The Office of Nancy Manfredonia, LPC, Phoenix, Arizona...

"I’m a little nervous about tomorrow." Dale said as she looked away. Nancy smiled and repeated.

"You're a little nervous?" She emphasized 'little.'

"Okay...I'm very nervous about tomorrow."

"And?" Nancy laughed softly.

"I'm meeting Rick's mother for the first time." She sighed and shook her head, almost as if she were going to meet her door. From her perspective, it was almost like that.

"She....Rick hasn't told her anything about....me."

"Well, won't this be a good time to find out?" Nancy asked.

"I mean...haven't you been wondering if you'll pass with his family?"

"Yes," she said and put her head down.

"I feel so dishonest, like I'm trying to trick them."

"But you're not trying to pass as a t-girl, are you? You're just trying to pass inspection just like any other future daughter-in-law, right?"

"Yes..." She raised her head only long enough to answer the question.

"Why didn't Rick help you explain?" Nancy had an idea, but she wanted Dale to arrive at the conclusion on her own.

"He's...he's afraid that they'll....reject me."

"Why would they reject you? What is wrong with you?" Nancy didn't think for a moment that anything was 'wrong' with Dale; no more than any other at least. But Dale had a habit of focusing on what could go wrong or be wrong, in spite of everything positive about her.

"I can't have children. His first wife gave her two grandchildren." Rick's daughters were in college, and Rick wasn't looking for more children.

"Have you two talked about that? He's certainly aware of your 'situation;' who really is wanting children here?"

"I suppose I would want them but I'm not exactly equipped for it, am I?" She said it almost in a self-mocking tone as she looked down again.

"It sounds like you're angry with yourself again.... Dale....look at me, okay?" Her words lifted Dale's face. Tears had welled in Dale's eyes.

"I spent all this time and money and I'm just a fake...a sham."

"Is that what Rick says?"

"Nnnn...no."

"So who keeps telling you that you're a fake, Dale?" Nancy's tone was soft but her look was insistent; almost demanding an answer from Dale.

"I...I do." She shook her head again.

"You feel angry at yourself and you feel like a fake. Like you're pretending to be something you aren't, is that right?"

"Yes...I'm not real...I'm not..."

"Has anyone ever told you you're not real, Dale?" Like an attorney, Nancy never asked a question to which she didn't already know the answer.

"My Dad...."

"What did he say?"

"What did he say??? He told me that he didn't have a daughter...only a son."

"But don't you have a sister?"

"Ginnie....you know that. Why do you ask?"

"How does he look at Ginnie, Dale? What does he say to her?"

"He's...proud of her."

"What makes him so proud of her (and not proud of you)?"

"She's got three kids...all great kids."

"And?" (What have you given him?)

"I'm just a fake...I can't give him grandchildren...either way now!" She shrugged her shoulders.

"Did you realize how important it was to him?"

"No...He never even gave me a second thought when I was....before I transitioned."

"But it's important now?"

"Yes...." Her voice trailed off as she put her head down again.

"Did you please him before you transitioned? Was there anything between you?"

"Nnno...?" She asked her self the question as much as spoke the answer.

"So you never knew where you stood? How is it between you two now?"

"We...haven't talked since Mom's funeral."

"Didn't you tell me your sister tried to get you two together?"

"He said I was welcome...that he was sorry we hadn't gotten along."

"He rejected you and it's 'we hadn't gotten along?'" Nancy thought but said instead,

"And he wanted you to come to visit now that he's not doing so well. What could possibly be bad about that?"

"He said to Ginnie, 'Tell HIM that HE can visit anytime HE wants.'" She looked up and her face was covered in tears.

"Tell Him??? It's not like I can go back...and he knows that. What does he want from me?

"It looks like he wants his son back."

"But I'm not his son...I'm his fucking daughter...why can't he see that?"

"It's important to you that he sees that; isn't it?" Almost a foolish question, but Nancy wanted Dale to express that...to deal with the root of her disappointment in herself.

"Yes....I tried so hard growing up...he kept at me...tried to get me to change, but I couldn't... This is who I am...I'm not a man....I'm a woman...why can't he see that?"

"What do you think...why?"

"Because he wanted a son to leave behind, not another fucking daughter."

"Can you be that for him?" (Of course you can't)

"No! I could never please him...why won't he accept me for who I am?"

"What are you, Dale?"

"I'm a freak...a fucking freak!"

"Does Rick think you're a freak?"

"What?"

"Does Rick think that you're a freak? Do you disappoint him?"

"No...Rick...I don't know." She began to cry.

"Really? Does Rick think you disappoint him, Dale? What did he tell you when we met together last week?"

"Last week?"

"Yes, when he sat next to you...What did he say to you?"

"Thhaat...that he loved me....?"

"And?"

"That he....he thought I was.....wwww....."

"Go ahead....I know you remember...can you believe what he said...what did he say, Dale?"

"He said I was wonderful." She choked back a sob.

"So your fiance tells you that you're wonderful and that he loves you?"

"Yes."

"And the father you couldn't please even before your transition sees you as a disappointment, right?"

"Yes." She choked back another sob.

"It's not like breaking a tie, Dale.... Whom do you see yourself as? The disappointment or the wonderful woman who's about to get married?"

"The wonderful woman?"

"Is that what you believe or what you want me to believe?"

"It's so hard..." She cried.

"Yes it is, Dale... but it still is very important."

"I'm a woman, damn it...why couldn't he see that?"

"Which is more important? His opinion or yours?" She excluded Rick's opinion for a reason; Dale needed to accept herself.

"Mine." She lifted her head.

"Why?"

"Because I'm the one I have to please?"

Nancy tilted her head and smiled,

"Is that a question?"

"No...I'm the one I have to please. I'm a woman and a daughter and I'm going to be a wife!"

"And?" Nancy smiled.

“I’m transgendered and it’s just fine with my fiance!"

“And?”

"I’m going to be a step-mother! And a good one."

"I think you'll be a great mom, Dale."

Nancy smiled and for the first time that day, Dale smiled back.

Next: Betty's Story