It's seven o clock, I'm going to get up and shower and get my shopping done. I wonder if Stella wants anything? I must check if that Russian woman is still in custody, maybe I could get her a present if she is. I wonder how I find out?

I showered and dressed, as I did so Simon discovered I was no longer in bed. "What are you doing up?"

Easy As Falling Off A Bike
by Angharad, dialogue coaching by Bonzi Cat.
part 215.

It was Saturday morning the shops would be heaving with just three more days to spend money before Christmas. It was all so stupid. Okay so it's nice to celebrate a religious festival if that's your bag, or a pagan one, or just a family time, but do we have to spend like money's going out of fashion?

We have a culture where is seems success is measured by the amount you can waste. Given that half the world subsists on less food than is needed for good health, the Western system of opulence is indefensible.

It makes me weep that all the great religions promote charity and generosity to those in need, so why are there still people dying of hunger or dirty drinking water? Simple, our greed.

Okay, so greed may have some biological origins but humans have taken it to new heights. We are the only species, as far as we know, with the ability to forecast the future. I don't mean a la Mystic Meg, but rather climate change, pollution, disease epidemiology that sort of thing, so instead of trying to make things better for everyone, we grab as much as we can for ourselves.

I know I'm a hypocrite being paid a good salary for doing very little for a bank, plus I could be marrying into the family which controls said bank, so I can afford to be critical of others, I'm alright Jack!

Actually I'm not, my conscience is in turmoil. Here I am lying in bed with the man I love, yet I'm not sure I believe in the same system he does. It could lead to difficulties between us, which obviously I don't want but I don't know how to broach the subject with him.

I don't know what's the matter with me, I've been awake half the night. My miseries about not having children continued after dinner and after bedtime too. Then I got an attack of ethics, that was an hour ago. Since then I've been sat up in bed watching Simon sleep.

It seems ironic that he is such a good man but that he works for a system which leeches assets from the poor to pay the obscenely rich even more. I don't know what to think anymore.

Maybe it's the hormones or lack of them which are screwing with my head. My boobs are getting smaller too, thank goodness the surgery is only a week or so away. If my voice breaks or I start growing a beard I shall shoot myself. More things to worry about.

Simon looks so peaceful sleeping, he's actually stopped snoring since I put my hand over his mouth, he nearly choked. As my hand was cold, I'm surprised he didn't wake, but he didn't, he rolled over on to his side. I cuddled down into his back. I now wear tight control panties to bed, so we don't have any more misunderstandings, that was so awful I thought I'd lost him.

I suppose I could go for a ride on my bike, except it is probably icy and I don't want to get my bike all salty from the roads. It takes ages to clean it. I have to do some shopping, get some food and the stuff for my dad.

I decided some cakes and soups, plus a bottle of Glenfiddich or one of those expensive malt whiskies. I have my new dress to wear and presents to wrap for the others.

My plan is to go to Bristol on Christmas eve, see Daddy first thing on Christmas morning and then drive down here to cook dinner in the evening.

I seem to have sent fewer cards than usual and received fewer, I must pop into my room and see if there's anything there. I must clear it out and give it back to the university, I suppose there are others who could make use of it.

It's seven o clock, I'm going to get up and shower and get my shopping done. I wonder if Stella wants anything? I must check if that Russian woman is still in custody, maybe I could get her a present if she is. I wonder how I find out?

I showered and dressed, as I did so Simon discovered I was no longer in bed. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep," I said and yawned.

"Why not, you're not worried about anything are you?"

"Yeah, Christmas is getting to me."

"Why?" he patted the bed, "Come and talk to me about it."

"I have so much buzzing around my head Si, that if I stop it will escape like a swarm of killer bees."

"I'll take my chances," he patted the bed again, "Come on babes, come and talk to me."

"I haven't got time Si, there is so much to do."

"Like what?"

"Shopping, the food has to be got you know. The house has to be cleaned, the laundry has to be done, I have to make some cakes and soup for my dad. It's just too much."

"Have you got everything you need for the hospital, I mean your stay?"

"Yes, I think so. Tom came with me yesterday before the dormouse freefall competition."

"Do you think she came looking for you?"

"I don't know, who knows what goes on in the mind of a dormouse?"

"It's a nice thought though, isn't it?"

"Of course it is, she is like a pet with me and one or two of the other regulars, she gets fed regularly by us and so associates us with food and safety.

"Do you kill them to examine their brains and guts and things?"

"Certainly not, they are protected, although we could get around that if we needed to. Most of the measurements we take are weight or activity, we can also get some info from their urine or faeces, or even taking a tiny amount of blood."

"Take blood from a dormouse?"

"Yeah, it's fiddly and a drop to us is a legful to them."

"I suppose it is. Look Stella tells me you were broody yesterday."

"Stella has a big mouth."

"I understand, and we can always adopt kids if you want some, from babies if you want to do the whole motherhood thing."

"You make it sound as if we can buy the kids off a supermarket shelf."

"No, I don't mean it like that, but let's face it, we could offer children a great deal."

"Money perhaps, but otherwise we're both out all day working. That's hardly going to be looked at sympathetically by an adoption agency. My past may also be a problem."

"We can get some advice if you want?"

"Simon, I'm really pleased you are happy to talk about it, but not today, please, I have too much to do. I have to go sweetheart." I went to stand up but he moved quickly and pulled me on top of him on the bed.

"Let me go, you big lump," I shouted at him.

He rolled over on top of me and kissed me. "I wuv you Wady Caffrin," he said kissing me. I just collapsed in tears and laughter.

"What are you crying for?" he asked stroking my face.

"I don't know. I seem to be so emotional since I stopped taking the Premarin."

"Ah, you are menopausal equivalent, for a few more days. It screws loads of women up, don't worry about it, you'll feel better soon."

"Gee thanks, maybe you should try it sometime."

"Sure Cathy, I always wanted boobs and a big arse."

"I don't have a big bum do I?"

"Yeah, it's huge. Any bigger and you'll need planning permission to go out of the house."

"It's not is it," I felt myself blush and tears weren't far away.

"Of course it's not, you have a perfect bum." He held me tight while I sobbed in his arms.

"Who'd have believed you could get cold turkey from stopping hormones?" Simon shook his head, "Women, I'll never understand them."