A Mississippi River Romance You're Not From Here by Andrea Lena DiMaggio   I don't know what is going on You turn around and touch my heart A silent moment speaks the truth Something has happened all at once It should have scared me in advance But I was falling in those eyes of yours

Previously...St. Luke’s Urgent Care Center...

"I'm gonna run down for some coffee, Vin. I'll be back but you've got company." Turning to Miri and Jerry he smiled and continued,

"Oh...oh yes...treat." She smiled at him and they both set off down the hall toward the elevator.

A little while later...in the hospital cafeteria...

“So…” Danny smiled and resisted the urge to touch Adele’s hand. “When did you know?” A very vague question without any introduction or explanation, but one Adele had answered more than she could remember.

“I was about eleven. My mother was looking for a dress for a wedding she was attending, and Daddy was nowhere to be found, so I got stuck tagging along; at least I thought I was stuck until we got to the store. I’d never been in a department store…the ladies’ department. I was so…my head spun.”

“The clothes, huh?” Danny was thinking of his brother’s own confusion and struggle, but his assumption was a bit off.

“No…well yes a bit, but it was seeing all the girls with their moms…it was in late May or early June, so I guess a lot of the girls were graduating middle school soon. They looked like they….connected with their moms…that they belonged there, you know?” She smiled warmly and failed to resist the temptation, touching Danny softly on the hand. He withdrew his hand but quickly grabbed his coffee and took a long sip.

“I don’t understand, Adele. My brother is going through some struggles of his own. What do you mean by connection?”

“Not like emotional, though I always felt closer to my mom. Like I identified with her like the girls identified with their moms as they shopped; doing things that meant the same to them. I didn’t feel like a boy out with my mother. It was special…like finding out I was royalty or something.”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but you’ve brought it up twice…”

“Why do I try so hard? Why am I so….accommodating?” She half-frowned.

“Well, since my brother was such a…and you…” He returned her half-frown with a smile.

“He wasn’t the first…obviously.” She said it as if it was obvious to him, but he didn’t know what she meant.

“I’m not sure I understand…why do you say obvious.” He smiled again, trying to put her at ease in an obviously embarrassing moment.

“I…my Dad hated me when I came out. We all got beat pretty bad, but I think…” She winced and began to tear up, almost as if her father had hit her just then.

“He singled you out because of your…condition?” She nodded and he continued. “You were punished for being yourself. Okay…I think I’m following you. Was it hard to maintain…to….?”

“I had to hide all the time. One time he came in drunk and the only thing that saved me was Mom telling him that I was Anthony’s new girlfriend…I guess I was about fourteen, and he’s looking at me thinking I’m his son’s...that’s me…his son’s girlfriend. It was so weird, and he just stood there and stared before saying something crude about ‘me’ before walking out.” She bit her tongue before taking a sip of her own coffee.

“You had to hide and your dad hated you…why do you think you…” Danny’s voice trailed off; he felt like he was being intrusive, but she touched his hand once again.

“It’s okay…I’m okay. I guess I was trying so hard to find someone who would accept me? Like a lot of real girls do…trying to get their father’s acceptance through other men.”

It became clear for Danny, but one other thing became clear as well.

“Why did you say ‘real girl’ just now?” He frowned, trying to understand her disappointment in herself.

“Well…that’s what they are…real…not like…me.” She lowered her head and began to tear up once again.

Danny resisted the urge not to get personal; he grabbed her hand with his and began to stroke it softly.

“You’re as real as any one, Adele; certainly as real as any girl I’ve ever met.” He smiled and his words turned to a soft laugh; warm and friendly as if she were the only one in the room.

“You….stop…it’s not funny…I….” She began to blush, and her face grew hot, almost as much from anger as from embarrassment. It was her turn to pull her hand away, and she grew frustrated as he held on tight, continuing to stroke it.

“I wasn’t joking. I’ve met a lot of women in my short time on earth. You are just as attractive and appealing and compelling as anyone I’ve ever met.” His voice was soothing, almost like a balm being spread over the wound in her heart.

“No…not me…you can’t….” She began to cry. She went to stand up, but slipped back down into her chair as he stood up and placed his hand softly on her shoulder.

“Don’t go, Adele…you don’t have to try with me…you don’t have to prove anything with me…you don’t have to be anyone but who you are.” He sat back down and released her hand.

“But…I’m…” She began to explain, almost as if he were oblivious to her beginnings.

“Adele…I know…remember…you were going to marry my brother…at least you…he was a fool to let you go.” Danny shook his head. He had been angry with his brother for some time over his treatment of Adele; they had almost come to blows more than once because of it. But his anger was not reserved for his brother alone.

I know you
You're not from here
I've waited for you to appear
To take my breath away
And make me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly

“Adele…I’m not your Dad…I can’t take that pain away. And I’m not my brother. I would never think of hurting you…” His voice trailed off. The conversation was going in a direction he felt he couldn’t control. And control was important to him…he didn’t want to lose the one thing he had gained over the past two years since he had returned from the war.

“I don’t know you well enough to care for you the way you deserve, but I will be as open and honest with you as I possibly can. You don’t have to do anything for me to care…I want to be your friend, Adele…nothing more, nothing less.” He was fooling himself, but his caution was wise for both their sakes.

“You mean you don’t want….” She looked hurt. She derived so much of her self esteem from being successful at being too pliable…too agreeable.

