A Mississippi River Romance You're Still Not From Here by Andrea Lena DiMaggio   I don't know what is going on You turn around and touch my heart A silent moment speaks the truth Something has happened all at once It should have scared me in advance But I was falling in those eyes of yours

Previously...The Pearson home...

“Someone has to stay with my mother….my brother Rick…or me…one of us can come with you.” Danny saw a very troubled look cross the face of the younger cop and he felt a chill up his spine.’

The first kiss, the first date were precious, but they could never outweigh the first slap or punch, and nothing would ever make the pain of knowing she had married a monster go away. She wept for her loss; of her innocence and her love, but much more in guilt over the loss of innocence of her children. She didn’t pull the trigger, but at that moment she felt her inability to stand up to her husband put the gun in Rick’s hand. Estelle Pearson collapsed in her son’s arms.

Thirty Minutes Later....

“I’m so sorry, Danny. Don’t worry; Adele and I can keep your mother company, okay?” Giada Magliano gestured to the couch, where Estelle was sleeping.

“The doctor said the sedative will likely leave her out for an hour or so; time enough I hope for your sake to get this awful task done.” Rick’s status as a suspect in his own father’s murder meant that someone else from the family had to identify the body; everyone involved in the case knew that it indeed was Richard Pearson, Sr. that had been killed, but rules are rules.

“Danny…” Adele walked over to her mother and grabbed her arm. Danny stepped back a bit and smiled weakly.

“I’m really sorry…” She knew nothing of the family history despite being engaged for six weeks to Rick, and she hadn’t been sucked too far into the Pearson maelstrom before Rick and she split up. Nevertheless, she somehow felt responsible for Rick’s actions; as if their parting led to the shooting. And of course, like every one else, she hoped that it wasn’t Rick but another who had killed Richard Pearson.

“Adele…it’s…you didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing. I’ve got to go, and I need to stop by the hospital on the way back from…” His voice trailed off but he anticipated the obvious question…at least obvious to him.

“The hospital cut off the cable to Vinnie’s room and no one is to speak to him about this until the doctor and I meet later. They’re telling him that his unit isn’t working. This is going to hurt bad.”

“Would you like me to come,” Adele asked, stepping forward toward Danny. He put his hand up.

“No…I…we need to talk about family stuff.” Her face twisted a bit; feeling rejected once again where nothing but acceptance was offered. Danny understood right away.

“No…honey…it’s just I have to talk with Vinnie about some stuff he’s never told anybody…” Danny glanced over to the couch where his mother slept. Giada nodded and Adele looked sad and very embarrassed.

“Look…honey…the cops are waiting for me to follow them down town. We’ll talk when I get back, but you’ve got to grab onto this right now…I love you…nothing you say or do is going to change that, and believe me…I understand about being insecure and hurt, so you don’t have to apologize for questioning; you hardly know me. But know this…When this whole thing is all over, you and I should start talking about the future…the immediate future, okay?” He went to kiss Adele but realized Giada would see. He kissed her cheek instead, and Giada laughed.

“Go ahead, Danny; it’s okay. I’d be upset if you didn’t kiss her.” He took her at her word and kissed Adele like a boyfriend kisses his ‘best girl,’ before running to his pickup. A moment later he was gone. She sighed deeply and her mother hummed the tune to

“I am Sixteen,” from The Sound of Music before they walked off the porch, closing the door behind them.

I know you
You're not from here
I've waited for you to appear
To take my breath away
And make me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly

St. Louis County Jail, Clayton, Missouri

“Danny…I swear to God…I didn’t kill him.” Rick put his head in his hands and sighed. Danny was so afraid that Rick was lying; even though he loved his brother he didn’t trust him, hot head that he was.

“What happened, Rick? I mean, God…they found you with the gun in your hand.” Danny shook his head, trying to understand and process so many difficult and painful emotions.

“I went over there to…” He leaned closer and whispered through the phone. “I was going beat the shit out of him…” Rick was a bundle of emotions himself; seething and tearing up at the same time.

“I called to find out if he would be home. When he answered he was like he usually is…you know… what’s the problem? You know…that arrogant shit he started pulling when I first confronted him?” Danny nodded and winced at the same time.

