Previously, Wichita, Kansas…

"That is such a beautiful name. Clare is a beautiful name.” She stood up and smiled again. Clare reached into her pocket and handed Teddi a small pack of Kleenex, evoking an even broader smile from Teddi, who accepted the gift almost eagerly. She nodded and pulled a tissue from the pack and wiped her tears before saying at last,

“Well, Miss Rhonda? Miss Clare? Let’s go get some lunch!”

Bionic Burger Wichita, Kansas…

It was an odd moment when Teddi held the door open for Clare. As timid as the girl appeared, one might think she was just another shy middle-schooler, but Clare was actually approaching her sixteenth birthday. Teddi noticed that she and Clare were almost the same height, or lack of height as she would occasionally quip. At 5’5”, Teddi had barely grown past her size as a middle-schooler herself.

“I hope you don’t mind burgers, Clare,” Teddi waved at the girl, trying to ease her anxiety. Clare kept looking around the restaurant, hyper-vigilance inserting itself even in a reasonably safe place.

“Oh…sure.” Clare looked at the fries and sliders on the plate in front of her, but she sighed and then bit her lip.

“Clare? Are you okay?” Rhonda asked the girl. For anyone else, the question might almost seem redundant, since she was eating lunch with a social worker they sought because of the abuse the girl endured. But Clare needed every moment possible to express her fears and worries.

“I’m…” She looked down. Kindness can be as cruelly invasive as meanness, and her eyes quickly welled with tears. Teddi gently touched the girl’s shoulder and spoke.

“I know this is hard,” Teddi used her hand to gesture around. Rhonda tilted her head, puzzled. Teddi noticed the woman’s expression and smiled.

“I don’t want to make this all about me, but I remember when I first came to Wichita when I was a kid.” At her words, Clare lowered her face slightly.

“I was so scared, even with a new family that loved me and friends at school?” She paused and looked out the front window, as if she could see into the past.

“Every time a door opened? Every time something really loud sounded? I didn’t feel safe.” Clare raised her head.

“You??”

“My name was Ted…Theodore. After my mom’s brother. He died when he was little, and when I was born, she wanted to do something to remember him.” Teddi smiled almost casually, as if what she said was common. But the commonality she did express drew Clare’s attention further into a place of trust.

“So Teddi is my old new name.”

“You… were a boy?”

“Well… I was like you. And you’re not really a boy, either, right?” At Teddi’s question, Clare smiled. But her expression quickly changed when she leaned closer on her elbows and her hand brushed the faded bruise under her eye, evoking a startled wince.

“My… I was in a foster-family and the boy there...” Teddi pointed to her left eye, as if to display a long-healed bruise of her own. She nodded.

“I know how much that hurts, sweetie, but it hurt…it hurts more sometimes inside, right?” Clare’s eyes widened in realization.

“Mmm…my Mom’s boyfriend…” Clare lowered her head again. She hadn’t been home for nearly a week, but the threat still felt in-the-moment. And as much as she feared him for his abuse and his cruel hatred to her, Clare had already made the jump from fear to realization about her mother. Almost knowing without knowing. She stared down past the table top to her feet below.

“Clare? Look up, sweetie.” A simple request, but the gentle voice coaxed her attention once again.” Teddi had not intended to bring up the subject until they had returned to the office, and she immediately regretted the decision to come to the restaurant. But the day was pretty much deciding for itself, guided by the girl’s need to express long-suppressed fears.

“He was arrested last night...” Teddi was dreadfully cautious, remembering every time she was lured into trust by a circumstance or story that promised safety but ended in disappointment. Her expression was mirrored by Clare and Rhonda. A ‘too-good-to-be-moment.’

Teddi sighed. She feared for the girl’s heart over what still weighed heavily on her own. Rhonda noticed and Teddi shook her head. Teddi looked slightly away, enough to hide the small trace of too-close-to-her-own-story tears. And Rhonda knew sadly what would be left unsaid for the safe hour or so while Teddi focused solely on the moment.

“Is he… can he? Will he…” The girl was too tired of her own world to hope and she began to cry.

“He…Mommy?” Was she too perceptive or was it just Rhonda’s and Teddi’s unmistakable silence. The girl’s expression seemed to go flat, as if she had already know what to this point was needfully left unsaid.

