Previously…

“Jenn?” Linda turned to Marie before continuing.

“Your Mom is going to meet us back at the hotel.”

“Why is Mommy coming here? Sure, I was worried, but Caryn is going to be okay.” Jenn watched the two women face each other.

“What? What’s wrong?” Jenn said it loud enough that Niecy got up from the table and stood next to her.

“Jenn…I’m so sorry… Yesterday afternoon.” Linda Klimek bit her lip and stammered again.

“I’m so sorry, Jenn.” She shook her head as the words refused to come. That idea that if we don’t say something, it can’t possibly be true. Coach Esposito spoke the words that Linda could not.

“Jenn? Honey? Mickey was in an accident.” Even at that, Marie could not speak the words that everyone knew would follow. Jenn looked at her and began to shake.

“No!” She didn’t scream but just said it; “No!” One word. Simple and entirely futile as Jennifer Picone fell into Linda’s arms and sobbed

---

---

Baby mine

Don't you cry

Baby mine

Dry your eyes

Rest your head

Close to my heart

Never to part

Baby of mine

Upstairs at the Nurses’ Station by Caryn’s room…

Jason had just finished talking with Nurse Martie when the elevator door across from the counter opened.

Angela hurried to her husband. Her face was a mixture of distress and panic.

“Honey…” She glanced over at Caryn’ ‘s room.

“Is she asleep?”

“Finally,” he said. “What’s wrong, babe?”

“I was just down in the hallway by the cafeteria. There was…” Angela leaned into Jason and burst into tears.

He held her close until she pulled away slowly.

“There… there was a lot of…all the girls from the team were crying. I walked into the caf and Linda Klimek was holding Jenn… oh god, Jason!” She tried to continue but she just leaned into him again.

He held her for a few more moments before leading her into the lounge across the hall.

As they sat down, Martie walked in.

“Mr. O’Connor? I just got a call from downstairs. One of the girls…” She gasped and couldn’t continue.

Angela spoke.

“Jason? Mickey was killed ..." She fell into his arms.

Martie looked at them both, feeling helpless. She looked over at the older nurse at the station.

“Daris?”

Martie’s colleague shook her head in sorrow.

“Daris said…they told her that your girl’s best friend? Her boyfriend died in a traffic accident…”

Martie blinked back tears and placed her hand on Angela’s shoulder.

“I am so, so sorry…”

“Jason? Oh, honey? Caryn… she can’t hear about this…” Angela looked at the elevator doors as if she could see all the way down stairs.

“I… Mrs. O’Connor?” Martie interrupted.

“All the girls and their friends… Their parents, too… I heard they’re meeting her friend’s mom back at the hotel. Daris…” Martie glanced at the other nurse again. “She already put the word out that nobody talks to Caryn until you two have had a chance to talk with her.”

“We…we just can’t tell her now.” Jason said as he looked back and forth between Caryn’s room and Angela.

“I… The cable was turned off in Caryn’s room," Martie said. “It’s already on the news here. We…my supervisor has already talked to everybody. Caryn finally fell asleep just before you got back. Nobody besides me will see her…At least until you say yes or no after you’ve…”

Martie had only known the girl for a few hours, but she felt responsible for every bit of Caryn’s care. She put her hand to her face and began to cry.

Ever the parent, Jason reached over and grabbed Martie’s hand.

“Thanks.” He smiled at her and looked over at Caryn’s room again.

“I think that I’ll stay here tonight.” He turned to Angela.

“Just in case she wakes up.” Angela nodded, then burst out,

“Oh Christ, Jason. This will just… how will Connie get through this?. She and Jenn are barely over losing …Oh… damn…”

Jason nodded at Angela’s words and turned to Martie.

“Jenn’s Dad was killed in Afghanistan…Just as the troops were leaving. It just isn’t fair, dammit!.”

“I’ll make sure her friend can come if she is able.…” Martie shook her head. It wasn’t fair, no matter what anybody could say. She leaned close and grabbed Angela’s right hand gently and smiled; a soft, reassuring gesture to be sure.

Angela returned her smile. “Thank you, Miss?”

“Martie Lloyd. I’ll make sure Caryn is okay.” She squeezed Angela’s hand again before walking over to Caryn’s room and opening the door. Seeing Caryn was still asleep, she closed the door gently and gave Jason and Angela the thumbs up before walking back to the nurses’ station.

