"So if Jemima turns up again, you have to adopt her, don't you?"

"Ha bloody ha! If she turns up again, I think I shall slash my wrists. There is a real possibility that having her at distances of less than a kilometre, could seriously affect one's hearing."

"Didn't you buy some earplugs while you were in the chemists?"

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad
part 212.

It took twenty minutes to rid ourselves of the mini banshee and her mother, during which time Tom was nearly wetting himself.

"You look quite good with children."

"That was a child? I thought it was a goblin."

"Oh you cwuel wady," he joked at me. "So how do you know her?"

"She was at the hospital, and latched on to me. I'd somehow got a dirty mark on my face and she wanted to wash it off. In the end I had to give in to her, because she seems to have a one track mind."

"Like a spaniel?"

"Yes or a cat, but they have the excuse that it's acceptable in small furry things, it isn't or shouldn't be acceptable in children. Her mother seems totally ineffectual."

"So many are, and because we want them to have more than we did, we give them too much. They have no boundaries and believe they are entitled to everything without any effort whatsoever. No wonder they behave like spoilt brats at twenty, no one has taught them any other."

I nodded, this was one of Tom's favourite soap box topics and I wasn't going to let him bore me all afternoon with it. His phone rang and it turned out to be the hospital.

"Stella is going to be in for at least another twenty four hours, she has some nasty deep bruising on her liver."

"That sounds ominous."

"Can't be very good news, she'll be livid."

"I suppose we'd better tell Simon and then go and see her." I said as I picked up my mobile.

'S still in hosp, bruised liver.
C U 2nite.
Lol,
C. xxx'

We popped into a large pharmacy near the pub and I bought her a whole pile of toiletries, plus some chocolate and some drinks. Tom popped into the supermarket and got her some fruit.

"So if Jemima turns up again, you have to adopt her, don't you?"

"Ha bloody ha! If she turns up again, I think I shall slash my wrists. There is a real possibility that having her at distances of less than a kilometre, could seriously affect one's hearing."

"Didn't you buy some earplugs while you were in the chemists?"

"No I forgot, plus I don't intend to see her again."

We parked up at the hospital and checked which ward Stella was in, it was closer than the previous one. A shortish walk and we were there. The nurses were stood around her bed talking to her.

"Oh hi Tom," she called, then she saw me. "You, I have a bone to pick with, young woman."

It's nice to be popular, pity I'm not! "Hello Stella, I brought you something for your liver."

"If it's onions, I shall beat you to death with them."

Damn, she'd heard that one. I produced the designer cleansers and moisturisers, which had cost me a fortune, complete with shower mitt and shampoo, all in their own designer bag. I gave her my peace offering.

She smiled and hugged me, "Next time you bring me into a hospital, I am going to put you in intensive care, with enemas every day!"

"I'm so glad you liked my decision, Stella, it makes it all so worthwhile. I'm overwhelmed at your gratitude."

Tom stood between us, Stella lounging on her bed, me standing at the side. "Calm down now ladies."

We chatted and Tom told her what had happened at the pub. Stella thought it was hilarious.

"She sounds perfectly charming, I wish I'd been there."

Just then there was the clatter of little hoofbeats and I visibly shrank, trying to wrap myself up in the curtain screen. surely lightning couldn't strike three times, could it?

"Aunty Fi, Mummy's coming, I wan on 'head of her."

That voice was familiar, lightning could strike three times! I just hoped she wouldn't see me. I got Tom to bring his chair around to shelter me from her gaze.

We could hear every word. It was her, there can't be two Jemimas with voices like a foghorn on steroids. I shrank back some more, Stella was in danger of falling off her bed she was laughing so much.

"Any trouble from you, girl, and I'll call over the banshee," she threatened. I promised to be extra good, including making some chestnut stuffing for Christmas dinner.

I was on tenterhooks the whole time Jemima was there, plus it was easier to hear what she was saying than it was to keep up a conversation with Stella, I was so distracted.

My luck ran out when Jemima was sent to get some paper hand towels from the holder by the wash basins. She turned around, saw Tom and smiled, then came over. Then she saw me and her face split with a huge smile.

