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Previously

“I liked you before I realized you really are a girl. I don’t know what that means.” Honesty on top of everything else? It was almost too much for him and it was entirely too much and just enough for Alicia as she began to cry. Kenny looked at Dana in plea as he went to speak.

“I didn’t…” She placed her hand on his; an uncharacteristic and altogether uncomfortable gesture for both of them, but entirely necessary as she spoke.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She smiled awkwardly; getting to know the real Kenny Narcise was an adventure none of them expected to take. She patted Alicia’s wrist and the girl raised her head.

“Thank you,” was all she could manage before she buried her face in Dana’s sleeve, sobbing….

---

A few days later…

“Hey Narcise…heard you like boys.” The banter might have been merely stupid and typical but for the mean sneer from the kid standing against the chem lab door, barring his way. He lifted his hand to push his way past but thought better of it. Jackie, on the other hand, saw no need for prudence and shoved the boy rudely aside, sending him careening into one of his friends.

“You don’t have to be my bodyguard, Jackie. I’m fine.” Kenny was nearly as tall as Jackie and athletically built in a wiry sort of way; great for baseball and maybe as a guard on the basketball team but hardly the sort of wrestler like his best friend. Still, Jackie’s expression seemed oddly put out.

“Jeez, Jack… No big deal. I’m glad you think of me…” he paused when he noticed Jackie was stepping back. As he went to lean against the alcove of the doorway he faltered.

“You okay?”

“I’m feeling….fucking weird.” He shrugged his shoulders and they entered the lab, but as Kenny followed he thought of the expression on Jackie’s face and it worried him.

---

A few days later…

“You mean we’re going to be sisters…for real?” Dana looked back and forth between Julia and Dave and smiled with a slight shrug. She knew her father well enough to know that if anyone might be able to see Alicia for who she was, it would be him. She wasn’t so sure about her new mother-to-be. But the day was a day of surprises. Julia stood up and walked to the sofa and stood with her hands offered to both girls. Dana stood up right away, but Alicia hesitated, holding her right hand close to her.

“I guess I’m going to have a daughter after all…” Her voice trailed off as she looked back at Dave. Alicia began to shake her head no, placing her hand across her face. Julia smiled and lifted Alicia’s chin and continued.

“I should say…. I’m going to have a daughter after all to go along with the one I already have.” Alicia’s eyes widened and Julia nodded; tears dripped off her chin onto the girl’s knee as she leaned closer.

“I’m so sorry for putting all my stuff on your shoulders. I never should have asked you to be something you weren’t, but it took the love of a man to remind me that you’re a young lady. Can you ever forgive me?” Dana rubbed Julia’s back and kissed her on the cheek as Alicia began to sob; tears of relief and joy fell freely for all four as the family became whole in so many ways.

---

Later that week…

“You guys set a date?” Dana asked her father as they sat down for dinner. Dave nodded as he took a sip of cranberry juice.

“Well?”

“Sorry….sometime in May….depends upon our own schedules, but no later than the week before Memorial Day.” Dana grinned.

“You know Ali and I will be having mad parties and all sorts of stuff while you two are off to Hawaii or wherever you guys are going for your honeymoon.”

“Yeah…I should just call the police and have them drop by. ‘Gee, Mr. Martino; the feathers were all over the house from the pillow fight! Never saw so much down in a slumber party in my life. We just had to arrest them.” Dave laughed, but Dana shook her head at what was supposed to be a clever nod to her ongoing journey.

“What did I say?” More of a not wanting to be in trouble than really feeling sorry, Dave’s tone put the girl off even more. He sighed.

“I’m sorry. Really…” He almost added ‘honey,’ but terms of endearment, almost foreign to the military man in him, were more than just uncomfortable. His smile seemed to soothe her a bit and she spoke.

“I’ll never see a slumber party. Between Alicia and Carol from my creative writing class and Tran down the street, I’ve got very few girls who actually want to be around me, much less come over to the house.”

