There is a project I've been working on for some months now. It's going to be postponed. See, my entire life is pretty much a pile of GNORT, the Living Spleen -- and the reprieve I had for a short time seems to have ended. I have my lovely partner, but the rest of things... losing my job, being faced with the revelation that I really am as reprehensible a person as I always thought, the still-raw loss of my baby brother three and a half years ago, has resulted in my ability to write being pretty much admitted to the psych ward for awhile. Sure, I can write some...

I have had a conversation with the person I harmed by my actions and we have reconciled. I'm returning to the "community" but provisionally. I will no longer offer advice, nor will I attempt to help, since I am obviously unqualified to do either. I apologize for any consternation I might have caused with my last blog entry, and to anyone who has been led in a wrong direction or confused by anything I have offered in the form of advice, in the past.

So, this is a first for me. I posted an entry in the year long writer's challenge earlier, since I was waiting for my editor to get back to me with the last change sheet for 12-String, and I was waiting for another author to post their story for the day.

Lo and behold, I get back my change sheet for 12-String. . .and end up posting right after myself. I do hope no one gets mad at me for this.

Some of BeverlyColleen's posts have reminded me of a not-so-pleasant experience while I was doing my RLT.

I thought I would share what some of that was like for me.

It seems, by caring too much, I've inadvertantly hurt someone. So...from now on, I am staying OUT of other people's lives completely. I'm not answering questions, or offering advice, or anything else remotely like that ever again. In fact, consider this my withdrawal from the "community" et al!

Every fucking time I let my feelings get hold of me and I care too much, I end up with someone being hurt! Well, I'm done. Carry on without me!

Catherine Linda Michel

Please refrain from commenting on this blog, as I will answer none of them.

I read this quote from the latest chapter of "You meant it for evil" and It just describes the choice of transition for me perfectly:

“What happened to you is a dream come true for someone with a mind like yours. Reality for most people like you is harder and sadly, with the intolerance of society, born to some degree from the way most of us are put together, ends up being a decision between two bad choices. Either hide who you are inside and pretend to fit in or make the change and live with the consequences."

I can't begin to describe what I'm feeling right now. Relief? Understanding? I don't know. I like it. It's like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I finally know the exact moment when I realized I was a girl, and why I fought it for so long.

Well, the job is done. I thought they would give me the whole 2 weeks to try it, but they decided I just wasnt aggressive enough to be able to do it. On the one hand, I am pretty upset about that, but I am trying to focus on the positive. I got a chance to try out being Dorothy in a real-life situation, and didn't do all that badly. But now, the hard part. I will probably have to file Dorothy away and look for a job as Todd. Ah, well.

OK here's the deal. I am taking a break here; rethinkin what I am gonna write, and I am sort of tired of the ideas that some people are pushing at me. No drama here, I'm just standing up for myself. I am finding that certain things I do just retraumatise me, so I'm not gonna do them any more. That would be dumm. I'm not answering any more calls that are unlisted.

I'm gonna finish Lt Katia and write an end to Ms Frankenstein. After that I don't know what I am gonna write. And no, I am not on skype all the time anymore.

Due to your work load Erin, I did not send this directly to you in hopes that someone else can help me with this. There are a few of my stories that I don't feel good about and I would like to either unpub them or delete them. I thought there was a place that I could access to just unpub them but have not found it. Can someone help me.

Much peace

Khadijah