Easy As Going Off A Bloke.
by Angharad.
part 235.

I was sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself and anger for Simon. He had come up once and I had thrown him out, not literally, he's too big for that. But he didn't stay to hear my tongue lashing, can't say I blame him.

Stella came up a little later, "I am not going to change my mind, so don't start," I said before she could say anything.

"I only came to see if you wanted a cuppa. Do you?"

"Oh, erm sorry." I blushed, "Yes please."

She disappeared reappearing some ten minutes later with a mug and some biscuits. "Here, oh there's no Rohypnol in it either."

I thanked her and took the tray.

"What was all the fireworks about?"

"Simon not told you?"

"Simon took the dog out for a walk, with a face like thunder."

"Ah, that could be my fault. I bawled him out when he came up to me."

"So are you going to tell your big sister or not?"

"As you know I go to hospital tomorrow."

"Yeah to get your vagina invertus sorted."

"The same, well seeing as I have to be there for seven thirty, and not being able to eat and drink after midnight, I thought going out tonight wasn't a good idea."

"Oh, of course Papa's party. Would have been nice for you to show your face."

"I have to remove hair from you know where and also shove this," I showed the suppository, "into a small space."

"Sounds like you have your own fun filled evening in prospect."

"Maybe, but I'd also like to be in bed before too long. I hope the surgeon does the same."

"No he's got a reputation for partying all night and operating afterwards."

"Stella you are not encouraging me."

"It's a joke Cathy, a joke. Dear Michael is a very conscientious surgeon, one of the best I've met. You will be perfectly alright."

"I hope so."

"How are you going to shift the hair?"

"Shave I suppose."

"I have some cream which will shift it, or I could wax it for you."

"No thanks to the waxing, the cream might be an idea."

"I'll go and get it."

She came back with a bottle of hair removing lotion and left me to it.

Over the next half an hour I used the depilatory lotion and showered it off. The only downside was cleaning the hair out of the plughole afterwards. Then came the bit I wasn't looking forward to, shoving a torpedo up my you know where.

As soon as I'd done it I wanted to go, but I knew I had to hold it in order for it to work. I suspect the anxiety I was feeling meant the need for laxatives was minimal but I sat with my buttocks clenched for twenty minutes before the urge became too powerful.

After that I decided I would change into my nightdress, go through my list once more and retire to bed with a book. I was reading Labyrinth by Kate Mosse, not the super model but well know author. It wasn't exactly relaxing, the Cathar's being chopped up during the Albigensian Crusade, when ferocious cruelty was shown by the Catholic church in it's bid to remain dominant in Christian denominations and for the wealth of those in the Langue D'Oc to be shared by the victors.

I couldn't reconcile myself with Christianity because of this preponderance for murder and mayhem. We hear such horrid tales of what Islamic extremists do to victims, but no one mentions Richard I (Lionheart) and his execution of Saracen prisoners in front of the watching Moslem army. It was hundreds. Maybe the French crossbow bolt that killed him did everyone a favour? Although he was more French than English.

Somehow, I fell asleep - perhaps the attrition of the last few nights had caught up with me. I awoke at midnight with bells and fireworks sounding from several sites. It took me a moment to remember where I was. Thankfully, I managed to drift off again. Finally, I awoke at five and normally would put the kettle on, but of course I couldn't do that.

Simon wasn't in bed with me, so I got up and showered again making sure none of the depilatory remained on my skin from the night before. Then I dressed in a skirt and my boots, plus of course a top with required underwear. I kept myself busy, it stopped me thinking.

I went down an hour later and discovered Simon fast asleep in the chair. He was wearing the same jeans and sweater he'd had on the afternoon before. He'd presumably changed back after his party. I didn't really want to talk with him, but my switching on the light had woken him up.

"Hello girl, Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year to you too, how was your party?"

"You'll have to ask Stella that, she and Tom went."

"What, you didn't?"

"No, I have an early ride to give someone to the local hospital."

"You're going to take me?"

"Duh! Isn't that what I just said, they couldn't do a brain enlargement while they're at it, could they?"

"No Simon, they couldn't operate on you and me at the same time."

"You cheeky mare," he shook his head.

"Why didn't you come to bed?"

"I didn't know what sort of mood you were in."

