The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1040 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I sent Billie to go and tell Simon all about her adventure at the school–she had gushed about it all the way home and how she’d like to go there next term. I was still trying to extract my heart from my throat where I was sure it had lodged more or less permanently.

I called St Nicholas Children’s Home and spoke to Nora, who came out of a meeting to speak with me. I apologised for distracting her, but she was very gracious saying it had been a boring meeting anyway.

“I need to know about Billie.”

“What do you need to know?”

“Well, as you know, I have in place the machinery to adopt her.”

“Her? Last seen, Billy was a boy–if a bit of a weedy specimen.”

“Ah,” I blushed at my Freudian slip–or was it a full set of lingerie? “She seems to think she’d rather be a girl at the moment.”

“He what? Why are you calling him her and she?”

“It tends to be the protocol we adopt when someone is running around in skirts.”

“Cathy, what are you doing to him?”

“At the moment, simply indulging what I hope will be a mere dalliance in dresses, because she thinks girls get more attention or have more fun.”

“They do outnumber the boys in your house.”

“Yes by two to one.”

“Yes well, is that counting Billy as one of them or not?”

“Not–something doesn’t feel right about her presentation–it’s different to Trish and Julie.” And mine, I didn’t add.

“Sounds like you need a good shrink.”

“Oh, been there done that–Dr Stephanie Cauldwell.”

“I’ve heard she’s good but expensive.”

“True on both counts, Nora, but tell me more about Billy?”

“Not a lot to tell, mother died and father couldn’t get on with the elder son for some reason. We never did get to the bottom of it, but suspected a sexual abuse somewhere. Dad used to let several people babysit for Billy, so we had loads of suspects but no evidence.”

“It was the uncle–the dad’s brother.”

“How d’you know that?”

“She told me.”

“What have you got that I haven’t? I spent weeks talking to him and he told me nothing–well nothing of any use, nor our counsellors and therapist.”

“Money?”

“Very funny, milady–but what else?”

“I have the universe’s revenge on parents and teachers.”

“Which is?”

“The dreaded Trish.”

“Good lord, how is she doing? Patrick seems a long time ago.”

“She is fine, and doing very well at school, but then she has an IQ in four figures compared to ordinary mortals like me. However, she has this misplaced idea that all men would be happier if they were women, or all boys, girls.”

“I take she’s leading Billy down the garden path?”

“Shall we say she’s a stronger character than Billie, who is a bit wishy washy at times.”

“That’s how I remember him, always the follower, never the leader–but I thought we’d dealt with that by having Danny with him. What does he think about it?”

“He’s coming along nicely–so laid back unless he’s playing football, although it was let slip that he has had one or two fights over Billie.”

“Yeah, he was protective of Billy while they were here. He’s all boy, though.”

“As far as I know–but then until this weekend, I thought Billie was too, although of a different format.”

“Did you think he was gay or something?”

“Not especially. When Julie had some girlfriends over, the two boys were on sentry duty in case they caught sight of anything slightly sexy. Danny is also slightly besotted with Julie, despite knowing she was a boy before coming to live with us.”

“It makes you sound as if you’re a factory for turning boys into girls.”

“I know, which is what concerns me, and could, I suppose be colouring my opinion of Billie–it just doesn’t feel quite right, and I think she could have a transgender element within her–perhaps become a cross-dresser when the mood takes her.”

“I don’t envy you, Cathy, all of your kids seem damaged in some way, don’t they?”

“That’s what life does to you if you don’t have a strong support system.”

“Which thanks to you, they all have.”

“No not just me, we’re a team–the whole family helps each other,” most of the time but we don’t divulge the caveat.

“Anyway, I hear the natives are getting restless, so I shall have to go. Maybe I’ll pop by some time and see the children, seeing as three of them came from here.”

“Feel free.”

We said our goodbyes and I went to the kitchen to make some tea while I decided what to do for lunch. Simon must have heard me putting the kettle on because he arrived in the kitchen moments later.

He gave me a hug and we had a little kiss. “What d’you fancy for lunch?” I asked him.

“You,” he said and began chewing my ear.

“Be sensible, darling. Besides, my fat content is far too high.”

“Perfect for me,” he said and pulled me close to him again. It was lovely in every way, but its timing–I had Billie home, come to think of it, where is she?

“Where’s Billie?”

“I dunno, why?”

I wriggled free of him, “Make some tea will you, darling, while I see where she is–it’s too quiet.”

He groaned because I’d asked him to do something, but shrugged at my question. Just then Stella came in with Puddin’, she’d been out for a walk with Pud in the push chair. She hadn’t seen Billie either.

“Make the tea, Si, I’m going to look for her.” I walked through the house calling her name but there was no answer. I walked upstairs and thought I could hear a funny noise. I walked very quietly towards her and Danny’s bedroom and she was curled up on her bed sobbing.

I walked into the bedroom speaking quietly as I did, then I sat on the bed and pulled her into a hug. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

For several minutes she couldn’t speak, and I heard Simon call from downstairs to say my tea was poured. I held on Billie, feeling her body shudder with sobs. I tried to imagine a blanket of blue light surrounding us both, keeping out the world and its worries and distractions. A little while later she stopped sobbing and drifted off to sleep in my arms.

I continued to visualise the blanket of light and tried to imagine it taking away her cares and woe, enabling her to know what she wanted to do with her life and giving her the courage to do it.

She gave an enormous sigh and shuddered and her body went limp. It was then that I caught sight of the box of tablets which had fallen off the bed. I felt my whole being go cold and I screamed for help.