“Oh, gosh, Adele…no...It’s not like that.”

“I thought…I guess I’m not as real as you said I was after all. Fine, Dan…we can be friends…I haven’t been anybody’s buddy in a long time, but I can do that…we can go get a beer…maybe play some pool…stare at girls at the bar…sure…let me just turn back the clock a few years.” She stood and this time he made no effort to stop her.

“I guess I’ll see you upstairs.” She ran quickly to the elevators and pressed the up button. The doors opened up a few moments later and she stepped in after a young couple exited the waiting car. The doors began to close behind her but stopped as a hand reached in and held them open.

“Going my way?” Danny said as the car doors finally closed. Adele shied away, leaning against the far wall of the elevator car with her back to him.

“If I have to…fine.” She said it with an angry tone, but it was forced, and did little to mask her hurt. She felt a hand touch her softly on the shoulder, causing her to wince. She scooted sideways against the car wall but the hand reached around to gently turn her.

“Adele…I respect you too much to expect or demand or even want a physical relationship with you. That’s not how I was raised, no matter what my brother said or did. My mother taught me to treat a lady with respect, and that’s what I’m trying to do here.

“What? I don’t understand.” She sniffled as a teardrop fell from her nose.

“Sure…I’d love to hold you…to kiss you…to make love to you, but you’re not my wife…you’re not even my girlfriend….I don’t do things out of order. I hope I’m big enough to treat you with honor, okay, so there.”

“But…I don’t understand.”

“I know…that’s why I have to break my rule…just this once, and this is as far as it goes…for now.” She stared at him blankly, her tears still falling freely. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her. Just once, for only a few moments, but his kiss was tender and soft and sweet. And then he hugged her; a bit less than a lover but much more than a casual friend or brother. It was a hug of promise, of friendship that was destined to grow and change; for how much neither knew, but one that certainly promised to heal both hearts.

For now
I'll stand still
For now
I'll be filled by the memory of your skin
I know you
You're not from here
You don't belong to lies and tears

Meanwhile...in Vinnie's room...

“I guess we should let you get some sleep, huh?” Miri looked at Vinnie before turning to Jerry for agreement. Jerry nodded nervously as Miri hugged the boy and kissed him on the cheek. Miri turned again to her brother and used a head nod to indicate that he needed to say good bye as well.

“I’ll let you guys talk for a minute and say goodbye. Get well quick, okay?” She smiled at Vinnie and started for the door prompting a furious head shake “NO!” from Jerry as she passed him. She patted him on the back and shoved him closer to the bed before walking out.

Jerry watched Miri disappear before turning around to face the boy in the bed.

“Well, I guess I should get going. Thanks for telling me about your doctor…I’ll have my Mom give her a call tomorrow.” Jerry stood next to the bed and smiled awkwardly, feeling more than just a bit odd. Roles and feelings and beliefs seemed to be coming together like a new recipe his mom was trying for the first time; he didn’t know what it would be like and some of him was scared to test it out, but a lot of him looked forward to the new experience. He stepped closer, more out of fear of missing something than being brave or daring.

“Thanks for coming by…really.” Vinnie was just as confused as Jerry, and he was twice as fearful, perhaps because of the events of the last few days. Both boys felt exposed and maybe just a little bit ashamed; needless of course, but ashamed nonetheless. He reached over and tried to pull Jerry close to shake his hand; that’s what boys did, right? As Vinnie pulled his sleeve, Jerry misread the gesture. But instead of shying away, he made a bold move; the bravest thing he ever did and maybe the wisest and best as well, because it altered both of their paths.

“Okay….I gotta go.” Jerry leaned closed and remembering his sister’s gesture, went to kiss the boy on the cheek. And Vinnie, being as confused as ever, took Jerry’s gesture the wrong way, but like his new friend, did the bravest, wisest thing he ever did. He reached up with his right hand and pulled Jerry in and kissed him on the lips. Both boys’ eyes were wide open and they widened even more at the awkwardness of the moment. But neither boy pulled back, and in a few seconds were kissing each other…each experiencing their own first honest-to-goodness romantic kiss. It seemed to go on forever but lasted only a few seconds, interrupted by the arrival of a nurse carrying a pill cup and some antacid.

“Oh…I’m sorry…I’ll leave you two kids alone,” she said as all three faces grew bright red and hot.

Jerry took one look at the boy in the bed and fell in love. It wouldn’t be the last time he’d fall in love…actually it wouldn’t be the last time he’d fall in love but it was the very first time she fell in love. She had always seemed to know in the back of her mind that she liked boys, but for the first time she was absolutely sure she was a girl. She stared with wide, wondering eyes at the boy in the bed, who stared back with a blank look.

As sure as Jerry felt about his…about her feelings that day, Vinnie was just as sure that he wasn’t sure of anything but for one thing; he had kissed a girl…yes, a girl…for the first time, and he liked it. His problem…a very big problem indeed, was that he wasn’t sure about himself. Even at that moment, he wasn’t even sure he WAS a he. But at that moment on that day in that year, it really didn’t matter, because no matter who he was or wasn’t, no matter whether he was a girl or a boy…he had fallen in love for the first time as well.

The greatness of your soul
Makes me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly

Next: What's Up, Doc?

You're Not From Here
Words and Music by
John Bettis, Walter Afanasieff,
Rick Allison, and Lara Fabian
as performed by Lara Fabian
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORUARL84jGo