From Cheryl’s Story

“We’re gonna get through this just like we got through everything else, okay. You’re the best mother anyone could ever hope for; I am confident that you can raise another daughter, even if it is a challenge, mom.” She walked around to where Nate sat.

"Oooo...oh...kay." Both siblings looked disappointed until they saw the smile on their mother's face and knew...everything had been decided.

London Regional Cancer Program, London, Ontario
Christmas Day...several years later...

“Miss?” The nurse waved at the woman as she walked by the desk.

“Yes?” A quiet voice; her tone was subdued more from the moment, but she was a very quiet girl. She stepped closer.

“Are you Cheryl Laska?”

“Y…yes.” She feared the worst and her face showed it.

“Oh, gosh, no… You had a call? Your partner…” The nurse looked away, embarrassed.

“Yes?”

“She said she was stuck in Ottawa? Something about a deadline. She said she would be here a little late.” The nurse smiled pleasantly and then grinned.

“What?”

“We...we don’t get many of you folks here…” The woman’s face reddened. Cheryl put her head down; imagining god knows what until the woman finished.

“Oh…sorry… Senator Fans.” She laughed and pointed to her own left hand.

“I’m sorry…that sounded horrible. “ She smiled and held her hand up.

“Nancy and I have been together for seventeen years. Isn’t love grand?”

Yes it is, Cheryl thought, if you actually have it. She sighed and nodded before walking down to the room at the end of the ward.

“Cherie….” The woman in the bed gasped but smiled a broad beaming grin. An endearment they shared since childhood. Cheryl hurried quickly to the bedside and leaned close; kissing her sister on the forehead. Hot. She could never remember whether that was a good sign or not, which led to her feeling guilty over forgetting. Janey grabbed her left hand and held hit to her cheek.

“Just keep it here for a bit and don’t worry about the fever, okay?” Janey seemed to be handling things well; she always was the stronger of the two. In fact, if it hadn’t been for Janey’s strength, there might never have been a Cheryl in the first place.

“You’re looking brighter today,” Cheryl said; her head was turned away, but it didn’t fool Janey one bit.

“No, honey, I’m not. And we have to face that. You know, Mommy stopped by today…this morning…before breakfast.” She blew out a very labored breath but the smile on her face indicated a peace that pushed all the pain aside.

“Wha…what did she say?” Cheryl cringed; whatever her mother had to say, it couldn’t have been good. She felt a squeeze on her hand.

“She needed to tell me to pass something on to you.” Another cringe; it was almost more than Cheryl could bear as she waited to hear the words. A rebuke? No….Mommy was never like that. A scolding perhaps?

“I don’t know what is gonna happen next, Cheri, but you need to do whatever it takes. She’s worried about you.” Janey tried to smile, but the thought of her sister’s pain made her tear up. Ironic that both she and her mother cared more about Cheryl than Cheryl did.

“What’s to worry about, sis? I’m fine.” That word alone was enough to get Janey to frown; almost angry.

“Dammit, Cheryl…you’re not fine at all.” She shook her head; the effort alone sent a shock through her neck and head and she gasped out a painful cry. Cheryl bit her lip; stubborn was one thing, but she felt guilty even about the ever-increasing pain that spread over Janey like a thick blanket; smothering the life out of her. She leaned over the railing of the bed and softly held her sister; fearing even that much contact would be too much for Janey to bear.

“I’m so sorry.” Tears flowed down both faces, but for each other and not themselves. Janey touched Cheryl’s cheek, feeling the essence of the love they shared. She shook her head no, once again sending a shock of pain through her head. She gasped once and then began coughing enough to shake the bed. A moment later the coughing subsided.

“Cher….let it go… you have to let her in. She loves you. And besides…Mommy says you have to, so there.” She stuck her tongue out playfully. That was the end-all for any argument the girls ever had; ‘Mommy says.’ Cheryl fell back down into the seat next to the bed and began to sob.

“Shhhh….shhhh.” She felt Janey squeeze her hand once again; the soft whispers were labored but sweet, making it that much harder for her to stop crying.

“Beeee Goood” Janey made a valiant attempt at an ET imitation, causing Cheryl to laugh a bit; she practically snuffled and ended up wiping her nose with the sleeve of her blouse. It would have been enough, since the two loved the movie, and shared moments like this when it came to mind. But Janey went further, and it really set the stage for the rest of the visit…the rest of Cheryl’s life, for that matter. Janey reached over and touched Cheryl’s forehead with her index finger; the gesture alone set Cheryl to begin crying once again, but the words that followed led to a floodgate of tears as Janey spoke.

