(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2147 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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The toast was delicious and to my surprise I lay back down and went off to sleep quite quickly, which of course I only realised on waking. It took me ages to wake up and Danni was dressed and made up and ready for breakfast while I was still trying to open my eyes and keep them open. I also called Danni, Billie, twice.
“No, Mummy, that’s the other transsexual kid, and she’s no longer with us, if you remember.”
“Uh what?”
“You called me Billie, and I’m Danielle, remember?”
“Of course I remember,” is what I said but what I was thinking about was what she said before, the other transsexual kid. Has she decided what she is?
I sat up and as I did so my mobile peeped to indicate a text message. It was from Trish. ‘How does a cat use a video player? Answer, she presses the paws control. When u comin home? Lol Txxx’
I groaned at the joke and showed it to Danni, who groaned even louder. “Would you like breakfast in bed, mumsy dear?”
I wondered if it got rid of her for five minutes, it might be a good idea. “Okay, I’ll have some tea and toast please, oh and could you take that tray back to the kitchen?”
“When did you have this?” she queried, “I don’t think I saw it when I came in when you were calling out.”
“It was rather late and you had been asleep, it’s very easy to miss things then,” I lied and immediately remonstrated with myself for doing it as it wasn’t necessary or helpful, I suppose I just felt that I didn’t need to explain things to my child. I’m an adult and should be allowed to do things without giving reasons for them.
“Yeah, I probably did, okay, tea an’ toast comin’ up.” She disappeared with the dirty crocks.
I should have got up and showered and woken myself up, instead I laid down again and went off to sleep, almost jumping out of the bed when Mrs Cuddy’s voice announced, “Your breakfast, Lady Cameron.” It was a pot of tea and two poached eggs on toast. When i grumbled she replied, “No wonder you’re no recoverin’ ye dinnae eat enough.”
I sat up as quickly as I could and she shoved a pillow behind me then placed the tray on my lap, one of those bed trays that balance on the bed with legs that unfold either side of you. I felt quite opulent and I suspected after the breakfast, corpulent.
Despite my protests that I didn’t eat much for breakfast, to which she retorted, ‘Nor lunch or dinner,’ the eggs on toast went down very well as did the pot of tea, although now my bladder had awakened, I had to dash to the en suite. After that, a shower seemed a good idea and I did so without being out of breath. I was feeling much better and decided we’d head off home the day after.
Before telling the family, I called the chap who’d ferried us up from Glasgow and he wasn’t available for two days, so I had to go with that, he also told me he’d organise the flights from there to Southampton. I let him get on with it and finished drying my hair and placed it in a ponytail.
‘Come to bonny Scotland,’ invite the posters and show a picture of different places where the sun is shining. When I glanced out the window, we had a mist or low cloud enveloping everything. Danni disturbed my thoughts by arriving with Lizzie so I had to feed her and felt well enough to bathe and change her. I don’t know who was more surprised the baby or Danni.
As I fed her, I decided to check out what I heard earlier. “So have you decided what you want to do?”
“What, this morning?”
“No, when we get home?”
“Yeah, get a sex change and sleep with David Beckham.”
“I’m not sure which part of that was the joke,” I replied thereby killing it, mainly because I didn’t find it funny. Sex change isn’t funny neither are the people who undergo them.
“It was all a joke, Mummy.”
“So you don’t want a sex change operation, then?”
“I dunno, do I?”
I did when I was her age, but that doesn’t mean anything. “So what are we going to do?”
“What d’you think I should do?”
“Whatever makes life easiest and hopefully happiest.”
“I dunno,” she said chewing her bottom lip.
“We’re going home in two days time, you’ll need to have made up your mind by then, or I’ll do it for you.”
“What would you decide, Mummy?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“But it might help me–to make up my mind.”
“Why don’t you go off and draw up a chart of the good and bad things that would happen if you decided to stay as Danielle, or if you went back to being a boy. Write them down.”
“I don’t think I get you,” he looked puzzled.
“Pass me that piece of paper,” I pointed to a sheet of paper on the nearby occasional table. “Right, on the top we put, ‘Staying Danielle.’ Now underneath we draw a line down the whole page, like so.” I showed him the line running vertically down through the middle of the page. I then did a plus and minus signs on opposite sides of the line and asked him to give me a good reason for staying a girl.
“I like the clothes and makeup.”
“Is that one or two things?”
“Um–one I think.”
“Okay, another one.”
“I like being pretty.”
We carried on doing this critical path analysis listing positives and after that some negatives, then I left her to it for a while. She returned about half an hour later.
“Has it helped?” I asked.
“Helped what, Mummy?”
“To help you come to a decision.”
