The Summer of Love of Linda Piontak Part Seven You're Not From Here!  by Andrea Lena DiMaggio I don't know what is going on You turn around and touch my heart A silent moment speaks the truth Something has happened all at once It should have scared me in advance But I was falling in those eyes of yours

“Daddy...what did I do? She’s my best friend and I ruined it all...I took something she can never... something she needed so badly and I made it my own.” Linda held the picture; her father’s smiling face looking on with his constant approval. She wanted to argue against that look but found herself more confused than ever until she heard his voice in her heart once again.

“I’m Tony’s wife....we have to talk.”

"Excuse me? Tony Menendez isn't married...not the Tony I know." Linda argued, but she wasn't even convincing to herself.

"You are Linda Piontak, right? Look, I'm sorry this is so abrupt, but I really need to talk to you and I'd rather not say anything more until I can see you face to face. Can you meet me sometime for coffee? Starbucks near Julliard?”

"I don't know...okay...sure...why not." Linda said reluctantly. Part of her had still held out hope that Tony had changed, but now that was a moot point as far as she was concerned.

“I’ve got your number saved in my phone…I’ll call you tomorrow.” She tried to sound angry and icy, but it just wasn’t in her, evoking Astrid’s response,

“And Linda…for what it’s worth, I didn’t know about you and Tony…and I am so sorry you had to find out this way.” She hung up as Linda said to herself,

“So am I.” She tried so hard not to cry, but the residuals of love don’t fade as quickly as the relationship and she began to weep. He hadn’t changed at all, she felt, and likely never would. But he had changed, and for the better, much to the benefit of everyone he knew, including himself, as Linda would find out eventually.

Julliard…three days later….

I know you
You're not from here
I've waited for you to appear
To take my breath away

"Annette?" Linda called down the hallway as she spied her friend...no, that wasn't right...much more than just a friend...walked away from her. She brushed past several students with an urgency that almost forgave the rudeness of her path. Annette turned around, feeling the touch on her shoulder. She tried not to wince, but wince she did. She smiled awkwardly, acting as if she hadn't seen Linda when both of them knew she had.

"Oh...hi." She said softly even as she tried to step side-ways to avoid Linda's touch.

"Annette...please?" Linda tilted her head, trying to read Annette's expression.

"How are you?" Annette said almost automatically, as if the moment they shared the other day had never taken place.

"How am I? You ask me how I am?" Linda wanted to be angry; it was almost as if the whole day together had been a dream, and she wanted it so badly to be real.

"I don't know how I am. I can't even think straight. You don't return my calls; you walk away when you see me." Linda bit her lip as tears came to her eyes. She felt abandoned; more over she felt rejected. But the look in Annette's eyes convinced her otherwise.

"What did I do to push you away? I'm sorry if I hurt you. It wasn't something I ever thought I'd do, and I would give that all away if I knew you didn't hate me." She gasped as Annette pushed her hand away while grasping it tightly.

"Hate you....I don't hate you. Let's just leave it at that...okay? I've got to get to a meeting, and I can't talk right now. I'll talk to you, okay?"

Annette pulled away abruptly and walked quickly down the hall, leaving Linda to wonder how things would ever be the same. She didn't realize that things would never be the same again between them, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, which she would discover shortly.

And make me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours

Linda’s apartment that evening….

"Mom...I'm so confused. I don't know what to do, and it's so hard...it's almost like Tony all over again, but it feels even worse in some ways because I didn't expect it and now it's gone." Linda heard her mother talking to Laura.

"No, Mom, I haven't talked to her or Tony since she called....it's too hard...what? Well, she didn't go into anything....He hasn't called you either? How's Laura...Yeah ...I can understand how she feels...no, I take that back. I could never understand how she....Yes...well, Mom, it's not like I'll ever be a mother, you know...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to ...okay." She paused while Susan got Laura to the phone.

"Yes...of course....No...What? That's nice of you to say...I know you're not just saying that...it's just that I don't have any hope, Laura...no hope at all." Linda began to mist up at the thought of never having children; the sore point sticking her right in the heart once again.