"Wady Caffrin," she said in volumes probably audible three floors up.
She ran over to us and slipped on a small spot of water on the floor, going down with quite a bump.

I was up and over to her almost before the first tear appeared. I scooped her up and holding her to me, carried her sobbing little body over to her mother.

"Oh dear Mima, what have you done now? She's always falling over or running into things. Thank you Lady Catherine."

"It's just Cathy, honestly." I explained as I deposited the weeping bundle into her mother's arms.

"But you're married to a lord."

"Not yet, we're just engaged."

"Oh, still it won't be long will it?"

"I don't know, nor do I know if I will use any sort of title, except doctor, all the others aren't earned."

"Ooh I dunno," said Janice Scott, "I wouldn't mind it, could open doors and things."

I wished Jemima well and went back to Stella.

"She is good with children," said Stella to Tom.

"Who is?"

"You are,"

"Roast potatoes go better," I suggested trying not to snigger. "I'll stick to dormice."

"What that vicious furry thing which attacked you on telly?" Stella challenged.

"Attacked me, she was running away from the cameras. Poor little thing was frightened out of the few wits she has."

"It was funny though," said Tom chortling, "a big favourite on Youtube by all accounts."

"Can we talk about something other than that event. It only lasted about a minute and I have a few hundred thousand other ones in my life."

"Wady Caffrin, fank you for pickin' me up." A subdued Jemima appeared at Stella's bed, nursing quite a large bruise on her forehead.

"Oh poor Jemima, does your head hurt, sweetheart?" I opened my arms to give her a hug.

"Yes, Mima's head hurts," she said beginning to cry again. I hugged her and lifted her on to my lap. Tom went off and collecting some paper towels soaked them in cold water and brought them back. Jemima let me hold them against her bruise.

"There sweetie pie, does that help?" I cooed to her.

"Yes," she sobbed.

"Don't want to adopt her, do you?" said her mother standing at the edge of Stella's cubicle.

"I don't think so," I said rocking her on my lap and sponging her bruise.

"You look a natural," laughed Janice, "better than me."

"That's what I keep telling her, but all she wants is more dormice." Stella had to open her great gob and give everything away.

"Dormice, did you hear that Mima, Lady Cathy has dormice."

"Do you, Wady Caffy?" came a little voice from my lap.

"Yes I do, Jemima, at the university."

"Can Mima see vem?"

"Can you see them?" I asked, hoping she'd asked for something else, like the crown jewels.

She nodded.

"I don't know, they are very shy animals who sleep all day and run about at night. This time of year they are hibernating, do you know what that means?"

She shook her head.

"It means they are all fast asleep until the warmer weather comes."

"Can Mima see vem, if Mima keeps vewy quiet?" she asked very quietly.

"I don't know, Jemima, you'd need to get permission from my professor and he's a crusty old bloke."

"Oh that's a shame," said Janice, "where do I find this crusty old b?"

"Sitting right here," said Tom, "Professor Tom Agnew at your service.

"Oh!" squeaked Janice.

Stella once again rocked with laughter on the bed.

"So what do I have to do to get permission for Mima to see the dormice?"

"It's a bit difficult because of the risk of accident and the fact that small children are not usually allowed into laboratory areas, makes it more so."

"Oh dear so she can't see them?"

"I didn't say that. What I said was, it is difficult, not impossible. It would have to be at your own risk and I'd have to insist that she would only be able to see them through the cages. She can't touch them because they're asleep and it's dangerous to wake them."

"Why do they bite?"

"No, they can die from shock or hypothermia."

"Oh! Gosh are they that fragile?"

"Yes they are. They are also scared by noise so Jemima would have to keep very quiet. But the person you need to speak to is Cathy, they're her babies."

"You have baby ones too?"

"They were babies a few months ago, now they're pretty well grown up."

We talked and as Tom had dropped me in it, I offered to take them straight from the hospital, so he would have to come too. He gave me a filthy look, but his fate was as sealed as mine.