I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my request for a GG lesbian willing to talk about sexual attraction. Everything I learned re-assured me that there isnt any significant difference between how they feel and how I do. That's a relief, because I was worried about it.

Well, I'm in the home stretch with my "quest" story. I think 3 more chapters will do it, maybe somewhere in the 2,000 to 4,000 words to go, I think. If that holds true, it could be ready by mid-February. Of course, I've been wrong before with stories, so you just never know ....

Had one of my female co-workers come into work with the best excuse for missing time I've heard - She was told by her husband of 10 plus years, a man with whom she has two kids, that he couldn't live with a "incomplete" woman anymore. (She has lost the bottom half of one leg to disease and works with an artificial one.) My immediate gut reaction was "Men suck". Afterward, I chided myself, and remembered I know a number of very good men, and have met some pretty awful women.

Well, I just wanted to share the story that had given me a tough day until Bailey cheered me up:

http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/01/06/no-sex-please-union-ex...

Nobody has commented on my latest. Oh well, they cant all be winners ...

I have talked a bit about about my first girlfriend before, but I was talking about her to a co-worker last night, and it occurred to me to account our time together in one post.

I was going to university and being a book person, I explored the many libraries of my campus, looking for new things to read, That's when I saw her, the pretty blonde who sometimes helped me check out my material. I was smitten from the first, and totally out of character for me, I actually managed to do something about that - I asked her to join me for a walk.

Some random thoughts:

I was watching the first season of "Heroes" the other day. I'm a lot like Peter from that show - I was the family screw-up while my brother overcame our background to become a success. And yet he would drop everything to help me in any way possible.

I wonder where my poetry muse went? Its been a long time since I've written a new original piece.

My ex hasnt noticed the earrings yet. I wonder how big my front will get before she notices that?

In the entry before last, I compared my transition to a journey. Keeping with that theme, here is a list of some stuff I hope I've got packed for my particular journey:

Patience. There are going to be lots of times when I'll feel like I'm standing still, so I'll need this.

Persistence - Its a long trip, and I know I'll be tempted to quit, so I'll really have to have some of this packed.

A sense of humor - I'm going to make mistakes, maybe even make a fool of myself sometimes. Having this will help a lot.

There are a lot of clubs in the world. There are dance clubs, and country clubs, athletic clubs and book clubs. And then there is this club. Some famous people are members. Oprah is, for example. Its not exclusive, but it sure can cost to be a member. But once you're in, you belong for life. There isn't a secret handshake, but some members say they can recognize a fellow member without them saying a word.

What is this club?

The sexually abused.

One club nobody ever wants to join, but estimates say 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will become members.

Well, last night, as I was talking to my mother, she mentioned that my ex had said that "you treat him like a woman, so that's why he acts like one", referring to me. I did a double take, and asked her when this came up, and she said it happened during their fight the day before. I'm not sure quite what to make of this, but it could mean things are about to come to a head with her on the transition issue. Wish me luck.

Well, yesterday was a pretty tough day for me. It went well until I got a phone call from my ex asking me where my mother was with Sam. I knew mom was taking her to a show, so I told the ex they probably are running late, maybe picking up some food for supper. Now, I was supposed to go to my ex's and pick her up and take her to her job at the doctor's office at 6, and she phoned twice more before then, getting more angry that my mom hadn't shown up with every call.

She and I were talking on the BC chat site, and she made me a pretty little Lolita dress. Since then, my mental age has been about seven or so - I spent the rest of the night on the chat site looking for my teddy and trying to get people to join me for a tea party. Okay, so it was fun to let my inner girl out like that, but now I worry she wont want to go back in ....

Ah, well.

Had an amazing moment at work last night. I was in a good mood, but then I went from being just happy to something beyond anything I've experienced. I had this feminine energy flowing through me, filling me. I felt so female that if I spontaneously had a sex change I wouldn't been at all surprised. It put an extra wiggle in my walk, that's for sure. I rather hope this happens again. Here's hoping and praying it does.

Well, I've just about survived Christmas dinner with my ex. I'm glad I had Sam, but we also ended up having Jason and Joel, the two boys who are the sons of my ex's best friend. Sam sees them as cousins, so they had to be included, I guess.

It wasn't horrible, but I hated having to hide the present Mom got Dorothy, and I dont feel very well, like I'm coming down with something.

I guess it could be worse. By next year I might be fighting my ex for the right to see my child at all.

Ah, well

Been struggling with a feeling of impending doom the last couple of days, which is why I wrote "Five years gone". Not sure why, but it might have to do with the stress at work and getting some negative feedback over my speed there from my supervisor. I hope I can get through this feeling, but much more importantly, I hope the doom doesnt happen.

Yesterday, when I was getting dressed, I noticed I'm getting a little definition in my breasts - they seem slightly more "perky" and I have cleavage. It looks a little different from the "moobs" (Man-boobs) I have had up to now. It might just be my imagination, since I have had no "growing pains" there, but I'll take it.