From Theresa's Story...

“I had a lot of support when Tina passed,” he sighed, almost as if he knew how much she had missed in her own lonely journey.

“Yes…I’ve got the train ticket in my hands…my last final was this morning…yes…six this evening…yes…oh and Betty…tell Tim...tell Dad that Dave has a question he needs to talk over with him….yes…Mom...yes!!!

Several years later...

The woman was tired; looking more than a bit older than her thirty-four years. Who would be surprised, since she had been through three lifetimes in a manner of speaking. First as someone who had grown up wrong in the right place; she began life inside as a sweet baby girl, but her body didn’t quite match her heart until well into her early twenties.

And the second life-time included a very wonderful love that ended all too soon when her husband passed and her in-laws rejected her. The rift repaired by the grace of God and the humility of her one-time father-in-law who embraced the person God had created her to be. And the love of a wonderful man who accepted her because there wasn’t anything he needed to accept, in a way. The love that looked past her beginnings to imagine life together.

And now a third life…

The Lighthouse Fellowship, Niles Illinois...

A girl stood at the foot of the ramp leading to the front of the auditorium. She looked around before speaking.

“Pastor Armitage?” The girl seemed very scared; odd for her since she had always gotten along with Theresa since she started coming to the church with her father weeks before.

“Lina? It’s okay…call me Terry, right?” Theresa patted the stage for the girl to sit. It was obvious from her streaky makeup that she’d been crying. A pretty if shy ‘scene’ girl that had few friends since her arrival in town; she never the less had tried very hard to fit in at the church. And then for this to all happen.

“I…I’m so sorry…..” The girl sobbed and put her head on Theresa’s arm; a dark blue drop blotted on her top, but the black fabric absorbed it and the girl’s sorrow in a way. She pulled her head up enough to look into Theresa’s eyes; her expression apologetic and nearly embarrassed with shame. Too much guilt in a life not even a quarter lived. Theresa touched her cheek.

“Why are you sorry?” Not so much a probe as a way to get the girl to at least admit why she was upset and hopefully get to the bottom of the guilty look that still remained.

“But you...” She had barely gotten the words out before she began to sob once again; this time with such intensity that she got dizzy. Theresa leaned closer and supported the girl in a warm hug; all the while patting her on the back to console her.

“I’m so…I hate myself.” The girl gasped as she wiped her face with her sleeve. “You…you…”

“It’s alright, Lina. I understand. Please don’t be angry with yourself. I don’t think I could bear that grief.” It would be the only moment in the time they spent that she allowed herself to think about herself.

“But….I…I’m so….” She looked down at her body. She wore a very distressed looking pair of jeans and a pink Hello Kitty tee which was filled with blotching stains from where her makeup had run. She had been crying all day; even before she had heard the news from one of the youth group members. That her focus went back and forth between that and her own hurts was actually a good thing since she had chosen to look past her own needs to the needs of someone else.

“God loves you, Lina. I think I know a little about how you feel. Do you want to talk?”

“But Pastor Terry…..what about….what about….” Theresa put her hand up and used her finger to shush the girl gently.

“I think you need to know something about me. Something I don’t share with most people.” To prove her point, she moved her gaze back and forth between her body and Lina’s.

“What about…..your….” The girl choked up but pointed to the notepad next to Theresa’s Bible on the stage beside her.

“It can wait, honey. I know you need to talk, and I’m here for you.” She smiled even as she fought off her own tears. It was really as it should be; a gift to her and from her at the same time; as if the moment was a way of God writing her message.

“Your Dad told me you’d probably need to talk to someone; he’s so afraid you’ll be hurt, and he just wanted to make sure you had someone that understood. Your Dad and I go back to when he and your Mom went to school with me and Dave, you know?” The girl nodded without quite understanding.

“Your Mom and Dad knew everything about me…everything.” She patted her chest and smiled.

“And because of that…your Dad told me everything about you…everything.” She worried that the girl would have been angry over what her father had shared, but Lina began to cry softly; understanding not only the implication of her own secret but Theresa’s secret as well.

“Did….” She choked back her tears and collected herself; the freedom of being outed was enough to help the girl begin to understand.

“I felt like I never belonged. And that God hated me.” At Theresa’s words, the girl’s eyes widened in horrified and then relieved recognition. Nothing on earth might hurt more than feeling alone and odd and scared and maybe hated as well. Theresa’s revelation freed the girl; released by the idea that finally in some way her troubles wouldn’t take up her entire view, and at times might be far off and unseen.

“I…God doesn’t hate me?” She sobbed; her hand covered her mouth as if to keep from losing the little control she still had. Theresa smiled a half-smile and blinked back some more tears of her own; it truly was all about giving, wasn’t it? She pressed her hand in Lina’s and spoke softly.

“For I know the plans I have for you….” She practically whispered the rest of the Scripture; not as a secret from anyone as much as a precious word for the girl. The whole idea of a secret name that no one but God and she would ever know touched the girl’s heart that night.

“It’s why we do what we do, Lina. Why I’m here tonight. I could have been at home resting after today. Or I could have been in the office with the door closed and the lights off; praying I suppose but even crying out to God. But my prayers have always been about asking God what he would have me do. And he knew you needed to know that someone else understands and maybe even knows what you’re going through, right?”

She smiled and at least didn’t weep, but allowed the tears to fall as she embraced the girl who started the evening feeling alone, lost, condemned for wanting to be the girl she was instead of the boy she was born. Theresa hugged her and the two wept together as only sisters might.

“I asked my Dad and he said I could skip school tomorrow, if that’s okay?” She put her head down; that residual shame that feels it’s just the right thing to say no to yourself. She felt her chin lift softly as Theresa kissed her cheek and spoke.

“Nothing on Earth would please me more than to see you here tomorrow, okay?” She smiled and the girl nodded before stepping off the stage to leave. Theresa reached out and grabbed her hand.

“And don’t forget to wear something pretty, alright? It is a celebration, and you’re such a nice girl.” What was meant as encouragement might have not seemed as such as the girl burst into tears and ran out of the auditorium. But the words would be the most precious words that Lina had heard up to and perhaps well past that point.

The following morning...December 24..

“Pastor Theresa said I’m a nice girl, Dad.” Lina said as she struggled to hold back her tears. Her Dad bit his lip to keep from sobbing as he grabbed her hand and squeezed before turning his attention to the figure behind the podium on the stage.

“I’m so glad to see all of you,” Theresa said with a broad smile only slightly dimmed by the tears that streamed down her face. She looked directly at Lina and smiled and mouthed ‘very pretty’ before turning once again to the congregation. She placed her Bible on the podium but did not open it up, but instead smiled before repeating a verse with which she was all-too familiar, but one that served her well within this community as well as her own life.

“Psalm 116 says that ‘precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.’ We come to day in celebration of a faithful servant, dear ones. Your pastor and my husband, David James Armitage…..”

Next: Dara's Joy

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
from the movie
Meet Me in St. Louis
Words by Ralph Blane
Music by Hugh Martin
as performed by
Miss Judy Garland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g4lY8Y3eoo