Had a conversation with my brother yesterday. While a well-meaning guy, he managed to make me feel like crap by telling me I model male behavior well. He'll never understand why that hurts my feelings, sadly.

I got a complimented for being such a hard worker last night. Makes me feel nice inside. Meanwhile, I'm hard at work on my stories, and I hope to have something worth posting soon.

I can steal that title, since I wrote a story called that. In any case I really did have a long talk with my mom yesterday about my past, and how my gender stuff played into it. Once again, I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have a mom who supports me.

Well, today I go to the endocrinology doctor today. Wish me luck.

Well, I've been pushing myself too hard, apparently. Just after 3 am last night, my body decided it had enough, and I nearly collapsed. I caught myself at the last moment, but it was a wake-up call in more ways than one. I'm going to take it very easy the next couple of days, and be as good shape as I can for my appointment with the endo doc on Wednesday. Hugs to all.

I think I've talked about what I was doing on September 11, 2001, but its pressing on my mind, so I'm going to share again, and you'll just have to put up with it.

Was talking with my neighbor yesterday, and she mentioned being a lesbian. So I shared my story with her. At least they will know now why I sometimes go out in a wig and skirt .....

I wonder if I am on a placebo. I mean, I am supposed to be on a Diuretic, but I don't even pee all that much more than I did before. That would suck ....

One of the few people at work who is kind enough to call me Dorothy got hurt last night. She's been struggling with back pain the last couple of days (She missed Sunday night because of it), and I guess her back went out again, and she went home halfway through the shift. I hope she'll be okay.

I wanted to talk for a moment about my last story, "Justice?" When I started with the idea, I planned to make it two stories - "The Defense" and "The Prosecution" Basically, first we would see her grief at the rape and death of her sister, and her need for some kind of justice. Then we would see the other side - the insanity of trying to take the law into her own hands, and the horror of the method she used to try and punish them. But the story took on a life of its own, and I was left with her awaking to her own guilt, and making the choice to seek the punishment of the law for her actions.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a little wigged out by how super hormonal I am - crying one second, laughing the next, total emotional roller-coaster thing. If I'm like this now, what the heck am I going to be like if they let me take estrogen?

I just found out that Chaz Bono is going to be on "Dancing with the Stars." Obviously, he is the first trans person to be a contestant, and I'll be pulling for him to win.

I had a nightmare yesterday. I dreamt I heard a woman's voice telling me to be careful, that "They" were coming close and that I was unarmed. The fear in the voice was enough to wake me, and I found it hard to go back to sleep again. Here's hoping today I sleep better, I don't need to be driving to work drowsy.

Well, I weighed myself yesterday, and I'm doing petty good. I'm down to 270 lbs. which is as light as I have been in a long time. Yay!

Well, today is not going well. I had the idea of creating a little Spells R Us story, something light and fluffy and full of wish-fulfillment. So I started with the simple idea of me (with a different name, but me, nevertheless) running into the Wizard. Unfortunately, its not going according to plan. I may end up with the most depressing SRU story in history ....

Ah, well.

This morning, I was using my electric shaver to remove the hair from my arms, legs, and chest when my dog decided she needed to investigate the noise. You'd think a dog would be scared of a shaver, but she seemed to think I needed comforting during the procedure, as she nuzzled me as I worked to remove my hair. I love my little dog.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about my last couple of pieces. First, to put "Night Entries" to bed, I wanted to mention that its sort of Maeryn's fault. I was reading her story "Trick of the Mind.", and I kept seeing the little blerb at the start saying it was for the challenge "Written from the heart." I started thinking - what if I wrote something from the heart? What would it look like? And then the idea of an autobiography just seemed to fall into place. Then I made the choice to write it like I had a diary in those days, and the story flowed from there.

Well, I was a little bit down when I woke this morning. I struggled with the questions; "What am I doing this for? If I can't be female between my legs, what's the point?" I felt like "I'm going to die a freak, no matter what" I'm doing a bit better now, thanks to my friend Kylie, but those feelings are still there to some extent. Pray for me.