She shook her head; it wasn’t all bright and cheery and instantly successful like some of the stories she had read. Three of the boys she had made friends with as Dante completely turned their backs once she came out as Dana, and one of them was positively hostile. If it wasn’t for Jackie and Kenny, she wouldn’t even have any boy friends at all. And that felt odd even as she thought of the words put together; boyfriends? She looked away and bowed her head, as if she had done something wrong.

“What’s wrong? I’m sorry…Dana…” Dave’s voice trailed off. Even with the concerted effort to push past old beliefs, it still felt strange on occasion; mostly when they talked about ‘the issue.’ Asking about class or about writing was no problem, but Dave was still wending his way through the labyrinth of transgender, trying to keep up with his daughter. She turned back at the mention of her name; smiling weakly with some tears in her eyes. He sighed.

“I haven’t been here for you for so long.” That neglect that some military kids feel even as ‘normal’ children. And it had been compounded at the loss of her mother and the discovery that he was a she all along. She bit her lip.

“I don’t feel like I fit in, Dad. At all.” He stared at her; part of him hoping that she’d just sigh deeply and drop the subject since he felt ill-equipped to hear her, much less help her through a problem. She shook her head at his expression but he leaned across the table and touched her wrist lightly; perhaps the first time he had been gentle in just that manner. She recoiled slightly at the unfamiliar gesture and he let go, but patted her hand as she withdrew it.

“Go ahead.” She shook her head slightly once again; more at a belief that she couldn’t convey what she felt in a way he could hear her. He surprised her.

“You don’t feel like you fit in? With your friends?” An odd if completely accurate bit of insight; he breathed out a relieved breath when she smiled slightly; glad that he heard her.

“I’m…I don’t fit in.” Dave avoided the urge to remind her that she had just repeated herself. He nodded.

“Kenny has been talking to Alicia….”

“Yes? Talking…” She threw a mock-glare at him.

“Sorry.”

“We’re all friends…just friends, Dad. But Kenny ….he’s ….He and Alicia maybe….”

“I remember that...what you all talked about. Pretty emotional from what I recall.”

“Kenny likes Alicia.” She sighed.

“Yeah…I got that. Does that bother you?”

“NO!” She shook her head.

“No…at least not that way.” Dave nodded as if he understood but Dana knew he didn’t.

“I…. Alicia keeps asking me about Jackie…. You know? Kenny’s best friend?” Dave had a vague idea since there was that boy he recalled who stuck up for them.

“He seems nice enough. What’s the problem?” He might as well said ‘what’s YOUR problem, since his tone indicated an almost disappointment; making her task of being heard all the more difficult. And that was made all the more frustratingly confusing since Dave would never have asked his son that question.

“I don’t like him.” Dave tilted his head in surprise.

“No…not that way. I like him enough as a friend of a friend, but I don’t like him as …. Oh fuck!” She turned away; her face was turning red from embarrassment and shame. It was also the first time Dave had ever heard her swear; a surprise on a variety of indistinct levels. He touched her hand again and this time she didn’t withdraw. She leaned her head on his arm and began to cry.

“What did I say….honey?” The first utterance was awkward if well-intended and completely disarming. She looked up at him and shook her head.

“No…not what you said…what I said. I don’t LIKE Jackie…” She stammered before putting her head down on his arm once again, practically pinning it to the table. He took his other hand and stroked her hair; a gesture he remembered from when she was little. She sobbed for a few moments before turning her head sideways, revealing a very sad countenance.

“You don’t like Jackie? That’s okay. He can just be a friend. There are other boys.” At the word ‘boys,’ Dana sobbed a bit more before sitting up. She shook her head and pounded her fist on her knee in frustration and shame.

“Don’t you get it? I don’t like Jackie because I don’t like boys.” She put her head on her arms and sobbed again. Dave resumed stroking her hair.

“Oh.” He said meekly; trying to understand. She was shaking her head even as it rested on her arms.

“You don’t understand….” She sobbed.

“I feel so left out…I don’t feel like I fit in….” She repeated her near plea from the beginning of their conversation. Dave shook his head; mirroring her expression. A look of confusion was swiftly replaced as his eyes widened in recognition. He spoke slowly and with as much compassion as a parent of a misfit child can speak; wanting to do more than just nod in agreement. He stood up and walked over and knelt next to her; putting his face at her level.

