The Summer of Love of Linda Piontak Part Six - Duet  by Andrea Lena DiMaggio Free the dream within The stars are crying a tear A sigh escapes from heaven And the world's end Breathe the dream within The mystifying We tremble and spin Suspended within

“You have to know that you’re just fine the way you are; there is nothing wrong with you, despite anything you’ve ever heard or even told yourself. And I ought to know how it feels to be on the wrong side of that, right?” She smiled and nodded not really knowing why as the tears still came.

He laughed softly at the clever turn of phrase until he noticed that Annette held Linda in her arms once again as the girl had fainted.

Somewhere in time....

Look beyond where hearts can see
Dream in peace
Trust, love, believe

We tremble and spin
Suspended within

Linda sat at the piano bench, her hands poised to play. Tony got up from the bench and walked around and leaned softly on her shoulder, kissing her right cheek.

“Oui, mon pere,” Linda said playfully. She placed her left hand on the keyboard. Her eyes fluttered as she gave out a deep sigh. Had she looked over, she would have seen her father’ eyes close softly, the same deep sigh coming from his mouth. The lovely strains of Debussy came but quickly faded away as she heard her name being called....

Linda's apartment....

"Linda, hon? Are you alright?" Once again, Linda came slowing out of an odd dream to see someone ... Bernice...looking down at her.

"I'mm....I'm okay." She sat up quickly but lost her balance and slumped against the arm of the couch.

"Whoa....easy does it, kiddo," Annette said with a smile. She grabbed Linda's hand and patted it softly.

"What happened?" Linda looked around, dazed.

"I just finished introducing you to my former brother, dear." Dave pointed to Bernice, who had sat down across from Linda and Annette. Dave walked behind Bernice and started rubbing her shoulders.

"She can tell it better than I can, right, Sis?" Bernice nodded and began.

"Mom and Dad were so supportive. I had my surgery after I'd just turned twenty; in fact it was in Montreal...the place to go, huh? Mom is Canadian; my uncle Dave is a surgeon, and worked it out for me." Linda nodded.

"I had all that support, and there still are days when I have doubts...I think we all do, you know? I have a friend in Connecticut who still struggles with it nearly every day; she's the sweetest woman you'd ever want to meet, but her family couldn't accept what she'd done, and they love her as much as anyone can who doesn't understand." Linda shook her head and put it down.

"You blame yourself for your boyfriend...like it's your fault for not being complete, like somehow you got up one day and decided to deceive him."

"He wants kids....I can't give them to him." Linda's lip quivered.

"It's more than that, hon. You want kids, maybe as much as you've ever wanted anything, right? It's in us...built in; because we're women...we want to be mothers. And we can, but not in the way everybody thinks." Linda began to tear, mirroring Bernice.

"You have so much love in you, Linda." Annette patted her hand once again. "So much love for everyone, but not enough, maybe even none for yourself."

"I tried so hard to make him happy. And it wasn't enough...." Linda's voice trailed off as she looked down at her body.

"I'll never be enough...." She kept shaking her head as if to convince herself of the truth of her misperception.

"That's what I tell myself maybe every other month? Some days are better than others. I think the more support you have the better it gets, but only you can tell yourself the truth, hon."

"I'd be willing to bet you even feel guilty about feeling bad....like you owe it to someone to be brave...you're almost twenty yourself and you figure you should grow up, right?" Linda shrugged her shoulders and nodded.

Annette interjected,

"You're a beautiful woman who doesn't see what everybody else sees. Just like you figured out how much encouragement and love your students and friends need, someone will come along and help you realize that about yourself. How precious and special you are...how lovely a person you are."

"Tony is a great guy, but right now he's into his own issues, and he really has never been able to be that for you. Oh he loves you in his own way, but he hasn't been able to build you up, especially now when your own huge doubts and fears tear you down."

"He's really a good guy," Linda said, nodding her head, "I just wish things had worked out....It hurts so much." She put her head on Annette's shoulder. Bernice got up and stood next to her. She patted her on the back and spoke.

"Your loss can't be mixed together with everything else. It hurts, honey, but it's not because you're any less that you think you should be. If anything, you loss is because Tony isn't ready to be what he should be for you, and that's just how it is."

"I...I...know.....I just didn't think anything could ever hurt this much." Linda sobbed.

