A Mississippi River Romance More Sorting! by Andrea Lena DiMaggio   I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in This world

Previously, at the Rubio's on Sunday...

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

“It’s true, Ben…my kids suffered because I drank. I drank to forget. I drank to feel better…I drank not to feel…you know. When I got out…it was like being given a second chance. To be a mother. To be…”

“Please, call me Benny.”

The Rubio home…

“Daddy…can I talk to you?” Cindy stood at the doorway to the kitchen; Vi stood behind her almost pushing her toward their Dad.

“Oh…of course.” Benny put down his paper and motioned for her to come over and sit down next to him on the couch. He looked over and Vi nodded and smiled and went down the hall.

“Are you…do you and Mrs. M?” She put her head down, as if asking her father about his relationship with Giada was something to be ashamed of. He cupped her chin with his hand and raised it.

“Hey…no secrets. Okay?” She nodded.

“Yes…we’ve started to see each other…nothing spectacular…we grabbed a sandwich and went to the park today.” He smiled at the thought.

“You and Mommy used to go to the park all the time. Don’t you feel…” She put her head down again.

“Honey, of course I do,” he said, anticipating her question. “Your Mom meant…still means the world to me, okay?” He turned away slightly, feeling awkward and at a loss for words.

“No…Daddy…I know you still love her…doesn’t that get…in the way?” Cindy sighed. She picked up the photo of her mother and her father that was sitting on the end table next to the couch. A visual reminder of what still remained.

“So far…a bit, yes. Giada…Mrs. M? She’s been really good about that. She understands, especially with you and Vi…that your mother is always going to be a part of this home…and she accepts that.”

“But what about you, Daddy. We’re the kids…she’s gonna be the step-mom.” She paused, waiting for a denial or argument, but Benny offered none.

“It’s okay, Daddy. I just want to know. Am I the only one who hears her voice.” She looked down at the picture in her hands and began to cry.

“No…no, sweetie…I think about her and she talks to me, you know?” He smiled as tears came to his own eyes. Carefully, he took the picture from her hands and held it out, pointing to his wife.

“See the jacket she’s wearing…sorta long for July, you know? You were almost seven months along, and she didn’t want her mother to know. Grandma thought we should have waited to get married, and when she got pregnant, we just worried what she’d say. The day after this picture was taken…your grandmother say, ‘why are you wearing such a jacket in this weather…it’s not good…too hot when you’re pregnant.’” He laughed at the thought.

“She knew?” Cindy stared at the photo, realizing for the first time that she was a part of the picture.

“She had a way about her…your mother, too. Could always sense stuff before I ever said anything. Not that I’d ever lie to her, but if I did, I bet she would have figured it out. She even said…’Benny, I bet she’ll be tall and lithesome.’” He looked at Cindy and smiled.

“’Cynthia…that’s her name…she’ll be so graceful…like a swan.’ And she was right.” He kissed her on the forehead and looked again at the photo.

“There isn’t a day goes by where we don’t talk…like when I’m getting ready for work. Or even when I’m driving us to church…reminding me to be especially thoughtful with Mrs. Eisenberg or to make sure you girls still say your prayers.” Cindy shrugged and started to cry again.

“Honey…what’s wrong, isn’t this a good talk?” Benny pulled her close and put his arm around her.

“She’s worried, Daddy…” Benny looked up and noticed Vi standing again in the doorway. He smiled at her and patted the cushion on his other side, squeezing over a bit to make room on the couch.

“Why would you be worried, honey?” Benny cupped her chin once again. A look he had only seen once before had crossed her face. When she was seven and had lied about stealing some money out of her mother’s purse. The guilt and shame were more than enough when coupled with her mother’s look of disappointment.

“What’s wrong? Cindy?”

“I promised Mommy that I’d be a good girl and grow up and….” She paused and looked at the picture, waiting for her mother’s voice.

“You’ve been a good girl. God couldn’t have blessed me more than he did when you and Vi came into our lives. I’m so proud of both of you. What’s wrong?”

