Moving On - Part 6

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Gresham, Oregon, at the apartment of Louise Calveccia..

"Louise? Honey?" Jeff walked into the apartment. Louise sat on the couch staring at the floor.

"You okay?" He sat down next to her and kissed her on the cheek. She went to pull away, but he could see it wasn't because she was angry.

"No. I'm not okay, Jeff. I'll never be okay." She pouted and bit the inside of her mouth.

"We've already been over this, sweetie....I don't know if there's much more I can say to change your mind."

"You know....I mean how I compare with...her!"

"Cathy? You can't...." It almost sounded cruel until he continued.

"She was my sweetheart all through college. She was...is my son's mother, honey. The deck is stacked if you insist on comparing yourself to her."

"That's just it...she gave you love...she gave you a child. What have I ever given you?

"Well...."

"Besides that, you....." She swatted his arm playfully, but then looked down at her feet.

He wasn't really trying to focus on the physical so much as help her understand that the physical part of their relationship was just fine.

"No complaints, Louise. I've never ever been disappointed. But it goes beyond that."

"What?" She gritted her teeth and tears came to her eyes.

"I guess I serve some purpose."

"Louise, stop it right now!" His words came as a sharp rebuke, not for his sake, but for hers.

"Carla told us to focus on what you've got instead of what you're missing; your words, not hers! You’re missing nothing!" Louise turned and stared at him as if he had asked the impossible.

"It's easy for you to say...you've been exactly who you've always thought you were; you're doing exactly everything you've set out to do." He couldn't argue with her statement, but her conclusion was skewed by years of doubt fueled by the rejection of her parents. They had a reconciliation of sorts, but by that time the damage had already been done. She was so fragile and self-focused, which wasn't uncommon from what Carla, their therapist, had told them.

"I never knew what I really wanted other than to be married. Everything I did with Cathy defined who I was. Whatever she wanted, I did or tried to do."

It's often been said never to speak ill of the dead; a rider to that emotional contract for so many parties is that you can never not speak well of them either. They often remain saints and martyrs; idols left to be admired instead of the humans they actually were. Jeff had finally realized he had bought into a lie. Cathy actually was human.

"When she died, I went through a whole period of still trying to be what she wanted, but I finally realized I had to be my own person. I had to do what I felt was best."

"But she gave you a son."

"Yes, she did. He's a great kid and I'm blessed to be a father. And she was the best woman I ever knew." Louise looked at him with widened eyes, completely misunderstanding what he had said. She still read way more into his words than actually was there. Tears began to flow until he lifted her chin and smiled.

"Listen...she WAS the best woman I ever KNEW...past tense....Louise, she's not a God or a super hero. You can never be my FIRST love; that's a title reserved for her and her alone....but you ARE the love of my life. I can't imagine going a single moment without knowing you. I love you." His arguments were irrefutable, so she side stepped.

"I hate the way I look." She almost seemed to be gazing into an invisible mirror.

"My ears stick out...my nose..." Tears fell freely as she looked down at the small part in her blouse where the top button had come undone.

"You....deserve more." Jeff shook his head at her words.

"What? You're beautiful. What more could a guy ask for?" He used a general expression, but something inside him compelled him. He reached over and started unbuttoning her blouse.

"Stop...Jeff...Stop...please."

He ignored her without a sound and placed his hand softly on her right breast. Not a grope, not even sexual in intent, but it was sexual nonetheless. He touched her softly, as you might caress a cheek; very personal and almost reverent.

"No...Jeff....please...Don't." Louise wasn't upset; she almost welcomed the physical sensation, but she couldn't see the heart behind the act.

"This is the most perfect breast in the history of the world."

"No...It's not....no." He felt her tears fall onto his arm, making their way through the maze of hair down to his elbow under his sleeve.

"Okay...I lied. It has a perfect match right next to it." He laughed softly, gently as he switched his focus to her left breast.

"You know what my favorite thing in the whole world is?" Her efforts at ignoring his touch were failing, and she hesitated a moment before collecting herself.

"Wha..what?"

"Kissing you while touching you!” He wasted no time and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Nuuuhhhh.....no....Jeff....Stop."

"Nope...." He removed his hand and placed it softly on her shoulder. He began to massage her neck, which had grown hard and almost inflexible. His kisses, while still romantic and almost sexual, became therapeutic as he focused his attention on her tear-stained cheeks.

"I love you." He said softly, not to convince her about him but about her.

"I can't say it enough times, but God knows I am going to try." He laughed again, his laughter reassuring and encouraging as evidence that he wasn't at all trying to be serious but sincere.

