It's Only Grief
You come up to me
Say “Why so sad?
You look so glum
you must feel bad”
I wish to say
“It's too much this pain
it overwhelms
comes again and again
But it's only grief
it's only grief”
You'd say “whats this pain?
What makes you down
and turns a smile
into a frown?”
I think “it's simple
I'm a man outside
but within my heart
a girl does reside
But it's only grief
it's only grief”
You'd ask“I'd like to know
how this could be
when you look
like a male to me”
“But it's true!”
I'd exclaim with zeal
“I know this girl
within is real
But it's only grief
it's only grief”
“You must be mad!
And put away!
We could cure you”
That's what you'd say
“No madness now”
I would reply
“And from such 'cure'
I would fly”
You would state
“you're lost in sin!
To think you're male without
and a girl within”
“No sin intended,
no shame, says I
For to God I cling,
and pray” I'd cry
“But it's only grief
It's only grief
Now speak no more!
Be silent, voice!
I cannot stop
I have no choice!
One day this grief
it will be gone
and left behind
while I go on”
Those are the words
inside my heart
but I dont say outloud
my lips don't part.
Athough my heart may break
no one will see
for I can't say yet
“Let me be me”
It's only grief
my secret shame
I hate it so
myself I blame
One day that will change
may it be soon
I pray to God
to grant this boon
I'll stand up proud
say with relief
“I will be true
have no more grief”
Until that day
I struggle so
and because of fear
you will never know
Comments
Too true...
Until that day I struggle so and because of fear you will never know
it's been very rough day. Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
It's Only Grief
To me, the only grief is that of not being able to be true to yourself.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Really?
...the only grief? And you came to that conclusion how? How about the worry of losing your family if you're found out? What about the years of loss before self-discovery? Perhaps the grief over the loss of fellowship in communion with people of faith? Grieving over the loss of friends, long held to be loyal and true? Family members who still love but treat you like you don't fit in? Grieving what you've never had if you are lonely and scared? Do you go to bed at night crying in fear and confusion? Was your first experience as a woman at the hands of someone who hurt you? Very simple to say...so difficult to live. Please!
Ah... The voice...
I call those thoughts, "the voice". They still haunt me... torment my every waking moment... full of doubt and shame and fear.
"No one really loves you! They're just humoring you!"
"You're not really a woman! You're just pretending and everyone knows it!"
"God hates you! You're making a mockery of His creation! He made a boy, not a girl!"
"You're a joke! A pale shadow of womanhood! Everyone who looks at you is laughing at you!"
The reality is that I was only making myself miserable all those years I spent in the closet. Pretending to be someone I wasn't was keeping those around me from having the opportunity to grow and become more than they were. It was the biggest mistake of my life.
The truth will out... and the longer you put it off, the worse it gets... and it cannot be kept indefinitely. The voice is a lie. Shut it out and walk in the sun... the way God made you...
...and let the grief turn to joy!