(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2141 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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“Thank you, Lady Cameron, I hope all of us here can agree with your desire for everyone to live in peace and harmony irrespective of differences of any sort, and may God grant us his peace, and especially to the soul of Alice which was troubled in this life, may she find peace and happiness in everlasting life, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
With that summation, the remembrance service ended and people left, one or two coming up to speak with me and others to speak to the Rev Smallpiece. I asked Paul to check that Alice’s dad was okay and he discreetly slipped away to find out.
“Thank you for your help, Lady Cameron, I think your input helped the direction of the service very well.” I shook hands with the reverend gentleman who went off to attend to the crowd of people who wished to talk with him. Danni came and stood beside me, putting her arm round my waist and I draped mine around her shoulder.
“We’ll go home in a minute.”
“I don’t mind, what you said was right, Mummy, we need to live together whether we’re ordinary or special.”
“Yes we do.” I noticed the crowd had thinned and there were now just a few people around Rev Smallpiece and at the back of the church Alice’s dad was still sitting there as Paul and one or two others stood talking to him. I walked up towards him. Alice’s mum had gone to speak with the vicar.
“Good morning, how d’you feel?”
“D’ye really care?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t, would I?”
“I dinna ken.”
“I’m sorry you lost your child.”
“Aye.”
“I can’t say I know how you feel, but I was devastated when I lost my daughter.”
“Aye.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help...”
“Aye, gang back tae England waur ye belong and leave us simple folk alone frae yer ideas of sinfulness.”
“Man, that’s no way to speak to the Laird’s wife,” reprimanded Paul.
“I’ll speak as I wish.”
“I’m Scottish too,” I said to the distraught man.
“Aye, by marriage.”
“By birth. I was born in Dumfries.”
“Aye, sure ye were.”
“Dinna be sae rude,” chided Paul.
“I’ve lost ma son thanks tae her interference. He hanged himself in a dress–hoo’s that f’ shame on oor family. Until ye can answer me why, I’ll thank ye tae keep yer nose oot ’o ma affairs.”
“I think I know why it happened.”
“Oh Mrs clever I’ve been tae university, knows everythin’.”
“Watch your tongue, man,” Paul cautioned.
“She was completely screwed up by her upbringing and her needs to do something she knew you wouldn’t approve.”
“Aye, her unnatural urges.”
“They might seem unnatural to you, Mr MacDuff, but they weren’t to Alice.”
“His name wis Alistair.”
“His or her name is irrelevant, what is relevant is how your stupidity and small mindedness drove a child to take their own life. If there was one iota of love in you or your pathetic superstitions you’d be able to see that, but you seem unable. Until you can, you won’t ever be able to know what love is and so you’ll be consumed by your bitterness which will destroy you, you stupid man. What right have you to tell someone what to think or to feel–your arrogance is matched only by your ignorance. Good day to you Mr MacDuff, I hope you enjoy the hell you’ve made for yourself, just don’t go trying to blame it upon anyone else, because it’s all yours.”
Before he could reply to my broadside, I turned abruptly and collected my coat and pulled it on. Having vented my spleen, I felt cold. Danni came up to me. “You were right, Mummy, his bitterness will kill him, won’t it?”
“It could.”
“Is there no way you can stop it?”
“Why should I? It’s what he wants, then on his death bed he can curse everyone but himself. He’ll die miserable but that’s all he knows.”
“How can he do that, Mummy, that’s just stupid.”
“He’s locked into a mindset.”
“Can’t you unlock it?”
“No, sweetheart, only he can do that. What’s ironic is that he believes he’s a Christian, but it’s nothing Jesus would recognise.”
“No, he said, ‘Suffer the little children to come unto me,’ didn’t he, Mummy?”
“He did indeed, a point missed by some people who claim to follow his example. C’mon, let’s get out of here, I’m getting cold.” I put my arm around Danni’s shoulders and we went towards the door, Mr MacDuff walked towards us and I stiffened at his approach. He stopped in front of us and I felt Danni step in front of me, as if to protect me.
“I owe ye an apology, Lady Cameron.”
“Oh yes,” I said feeling myself tensing for whatever was going to happen next.
“Aye, I dinna agree wi’ onythin’ ye said, but I wis discourteous tae a lady. I wisnae brocht up like that, an’ I apologise.”
“In which case I accept your apology, Mr MacDuff.” I whisked Danni away by linking my arm in hers. Paul was driving up with the car as we exited the church and I thanked Danni for her support, then asked, “If he’d threatened me, what would you have done?”
“I dunno, Mummy: part of me wanted to slap him and part thought perhaps I ought to warn him that bigger men have spent time in hospital after trying it on with you.”
“You cheeky monkey.” She laughed as we got back to the car.
