Dorothy Colleen

a productive day

Well, despite still fighting the flu, I had a productive day. I got my laundry done, and took my bottles to be recycled. I took the money I got from that and spent some on getting my hair done, which was a nice experience for me since I asked them to do a more feminine style, and they had no issue with it. Again, the amazing tolerance of Canadians comes through.

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Amazing amounts of progress

Had a peek at some of my old entries, and I find it almost impossible to believe how far I've come in such a short time. If I was writing my life as a fiction story, everyone would say "oh, come on now! That's just not realistic!" But its actually happening, and its been almost .... easy? Like all I really had to do was just .... decide to live, to be the real me, and everything would start falling into place? I'd pinch myself, but if this is a dream, I dont want to wake up....

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posted my latest chapter of "The dead kid returns"

Well, chapter 7 of "The Dead Kid Returns" is up. It might have to sustain everyone for a while, I'm a little blocked.

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The Dead Kid Returns - Chapter 7: "I think I'm a girl."

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The Dead Kid Returns; Chapter 7: “I think I’m a girl”

“I think I’m a girl.”

Beth debated how to respond to that. Should she act surprised? But that felt wrong, so she said, “I’ve... seen her in you.”

“You mean .... I’m not crazy?”

“I wouldnt say that....” Beth then looked at the expression on the new kid’s face. “I’m joking. You’re not crazy. I’ve seen her.”

“Really? But .... what do I do?”

“I .... I dont know. But I want to be your friend, regardless.”

“Thanks.” the new kid said, and then they both became silent.



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This story is 103 words long.

okay, so this is weird

Okay, so this is a little weird. I'm on my way home this morning, and the song "Lose Yourself" comes on, and I just start crying, tears running down my cheeks as the song plays. I mean, I know I'm a bit more emotional than normal, but I hadnt expected that. Anybody else have a song that makes them cry for no good reason?

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Writing tough stuff

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Sometimes, I get the urge to write dark stuff, but on occasion, I worry about causing people here pain. For example, I've been noodling a sequel to "You" where we see what happened to cause this act of vengeance. But it would be hard to tell it without some real darkness that might upset some people. Opinions?

a question of Identity

Well, my little link about TG kids seems to have produced some interesting responses, the one everyone is talking about is the person who seems to feel disappointed that we are not all a bunch of sissy masochists. In honor of him, I wanted to produce a list of questions that would generate some anecdotal evidence that we who are transgendered actually do exist, and my own answers.

1: When did you first notice a gender variance in yourself? My memories are hazy, but my best recollection puts it just before my sexual assault, so that would be about 7 years old.

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out of bad, good

Well, something good came out of the comment my mom made at breakfast. I got a very supportive comment from my brother when I posted about it on face book, and here it is:

"To become something new the old must pass away. This is not really a bad thing. Those of us who love you, loved you as who you were, as who you are, and as who you will be. From your point of view "The Todd is dead, long live the Dot"."

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a good cry makes me feel better?

Well, it feels like I passed a milestone, and it was a painful as passing a kidney stone. I went to bed, called my dog to join me, and holding on to her soft fur, I wept freely, and for some reason, kept repeating how sorry I was. Now, I think I'm a little better for it. As odd as it sounds, it feels like I accomplished something important by being able to do this.

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Come so far, but so far to go

I've kinda reached a place where I'm being forced to choose between moving forward and risking what I've already accomplished. See, the next steps are kinda tricky - I have to somehow navigate the ex, change my name, and then I'll be as close as I think I can come as surgery is not likely. But the risks are high too, I flop it with the ex and I worry I'll be tempted to just go back into the closet until I die. I think that's why I've been delaying putting my name change in high gear, much less confront the ex. But standing still isnt much of a option, at least not for long. Ah, well.

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Happy anniversary to The Rev. Anam Chara

I just wanted to take a second, and wish a Happy anniversary to my friend and fellow believer, The Rev. Anam Chara, who passed the two year mark here while the site was down. I'm so glad you came to this place, and I wish you many, many more years of bringing us your particular take on things.

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Todd's Prayer

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Todd’s Prayer

Author’s note: This is based on my real experiences growing up. Its intense, so reader discretion is advised.



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This story is 22 words long.

Last Entry

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This one is pretty intense. Reader discretion is advised.

Last Entry

Well, it looks like this is it. Nobody is coming, or at least not in time to save me. The end of the line, as they say.

I’m gonna die.

Dont know why I’m writing this down. Nobody will find it, even if there is anybody left. But I want to, because that’s what I did my whole life - write.



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This story is 75 words long.

snow storm leads to car problems.

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Well, I was going to work last night from the trans group Christmas dinner when a massive snow storm hit. I thought I was doing pretty well when disaster hit - the car in front of me span out of control, ending up sideways across two lanes of traffic. At this point I felt like I had three options: I could aim for the concrete barrier to the right of me, the raised island to the left of me, or I could just hit the breaks and hope. I touched the breaks, knew I was going to slide, and so aimed for the island.

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Have I started a trend?

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I was incredibly stoked to read that Diana (Moongoddess) had come out to some people at her bingo hall. Of course now our bar of expectations for her goes up and I expect any day to read that she's going to the hall enfemme and getting called "Di" wherever she goes.... (just kidding hon, take your time, do it at a pace you can handle.) Anyway, after reading that I hoped it could be the start of a trend where some of our closeted authors make the choice to come out. Lets make 2012 the Year We All Stopped Hiding!

