crossdressing conventions

No, I don't mean a convention where everybody cross-dresses (although that sounds like fun...) I mean that in movies where a male character dresses as a woman, it seems like there are certain conventions that must be followed. The first is the set-up, where the reason for the disguise is explained. Usually, the situation is pretty far-fetched, to say the least. Then there is the actual dressing-up, which is usually done as fast as possible. The character seems to be able to find clothes that fit, learns how to do make-up, and how to walk and talk like a woman in record time.

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Avoiding the Royal Wedding

Well, I managed to avoid most of the coverage of the Royal wedding. My reasons for this were not because of any Republican sentiments I may carry, but more raw emotions. I couldn't have born seeing that beautiful bride and that exquisite gown without being almost lost to envy. I have a wonderful girlfriend, but its hard to imagine that I will ever be a bride. But, I have to be grateful for what I do have, don't I?

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first time going to the ladies room

Well, armed with a letter from the gender specialist, I went to the ladies room at a local mall. No muss, no fuss, just did my business, and came to the sink to wash my hands. there were other ladies around, but I paid them no mind, and they seemed to do the same. I then walked out, feeling like I passed a major hurdle. Anybody remember their first time in a public restroom?

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going to a group interview as dorothy

Well, today there was a hiring fair for a health care company, and I went as Dorothy. We had a group interview, which was kinda different, but cool. The company looks great, and it looks like they would have no problem with me coming to work for them as Dorothy. The best moment was each of us was asked who they would hire, and one of the other people picked me. Wish me luck that they hire me.

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A Visit to Canada

A Visit to Canada

I bring to you a transcription of my conversation with a visitor to my country:

Alien Visitor (AV): Greetings!

Me: Welcome to Canada. You’ve arrived at an exciting time. We’re having a federal election.

AV: Ah, yes. I’ve heard of these. You’re picking your head of state.

Me: Nope.

AV: No?

Me: No. Would you like to know who our head of state is?

AV: Lay it on me, sister.

Me: The queen of England.

AV: Are you pulling my leg?

Me: Honest.

AV: How does that work?

back from church as Dorothy

Well, I'm back from church, and it was wonderful. They had a choir from Germany was was simply angelic. After the service, I went for coffee with a couple of guys from the welcoming group, and it was pretty good. Makes me wish I could do this every Sunday instead of having to go to my ex's church in male mode. Ah, well.

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Just a ghost

Just a ghost
(Based on "Ghost" by Fefe Dobson
 

I'm a go-go-go-ghost
just a go-go-go-ghost

Once a girl in a photograph
but can I ever get me back?
Or become just a memory
not my real identity.

I had a name
fought the fight
now I wonder if I'll ever get it right

feel the shame
live the lie
praying in the middle of the night

I'm scared I will become a ghost
once all my dreams were oh so close
But my fears have made me start to fail
will the real me disappear?
I'm scared I will become a ghost
not true, not true

Odd Impressions

Sometimes, I get these odd impressions that defy logic and reality. Like sometimes i get an impression of having breasts that is almost real enough to make me cry. But today, I had an impression that went the other way. It was a very masculine impression, of having a sword and shield, and protecting a female from a monster. Make what you will of that.

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crazy English

Every once in a while, I'm struck by how crazy the spelling rules are for English. The example that brought this to my mind was dealing with the letter "y" when it is at the end of a word. Sometimes, if a word ends with a "y", sometimes when you add a suffix like "ed", the letter is replaced with an "I". For example "Try - Tried." But it doesn't always happen. Like the word "enjoy". put it in the past tense, and its "enjoyed", not "enjoied." Like I said, the rules for spelling in English can be crazy.

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Thanks to All who commented on RSM

Well, "Rock Star Makeover" is wrapped up, and I want to thank everyone who took the time to comment or leave a kudo. Thanks to all of you. For those who prefer to read a story in one sitting, the whole story is up on Fictionmania, if you want to check it out there. But I want to give fair warning. Although this story was "sweet/sentimental" and I'm happy with that, dont assume I'll always produce that type from here on. I have some dark corners in my head, and at some point I may go into them through my writing.