"I calmed down afterwards."

"Glad to hear it, but I wasn't going to risk it again."

"Thanks for waiting up to take me, it means a lot to me. Would you like a cuppa."

"Have we got time?"

"I think so."

"Okay then."

I went into the kitchen and filled the kettle, switching it on afterwards. he followed me into the kitchen and grabbing me from behind held me tightly to him.

"So today's the day?"

"Yep," I said as he cradled me against him.

"My little girl becomes a woman."

"Allegedly," I said smirking.

"You'd better had matey or I shall have something to say to your little Irish friend."

"I'm sure he'll do his best."

"I've told him you'd better turn out looking like Keira Knightley or else."

"He isn't a plastic surgeon, he's only working on my groils."

"I didn't say which part of Keira I wanted you to resemble."

"Ah, kettle is boiling," I changed the topic and made his tea.

"Worried?"

"About what?"

"The surgery."

"Not now, I've done the condemned breakfast, now the walk to the gallows is just a last stroll."

"Strange comparison," he said giving me a funny look.

"Well I was as scared as I might have been awaiting execution, but now I feel okay about it."

"Good." He drank his tea. "It's seven, I suppose it's time to go."

"Thank you for staying with me last night, even if I didn't know you were here."

"It's okay, you needed a lift and I need to keep my licence."

I kissed him, then kissed him again, "I love you, Lord Cameron."

"I love you too, Miss Watts, shall we go?"

I felt my stomach somersault as we drove through the dark towards the hospital. The traffic was as light as I've ever seen it. He stopped outside the admissions block and then carrying my bag, walked in with me.

I handed my letter to the clerk, she yawned and checked me in against a list. She gave me directions and we proceeded together, my bag in one of Simon's hands, his other held my sweaty palm.

Finally we were up on the ward. "Good luck babes." He kissed me and I went through the double doors.

I won't go through the boring details of what was done to me before and after surgery. I was second on the theatre list, so obviously wasn't top of the bill! I think I went down about ten or half past, I didn't have my watch on. Before that several doctors and nurses checked out different bits and pieces, took blood and blood pressure, then gave me a gown after one of those identity bracelet things.

Finally I was lying in my bed and being transported to the theatre, I'd had a premed, a jab in the buttock, so everything felt a bit dreamlike. Then I saw the surgeon who looked as handsome as ever. I did manage to wish him a happy new year, at which he smiled.

"It will be an auspicious start for you my dear," he said smiling. Then everything went, well I don't know, a jab in my hand and I was back on the ward feeling very sleepy.

"It's all over madam," said a cheeky nurse.

"Thanks, phew I feel so tired," was all I think I said. The rest of the day was drifting in and out of sleep.

"Simon is coming to see you later, he sends his love," said a voice from somewhere near. I felt myself smile before I slipped out of it again.

I felt someone kiss me, and I opened my eyes, it was Simon.

"Hi," I said and felt my mouth smile.

"Hi Cathy, now you'll have to marry me."

"Why's that?" I asked sleepily.

"I've kissed you."

"What?" it didn't make sense.

"I kissed you, so you'll have to marry me. Remember I come from an old fashioned Scottish family."

"I'm going to marry you anyway," I said my mouth very dry.

"Just as well then."

"Can I have a drink please?"

"What would you like?"

"Water or juice please."

He held me head up and placed a cup to my lips. I sipped the cool liquid.

"I'm proud of you my girl."

"Why?" my mind was not in a fit state to deal with riddles.

"Because I am, I love you and want to show you off to everyone as my wife."

"We're not married yet," I managed to recall, "are we?" Now there was an element of doubt.

"Not yet, but I have someone engaged to sort out the legal niceties with the Gender Recognition people. Mr O'Rourke has agreed to submit a letter for them detailing what he's done. So as soon as you are legit and up to it, we can tie the knot."

"What about my degree and Tom's project?"

"Well talk about those when you feel more alert."

"Don't rush me Simon. Besides we don't have to be married for you to do a road test."

"Yes we do, I want to marry a virgin."

"Like Richard Branson?" I said before coughing, everything felt numb down below, goodness I hope some sensation returns otherwise my sex life is going to be rather boring! 'Have you started Simon? Have you finished?' Oh boy!

Then I think I went off to sleep again.