“I got there and he was gone…I mean someone shot the fucker right through the heart.” Rick almost seemed disappointed, but Danny saw something in his eyes.

“Why the hell did you pick up the gun?”

“What the fuck, Dan…I don’t fucking know. All I know is that he was dead when I got there.” Dan looked again and saw something he didn’t expect to see; something he’d likely have seen had he a mirror at that moment.

“Rick…Are you okay?” Danny leaned closer to the partition.

“I…” He only got as far as ‘I’ before leaning on the table and weeping. Danny actually started to get up and remembered where he was and sat down, wishing he could reach past the plexiglass to console his brother. A moment later Rick lifted his head and began to speak again.

“Danny…I mean…for Christ’s sake…he was our father…why the fuck did he do that? Who the fuck does that to their…” He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling, seeking for the first time some solace and support from someone beside himself.

Danny closed his eyes and remembered the first time he had seen the gun...the nickel plated 45 with the ebony grip...where his dad got it he never found out. He had forgotten about it all these years; hoping to put into the past the threats...not to him...He would have been happy to die. Richard Sr. had threatened the same vile disgusting acts against the youngest of the family...The bile came to his throat as he recalled the betrayal as his father went ahead and hurt Vinnie anyway after he had gotten what he wanted from Danny. He swallowed and looked at his brother again.

“Geez, Rick, I wish I knew…and I don’t want to know. I almost don’t care why…that he did it says enough to me.” Danny started to cry. A tall fortyish looking African- American corrections officer stepped closer and said softly,

“I’m gonna give you two some extra time. His lawyer’s stuck in traffic, and I don’t want to walk him back to his cell and have to turn around…” He paused as if to consider a decision before standing next to Danny and whispering down,

“I don’t think your brother did it…I’ve been here a while, and there’s just something about the ones…he may not be innocent, but he sure as hell ain’t guilty, either. You got ten minutes.”

“Danny…what about Mom…what’s happening with her?” Rick began to get agitated, looking around as if he could actually leave.

“She’s okay. Giada is looking after her…” He didn’t want to mention Adele, but Rick knew already.

“Danny…it’s okay…you and Adele…” He left it at that.

“The doctor gave her a sedative; she should be okay…least while I’m out. I…I gotta go over to the hospital to tell Vinnie. I wish you could come.” He would have thought it was ironic that he wanted the murderer of his father to tell his brother, but he bit his lip in anger at himself when he realized how wrong he continued to see Rick.

“Yeah…I’m sorry, Rick…I do wish you were with me.” He shook his head and looked at his brother, wondering just how the Pearon family would weather the latest in a long line of storms.

“Five minutes, kid.” The man nodded and tapped his watch. Danny nodded back.

“Danny…can you do me a favor?” Danny nodded without question. Rick shrugged his shoulders and tears came to his eyes once again.

“Listen…I don’t know how this is going to play out…I didn’t do it…” Danny frowned sadly at the statement, helping Rick know that he believed him.

“Please? Tell Adele I am so sorry for hurting her and her family. The tears streamed down his cheeks and the conviction of his conscience tore his heart in two as he wept.

“It’s like I…I’m no better than Daddy…Sure…I didn’t rape her, but I might as well have. She didn’t deserve that and I am so sorry for what I did.” Rick always ‘apologized’ by describing his actions as an event with which he was involved; “I’m sorry it happened,” or “I’m sorry you got hurt.” Perhaps for the first time in his life, maybe too late, he took responsibility for his behavior.

“I will…I’m going to see her tonight, and we’ve got a lot of talking to do…about this…about a lot of things…I’ll tell her.” He nodded and put his palm against the glass, met on the other side by Rick’s hand.

“Love you, Rick…I do…” He smiled as Rick repeated the words into the phone before the man said softly,

“I’m sorry…It’s time.” Danny got up and walked toward door, only to be stopped by the man’s soft touch on his arm.

“I’ll be praying for you and your brother.” He smiled as the door opened and another officer ushered Rick’s attorney in. The man paused and handed Danny a card.

“I’ll call you tonight, okay? If you don’t here from me by tonight, call my cell tomorrow. I’ll answer if I’m not in court.”

Danny nodded as the door closed behind him.