“It…it’s not that I don’t like boys… oh fuck…” There went that word again; the sort of language he would never have expected from her that exactly conveyed how hurt and scared she felt; that it was so hard to tell him. He half-smiled; his eyes conveyed that part of him that loved and supported his child unconditionally, which in a way gave her permission to finally say,

“I don’t like boys!

“You don’t like boys because….” He paused, hoping he was right in his understanding even as part of him picked up the confusion he had just dropped.

“You like girls?”

“Ye…yesssss….” She sobbed once again. He pulled closer to her and touched her face, wiping away the tears.

“It’s okay, Dana…really…it’s just fine.” It wasn’t quite ‘just fine,’ since emotions and beliefs and perceptions and actions and such needed to be sorted out over time, but it was entirely okay. And of course what was meant to provide a safe, supportive environment for her sounded exactly the opposite as she grabbed his arm and placed her face on it; sobbing into his sweater. For a moment he felt completely confused and entirely wrong until he felt her hand squeeze his arm in reassurance that he had said exactly what she needed to hear.

---

The Capulano home, the following Saturday afternoon…

Alicia sat on the couch, folding clothes and placing them on the coffee table. Dana sat across from her in the wooden rocker by the fireplace, folding towels. The doorbell rang. She got up and went to the door. Opening it, she found Kenny standing a bit askance from the doorway, looking anxiously down the street.

“Where’s Alicia???”

“Well, hello and how are you?” Dana said and pointed with her hand to the couch. Kenny pushed past her but paused long enough to speak.

“Sorry….” He strode urgently toward Alicia.

“Can your Mom give me…give us a ride to the hospital?” As he spoke Julia came out of the bedroom with a basket of clothes to be washed. She placed the basket on the easy chair by the door and spoke.

“Oh, Kenny…what…who?”

“It’s Jackie….he…he had a heart attack.”

---

Emergency Services, Newton Medical Center…

Dana gripped Kenny’s hand tightly on one side while Alicia held his arm. A moment later they were met in the corridor next to the entrance by a tall girl who looked vaguely familiar to the girls. Kenny stepped up to the girl and pulled her into an awkward hug. She patted his back and pulled back slightly. Apart from the slightest hint of makeup and long blond hair, Dana swore the girl looked like a younger brother of Jackie but in drag.

“The doctor said it’s okay…he’s going to be okay, but it’s….”

She began to cry. He hugged her again and spoke very quietly in her ear. She nodded and blinked back some tears. Looking more vulnerable than Dana had recalled, she realized the girl was not only Jackie’s sister but his one-time partner in crime in teasing her and Alicia. The hair on the back of her neck bristled only a bit. As Kenny pulled away again the girl looked directly at Dana and half-frowned, but the expression seemed almost out of place, even with their brief antagonistic history.

“I… you’re Kenny’s friend Dana, right?”

She spoke almost in a whisper; a far cry from the taunting Dana had heard when she and her father first moved to Newton. A couple of years can make a difference after all; the Pietrowski family wasn’t immune to grace, which meant Dana couldn’t be resistant to her own change. She stepped closer, noting that the girl was nearly six feet tall.

“I’m Irena….Pietrowski….Jackie’s sister.”

She offered her hand and Dana shook it cautiously. Obviously Irena didn’t remember their past, and it really wasn’t the time to bring it up. Alicia stepped forward. She grabbed Kenny by the arm once again, but offered her hand to Irena. The girl shook her hand and looked around, almost distracted.

“Daddy’s out of town and Mom is with Jackie. The doctor said it…they got him just in time. He’s going to be okay…” She started to cry; an almost bizarre expression considering how strong she looked and how she had treated both girls in the past. She stood up, as if to gather herself and shook her head.

“I’m sorry. I don’t get this way at all.”