“Oh god, Jason? What are we going to tell her?”

Jason stared over to Caryn’s room.

“The truth. I don’t want to say anything else. We have to follow Caryn’s lead. If she asks about what happened, we can honestly say we don’t know. I don’t want to know. At this point we just have to hold our daughter close and let her know we love her.”

Jason put his hand to his face and began to cry, hoping desperately that the morning would bring wisdom. Angela leaned in once again and wept.

After a few minutes, Jason stood up.

“I’ll call an Uber for you. You can go over to the hotel and register. Tomorrow morning get another ride back here and we’ll tell her, okay, hon?”

Angela nodded.

“Dear god in heaven…that poor girl. Oh Jason… It’s just like Lisa all over again.”

Angela hadn’t even realized it, but she had turned her gaze upward.

“Let my baby be okay, God and please let Jenn be okay?” She stood up and hugged Jason. And a few minutes later she was in the Uber and away to the hotel.

“Mr. O’Connor?” Jason turned and found Martie holding a Styrofoam cup.

“Coffee…just in case you need to…stay up? Unless I get a call from Caryn, her door stays closed until you and your wife…” She sniffled a bit.

“I am so sorry.” She rubbed his arm like a child might reassure a parent.

“There’s an open bed or you can use the big chair…in empty room next to Caryn’s, okay?”

Jason smiled at her.

“Thanks…” He felt bad that he had already forgotten her name. He looked at her name tag and continued.

“Thanks, Martie.”

---

---

A few hours later...

“Mommy? Daddy?” Mickey slowly sat up, his groggy mind filled with images of his own parents, Katie and Phillip Bisceglia. He and his mother had been close – so very close! – right up until her death, but . . . his father was a lost cause, and he and his mother had both known it.

Phillip Bisceglia was a harsh man who took after his own father. Impatient and distant. A mouth filled with words almost always demanding things he never told the boy.

But as Mickey shook off sleep, he realized that he wasn’t back in Baltimore in 2014. That Caryn was here, in a hospital bed – and that the Caryn in him felt nothing but love from Jason and Angela O’Connor. Caryn felt more love than any one person could want – the kind of unwavering love Mickey had always felt from his mother.

“Daddy?” Caryn didn’t call out. Something inside both of them whispered in confidence that she was loved. That the boy… -- no, that Caryn -- had parents who loved her. And somehow, Mickey wasn’t worried that their love would falter because of what had happened. Something inside Mickey realized that in some way he was becoming Caryn O’Connor.

Mickey was not losing himself, but rather gaining some blessing he never dared hope for. He turned over on his side, and cried himself to sleep with gentle, hopeful tears, remembering a lullaby his mother sang to him as a child

If they knew

All about you

They'd end up

Loving you too

All those same

People who scold you

What they'd give

Just for the right

To hold you

---

---

Meanwhile, in Connie and Jenn’s room at the hotel...the two huddled side by side...

“Mommy? Mommy?” Jenn called out; waking her mom with a start.

“I’m here, baby!”

“Mommy…Mickey… no, no, Mommy!” Jenn pulled closer to Connie and cried as hard and as sad as at any time in her life. Her dad’s death hit both her and Connie hard, but Mickey’s death was there and now.

As helpless as Connie felt, she did what only a mother could, and cried along with her daughter.

“I know, Jenn… I know.” She held Jenn close and stroked her hair until sleep took them both.

---

---

Sunday morning at the hospital; very early but not bright at all…

Jason was already drinking his second coffee at the Nurses’ Station when the elevator dinged and Angela got off. She walked slowly to Jason and stood a bit tip-toe; kissing him on the right cheek.

“She’s still asleep,” Jason said, gesturing to the closed door of Caryn’s room.

“Gosh, Jason? I wish she could sleep all day.” She shook her head.

“Niecy’s Dad is driving Jenn and Connie back home. Somebody will drive Connie’s car back later today.” Angela bit her lip.

“Bennie offered to bring them here…for Jenn’s sake. But she and her mother are just too worn out…you know?”

Of course, both of them knew that kind of loss better than most ever would. Losing Lisa left all of them -- but especially Caryn -- barely able to function for weeks after the accident.

