This morning, I was using my electric shaver to remove the hair from my arms, legs, and chest when my dog decided she needed to investigate the noise. You'd think a dog would be scared of a shaver, but she seemed to think I needed comforting during the procedure, as she nuzzled me as I worked to remove my hair. I love my little dog.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about my last couple of pieces. First, to put "Night Entries" to bed, I wanted to mention that its sort of Maeryn's fault. I was reading her story "Trick of the Mind.", and I kept seeing the little blerb at the start saying it was for the challenge "Written from the heart." I started thinking - what if I wrote something from the heart? What would it look like? And then the idea of an autobiography just seemed to fall into place. Then I made the choice to write it like I had a diary in those days, and the story flowed from there.

Well, I was a little bit down when I woke this morning. I struggled with the questions; "What am I doing this for? If I can't be female between my legs, what's the point?" I felt like "I'm going to die a freak, no matter what" I'm doing a bit better now, thanks to my friend Kylie, but those feelings are still there to some extent. Pray for me.

Am I being stupid, that I'm actually disappointed with how few people commented on "Night Entries"?

Last night, I ended up spending most of my shift dealing with "The Voice." Some people probably have heard "The Voice" - its the one that tells you that you are not enough - not good enough, not smart enough, in every aspect of your life, you're not enough. Pray I can drown it out, before I start feeling like I should apologize for taking up space and breathing valuable oxygen....

Well, "Night entries" part 4 is up, and I'm glad its done. Meanwhile, I had a super hard weekend at work, and I'm sore.

Keep me in your prayers, everybody. The idea I got was to create a diary of my 13th year of life. Its going to be scary, and hard to write at times, so I may need all of you hanging on to me.

Well, I'm making some contingency plans in case things really go into the crapper here. I may have to get a second (third, maybe, since I'm also helping the ex and taking care of my daughter) job. Under those circumstances, I don't know when I would sleep ... The other thing I can do is figure out where I can save money - without totally sacrificing my dreams of being able to at least be on hormones. "Tight" don't even cover it. Ah, well.

Well, just when things started to go well, my mother got a notice from her bankruptcy lawyer. Apparently, she has not been paying him, nor has she been doing what he told her to do. So now he is suing her to get a garnish on her wages to make her pay. I'm trying to get her to talk to a professional counselor, its clear she's not making good decisions, but I'm not having much luck. She told me the reason why she has kept this from me is because she thought I was too fragile myself until very recently when I started working as Dorothy, by which point it was too late for me to help much.

And I guess it went okay. I was rated a 3.25 out of 5, so above the minimum, but not as good as I hoped. I'll have to try and do better by the next evaluation.

Well, last night, I gave myself a belated birthday present. I used the gift card my brother had given me for my birthday, and bought myself a ladies watch. I also bought some foundation and cleanser as well. Just wearing the watch last night at work was enough to lighten my spirits considerably. That's a very good thing.

Well, my dog had to be taken to the vet today, and it turned out she had an infection in a gland in her rear. She's stuck wearing the cone thing, and will need pain meds for the next ten days, but it could have been worse.

Well, I had what may turn out to be my last summer outing with my daughter today. We went to "Capital EX" which is a fair and carnival and exposition all rolled into one. We went on a number of rides together, ate junk food, she got a chance to sit in a room full of butterflies, it was a good day. So why do I say it may be my last outing with her? Well, for starters, for the month of August her mother has booked time with her, so that's this summer done.

Well, I'm sort of trying to clear my writing plate of the small stuff, either finishing them or putting them away for now, so I can really focus on the challenges presented by one of my most ambitious projects ever - taking the same event, and tell it from two different points of view, and then ask you, the readers, what you think the truth is. Could be good, could go bad, we'll all have to see together, wont we?

Well, that's pretty much how I feel right now. I can try to move forward in dealing with my gender issues, and risk losing my daughter, or I can stay as I am, and more than likely suffer a breakdown, eventually. Not long ago, I had a vision of what my future could be like following both of these choices, and both end in despair, with me alone and broken. There just has to be a third choice, I don't believe in the no-win scenario ...