Dana wanted to slap her; the girl’s brother nearly died and she’s acting like it’s about her. Dana failed to even note that in judging the girl she was almost acting in an identical fashion. Alicia stepped out of Kenny’s arm and hugged the girl. No awkwardness at all; Alicia began to cry as she rubbed the girl’s back. Too many times for all of them, it would seem, to feel scared over loss or hurt. She squeezed the girl’s hands.

“I know…you’re still afraid he might die.”

An altogether abrupt if completely accurate and needful assessment that enabled Irena to let go. She began to weep in Alicia’s arms. A moment later a tallish woman stepped out of the elevator down the hall and walked up to the group. She wore drab blue scrub pants and a colorful top with pictures of bunnies and kittens; a pediatric nurse.

“Irena? Are you okay? Honey…Jackie’s okay. I’ll be going back up in a little while. The doctor says no visitors tonight, but he should be fine for everyone to come tomorrow morning.” She said this to them as much to Irena. The family resemblance was easily seen apart from a bit of graying in her otherwise very blond hair.

“I’m Ewa, Irena’s mother. Jackie’s….”

As much strength as she had just imparted to her daughter left her and she began to cry; that place of safety with friends that helps us let go. Alicia kept one hand on Irena’s arm while reaching around to grab the woman’s hand.

“You just said he’ll be okay. He’s very lucky to have a nice family.”

It felt odd for Dana to hear her best friend say that since Irena had been perhaps even meaner than Jackie and Kenny; that rejection by a girl stung more painfully in a way. Irena shook her head. Even in the midst of an emergency, she seemed distracted until she spoke.

“Mom…these are Jackie’s friends.” She made a particular point to stare at Dana; shaking her head once again. Dana went to turn, feeling discouraged and insulted once again until Irena walked up to her and hugged her; very strong arms embracing her as if to never let go.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so bad to you. I’ve been meaning to call you ever since Jackie told me about you and her,” she said quickly in a hoarse whisper as she looked back at Alicia. The omission didn’t escape Dana’s notice and she spoke.

“Alicia…her name is Alicia.” She couldn’t even recall if Irena had ever known Alicia’s name, but neither did she make any attempt to find out.

“I’m so sorry.” Irena looked back and forth between Dana and Alicia before pulling away. She muttered something to her mother before running down the hall to the restroom.

“She is sorry,” Alicia said as she stared at the door of the restroom. She turned back to Dana and half-frowned.

“And I guess she needs to know that you know she is.” Alicia shrugged her shoulders and walked over to Mrs. Pietrowski once again, grabbing her hand.

“Don’t worry. We’ll make sure she’s okay. Why don’t you go back upstairs, okay?”

“Are you sure? Oh, thank you. Moj drogi…. Oops …sorry…. That’s ‘dear one.’ You don’t mind do you?”

Alicia shook her head no even as tears fell freely. It had taken almost all of her lifetime to hear something so sweet from someone; even her mother never had spoken so gently to her. Ewa pulled her into a hug. Kenny waved weakly; too many hugs already in one day. Dana nodded and half-smiled; feeling entirely embarrassed and ashamed. She walked up to Ewa and gave her a hug.

“I’ll walk you down to the elevator. Then I’ve got some apologizing of my own to do.” She grabbed Ewa by the arm and turned to walk down the hall, but not before she nodded at Alicia; leaving her with no clue about the gesture. After dropping Ewa off by the elevator, Dana walked over to the restroom. She knocked on the door.

“It’s not locked…” a voice came from inside. Dana pushed the door open and found the restroom to be larger than she expected. She noticed two stalls. The first was open, but the one furthest from the door was occupied.

“Irena?”

“Go away.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So you’re sorry…go away,” she gasped. Dana heard the girl’s head bonk on the side panel of the stall.

“Irena. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” It was almost odd; the prey apologizing to the predator, but there it was. She clicked the lock closed on the door before she walked over to the open stall and sat down.

“I know you are…That doesn’t change how I treated you.” She hesitated. It almost seemed that Irena didn’t want to accept the forgiveness she had to offer, but she imagined it had to be serious. Irena sighed and continued.