"Laura...okay, Momma, I wish it were different....no, she's pushing me away...she's pushing...not leaving.... she's....oh gosh, I never thought of that....Pull harder? How do I...well....I do love her, but I don't....it wouldn't hurt as much? I don't know, Laur...Momma, I just don't....Okay...okay, I promise to try...what could happen that could be worse, right? Okay...I love you so much...." She held the phone in her hand waiting for her mother to return.

"She's so...I 'm so glad you found someone to love...yeah...like an angel...Mom... I'm.... I'm afraid... yeah....just like that....no...It’s so....like nothing I've ever felt. I don't want to start something...it's already started? I guess so...Mom....I wish you were here....Yeah...I talk to Daddy all the time now....you too? What about Laura...oh...I understand...she still talks to Tony's dad too? It doesn't stop, does it....maybe when I get off the phone with you...yeah, I'm sure he'll be glad to hear from you, too. I love you too, Mom...I hope it does...yeah...I know...I love you....okay...I'll call you tomorrow."

Linda hung up phone and walked over to her bookcase, picking up her father's picture once again.

"If you're the best friend you can be, Lee, things usually work out."

"Dad...she doesn't want to talk to me...like somehow we're both doing something wrong."

She recalled a similar talk she had years ago; how Lee was being treated by his best friend Jeff, who had started ignoring him over an argument they had regarding matchbox cars.

"Be a friend, Lee, that's all you can do. I promise everything will work out somehow."

"Okay, Daddy, I'll try. Mom says hi.” She laughed softly and then stared at her father’s smile once again, which brought a feeling of safety, which in turn evoked,

“Daddy...I miss you so much," she began to sob as she sat down on the couch. She remembered his last words to her, a phone call the night before he was killed in action.

"I miss you too, Lee...more than I can say. Give Mommy a hug for me and know that I love you." She put the picture against her bosom and wept.

And so
Fear was gone
I knew there was nothing else
I'd ever want

Julliard…the following day…

Linda walked into the practice room and found Annette sitting at the piano. She walked over and stood next to the piano as Annette started to get up.

“You can have this...I’ve got to go.” Annette looked up as Linda put her hand on her shoulder.

“No, you’re not going anywhere, and neither am I.” She pushed down and prevented Annette from getting off the bench.

“Stop...I can’t.” Linda noticed that Annette’s eyes were very red, probably as red as her own, and she spoke.

“At least tell me why...you owe me that much after the other day.”

“I...This is wrong....it can’t be....I don’t...” Annette began to shudder and tears flowed down her cheeks.

“What? Don’t what, Annette? Don’t what...Deserve? You don’t deserve what?” Linda bit her lip to keep from crying. She needed to know for Annette’s sake as well as her own.

“Shhh...Shouldn’t be here...should have died....not fair.” She looked at her stump which stuck out from her short sleeve; it was as if the disfigurement were the better part of a deal she had struck unknowingly.

“What’s not fair? Let me in, Annette.” The woman shied away from her; Linda detected shame and guilt, and she needed to know why.

“I should have died....Megan....she was engaged....almost through with her tour.” Linda sat down on the opposite side of the bench and looked into Annette’s eyes; guilt mixed with sadness mixed with relief.

“When we got in the Hummer; I insisted riding shotgun... she sat in back....We weren’t even supposed to be there....supply convoy got mixed up...turned the wrong way.” Annette’s eyes begged forgiveness, but it wasn’t from Linda she sought her absolution.

“We ran over an IED....the blast sent me out the door and into a pile of hay....I sat up and it was gone...the Hummer was blown to bits and Megan was gone...and Juan and Bennie, too. I...” She looked again at where her left arm once had been and began to shake violently.

“Should have died....she was supposed to be in front....her wedding....I should have died.” Linda pulled her close and stroked her hair as she sobbed, convulsing enough to shake the bench.

“No...No...Not your fault.” Linda said softly in Annette’s ear.

“It happened...not your fault, honey...don’t cry...please...it’s not your fault.” Linda began to weep, maybe more than she had ever cried. She cried for the girl who died...she cried for Annette...she cried for Tony...not for herself other than that she realized if things had been a little different that day, she would never have even met the love of her life.