“I…promised Mommy I’d marry ….I’d…” She put her head on his shoulder and began to weep.

“This is about you and Miri, right?” He asked softly.

“How can I marry someone I don’t know…how can I be a good girl.” She hadn’t meant to say that in light of her sister’s presence. Vi looked over at her and frowned, but she wasn’t upset with Cindy.

“She’s worried that you’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t marry a boy.”

“I’m sorry, Vi…I just don’t know what to say…I don’t think…”

“Oh, hell yes you do, but it’s all okay…because in your heart…I know you don’t…”

“Listen, you two. Please.” Benny squeezed their shoulders.

“You love who you love. All I care about is if the person you meet is gonna make you happy or not, right? Your mother loved you…she still loves you. When you were little you and she used to talk about marriage all the time…you know that we didn’t even get married in a church until you were six. And you were four.” He looked back at the picture. You’ve forgotten part of what your Mom said.” Benny began to blush and tear up once again.

“’Now, Cindy…just promise me one thing, okay?’ She was always making you promise to do stuff…she wanted the best for you.” He turned to Vi.

“And you! Anyway, she went on…’Cindy…if you fall in love, promise me you’ll marry someone just like your father.’” He laughed and they looked at him in puzzlement.

“She wanted you to marry someone who would be as kind and considerate toward you as I was to her…I know in my heart of hearts that it wouldn’t make one bit of difference for either of you. I know you and Monica…” He turned back to Vi.

“Have known each other since Brownies…best friends…Your Mom said to me when you two were ten…Now mind you this is when we lived in Iowa…she said that you and Monica would be more than just friends some day, and look at the two of you.” Vi’s eyes widened and she was caught between a smile and a frown. She began to cry.

“I miss her so much…” The tears were bittersweet and came like a cloudburst.

“Me too, baby…me too.”

“What did she say about me, Daddy. I don’t want to be…I want to...”

“Honey…you couldn’t disappoint your mother if you tried. She looked at you when you were born and said that you’d make someone very happy someday.”

“But what should I do, Daddy. I’ve never felt this way before.” At nearly eighteen it was almost a surprise that Cindy had never had any type of relationship before other than as a friend to many.

“It’s not a matter of should, Cin…it’s about being fair and considerate and sweet and kind; just like you’ve always been. Miri is a great girl…we’ve known her since she was in sixth grade, and she’s just about the nicest friend you two have except maybe for her new sister.” He laughed softly.

“So it’s okay if I see her?” Cindy shrugged and lowered her head, as if she had asked for something impractical or, even worse, selfish.

“Of course. She’s practically part of the family already, honey.”

“But wouldn’t that be like dating my sister?” Cindy shook her head.

“No, honey…not quite.”

“Daddy?” Vi tugged on his sleeve and he turned again to face her.

“Yes, hon…what?”

“Do you love Mrs. M?”

“I…” He paused and looked at the picture in front of him once again.

“Daddy…Daddy, please?” Cindy took the picture from his hands and held it out once again. She nodded at Vi who nodded back before saying,

“I think Mommy would feel good about her…you know. They were friends, and you both love us and Miri and Jerry and Adele…I think Mommy would say it’s okay.” Jerry turned back and forth between his daughters, both of whom had tears in their eyes and bright smiles on their faces.

“It’s okay, Dad…okay?” He smiled again and looked back at the picture, seeking approval. The same smile that graced each day for them from dawn until evening and blessed them with love seemed to smile at him and the girls once again.

“Okay.”

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

Meanwhile…in Tori's room at the hospital...

“Rick? Mr. Pearson?” Rick looked up to see Natalia standing at Tori’s bedside.

“I know it’s going to be a long night; the coffee in the break room beats the vending machine hands down. Here’s a cup and some half-and-half; we’re all out of sugar. Sorry.”

“That’s okay, I take it with no sugar…don’t like the sweetness in my coffee. Thanks. That was very kind of you.