“Allie Nevers said that they could hear Jenn call out through the wall. Caryn…” Angela was fighting to stay composed.

“I know, babe. I don’t know how we’re going to handle this… you…you know? But we will.” Jason looked away, searching for words.

“Do you think? You don’t think…” Jason took a deep breath.

Angela stepped around and faced him.

“I know she never…she’s kept it inside. She told me she couldn’t say a word…you know? Mickey was her friend, too. A few weeks ago…”

Angela looked over at the still-closed door of Caryn’s room.

“Jenn was over one night to watch some movie. Jenn told her that she was sure that Mickey…” Angela choked back a sob. “That Mickey was going to ask her…”

“Oh, Ang!” Jason rubbed his face, trying to make sense of it all.

“Caryn told me after Jenn went home.” Angela peered around Jason to make sure that Caryn’s door was still closed.

“Our daughter cared so much about them both that she decided then and there…” Angela shook her head again at the thought of Caryn’s heartache.

"She said, 'I'm gonna be the best friend I can be.'" Angela looked at Jason and he smiled back.

“But she… you remember what she told us when she knew that she knew?"

"'I love her, Mom!' She told us that if things had been different. If she never played softball…” Angela glanced over at Caryn’s room.

Jason held up his hand.

"Yes, Ang. I remember. She was just kidding....but..."

Angela shook her head. No, babe...we can't go there.

"But that day...She and Jenn had planned something but Mickey asked Jenn to meet him. Jenn went. It was just a silly misunderstanding. She was just upset." Angela stepped close and grabbed Jason with both hands.

"Oh no, hon. She said she wished Jenn and Mickey had never met. You don’t think? She was just upset!” Angela echoed Jason’s words.

“Oh god… She wished.. Oh fuck…” Jason shook his head at his own expletive. “That’s the problem, Ang. We know she didn’t mean it. But she’ll still blame herself. It's just how she is.

Jason paused. Caryn was a lot like Angela in that regard. "Ang? When Lisa died, it was just a matter of where they were sitting on the bus. She still blames herself.”

“My sweet baby girl.” Angela could have meant Lisa, but Jason knew that every ounce of his wife’s being mourned the needless guilt her living daughter still carried. Lisa was safe somewhere, they believed. Caryn needed to know more than ever how much they loved her..

“Mr. O’Connor? Mrs. O’Connor?” Martie walked up. “I just looked in on Caryn. She’s sitting up. I’ll give you all the time and space you need.” She blinked back her own tears and repeated what she had said the night before.

“I am so sorry.”

---

---

Caryn heard a knock on the door, followed by Martie ushering in Jason and Angela.

“Good morning,” Martie said with as bright a smile she could muster.

“Look who I found.” She waved and closed the door behind her.

Caryn looked at her parents. Mickey looked at these wonderful strangers and smiled. But inwardly, both Caryn and Mickey thought, “They have to have heard” A smile for such a morning made no sense, but it was all they could offer.

Jason stepped to the bed and touched Caryn's hand.

“Caryn? Honey? We…Daddy and I…” Angela struggled with the words.

Mickey just wanted to scream, “I’m your new daughter. Caryn’s gone…Fuck! Mickey’s gone!”

Angela tried again. “I…we have some bad news.”

Mickey thought about bracing himself, but something in him relented. This wasn’t about Mickey Bisceglia. It wasn’t even about their daughter. It was about the heartache he knew…they knew Jenn was living. And something inside him broke. No in a bad way, but more like a dam breaking.

“Jenn… Jenn went home this morning with her mom," Angela began, but that bad news just couldn’t come out.

Jason stepped even closer and gathered Caryn in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, honey. Mickey died Friday afternoon.” Nothing so abrupt and cold would ever be delivered with such care as Caryn’s father just imparted.

“Mommy?” Caryn pleaded with Angela but her mother just duplicated Jason’s hug.

“I’m so sorry, baby…” Angela buried her face in Caryn’s hair and wept.

Jason rubbed Angela’s back.

“Your Mom and I are here for you.”

Jason's words..fatherly words Mickey had never heard gave Mickey permission to cry. But it still wasn’t about him or Caryn.

“Oh Mom….What about Jenn…how is Jenn?” Caryn sobbed. “Is...is she alright, Daddy? Tell me she’s okay?”