"It's okay, honey...let it out....get it all out....you're going to be just fine.....and everything is going to work out...I'm sure of it." Bernice looked at the girl and felt more confident than she would have ever expected, only just having met the girl, but something just felt good and hopeful.

“Ms. Piontak?” Linda had finished her last lesson for the afternoon, hoping to go home early. She turned and saw Nate and Cassie standing in the doorway.

“Nate...Cassie...how are things with you two?” She smiled as she noticed the pair holding hands.

“Pretty good....I wanted to thank you.” Nate beamed. Cassie squeezed his arm.

“I don’t think I would ever have appreciated my music if it weren’t for our talk. I’ve been listening to my playing like it’s a conversation with the piano, like we said?”

“He even puts his head on the piano sometimes while he plays.” Callie smiled and rubbed his arm.

“And I think I’m finally figuring it out with the rest of my life....like I finally know what it is to serve rather than expect to be served all the time, ya know?”

Linda nodded and smiled broadly.

“I don’t know if I’d even still be in school if it weren’t for you, Ms. Piontak. Thanks.” The two leaned closer and hugged Linda before Nate finally said,

“It’s like you helped me realize what’s really important. Thank you so much!” The two walked away and Linda picked up her briefcase. She walked down the hallway, and her step seemed to be a bit bouncier than usual.

“Linda?” Another familiar voice called her from behind. She turned to see Annette walking quickly toward her.

“Hi...what’s up?” She cut the distance between them in half as she walked toward her friend.

“You have time to talk?” Linda nodded as the two walked toward the office.

“I’ve a huge favor to ask. Now before you answer, you need to know that I don’t want you to feel obligated...okay?” Annette smiled.

“For you, anything, my dear.” Linda laughed softly.

“You know the benefit concert the students are putting on for Melanie and Carmine? They’ve asked the faculty to participate.” Their daughter was okay, but the added doctor bills from the unanticipated surgery had put them back severely. The students were going to pay the expenses of the concert themselves and turn the proceeds over to the couple.

“I’d be happy to play, dear, but I’m nowhere near what these kids are.” She smiled and almost automatically looked down at the floor, feeling unworthy.

“Well, that’s only part of my request, and you’re so much better than you think....I don’t know anyone who plays with as much feeling as you do. But I have something else I need help with.” Now it was Annette’s turn to look down.

“I told you anything; please....whatever you want.” She put her hand on Annette’s left shoulder.

“I need some help, and only you can help me. I want to play for the concert.... Melanie and Carmine have been my friends for such a long time, and I feel like it’s something I don’t just want to do; I need to feel a part of it.” Linda nodded, wondering where Annette was going with it until she noticed her friend looking at her left hand.

“You play left and I play right, you know?” She said it as if it were something that was done all the time. Her smile exuded confidence that it would not only work, but it just might be something special; it certainly was special enough for Linda to say,

“I’d be honored. What do you want to play? Beethoven? Prokofiev? I’ve heard the recording of your Moonlight Sonata...what would you like?”

“I was thinking of Claire de Lune?”

After a few rough patches the first six times through, the duo seemed to come together when Linda suggested that they move closer together on the piano bench. Annette shied away at first as Linda put her right arm around Annette’s waist, pulling the two closer.

“Feels like a three legged race,” Annette joked nervously. The two looked at each other as if to say, “Here goes nothing,” but the results were truly something special. Each time through seemed to be better than the time before until it was as if the two had melded together to become one. It was something so wonderful; you might almost have anticipated what happened next.

“This is so much fun, kiddo.” Annette said, unknowingly once again using the same pet name Linda’s father had used when she was little. Linda turned and smiled and noticed a look on Annette’s face that even may have caught Annette unawares.

“Annette? What’s wrong?” Linda frowned as if she had done something, but Annette shook her head.

“No, honey...I’m sorry...you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that when I got back from Iraq I thought I had lost my music forever...and you just gave it back to me...This is the best day of my life, and I’m just...so happy.”

She put her hand to her face and began to cry softly at first, then weeping in sheer joy. Linda embraced her friend, wanting to comfort her and feel close. And it happened.

“I’m so happy for you...you deserve the best...I’ve been hoping and praying that something would bring you a blessing...I couldn’t dream I’d be part of it.”