St. Luke's Urgent Care Center...a while later...

“Hey, little brother.” Vinnie frowned until Danny added with a smile, “for now.”

“Hey Danny…I’m glad you’re here. They said the cable won’t get fixed until tomorrow.” Vinnie looked up at the blank screen on the wall opposite his bed.

“Yeah…I heard…Vin…I got something I’ve got to talk to you about…okay?” Danny’s face failed to hide his dread, and the boy shouted,

“Is something wrong with Mom…Danny? Fuck…Danny…tell me she’s okay.’ Danny quickly took two finals steps and patted Vinnie as he sat down next to the bed.

“No…Vin...she’s okay…don’t worry. It’s about something else.” Danny’s expression hadn’t changed.

“What…Danny...What?”

“Daddy’s dead.” The boy’s face changed from fear to shock to relief in a moment, only to be replaced by sadness. Vinnie put his head back on his pillow and began to sob. Danny didn’t want to tell him the next part, but he’d find out somehow by the end of the day. He stood up and grabbed Vinnie’s hand and patted it.

“Vin…I’m sorry I gotta do this but there’s more, and you’ll find out about it sooner or later and…”

“No…tell me he didn’t!” The boy screamed loud enough that the nurse came running into the room. Danny held his hand up and she nodded and walked out.

“Who told you?” Danny knew that Vinnie knew about Rick.

“We…we were talking yesterday after you guys left. He wasn’t sure after everything the other day…I had to tell him about me and Daddy, Rick…I’m so sorry.” He began to sob again.

“Vinnie…it’s not your fault…no, Vin…stop it.” Danny began to cry along with his brother. Vinnie looked up and his face was etched with sheer horror.

“You don’t understand. He was so upset that he started to pace up and down in front of the bed. I didn’t mean it, Danny…I swear I didn’t mean it.” He buried his face against the far side of his pillow. Danny started to stroke his hair.

“It’s okay…it’s not your fault.” A moment that Danny felt so odd about; a moment he’d recall later when things weren’t so horrific. Vinnie took his hand and grabbed Danny and pulled his hand away, yelling,

“You don’t understand…stop making excuses…that’s all we do…It’s my fault….I told Rick I wished Daddy were dead…I’m so sorry…It’s my fault.” He began crying in sheer horror, the fire fueled by misplaced guilt and shame. The nurse came in seconds later and gave the boy something through the tube coming out of his arm. A moment later he began to relax, but he still sobbed,

“My fault…it’s my fault.” Danny couldn’t take it anymore. As much as he cried all that day, he was the strongest member of the Pearsons, but he couldn’t sustain it any longer. He sat down; nearly falling into the chair again as he began to weep. He grabbed Vinnie’s hand and squeezed as the two wept as one; fearful that things would never be the same. They were right enough, but they would find out that different in this case was not only acceptable; it was just the thing the family needed.

For now
I'll stand still
For now
I'll be filled by the memory of your skin
I know you
You're not from here
You don't belong to lies and tears

Ever the rock, even after his understandable melt-down at the hospital, Danny knew that if he called and canceled meeting Adele, she’d take it the wrong way. She might have been stronger at that point, but she was still fragile, and Danny was too afraid to chance yet another disappointment for someone he cared about.

“Danny…oh gosh…you look…” She wanted to say, “Is everything alright,” but she knew everything, or nearly everything, was wrong.

“You must be so tired. Look…it’s late. Let me make you a bed on the couch and we can talk tomorrow, okay?”

“No…I’ve got to talk to someone…no…I’ve go to talk to you. I’ve got too much bad to talk about, and I’m sick of bad….I’ve been wading through pain all day. I’ve got talk…I’m sorry…Please, Adele…there’s something I need to say, and it can wait, I guess but I can’t. Today hurts too much, and I need…”

“Sit down…let me get you a bottle of water…you must be exhausted.”

He would have argued but she walked quickly into the kitchen and back in a few seconds. She grabbed him by the arm and led him to the couch. Only months before even that gesture would have meant something else entirely, but she was solely focused on his needs; not for her sake to get what she wanted, whatever that was, but purely for him.

“Adele…this has been the worst day of my life.” He began.