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Why Katy Perry should date me

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Now that singer Katy Perry is single, here are three reasons why she should date me:

1: Unlike her ex, I would have NO problem with the fact she's more famous than I am.

2: Her parents are trying to set her up with Tim Tebow. Well, unlike him, I'm not given to dropping to my knees in prayer in public. I'm a Christian, but I think that might get annoying for anyone around him after a while...

3: Since I'm trans, we could make her song "I kissed a girl" come to life, and what could be cooler than that?

So come on, Katy. Date me!

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A Letter to My Ex

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A Letter to My Ex

Dear Sharon,

I’m writing this, not necessarily to send, but so I can get my thoughts in order before I talk to you. See, I’ve been keeping a secret, and its beginning to feel like lying. I’ve gone back and forth on when I should tell you, with one part of my brain saying “confess! you are sinning against her and against God by not being honest with her!” The other part is saying “Wait! You’ll only hurt her and yourself if you tell her now!”



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This story is 95 words long.

Thank you to all who responded to my request

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I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my request for a GG lesbian willing to talk about sexual attraction. Everything I learned re-assured me that there isnt any significant difference between how they feel and how I do. That's a relief, because I was worried about it.

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I need a GG lesbian

Get your minds out of the gutter, because what I need is someone who is willing to talk about how it feels to be attracted to another woman. I know I have my own experiences, but I'm not sure how much having male bits changes that equation, if it does at all. Do you get lust at first sight or is attraction a slower process? Do you find you have a physical "type"? Is there a part of the female body that gets your motor running, as it were? If anyone is, or knows a GG lesbian willing to share, let me know.

In the home stretch for my quest story

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Well, I'm in the home stretch with my "quest" story. I think 3 more chapters will do it, maybe somewhere in the 2,000 to 4,000 words to go, I think. If that holds true, it could be ready by mid-February. Of course, I've been wrong before with stories, so you just never know ....

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shared universe

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I came up with an idea for a possible shared universe. "The Consignment Shop." Basically, it would be a special shop where second-hand goods are bought, but you get more than the item, you also get the story of the item as well. So a person buying a pair of red FM shoes gets told the story of how they changed the love life of a married couple, and the person buying the wedding dress learns that the last wearer had been born a boy. Stories could be happy or sad, long or short. What do you guys think?

back from endo doc

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Well, I just got back from the endocrinology doctor, and he has doubled my prescription of estrogen. Maybe now I'll start seeing some results.

As for the letter I'm writing for my ex, I'm still working on it. I really, really need to find to a way to approach this with her. Right now, I'm struggling with finding the right words. Ah, well, it will come.

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The Dead Kid Returns - Chapter 6: Talking in your sleep

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The Dead Kid Returns; Chapter 6: Talking in your sleep

For the next week, things slipped back into their former routine. Every day, they would find a quiet spot, and read beside each other. The new kid never mentioned the kiss, and Beth was too happy to have her friend back to push the issue.



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This story is 54 words long.

writing a letter to my ex

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Well, last night at work I started working on a letter to my ex. Not to send, since she doesnt read well, but as a way to collect my thoughts. I've been getting a little nudge from my conscience about coming clean, and I think it might be time. Only problem is, I have NO idea what I can say to her that she would be able to hear. If I do this wrong, I could wreck my relationship with not only her but my daughter as well. Pray for me, if you would.

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(some) guys suck

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Had one of my female co-workers come into work with the best excuse for missing time I've heard - She was told by her husband of 10 plus years, a man with whom she has two kids, that he couldn't live with a "incomplete" woman anymore. (She has lost the bottom half of one leg to disease and works with an artificial one.) My immediate gut reaction was "Men suck". Afterward, I chided myself, and remembered I know a number of very good men, and have met some pretty awful women.

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This is why I needed the gift Bailey gave me

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Well, I just wanted to share the story that had given me a tough day until Bailey cheered me up:

http://www.edmontonsun.com/2012/01/06/no-sex-please-union-ex...

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I am so humbled by the amazing gift Bailey just made me

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By making me a character in his story, he took what was a tough day for me (I'll tell you guys later why), and turned into the most amazing day I've ever had in my life. I'm having to sit further away from the keyboard to type this so I dont drown the thing in my happy tears....

Thank you Bailey, thank you.

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Late Night Conversation

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Late night Conversation

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m scared.”

“About what?”

“About what we talked about today.”

“The... changes you’ll be going through soon?”

“Uh-huh. Its really going to happen? I’m going to change into a woman?”

“Yes. But it’ll be okay. I’m a woman, and I do fine.”

“Its not that. Its just ... everything about me will be different. The way I look, the clothes I wear, even how I think about things ... like boys and men, right?”

“True, but why is that scary?”



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This story is 90 words long.

Tracy

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I have talked a bit about about my first girlfriend before, but I was talking about her to a co-worker last night, and it occurred to me to account our time together in one post.

I was going to university and being a book person, I explored the many libraries of my campus, looking for new things to read, That's when I saw her, the pretty blonde who sometimes helped me check out my material. I was smitten from the first, and totally out of character for me, I actually managed to do something about that - I asked her to join me for a walk.

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