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 12

Rock Star Makeover, Part 12:
 
(Author's note. Well, this is the end of Rock Star Makeover, folks. I hope you enjoyed it. Will Noah, Gabbi, and company be back? You never know....)
 
After church, we were hanging around, when Adam came into the living room and asked, “Would it be okay if Lisa came over for supper?”

“Sure, Adam.” My mom said

slight delay on part 12 of RSM

Well, after the Linda/Lisa debacle on my last chapter of "Rock star makeover", I've sent part 12 to an editor here. So there will be a slight delay until they have a chance to look over it before it can be published. Hopefully, it wont be so long everybody forgets whats been going on before....

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 11

Rock Star Makeover, Part 11:

 

(Author's note: I hope that if you are enjoying this series, you will take the time to leave a comment. Kudos are good too...)
 

My brother Adam came from the kitchen, and Lisa flinched.

“Its okay. Adam was just here in case something wasn’t on the up and up.” Gabbi said.

“I... I heard you introduce yourself, Lisa. I promise, you are safe in this house, okay?”

“Th....thank you.”

Going to the Unempolyment office dressed

well, I decided I needed a pick-me-up, so I went to the unemployment office dressed as Dorothy. I was served without a comment or even a blink, so that was fun. But, after I left the office, and went to my car, I was stopped by a man, and told I looked nice. I thanked him, and he confessed he was a cross-dresser. I was going to tell him I'm not, but he recognized me as transitioning. A bit of an odd experience, especially when he ended our conversation by saying he was going to go buy pantyhose. TMI, as far as I'm concerned. Ah, well.

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 10

Rock Star Makeover, Part 10.

 

Author's note: enjoy part 10, folks. It might have to sustain you for a while.
 

We went home, and I told my mom what happened.

“That’s good news about the concert, Noah. But who do you think might have sent Gabbi the note?”

“Not a clue, Mom.”

“What about you, Gabbi, any ideas?”

“Actually, I have one. But it means you have to make a sacrifice, Noah.”

“Sacrifice?” I asked.

“Yes. I … I want you to give up your seat to the concert,”

“But why, Gabbi?”

Discouragement

Well, I managed to do something so stupid and almost impossible that I'm wondering if God is trying to tell me something. I managed to lose my only bra. And since I am a "special" size, it would take somewhere in the range of 50 dollars to replace it, I'm devastated and discouraged. Unless I get a miracle, I wont be going out as Dorothy again any time soon. All this gloom is slowing me down in writing "Rock Star Makeover", so I'll put up part 10 today, but I don't know when any more will be coming. Sorry.

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 9

Rock Star Makeover, Part 9:
 
Author's note: Here's chapter 9. Enjoy, and make sure you tip your waitress, er, I mean, leave a comment....

Monday, during lunch, Gabbi had a pensive expression, “Whats up?” I asked.

“This note got left in my locker this morning.” She handed me the note, and I read it.

“‘I’m like you’? What do you think it means?” I asked.

“The only thing that makes sense is that they are transgendered.” she said.

“I guess that would be cool. But who, and why send you the note?”

Situation: Critical

Well, my mom has told me that things have reached a critical point. I have 500 dollars in my bank account which basically covers my car payment and insurance for the month, and then I'm done. I'm at the end of my rope, and wondering if it has turned into a noose. Pray for me, if you're willing.

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unusual incident at McDonalds

Well, I had an unusual incident at a local McDonalds. I was taking my ex home from her 2nd job with my daughter in tow, when she asked if she could pick something up. I had no objection, so we went. I was waiting in the car with my daughter while she went in to get her stuff. While I was waiting, this young man came out, and he had a "wet floor" sign under his jacket, and he started to walk away. I did something totally out of character for me. I got out of the car, and asked him what he was doing. I basically shamed him into returning the sign.

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 7 & 8

Rock Star Makeover, Parts 7 & 8
 
Author's note: As promised, here is both parts 7 and 8. I hope the bit of darkness in part 7 doesn't scare too many people off. All comments, even negative ones, are appreciated.