Linda began to cry, mostly from her own healing but also from the privilege she felt in knowing such a precious friend. She kissed Annette on the cheek. Annette turned to her.

“I....I have to go....please let go of me.” Tears streamed down Annette’s cheeks, falling onto the keyboard and her hand. Her voice was nervous, but she wasn’t angry or upset; she seemed fearful in fact.

“What’s wrong? What have I done?” Linda continued to hold her friend close even as she felt Annette pull against her embrace.

“Nothing....you haven’t done anything wrong...I have.”

Annette shook her head even as Linda put her hand to her friend’s face.

“What could you possibly have done? You’re the best friend anyone could ever have. You’ve been like a sister to me.” Annette winced at the word, ‘sister.”

“No...I’ve....we can’t...I need to go.”

By now, Annette was weeping, pulling against her friend’s embrace even as she welcomed it. She turned and faced Linda and the look in her eyes was something Linda had never seen before, at least with someone else; a look of pain mixed with gladness, as if she was being flooded with more conflict than a human being should endure. The look that says, “I don’t deserve to be happy, can’t you see that?” The same look that Linda saw when she viewed her own reflection in the mirror.

“No...don’t go...stay...it’s okay.” Linda said to Annette as she kissed her cheek again; a sisterly kiss meant to console and show acceptance, but she could never have anticipated what happened next. Instead of continuing to struggle, it was as if Annette all at once agreed suddenly with what she had been telling Linda all along for herself; that she was worthy of love.

She leaned closer and kissed her; tentatively at first, as if she feared Linda would bolt from their embrace. Her lips brushed softly against Linda’s, sending a shudder down Linda’s back. Almost instantly, Linda found herself kissing back. She kissed the corner of Annette’s mouth, lingering and savoring the tears that had collected there. The salt was mixed with the taste of Annette’s lipstick, and it was likely the sweetest taste that Linda had ever experienced. She continued to kiss Annette, who took her hand and pushed it through Linda’s hair.

“I’m so sorry....” Linda began to sob....

“I never meant to....I’m so sorry...” She tried to stop, but she kept kissing Annette even as her apologies grew quiet. Both protested but both failed to convince each other and they continued to kiss until Annette pulled away suddenly. She stood up and turned to leave, but felt Linda’s hand on her skirt.

“Please...I’m so sorry....don’t go...I’m sorry.”

“I have to...I’m sorry too.” Linda sat helpless as Annette walked quickly through the door and was gone.

That Evening at Linda's apartment....

“Daddy...what did I do? She’s my best friend and I ruined it all...I took something she can never... something she needed so badly and I made it my own.” Linda held the picture; her father’s smiling face looking on with his constant approval. She wanted to argue against that look but found herself more confused than ever until she heard his voice in her heart once again.

“Lee, It’s okay...don’t worry.”

She couldn’t even remember what he was trying to soothe; what pain he wanted to heal, but the words crossed years once again as she recalled the soft touch of his hand against her face, drying her tears.

“Whom did you want to please, Lee?”

She thought for a moment and a smile began to break across her face even as the tears still fell. She had wanted only the best for Annette. Her father’s touch spanned time as the pat on her back made her consider that maybe it was she who was best for Annette. She sighed, believing herself to be wrong once again. The phone rang. She picked it up quickly, failing to look at the caller ID, hoping to hear from her friend.

“Annette?” She said softly. A brief silence was quickly followed by an unfamiliar voice.

“Hello, Is this Linda Piontak?”

“Yes,” Linda said as she wiped her face with her sleeve. “Who is this?”

“Hello...You don’t know me. My name is Astrid Menendez.....” Her voice trailed off and Linda shuddered at the familiar last name, her worst fears confirmed a second later.

“I’m Tony’s wife....we have to talk.”

Look beyond where hearts can see
Dream in peace
Trust, love, believe

Free the dream within
The stars are crying a tear
A sigh escapes from heaven
And the world's end

Next: Answers and Questions

The Dream Within
From the movie
Final Fantasy:
The Spirits Within
Words and music by
Elliot Goldenthal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6sIWwEBsLQ

"Claire de lune"
(Moonlight),
third movement of Suite Bergamasque
by Claude Debussy,
a piano depiction of
a Paul Verlaine poem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlvUepMa31o