“What would you like me to do about MacDuff, Cathy?”
“In what regard?”
“Well he was rather unpleasant to his employer.”
“I don’t employ him, Paul, the estate does.”
“Want me to sack him?”
“What would that achieve except more bad feeling?”
“Might teach him a lesson.”
“I suspect it would do the opposite, it would confirm what he thinks he knows.”
“In what way?”
“He thinks we’re out to get him because we disagreed over his attitude to Alice.”
“I don’t have a problem with that, he hounded the poor kid to death not to mention screwing them up with his fire and brimstone religion.”
“He’s hounding himself to death as well.”
“Is he, can’t say I’d noticed.”
“Yes, Paul, his narrow view of life is so constrictive it’s squeezing the life out of him.”
“You could be right, five or six years ago he was a great deal more jolly than he is now, and I mean before–you know.”
“Her name was Alice, Paul.”
“Yeah, I know but remember I knew her as a boy for a great deal longer.”
“I’m feeling cold, perhaps we could go home.”
“Yes, of course.” He drove us back in ten minutes. The rain had started and the day began to close in on us and I was pleased that Mr Dunstan had lit a fire in the sitting room, because I snuggled down before it in a huge winged armchair, one I could bring my legs up in as well, and covered with a travel rug, I nodded off for half an hour or so.
Comments
'i'm feeling cold'
Worries me. Is Cathy about to have a heart to heart with a goddess or some other unpleasant experience?
Thank you Angharad
As my dear late mother would say,"there are none so blind as those who will not see,"
and that applies to Alice's father and all those like him. Aother good Bike.
ALISON
Yes - the cold is bothering
But I think Cathy conducted herself well.
I'm still confused with Dani.
I guess we will have to wait and see.
Thanks Angharad.
We can not force the solution that we wish.
I feel sad for the father. Alice is of course in a better place.
G
Suicide.
I have lost three 'trans friends' to suicide. In each case they had little if any support from their families. In 2 of those cases the family had religious issues.
What hurts is this. In each case, I and others genuinely thought our suicidal friends were 'holding it together'. We never even thought they were harbouring thoughts of suicide; I certainly didn't and their deaths cast in me and others a sense of uselessness, a sense of ignorance, a sense of inadequacy insofar as we wondered if we'd cared enough. Their deaths made it painfully obvious that we had not cared enough and that really hurt!!!
What hurt me particularly was the conduct of the medical profession insofar as they stick strictly to their medical agenda and diagnosed various depressive or bi-polar disorders in each instance. This was hard to swallow when we,(the trans and gay communities affected) all knew there were important social, economic and moral factors that drove each situation to its catastrophic conclusion.
IN EACH FUNERAL, THE CHURCH NEVER ONCE TOUCHED UPON THE DECEASED'S GENDER ISSUES OR TORMENTS!!!
In two of the funerals,the religious families made it clear that anybody arriving unsuitably dressed would be refused access. For the sake of peace, we in the tee communities abided meekly by their diktats. What cowards we were.
Sadly that same cowardice is also to be found amongst us in the trans community when we fail to pick up on some slight or insult or mistreatment of ourselves or our friends.
Only one of my closest friends arrived in her suitable apparel and she passed so successfully that nobody would ever have realised anyway. As she said later at the remembrance supper;
'I pass Bev, I am a girl and I'm going for transition'. It's this business that's made me decide. I'm not brave Bev, you know I live full time as me and here I am saying goodbye to Elarie.
However, we did have the satisfaction of her approaching the priest and telling him bluntly that legally she was till a boy and the cruel order denying Elarie's trans friends from attending as they wished had been an unchristian and uncharitable and ungodly act.
Cathy amply illuminates the transgender issues in Alice's funeral and the huge hurts that are heaped upon Tee-people's shoulders.
A very moving chapter Ang.
Once again, yet again, again and again; I thank you.
Bevs.
XX
It's been...
it's been an interesting few days... And postponed the day of reckoning, when Dan returns to school...
At the same time, it's addressed quite a few other issues. I wonder if you'll leave them hanging... as if unresolved now (which happens far to often in the real world) or if you'll tie some of them up in neat little bows (with a little thread loose, if you need to pull the bow back open later)...
Thank you,
Annette
(Who's finally caught back up after not being able to access the site due to firewall issues.)
Back from my travels
and back to enjoy a nice catch up with BIKE.
Shame that MacDuff cannot see the wood for the trees, As Danni so rightly says his bitterness will most probably consume him. If only he could open his eyes a fraction and see that in this world everyone no matter their race, creed , colour , gender deserve a chance to live life as they see fit , Sadly as we all know rather too well MacDuff is not alone with his closed mind ,Bigotry in all its forms is alive and well, and if anything seems to be on the increase...
Kirri