Got a nice compliment last night. A member of my trans group told me I had a very feminine set of movements and attitude. Made me smile.

Well, I'm doing much better. Thanks to all who took the time to send a message of encouragement. Meanwhile, I decided to work on some lighter writing projects rather than do something depressing. Stay tuned!

Well, today was not one of my better days. First, I went to go to the local library to get some stuff printed out, I decided to go in male mode because later I would have to pick up my ex, and I didn't feel like having to change in hurry when I came home. As it happened, it was a good thing I did, because I actually ran into my ex and my daughter in the mall. My ex was buying my daughter a small fish, so that's why they were there.

I have to make a decision, and I need help. See, I started working on a Ret-con origin for Commander Steel, and I came up with a unique way of dealing with the cyborg aspects of his story - without making tech that would be difficult to explain. But Lilith said it didn't really work for that universe. So the question is, do I drop that aspect, and try something else, or should i make the story not a part of that universe and keep the idea, cause its interesting? What do you guys think?

I've posted part 3 of "Night Entries", and there will only be one more part. Sorry this has been so hard to read, but I think it was good for me to get out. Not to give anything away, part 4 ends on a hopeful note, so that's good.

Well, I decided we all needed a bit of a break from "Night Entries" so I'm going to be posting a much happier story today. Enjoy, all.

Those of you who have read chapter one of Night Entries can see this is not easy stuff for me to re-live. I can only assure you all that there will be some nice moments, but we have to get through the dark stuff first. Keep holding on to me, we'll all get through it together....

Well, last night as I drove to work, I got hit with inspiration for a new story. Of course, that means my current projects will have to wait, but ah, well.

For those who care about such things, I added a little epilog to the end of "The Verdict of the Phoenix". What's been added doesn't change what went before, but just adds a bit. Thanks to all who have commented.

You know, soon I should stop being surprised I pass. For example, I went to my local mall to print a couple of my stories out at the library (My personal printer has decided to commit suicide). After I was done that, I went to the food court and grabbed a taco salad (I'm slowly teaching my body to enjoy healthy food). A couple of old ladies came up as I was finishing, and asked me for the time, so I got to flash my new watch. Then, when I got home, a young boy asked me to look our front garden for a ball. As far as I could tell, they saw nothing even slightly unusual about me.

Well, last night was a quiet one at work. I don't mean we weren't busy, because we were very busy. But because the people I normally talk with during breaks weren't there, and I ended up feeling rather lonely and isolated. Ah, well.

And her favorite way of dealing with stress tends to be by giving stress to someone else. For example, when my mother woke me up in a panic shortly after I had gotten asleep yesterday to ask me what to do about the dog, and I suggested a vet and went back to bed, Apparently I was supposed to go with her, despite needing my sleep for my night shift. This led her to say there isnt much feminine about me, either now or in the past. Somehow the fact that I held down a job as a nurse's aid for 10 years doesnt count. Ah, well

Well, I think my hair has become the ideal symbol for my in-between gender status. See, I wear a wig when I go out as Dorothy, (although, sometimes, at work, I sweat enough under it to wish I didn't have to) so I don't pay a lot of attention to my natural hair. But, sometimes, I do have to deal with it, as I simply cant seem to manage long (natural) hair, and it ends up looking horrible. But then there comes the quandary - what kind of style and cut should I get? I really hate having a super masculine cut, but can I pull off a more androgynous look around the ex?

Well, I'm lucky to be among the non-injured. Yesterday, when I was driving home from my work, I started to have trouble staying awake, and came dangerously close to having an accident. Next time, I pull over and have a rest ....

A while ago, I wrote a poem by that name (here is a link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18355/hit-brick-wall-r... ) Well, right now that's close to how I feel. I think I'm psyching myself up for a charge at that wall, and its going to hurt But I simply don't know what else to do. When I first became honest with myself, and then came out to my family, I felt better. When I got a job as Dorothy I felt much better, and I think I kidded myself into believing I could stay like this - half in each gender. But I can't, not for long.

Had a rough night, filled with memories of humiliation and despair. The worst thing about those moments is the sense of arousal that often accompanies them. There is some part of me that has learned to enjoy the idea of being used and degraded. I wonder if I'll ever be truly free of it ....