 

Part 7:
 

Posting Rock Star Makeover tomorrow

Well, the tribe has spoken, as it were. Everyone who gave me an opinion on the dilemma I was facing with the next two chapters of RSM said post the two chapters together, so that's how it will go. They will be up tomorrow, and I will leave the chapter heading between so you can see where the cliffhanger was. I hope you guys enjoy them.

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Rock Star Makeover Question

A question for those who have been following my story "Rock Star Makeover." The next chapter will have a bit of darkness in it, but I don't think I would be giving much away to say things work out in the following chapter. But that means I have a choice. I could put out the darker chapter on its own, and hope that you guys will not get too down until the next one comes, or I could put out both at once, so you can see the good bit without the wait. Any opinions?

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changing my attitude

Anybody who has followed my blog here probably can tell that I have, on occasion, struggled with negative self-talk. I'm starting to realize how much this has held me back. It becomes as self-fulfilling prophesy, where I make mistakes because I expect to make mistakes. Its not going to be easy to get rid of a habit that ingrained, but I have to, if I want to make any progress. So I'm asking everyone here to help keep my accountable. If I start whining and feeling sorry for myself, give me a boot in the back of the skirt, okay?

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Rock Star Makeover, part 6

Rock Star Makeover, Part 6:
 
Authors note: No summary, the audience has spoken. If you have not read the first 5 parts, (or if you have forgotten them) read those first.
 

The next morning,. I phoned Gabbi, and said, “Gabbi, I should hang around here today, I’ve … kinda missed my family.”

She said, “That’s cool Noah. I’m sure my sis and I can find some girly stuff to do.”

I chuckled. “Have fun, Gabbi.” I said.

J-Crew ad draws fire for showing a boy with painted pink toenails

Apparently, an ad showing a mom painting her son's toenails neon pink has drawn some fire from the usual suspects. Here is a link to the story:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/04/11/jcrew-ad-showing-boy-pi...

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Interesting job posting

Well, this morning I found an interesting job posting. It was with a retail store that focuses on home repair. On the application I filled out, there was an option to declare yourself a member of the GLBTG community, saying the company is committed to diversity in this area. The world has changed for the better for us, at least here, which is good to know.

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Rock Star Makeover, Part 5

Rock Star Makeover, Part 5
 
Authors note: I'm not sure if not supplying a summary is annoying people. If it is, let me know, okay? I'm sorry that this chapter is so short.
 

The next morning, we were woken early by a message from the front desk, saying there was a message for us. We dressed, and went down The message turned out to be from Cathy, and it said, “Here is everything you will need for a good time at Disneyland. There is also an outfit for Gabbi included.”

The outfit turned out to be a copy of Cinderella’s dress.

Rock Star Makeover, Part 4

Rock Star Makeover, Part 4:
 
(Author's note: Nope, not doing a summary. If you need to know what happened before, read the first 3 chapters.)
 
I was so far into my work I had no idea how much time passed. The next time I was really aware of the outside world was when Gabbi, her mom, and Cathy came up to me. They were each carrying a couple of bags, and it looked like both Gabbi and her mom had taken the opportunity to get a new hairstyle and makeup. The effect on Gabbi was … electric, at least for me.

“Wow. Oh...wow.” Is all I could manage.

Rock Star Makeover, Part 3

Rock Star Makeover, Part 3

 

(Author's note: Its probably a good idea to read parts 1 and 2 first)

 

The next morning, I was happy to see Gabbi with her mom waiting for us to come to church.

“You both look fantastic!” I said.

Gabbi blushed, and her mom smiled.

We went to church, and it was pretty good. After it was over, I whispered to Gabbi “I think your mom is impressed by how everyone here is so cool with you.”

“Yeh, well, before I came here as Gabbi for the first time, I talked with the pastor.”

Interesting day

Well, today was an interesting day. First, I got a call from the local TS support group I belong to reminding me that there was a potluck dinner today. Trouble was, my brother and sister-in-law were also supposed to come over. I decided that since the potluck started at 430, and they were not supposed to come until 7, that i could go and still come back. But, I decided to leave a note for my mom that I was going to be coming home dressed as Dorothy, so if they had a problem with that, I could just skip showing up. But she phoned me to say they would not cause problems, so I came home.

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