Mickey had always been a caring kid. Always putting everybody’s needs above his own. His father despised that in Katie and hated it even more in their son. But every bit of the legacy of love his mother left him came through more than ever before.

Mickey did not die on Friday. And Mickey did not die this Sunday morning. He hadn’t lost one iota of who he had always been. There was just more to him now; a gift rather than the loss he felt only the day before. Every part of Caryn became part of him. He was Caryn O’Connor. He would discover so much of what she took with her to heaven also stayed behind.

“Jenn...Jenn will be alright, Caryn,” Jason said -- his father said. The daddy Mickey never had became the daddy he always longed for. But with that hope came the solace Caryn and Mickey needed to face the moment they were in.

“It hurts, sweetie,” Angela said as her grief for Lisa mixed with the sadness she felt for her daughter’s best friend.

“I…Mom…” Caryn spoke with her own voice one last time, even as that voice was drifting heavenward.

“It’s my fault, Mommy. You know what I said. Tell her, Daddy. It’s my fault he died. Tell her!” Caryn began to weep, and Mickey wept just as hard as Caryn’s unmerited shame became his.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy. I hate myself.”

Even as the guilt slammed hard into the girl’s heart, Mickey knew that the life he had begun to live…the threshold he had just crossed… was the greatest gift he would ever get.

Jason O’Connor looked into Caryn's eyes. He could see the hurt and shame and guilt she bore. He drew close once again and spoke calmly, but still as firmly as he could manage.

“Caryn? My precious girl? You are not to blame. We love you. We always have loved you. Mommy and I always will love you! I am so, so sorry that Mickey died, but can’t you see?” Jason tried to continue but turned away as tears fell from his face.

And Angela O’Connor – Angela Pastorelli O’Connor -- fell onto the bed and held her daughter for all she was worth.

“You hurt because Jenn hurts. But you also hurt because that’s who you are. You told me you wanted the best for Jenn, and you gave her away. What happened yesterday was an accident. Only an accident, Caryn! Just random chance. Mickey didn’t die because you love Jenn. Love that gives away cannot hurt. Oh my sweet baby girl… Ti amo così tanto, mia dolce ragazza!”

“I…I know, Mommy. I just feel sad for Jenn… Like everything that has ever hurt her is so small compared to this. I just want her to be happy, Mom..Dad?” Caryn pleaded with them to make things better.

Things would get better, but at that moment it actually became all about Caryn Elizabeth O’Connor. The person she had always been. The girl who would do anything and everything she could for her best friend.

“We’ll do what we can, Caryn,” Jason said. That name. Spoken by the man who loved her. His daughter. And even at that, long lost memories came to Mickey.

Before anything harsh was said in anger by his father. At the first sound of his mother’s sweet voice lifted in song, Mickey had always wanted to be exactly like Katie O’Brien. The cruel taunts long-buried became blessings as the words finally meant the truth. Mickey Bisceglia was exactly like his mother.

Angela looked at Caryn, noting how quiet she had become.

“Sweetie? Are you okay?”

“It hurts so bad. I… I don’t know how, Mom. I just know that I have to care the same way about Jenn as always. But I still feel…”

“Guilty?” Jason asked. It wasn’t a rebuke.

“There’s so much of your mom in you, sweetie. You’ll always want the best for Jenn…no matter what you may have to give away.”

Mickey nodded almost absent-mindedly until he realized Jason was talking about Angela… Caryn’s mom. But maybe that was just what he and Caryn both needed to hear.

Jason touched his wife and his daughter, overcome with love for them both.

“I don’t know anyone as sweet and caring as your mom. You’re just like her.”

Perhaps that was the last moment Mickey would share this life with Caryn, but really, the girl was leaving behind a deposit within him that nudged him finally through the door to the person he was always meant to become. Mickey didn’t depart, but in that instant he knew that he… -- that she -- would be the best Caryn Elizabeth O’Connor she could ever be.

From your head

Down to your toes

You're so sweet

Goodness knows

You are so

Precious to me

Cute as can be

Baby of Mine

To be continued

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Baby Mine
Words and music by
Ned Washington and Frank Churchill
As sung by Alison Krauss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCjhm-qLERQ