“I…I don’t want to make excuses, you know? But…. I guess you know all about being bullied so you probably have heard all the reasons, right? Excuses.” Dana could almost imagine her shaking her head.

“I’m…I’m not very pretty…hell I’m not pretty at all.” She choked back a sob. Dana could hardly remember exactly how the girl looked but she figured the estimate was probably fairly accurate.

“My father wanted a boy when I was born, so he’s always been….He’s gotten better, but he was never very nice with me like a dad is with a girl, you know?” Dana of course didn’t know since she spent the first fourteen and a half years of her life as a boy. She sighed in echo to the girl on the other side of the panel.

“Even after Jackie came along…when we were little he’d tease me and say stuff…not really bad, but it was like he didn’t like me even if he loved me? Oh fuck…. I don’t know how to put it.” Dana thought she put it just fine.

“And he was even worse on Jackie… Like I said…. It wasn’t so much what he did but what he didn’t do…you know?” Dana remembered the few but very painful years right after her mother died and she was left almost an orphan as her father advanced rather than retreated in his military duty. She leaned over and placed her head against the panel. She could feel a tiny bit of vibration as the girl moved her head on the other side and spoke.

“So when we got bigger…I know it was just like they say in school…we took it out on other kids. I don’t think Jackie and I ever talked about it but it was like we got together and that was that. When you moved into the neighborhood…and especially after you met your friend there…me and Jackie and Kenny…. Oh fuck. It must have been hell for you.”

“It was.” Dana said. She heard a loud gasp that quickly turned into sobs. When Irena stopped crying Dana spoke again.

“But that’s over with.” She said it with a sigh of relief, but her words evoked another gasp.

“You…you can’t understand.”

“Try me.” Dana started biting her nails in frustration.

“When I realized why I was being such a …. I knew I was wrong. But I kept it up even though it made me feel bad…. I…” she paused. Dana nodded as if Irena could see her.

“I told my mom what was going on. She was very upset but she didn’t get angry or anything. She looked at me and smiled and said….’Ah…Bobby Cohen.’” Dana nodded again reflexively but then shook her head, confused.

“She said that when she was little a boy in the neighborhood teased her. She laughed…not at me but at the story and hugged me. I couldn’t figure out what the hell she meant. Then she says Babci Nita…my grandmother? She says Babci Nita told her it was because Bobby liked her. Fuck.” Dana shook her head and a moment later the girl spoke again, haltingly through tears.

“Don’t you get it? Oh fuck…” Dana thought for a moment and her eyes widened in insight even as her face grew red and hot.

“You….you like me?”

“I…I think I always have….maybe not so much when we first met…oh fuck.”

“When …when I was a boy?” It wasn’t quite true even if it was fairly accurate.

“I’m sorry…when you started….dressing? No...that’s not it. When Dana first started showing up… I think I always knew…does that make me crazy? I know…I know you’re not a boy. But I…oh fuck.”

“Yeah…oh fuck.” The words might have been a bit abrupt, but the accompanying sigh helped a great deal in speaking beyond what Dana said.

“You’re not ….you don’t…” Irena paused and gasped.

“No…, just the opposite.”

“You’re….”

“Yes… I’m just figuring it out for myself.”

“But I thought you and Jackie might….”

“Jackie and Kenny used to be the worst people in my life but now they’re like the big brothers I never had.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. Jackie is one of the nicest people I know now that he’s become….”

“Human? I wish I could say the same thing.”

“Your apology said it all, Irena. And the way you looked at Alicia; like she mattered. She’s hardly ever had that.

“I’m still sorry. I treated you and her so bad.” Dana heard Irena’s head bonk against the panel. She stood up and walked around; taking a chance, she pushed the stall door. It opened easily and Irena looked up. Her eyes were red and her face was streaked with tears.

“Come on…let’s get out of here, okay?” She offered the girl her hand and pulled her to her feet.

“You don’t hate me.”

“No…” Dana stammered a bit and her face grew hot and red all over again.

“Really? “

“Yes.” She stared at Irena. The girl was nearly four inches taller than her, but she saw something else. While she wasn’t pretty, she was attractive…striking in an odd way, in fact. And in a moment, fate seemed to have sealed a long-delayed if meticulously planned deal for the two of them as they departed the restroom as friends.