“She was calling for you when they brought her up from recovery. She was in and out before she settled down just before you and your family got up here.” Natalia looked over at the sleeping girl.

“We’ve got her all to herself for now. I think it’ll be okay, but we’ve managed to ensure that she’s not rooming with a boy…for her privacy.” Rick nodded and shook his head slightly. Only a few days before and it wouldn’t have been an issue. Now? Well, he was going to try very hard to wrap his head around the fact that there were now only two men in the family.

“There’s some leftover pizza in the break room if you’re hungry. I know this has already been a long day for everyone, and we want you to know that we’re here for your sister and everyone, okay?” She smiled and went to leave the room.

“Natalia?” Rick called out. He paused.

“Okay, here it comes…the pass…” she thought until he said quietly,

“Thanks for the coffee.” He put his head down and began reading a dog-eared paperback he produced from his back pocket. She walked out of the room and began to whistle softly to herself; a habit she had meant to try to lose, but soothing in a pinch as a musical self-medication.

“Either he’s really, really good, or he’s really changing.” She thought as she reached the nurses’ station.

A while later…

“I dropped Adele off over at our house. She’s going to spend the night over there with Mrs. M to keep an eye on Mom.” Danny said as Rick changed into a clean shirt in the lavatory.

“I’ve got to run out for a few minutes. If …if she wakes up, tell her I’ll be right back.”

“Where you going?” Danny asked, his head cocked.

“Just tell her I’ll be right back.”

“Rick…don’t go doing something…” Danny’s voice trailed off.

“Oh, jeez, Danny…I’m not an idiot. The Wal-Mart is open until 9:30…if I hurry I can just make it.” He said quickly as he rushed out the door. As he walked past the nurses’ station, Natalia called out. He paid her no heed and kept going.

“Well…I guess that proves me right…shoot…” Natalia put the folder she was holding back in the upright file and shook her head.

Later…

“I’m sorry you got left in the lurch, Mr. Pearson.” Natalia looked over at Tori, who was stirring.

“Ricky…Ricky?” She called out.

“Ah…he had to ….” Danny began to say when a voice spoke from the doorway.

“Run an errand.” He laughed and stuck his tongue out at Danny playfully as if to say, ‘see, I told you I’d be right back.’

Walking over to the bed, he smiled down at Tori and pulled a bundle out of the bag he was holding.

“I guessed at the size, since you haven’t changed much.” He produced a pair of pink flannel pajamas suitable for a young woman; short sleeves with satin trim.

“Medium, but I can return these if they’re too small.” She shook her head.

“Now don’t go getting misty on me, but I got you something else. I know things haven’t changed that much, but I figured there was some catching up you might need doing so I got you two other things.”

He pulled a St. Louis Rams Jersey, but the new kind that was tailored for a young lady. Tori started to tear up

“I’ve been meaning to give this to you since last week, but it got lost in the pickup. I hope you like it....You do still like the Rams? I mean if you want something else?” She beamed at him and he shook his head and laughed softly.

“And just in case you get lonely, like I said, to help make up for lost time,” he said again as he reached in one last time and pulled out a soft brown stuffed dog. If the jersey had started her crying, the dog sent her over the top and she burst into tears.

“I hope you don’t mind…I mean you haven’t been a girl…well you have…but….well, you know what I mean. I mean...the dog...hell, you're gonna be sixteen soon..this is probably stupid.” He shrugged his shoulders almost apologetically until she spoke.

“It’s….it’s because you cared enough to try….I’m….well, I’m not a little kid anymore…I never got to be a little girl….but it’s that you cared, Rick. This is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me….” She began to sob, but she wasn’t upset at all. Rick pulled up a chair from the other side of the room; Tori was still the only patient in the room. He looked over at his old sib/new sister and breathed a sigh of relief. And Natalia looked at Rick and smiled as she shook her head in wonder.

“Real tears...wow.”

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

Next: Doubts

A Place in this World
Words and music by
Robert Orrall, Angelo Petraglia
and the song's performer, Taylor Swift
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni-K9kz4r-4