Well, last night before I went to work, I was talking to a friend on IMVU, and she said I'm her hero and idol. Somehow, I find that somewhat frightening ....

Well, sometimes, I'm not smart. I just read the latest chapter of "Ride Home", and now I'm in tears dealing with the emotions it stirred up. I should know better by now.

Well, my next story is almost ready. Because it is a sequel to Randalynn’s story, "Surprise!" I've sent a copy to her first. If she signs off, the story will be published.

Had a good, if tiring day. We drove to Calgary (about a 3 and half hour trip), and went to the Calgary Zoo. We walked around until my mom and I couldn't walk anymore, and then drove home. I'll sleep well tonight.

Well, my blog entry disappeared. Must have offended somebody. Ah, well. PM me if you want to know what it said.

Edmonton isn't known for summer storms, but they do happen, and we had a doozy last night. I was at work, and was working just outside the garden center, when small bits of hail began to fall inside! I moved a couple of pallets out in case they got damaged, and had just completed this little project when the skies opened of, and the roof decided to not do its job. It was like watching a waterfall from behind as the water rushed down into the garden center for at least a half hour straight. I bet they had fun cleaning it up today ....

Well, I managed to wear myself out yesterday/ Took my daughter to a local pool. They have not only a wave pool, but they have this section that's set up like a rapid, and I think we broke a record for how many times we went around on it. Other than not being allowed to show any signs of my progress toward womanhood, it was a good day.

Well, I just got back from my appointment with the gender specialist's assistant. Not only will she sign off on me starting hormones, she told me I pass quite nicely. It was good to hear, and Kylie is entitled to one large "I told you so."

Well, I turned 45 this morning while at work. Its going to be a quiet day, sleeping and then going to work, so nothing much for a birthday. Doing a supper with my brother and sister in law tomorrow, and plan to be in my best skirt for the occasion, especially since I will have to leave from the restaurant and go to work. My brother and sister in law wont approve, but frankly, I don't care.

Well, I've had a bit of a setback. I phoned the gender specialist's office, and found out that I don't yet have an appointment to get my blood tested to start female hormones. Apparently, there is some question as to whether just going to work as Dorothy qualifies as a real life test or not. (Why this matters, I don't know, but there you are.) So now I have to wait and hear back from the specialist, or maybe I'll be waiting until I see him again in December to find out if I can start them anyway. ... Sigh.

Well, If I needed any proof that my daughter isnt ready for me to be out with her as Dorothy, yesterday provided it. I had woken up at 330 pm in a panic, thinking I had forgotten to pick her up from school. I hurriedly put on a t-shirt and shorts and ran out to the school, only to find her gone, picked up by my mother, who had told me she would before I went to sleep, only I had forgotten. So I went home, and they came home right after, and my daughter took one look at me and freaked out. I hadn't realized it, but I had grabbed a ladies t shirt I use as a camisole by mistake.

I think this is a good image for describing my current state. I'm climbing a mountain, at the top is "being totally female". Right now I've made some good progress, and have set up a base camp, to try and figure out the next part of my ascent. Having a safe base at the moment is wonderful, but also kind of dangerous. It would be very easy for me to be content where I am right now - being Dorothy at work, Todd around my daughter. But I know that comfort is illusion. Eventually, I have to get back to climbing, or risk falling off entirely.

Well, its good thing my daughter has the attention span of a hummingbird. First, the other day my mom let it slip I have a purse at work (that's how I lost my wallet). Then my daughter spotted my wig in bag as I went to pick up her mother (I take everything in my bag when I have to pick her up, I don't have time to come home and change) One of these days, the cats really going to come out of the bag ....

I've been trying very hard to not let myself go too far into the dumps over my current circumstances. Its not easy, but I am working on it. For example, I found a replacement wallet at my work that cost exactly what I had on me. Its pink, and has all the things I need in a wallet - a change pocket, a place for bills, and of course card holders. Now, I just have to fill it with all my replacement Identifications ...

Well, got more bad news yesterday. My mom has been letting a co-worker drive her car while she was at work, and he got into an accident with it. Now, because he was not covered under her insurance, she may have to pay out for it herself. Boy, when things go wrong, they go wrong ....

Well, right now, I'm not doing well. I guess I've lost my girlfriend, maybe for good this time. I'm in no shape to talk about it, so I'll probably just go away for a couple of days and do my grieving in private. Stay safe, everyone.

For some reason, I am feeling terribly lonely this morning. I had a good day yesterday, going out for lunch with a friend, but now I feel ... empty. I wish I could have someone to hold, to hold me, someone I could whisper with in the dark when sex is not in the cards, but it seems not to be. I'm grateful for Kylie, but right now our relationship is rocky enough to accentuate my loneliness rather than relieve it. Ah, well.

I just thought to share with you all about how "Home of the Brave" came about. It started because I had found myself getting on a negative track mentally, beating myself up for my lack of courage in not dealing with the ex. This story was my way of countering that kind of negative self-talk, by reminding myself that perhaps being willing to put my own needs on hold for my daughter's sake was a kind of courage too. I hope everyone enjoyed the result.