---

Meanwhile…

Kenny stood in the hallway by the emergency waiting room, staring at Alicia. He shook his head and laughed softly; a moment of spectacular revelation.

“What…Did I do something wrong?” Alicia stepped back slightly. Kenny shook his head no, and she beheld the first of many beneficent smiles; another new experience on a day of wonder. Kenny stepped closer, and his eyes sparkled like the reflection of fireworks in a puddle; beauty emerging from the common so to speak.

“You were wonderful.” His shoulders lifted slightly and he grinned; not silly or half-involved, but that kind of grin you get when you know that you know that you know. Almost eighteen, his path had hardly begun to light up before him, but he could see down the road clearly without obstruction. He stepped closer to her and grabbed her right hand. What he meant as a warm hug with hopeful promise or at least a bit of hope on his end immediately became much more. She looked into his eyes once again and saw more than sparkle. Embers of something else? He pulled her close.

“I ….” He stammered. The vision down the road was blurred by his own tears as he looked into her eyes and beheld the kindest, most precious girl he would ever know. And he did what most everyone would have done had they been in his place. As he went to kiss her forehead in a thankful gesture she tilted her head slightly to keep eye contact. And he kissed her lips; tentatively at first; that feeling of being unworthy and the tenderness that wishes no harm and only some blessing if anything. But she pulled back a tiny bit; long enough to speak. One word of question.

“Kenny?”

And he answered in the only way he knew how by kissing her once again; this time just as gentle but not at all tentative or fearful. As if both realized in this one single moment what life held for them and that neither would ever be ashamed again. Alicia kissed back…and it was wonderful!

---

Epilogue…from Alicia’s Chance

Sometime later....Perona Farms, Andover, New Jersey…

"Dave...can you get me my camera? It's on the table over there." Julia waved as the group of women gathered.
A tall girl stood in the middle of the reception hall, standing even a bit taller due to the three inch heels of her white ankle boots. A moment later, several girls dove for the bouquet as it bounced off the low light fixture, landing in the arms of a seven year old girl who grinned sheepishly. The bride received a hug and kiss from the groom before turning and walking toward her maid of honor.

"I tried to angle it so you'd get it, Dana." Alicia said; the newly-wed Mrs. Kenneth Angelo Narcise then hugged her sister. She pulled back and half smiled, her eyes filled with tears.
"No worries, Sis!" She smiled back as she lifted her left hand and the left hand of the young woman standing next to her, pointing to identical rings.

"Got it covered!"

Dana turned and smiled at the ring on Irena’ s finger. Between Dana’s and Ewa’s and Julia’s attention, the girl looked very pretty, but it was perhaps owing more to the love she and Dana had discovered as their best friendship grew into something just as special but also so much more in a way.

“My baby!” Ewa came over and kissed the two before gathering her daughter in a hug.

“You next, moja cá³rka!” She turned to Dana and nodded,

“And you!” Ewa’s father stepped close and hugged his daughter and soon-to-be daughter in law. No need for apologies; those had been exchanged long ago, and the family had come full circle. Jackie came up and spoke.

“They want you guys to come over and take a picture cutting the cake, okay?” He smiled as everyone walked back to the tables, leaving him alone with Kenny and Alicia.

“I love you guys!” He stepped close and did something entirely precious if completely unexpected as he kissed Kenny on the cheek; brother to brother. And he kissed Alicia on the forehead; also as a brother but to dearly beloved sister.

“See you over there,” he said, pointing to the cake table by the front of the hall. He gave them thumbs up before walking away. Kenny turned to Alicia.

“I love you…you know that, Mrs. Narcise?”

“Never a doubt. Well…it was touch and go for a while but yes. I know you love me. And I love you so much, Mr. Narcise!” She pulled him close; face to face since she wore her heels, and pulled him into the nicest kiss yet; only to be surpassed by each succeeding kiss for a lifetime.

“Never a doubt.”

Next: Melina’s Blessing