“I’ll be right here.” She didn’t say it in the silly nasally tones of the ET character, but as herself. It was not time yet, but nearly so, and the words pierced Cheryl’s heart. A peace came over her even in the midst of impending and current grief; that maybe...just maybe... everything would befine, to use her own word. A moment later the mood was interrupted by a sharp knock on the open door.

“Hi…sorry I’m late.” The two looked to the doorway to see Cheryl’s partner Lori. Janey raised her head a bit and smiled a welcoming smile while Cheryl turned away. As Lori stepped into the room, Cheryl stood up.

“Here…you can sit here. I’ve got to make a call.” She started walking toward the door; the call was important, but it could have waited. As she reached the doorway she turned absentmindedly again toward Lori and Janey.

“Mommy says you have to!” Janey smiled again before turning to Lori to greet her as Cheryl walked out.

“I don’t know what I can do to reach you?” Almost a question, but more of a plea; Lori looked away, trying desperately to find words that would help.

“Mommy says I have to.” Cheryl half-frowned and blinked back tears in a vain effort to stop crying. Lori reached over and put her hand on Cheryl’s wrist.

“Mommy says? Have to what?”

“Mommy says I have to let you in. Janey talked with her today.” Lori’s eyes widened.

“I’m…I don’t think she’s got much time.” Cheryl put her head down on Lori’s arm and began to sob. A nurse sitting at the table next to them went to stand up but Lori put her hand up in caution; smiling and nodding thank you.

“Because your Mom talked to her?” Another statement. Cheryl nodded. A second later she raised her head.

“She’s so pale…so weak. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.” At the words ‘without her,’ Cheryl’s eyes widened in sad resignation of what she had just said and she gasped, trying desperately to stifle yet another sob. Lori wanted to tell her that she knew exactly what Cheryl would do, but any offer of support at that point probably would be lost. At that point fate or perhaps the touch of God took over as Cheryl heard someone speak from behind.

“Let her in.”

The familiar voice washed over her like a wave of peace as Cheryl felt her mother’s presence. That approving smile and warm hug surrounded her as the words reassured her and answered that simple prayer she had just spoken. What would she do without Janey? She turned around and saw that no one stood behind or next to her. Turning back again, she saw Lori’s face; awash with her own tears but with the most welcoming smile Cheryl had ever seen.

“I don’t want…I can’t…” None of the arguments she had prepared escaped her lips.

“I know….but I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Lori touched Cheryl’s face and bit her lip in frustration.

“I….know. I think that’s what….why Mommy spoke to Janey. Why she….” Cheryl swallowed hard before continuing.

“She just spoke to me…Lor….I’m….I’m so scared. It’s so…so hard.”

“I know, Cheri….I know. But like I said…I’m not going anywhere.” No words could assure Cheryl that Lori would live forever or at least merely outlive her, but that’s not what Cheryl needed to know anyway. And if the tears weren’t enough to convince Cheryl of Lori’s intentions, her next action did. She leaned closer and began kissing Cheryl’s face. It wasn’t a sensual moment even if it involved so many senses.

“I love you.” The spoken word… sound. Lori followed that by kissing Cheryl’s eyelids…. touch. Cheryl breathed in a deep sigh, taking in along with the precious air the aroma of Lori’s cologne. Smell. Lori’s tears mixed with Cheryl’s and flowed into the slight part in Cheryl’s lips… taste. And the absolutely unconditional love that radiated from Lori’s eyes…. sight.

And the few folks in the cafeteria seemed to understand the moment; how sacred and needful it was. Perhaps just like other moments at other times with other folks; it was a place of transition in a way and they seemed to almost welcome scenes like the one that had just played out beautifully before their eyes.

“I’m sorry. She passed only a few moments ago.”

The nurse put her hand on Cheryl’s shoulder. A look of disappointment crossed Cheryl’s face only to be replaced by grief and sadness. But a moment later, she breathed out before being pulled into a comforting embrace as Lori hugged her and patted her back. The two stared at the silent figure lying in the bed before them. Janey had a look about her that could only be described as utter bliss; that transcendent peace that some of us only dream about. And if you looked at Lori and Cheryl, you would have seen the exact same peace.

Next: Kate's Courage

Silent Night
Music by Franz Gruber
English Lyrics by
John Freeman Young
as performed by
Miss Taylor Swift