“I… I tried…” Clare looked back and forth as if to plead for forgiveness. Like so many kids in a very long line of dysfunctional families, Clare had become the protector, parenting her mother through sad, foolish choices that imperiled them both. She began to shake, and her left fist seemed to have a will of its own as she started to strike her thigh. Without a sound, and with an odd yet necessary smile that signaled acceptance, Rhonda reached over and gently took Clare’s hand in her, ending the self rebuke.

“I…” Rhonda shook her head. To this point she had made no mention of her connection with the girl other than her call to Teddi’s office days ago.

“My…my brother? I tried to get them to get help. I should have…” She began to weep. Teddi of course regretted her decision to talk in such a public place. But the tone had turned on a dime, as they say. Still, her failure to anticipate the girl’s questions left all three of them feeling needless guilt until Clare spoke, barely above a whisper.

“It… was like..Mommy didn’t care anymore.” Such wisdom from one so hurt and frightened.

“B….but where do I go?” Her sudden realization slammed hard once again into her fragile state and she began to weep. Rhonda pulled her into a hug and began to pat her gently on the back. She looked over Clare’s shoulder, her eyes pretty much repeating the girl’s question.

“Clare?” Teddi asked firmly, but in a tone that invited the girl’s attention. Clare looked up into Rhonda’s eyes and then to Teddi’s. Her face was red and hot, but a slight, hopeful smile began to emerge as Teddi nodded.

“Me? I can… Rhonda?” It was all too much to bear, even for such a relieved answer to wishes always left unspoken.

“Yes, Clare.” Teddi nodded once again, wondering if her own face reflected too much self-disclosure. Rhonda reached around Clare and grabbed almost blindly at Teddi’s hand. She tried to speak, but words did not come. But Teddi knew exactly what Rhonda was trying to say.

And in that one precious moment Teddi realized the fulfillment of every single wish she had ever prayed. Every wish spoken or silent would now have some meaning. Her wish for a life that mattered. And every moment in her life, both good and bad had brought her to that place of fulfillment. She smiled to herself even as the sound of sad weeping was slowly being replaced for Clare and Rhonda with soft crying filled with relief and long-awaited hope.

“Miss Teddi?” Clare sniffled while wiping her face with her sleeve. Teddi’s eyes widened as she noticed the girl’s sad expression had finally changed.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Thh…” Clare struggled with the words merely because the gratitude behind them was new and overwhelming. Rhonda smiled at Clare and mouthed,

“Thank you.” Teddi nodded and retrieved an envelope from her purse.

“This will do until we can make more formal arrangements for you two, okay?” Teddi stood up and smiled at them.

“Since we drove here separately, I’ll just head for home. I wish for you the best…” Teddi paused, wondering how to finish, since the day, as hopeful as it promised going forward, still was filled with sadness. She went to continue, hoping to express something appropriate. Rhonda held up her hand in gentle caution.

“My grandmother… my Mom’s mother Paulina? Un Natale nagradolce. Bittersweet. Thank you, Ms. Wadden. Thank you.”

“We can meet after the New Year. Merry Christmas,” Teddi said finally and walked out to her car. A moment later she sat behind the steering wheel,but instead of driving off, she reached into her purse and withdrew her wallet. And in her wallet she eyed a small plastic case. Life had indeed been kind over the years, and what had begun as a fall-back on hard-times had also become a reminder of the grace of god in her life. She had little want. Janine and she shared a lifetime together; girls as besties and then girl friends and finally a couple with two kids of their own.

But the object in her hand had been a promise of sorts. A token of her mother’s wish for her safety just in case? The 1969-S double obverse Lincoln penny might never be ‘needed,’ but she had ‘cashed it in’ repeatedly over the years as a reminder of her mother’s love. She pulled out her cell phone and pulled up Janine’s number.

“Jay? Honey? Oh no…Everything is just fine… Yes… Egg Nog? Sure. I can stop at Dillons. What? Oh…. I just called to hear your voice?” She sighed.

“What? Oh just thinking about you… Yes…I love you, too. See you at home… Bye.”

She clicked off the call and stared out the window; a view towards home in a way. And she smiled as she realized finally that wishes, especially Christmas wishes, can come true.

Next – Kiera’s Christmas Wish