He would recall later on that it was actually the third worst day; ranking behind the day he lost his leg and the first day of the horror that had been passed like an evil hand-me-down to him and eventually to Vinnie.

“I have to have something good to balance out all the hurt…you know?” She nodded as if she understood. Adele wanted to understand but his words still were filtered through her belief that nothing good could or should come to her, like light through a dirty window. His next words shattered the window and finally let the light shine into her heart.

“I love you. I’ve loved you since we first met. I hated what Rick was doing to you and I wanted so much to tell you that you don’t deserve that…that you didn’t deserve to be treated like you were somehow flawed. You took my breath away the first time you kissed me…the day Rick introduced you and you kissed Mom and me and Vinnie on the cheek.” Adele choked back a sob and put bit her fist.

“I wanted to grab you and shake you… and when I thought that I realized that’s what we’ve been doing all your life…guys…telling you what to do…what to wear…who to talk to. Rick told me…I know he wasn’t supposed to say anything, but he sat at the kitchen table that night after you told him about how you’d been born a guy.”

She winced and her fist fell from her mouth as she gave into the tears. She stood still and he pulled her close, not for romance or sex or his own needs, but because she needed the touch of someone who says I don’t understand but it doesn’t make any difference. The embrace that says you don’t need to run away. She went to wrest herself from his arms, all the while still sobbing. She pounded on his chest but he didn’t unlace his fingers; neither did he tighten his embrace, but his arms just surrounded her.

“You can’t love me…I’m not real…I’m a tramp…I’m a whore…” She was crying loud enough that Jerry and Miri and Giada all walked out of their rooms and down the stairs. Miri went to run to Adele, but Giada put her arm up and locked it against the bannister and mouthed,

“No, it’s okay.” Miri looked at the two and bit her lip as she realized just what was taking place. Jerry sat down on the stairs and began to cry…not because she was a girl or that she realized she was a girl or any of that. She wept because of the pain she knew her sister was releasing; the disappointments and sadness wrought by past neglect and misunderstandings. And the relief she felt because her sister had shown her in this one moment that she had a future as herself.

“You’re not a whore…you’re not a tramp…no matter what anyone ever told you or you thought you saw, you are the most beautiful woman in the world… I love you, and I…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box.

“I bought this the day we came to fix the house… I knew then, and I hope you know now…that you see yourself as I do… and that you’ll…” He paused, and as awkward as it was, he knelt on his prosthesis and continued.

“You’ll agree to be my wife… Adele, would you marry me?” She looked at the ring in his hand and at his face. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he smiled; his eyes….those eyes…seemed to brighten. Maybe it was the moment; maybe it was the hall light, but she smiled. She reached down and pulled him to his feet. His face turned red and he looked disappointed until she smiled again and spoke.

“Yes, Daniel Pearson… I love you… I still don’t know what you see in me.” She began to cry, but her smile widened and she went on.

“But I love you enough to trust you…I have never been able to trust a man…no one…until you came along. You captured my heart the day you came for the first time…How you paid for my mother’s roof out of your own pocket. I saw your leg… You didn’t try to hide it and yet you did. You see that lack and I see only the heart of courage that caused your loss. You are without a doubt the kindest nicest person I ever met. Yes. Daniel Pearson…Yes.”

She held out her left hand and he place the ring on her finger. Miri started to applaud from the stairway and her mother went to shush her. Danny looked over Adele’s shoulder and smiled and waved as Adele stood close and placed her head on his shoulder. It was different this time… No sorrow, no pain, no bad memories. It felt good, as if his shoulder was designed just for her face.

Giada gazed at her daughter and new son and sighed. Maybe someday she’d rediscover love, but for now, she was at complete peace at her child’s happiness.

Miri stared at Danny and wondered if she’d ever find someone as nice as him; would she be loved?

And Jerry just smiled.

The greatness of your soul
Makes me weep
You're not from here
Not from this here and now
Just a touch of yours
And I fly... and I fly... and I fly

Next: I Kissed a Boy (and she kissed a girl)and I liked it!

You're Not From Here
Words and Music by
John Bettis, Walter Afanasieff,
Rick Allison, and Lara Fabian
as performed by Lara Fabian
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORUARL84jGo