“You deserve to live because you survived. You lost so much that day, but you survived, and I am so glad you did. I love you.”

She pulled Annette into a kiss; not amorous or romantic in the truest sense, but romantic in that it was the purest expression of acceptance and love that she had ever expressed, and it was almost sacred. Annette surrendered to the love of her best friend; the love that would heal wounds too deep for a surgeon’s scalpel; wounds that while unseen did more damage to Annette than any other harm would or could do.

“I don’t deserve you.” Annette sobbed.

Linda didn’t want to be abrupt or dismissive, but she couldn’t bear her love repeating a lie that her guilt and shame had spoken. So she kissed her again; this time amorously and romantically. She was a child becoming a woman becoming a lover; perhaps a wife, and she kissed Annette like there was no other way to demonstrate their love. Linda left her childhood behind as she became for Annette what Annette was becoming for her as well; she had found her partner...her mirror image; opposite and yet alike as well.

Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly
I can't get used to missing you

And yet Annette also grew that day as well. Just as Linda attained a measure of maturity, Annette regained a measure of her lost innocence and childhood. Where a moment before sat a younger woman, inexperienced and filled with doubt and another woman sat, older and wiser and doubtful in her own way; now sat two women equal to each other and both certain and secure in one solid and tangible thing; their love for each other.

“You...you really love me?” Annette said it as if she feared Linda would say no.

“Yes...oh yes.” She kissed her again, this time with less urgency; the guilt and shame faded away as both realized that they were loveable and truly loved. She kissed her with a tenderness she had never ever known she had; as a lover instead of a student. She kissed her mentor who had become her beloved. And Annette treasured and savored the kiss, from her own beloved; no longer ashamed, but filled with pride and joy for the first time in her life.

That afternoon…at Linda’s apartment…

Chopin's Nocturne played softly in the background as they sat on Linda’s couch.

“I bet you think I’m being silly.” Annette said. Linda shook her head no.

“I...I think it’s sweet.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly and smiled.

“Okay...but only if it’s okay with you?” Annette asked and Linda nodded with a big grin.

She picked up the picture from the couch and held it out so they could both see Linda’s father smiling at them from beyond the past.

“Mr. Piontak....Oh gosh...this is so...” She looked at Linda once again who used her eyes as if to say, “Well, go ahead, he won’t bite.”

“Mr. Piontak,” Annette said softly as her eyes began to mist.

“I love your daughter....and I wanted you to know that if she’ll have me, I’d like to ask...” She hesitated again, but not out of embarrassment. She still felt a bit guilty and unworthy; a habit which would fade away, but slowly and only with Linda’s help.

“I’d love to marry your daughter.” A mean feat to accomplish, even in as progressive a state as New York, but since Linda was on the near side of her surgery, she was still legally male, and as such no barriers prevented their marriage. Just the one, most important detail remained. Linda looked at her father’s face; once again seeing those loving and accepting eyes, remembering something her father once said.

“Don’t forget, Lee. Try to put other’s needs above your own. If everybody did that, we’d all be much happier people, right? I trust you, and whatever you want in life, if it brings joy to you and blesses someone else, you know I’ll be behind you, okay?”

“So...what did he say?”

Annette wasn’t being disrespectful or patronizing at all; she knew that Linda would know what her father would say if he were there. Linda’s broad smile and happy tears said it all, and the two embraced, giggling and laughing in excited joy.

She held her father’s picture again, and his presence seemed to fade; the photo looked more like an old picture than it ever had even as her father seemed to retreat once again into the past. She knew then that while she’d always have the love of her father, every bit of acceptance and affirmation sat beside her, and she’d never want for either of those again.

I know you
You're not from here
You don't belong to lies and tears
The greatness of your soul
Makes me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly

Next: Coffee for Two!

You're Not From Here
Words and music by
Walter Afanasieff, Rick Allison,
Lara Fabian and John Bettis
As performed by
Lara Fabian
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Teg8c5Ga6L0

Nocturne for piano in E flat major, Op. 9/2, CT. 109
by Fredric Chopin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--ykTqoQnqI