“Oh I made that ages ago.”
“Oh did you now?”
“Yes.”
“So what is it then?”
“You tell me what’d you’d do and I’ll tell you if you’re right.”
I wasn’t aware I could be wrong. So perhaps her cheek served a purpose.
“No, you tell me first and if it’s what I was going to do, I’ll tell you.”
She looked very suspiciously at me. After several minutes she eventually asked, “If I said I wanted to stay as a girl, can I?”
I took a deep breath, “Provided Stephanie agrees with it, yes.”
“An’ if I wanna be a boy again?”
“Of course you can.”
“What if I wanna be both–you know when I felt like it?”
My heart sank. “Yes, that’s perhaps the more difficult option, but it’s possible.”
“I don’t know, do I?” she then burst into tears and ran out of the room.
Comments
I wrote a real cool comment
and then the site went down, and it's lost. Bottom line was Danni/Danny can't be rushed into making a decision. Whatever she decides has to be right for her. Remember, making no decision is a decision.
Portia
Completely unrelated decision making.
I think the human brain may be a combination of fermenting excrement, and 2 Nm integrated circuits. There appears to be no rhyme or reason to it. I have been trying to decide if I should return to wearing my Hijab for weeks, and could not decide. Once I decided to do it, suddenly there is support for the idea in completely unexpected directions.
I personally think that Danny's biology is male and should be nudged in that direction. That will either make him feel better because it is what he should do, or worse because it is not what he should do. In any case, choosing male gently for him would seem the right decision, unless of course it does not to him, in which case it is not and we are back to square one. All this dithering is giving me motion sickness. Where is my Dramamine, or is it Pentothal? Good heavens, I simply can not work it out.
Gwendolyn
First comment
Love this series, and all of your writing.
Dani appears to be leaning to the TV option. Why would it be the most difficult? Until puberty it is the ideal choice. After puberty, changing to Dani mode would be somewhat more difficult, but do-able, thousands of TVs the world over do it all the time.
Privacy is the more difficult option at school. He must stay Danny in his current school, no one must find out.
Liz Ryan in California
At least Danni gets
parental support and attempted understanding. That's a big deal.
Danny
I've enjoyed this story from the very beginning.
But I think Danny making the switch is to much.
He seems like a young boy in need of a Mother and father who sets him down, reaffirms their love for him and his masculinity.
JBP
Reaffirm his masculinity
But if Cathy and Simon try to encourage his masculinity, isn't that what a lot of parents do to their son when he wants to be a daughter, or as I hope in Danny'/i's case, just to crossdress in piece?
In this case, I think Cathy is doing the proper thing. Cathy wasn't allowed to make her decision until after she got out from under her parent's control because they didn't support her. Danni at least has a supportive family that will hopefully help her to make the decision that is right and proper for her life.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Sigh
I do not believe that Danny is TS at all. There was no hint whatsoever before the French dramas. That coupled with the shock of what his friend subsequently did, his own guilty thoughts and the environment at home. There he perceives girls to be more desirable, to his mother especially which while perhaps untrue is understandable. He is one mixed up kiddie and needs some help in sorting it out. Cathy is playing just a little too much laissez faire I think.
k
I disagree
Danni's being TS is still up in the air but I think not.
I disagree about Cathy's lying to Danni about the bed tray. One should not lie to anyone without very good reason, especially to one's child. It jepardizes trust. Once lost is very hard to regain. All Danni would have had to do was ask Mrs. Cuddy. Too big a chance. Shame on Cathy.
Much Love,
Valerie R
Good to see
so many views on the way forward for Danni/y. Perhaps though we should listen to those best qualified to help Danni make a decision and in this case surely it has to be someone who understands the human mind better than most of us, I am of course talking about Stephanie, Seems to me you would not get a plumber to fix your car, So why take a chance on what could be potentially a life changing decision by not employing an expert, i'm sure when Cathy and Danni arrive home a chat with Stephanie will be very high on her agenda...
Kirri
She's not ready.
She's not ready yet it seems to choose a gender, she may never be ready because she may always slide up and down the gender scale or circumnavigate the gender circle. Sadly, society demands that there only be a gender binary and that sucks!!!
I'm 67 and I still can't decide!
Food for thought me-thinks.
Thanks for touching upon this Ang.
Bevs.
xx
I didn't know I was transgendered
until I was 11 or 12, so I have no problem with Danny/Danni struggling with it. Some people are gender fluid, which comes closer to what I see in Danni. So far I think Cathy is doing the right thing. Which ever choice this child makes will be theirs, and no one elses. They will be much happier afterwards I think, and they know which ever they choose they will still be loved. This is the biggest issue.