"Louise Marie Calveccia, I've been meaning to ask you a question and I think now is as good a time as any.

"No....Jeff...no...." She wasn't protesting so much as expressing the fear she long held that he'd ask and she'd be unworthy; not deserving.

"I'll never tell you to do or say anything at all so long as we're together, which I hope spans decades, honey, but I'm going to say one thing only, okay." She looked at him and her eyes widened again at an expected rebuke. It was rebuke of sorts, but only in a way to clarify rather that force or insist.

"Honey...I need you to know that no matter what you think, you have to respect my decisions about what I value and treasure and hold dear. My beliefs are my own. They are subject to change, and you can influence them greatly, but never believe that you know better about what I want than I do. You cannot look at me and tell me I can't love you. You are not allowed to insist that I don't find you attractive. You can't tell me you aren't important to me. Those things are mine alone."

"I....I don't understand." She raised her hand to her face and wiped away the remaining tears.

"Just this...I'll never lie to you. I might hesitate to tell you what's on my mind, but you'll always know where I stand, sometimes quicker than others, but I'll always tell you the truth."

"Buuhh...but..." She began to cry again. He grabbed her softly by the shoulders and pulled her into a soft embrace only to hold her at arm’s length a moment later.

"Listen to me, honey. I decide whom I will love, and I love you. I've loved you for a very long time. Of course I never knew how much and why, but you know it's true." She went to shake her head, but his kiss prevented that from continuing.

"When Cathy died I was devastated...alone with a five year old son, feeling helpless and lost." It was his turn to cry. He held back his sobs and kissed her again.

"You were there all along; a friend, a huge encouragement in our lives. There's so much of Cathy in you....and so much of you in her." She shook her head no.

"You keep looking at yourself as if you're still standing on the platform waiting for the train. That was then, and this is now...you embarked on that journey, and you arrived a long time ago. I don't see you the way you used to be other than that the same caring loving man has become a very beautiful woman. You may see yourself always as her brother, but I see you as my love...my life. You're going to marry me, and I'll be the happiest man on earth."

"I...." She went to speak, but her words got stuck in her throat.

"You love me, right? You know I'm right!"

She pouted slightly as her tears flowed freely. Her nostrils flared slightly as her emotions seemed to switch at the sound of his words.

"Yehhhhyes?" Her words even sounded like a question, like she not only felt unworthy of being loved but of loving; as if she didn't deserve to bless him.

"Louise Marie Calveccia? I've got a seven year old boy sitting at his grandparent's house, probably getting bored watching videos with his Grandpa. He wants you to know that he's asking you to be his Mom. 'You can be married to her, Daddy, but she's my Mommy first, okay?'"

As if she had an inexhaustible supply of tears, she began sobbing harder than Jeff could remember. She put her head on his shoulder and shook a bit, her tears literally soaking his shirt.

"So...on behalf of Jimmy and for my sake, will you please say you'll be my wife?"

"Yeehhhhessss." She managed to say before dissolving completely into his shoulder.

Louise had felt for so long that she was second-rate; someone to settle for if the real thing weren't available. But at that moment, she looked into her lover's eyes. He gazed back and his face was beaming. No rejection...no shame whatsoever. He smiled at her and she felt like things were finally the way they should be.

So, on the 15th of June, 2011, Louise Marie Calveccia moved on...and moved in....as Mrs. Jeffrey Salvatore Petrone.

Next: Stevie's Story



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Comments

All together now,

ALISON

' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW !!Sweet and lovely,nothing more to say.

ALISON

Oh just great 'Drea.

You made mt cry with this and now I've got to go to work all read eyes and sniffly. That was awesome.

Bailey Summers

Well, There You Go Again

littlerocksilver's picture

There weren't any secrets, no mysteries. At least not too mysterious. I knew who she was about six or seven paragraphs before the 'secret' was revealed. It just seemed right. Thank you for confirming what I felt. I can see it: his best friend for years, and he marries his sister. Their love for each other was always there. When she came out, nothing changed. This was making the best, the very best, out of a tragic situation. I don't think there will be one person in either of the families that won't know how blessed they all are.

Portia

Portia

full box of tissues

and a pail-full of gold stars. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

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Moving On - Part 5

A Love Story.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Each love is new...

Ole Ulfson's picture

One can't replace another. Each love is unique unto itself and spectacular in it's differences. We can only enjoy what we have while we have it; then move on if we are lucky enough to find love again.

Ole

We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!

Gender rights are the new civil rights!