(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2135 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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The smells from the kitchen were increasingly enticing and I felt a little impatient for Danni to emerge from the study so we could eat. There were roars of laughter coming from the sitting room as the girls were watching the old Monty Python discs.
Finally Stephanie emerged from the study and asked me to enter–damn, lunch would be later now. “Danny/Danielle whatever you want to call him/her is a very complex case.”
“Which is why I asked you to come.”
“Quite.” She opened a file and looked at her notes. “He definitely gets too much female influence here.”
“I do ask Daddy and Simon to try and male bond with him.”
“It isn’t enough. He wants to compete but can’t do that with the girls unless he becomes one himself, which isn’t the best solution.”
“Why does he have to compete?”
“He’s a boy and a minority. In order to bolster his position he either has to be extra macho–and he doesn’t like that because it would disrespect you and the others, but especially you. He loves you very much.”
I felt my eyes moisten, “I hope he realises we all love him.”
“He does actually, he feels secure in lots of ways and he knows the girls love him and that you and Simon love him. He wants to impress you and he knows he can’t do that academically, so he tries through sport, except you aren’t very interested in sport except cycling. He says you’re a stronger rider than him but he does try to ride with you when he can.”
“He does, or I invite him.”
“Good, he needs to feel respected by you.”
“Steph, I love him to bits and I don’t want him to go all girly. I want him to be the best boy he can for himself, I’ll still love him whatever he does–I hope he knows that.”
“I think he does but it won’t hurt to tell him now and again.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
“Good.”
“So when do I get my son back?”
“After lunch.”
“Okay, and what do I have to do to keep him?”
“Let him know that he doesn’t need to compete for your attention. He told me that you used to read poetry to him at one time–he enjoyed that because you explained things to him he couldn’t see for himself until you opened that door to him. He lacks confidence in his academic abilities compared to Trish and Livvie who are such gifted children.”
“They frighten me, so I understand how he feels.”
“Do you? You’re a successful academic with a PhD. You’re probably in the top five or ten per cent in the country for intelligence and academic abilities. He’s struggling, with maths and English and needs help.”
“I can get him a tutor.”
“It’s you he wants to teach him.”
“I struggle with maths myself.”
“Okay, get him a maths tutor, unless Tom or Simon could show him?”
“Simon is very good at maths but the curriculum is different to anything he’d recognise, so it would be better to get someone in who knows how and what to teach.”
“Fine, do that, but take an interest.”
“Okay, we’ll do that.”
“Good. Now, this bit is less easy.”
“Oh,” I said apprehensively.
“He needs to have less contact with Pia/Peter, which is what started this little episode if I’m not mistaken?”
“I think so, he tried to show Pia how to do makeup, so he said.”
“Didn’t that ring any bells?”
“A little but I try not to react negatively in case it has the opposite effect.”
“Cathy, this is a boy who is trying to show another boy who thinks he’s a girl, how to do makeup? How many thirteen year old boys know anything about makeup?”
“He has got rather a surfeit of sisters.”
“Even so, what did you do about it?”
“Nothing other than to invite Pia over to have some tuition from Julie and Phoebe.”
“Okay, so you didn’t condone it?”
“I don’t remember, I don’t think so but I also didn’t condemn it–should I have?”
“No, you probably did the right thing. The sad thing is, he can compete with Cindy and Pia and look better than either of them as a girl, but he’s only doing it because he knows he can beat them.”
“How strange,” I said and meant it, such theories had never graced my few functioning brain cells.
“Have you never competed?”
“Sort of.”
“Such as?”
“I couldn’t compete against the sports fiends so I beat them academically.”
“What about girls?”
“Competing against them?”
“Yes?”
“I did a bit at uni, only two of us got firsts.”
“And you’re not very bright–duh.”
I blushed and shrugged.
“What about since you transitioned?”
“How can I compete against normal women?”
“You do it all the time, I’ve seen you dressed to the nines–very few women I know look better than you do when you really go for it.”
I shrugged.
“What about the bike racing, didn’t you ride against other women?”
“Once or twice.”
“So you see, we compete as much as the men, though not necessarily in the same way as men, who go for biggest muscles or bank balance.”
“Or most lays.”
“Aren’t you confusing them with chickens?” Stephanie said cheekily.
“You know what I mean, notches on bedposts and so on.”
She chuckled, “You are blushing, Lady Cameron,” which made me get even redder and hotter.
“Anything else?”
“I could talk all day about him, he’s a fascinating case, but I suspect everyone is waiting for lunch.”
“Yes, but tell me, is he transgender?”
“Slightly, he enjoys a bit of dress up and I suggest you allow that in future but keep him away from Pia.”
“Is Pia transgender?”
“I’m not as sure as I thought I was, I suspect Pia is a gay male who is having problems accepting it, so did the mutilation as a form of denial, and the transgender element is I think a cover or self delusion, and how convenient to have a whole houseful of them just down the road.”
“So Pia is even more complicated than Danny?”
“In the denial bit, yes, but otherwise, no. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”
“What about Danny wanting to protest in public about Alice’s death?”
“Oh that, yes. That was pure and simply an act of desperation and hurt. Danny has seen you bring some lost souls to redemption–half the people here are in that category–it’s what you do, rescue people, especially those in a sexual or gender minority. He wanted to do the same but with someone’s reputation and I think he wanted to punish those who he blames for Alice’s death.”
“Her father and mother?”
“Mainly, but others as well. He was so pleased that you seemed to have done your trick of saving another soul only for it to all go wrong.”
“Shit happens.”
“You and I can see that but a thirteen year old, who is possibly a little confused about his own gender and sexual orientation? He was outraged and wanted to punish them. Thankfully, you stopped him.”
“I do get things right now and again.”
“Cathy, you are an amazing woman, part angel part mother, who else would have saved these people, who you adopted? I mean you even manage to mother people who aren’t that much younger than you. You are a natural mother and rescuer, you can’t help it. Anyone who thinks you were ever a boy should think about that; now where’s this food?”
Comments
His Male Is Muted.
I can certainly agree with Stephanie about Danny. It takes time to recover psychologically from being raped. It's only been wot, a few weeks? Si needs to get off his arse and buddy around with the boy somat. Nothing substitutes for an admirable male role model.
I think that Pia and company are in a way victimizing Danny. His getting out of that dysfunctional relationship can help him, I hope.
Gwendolyn
Thanks for a thoughtful
Thanks for a thoughtful episode Angharad
Relationships.
It's damned difficult to determine how relationships affect other people because all of us are just sooo-oo different.
My primordial distaste of psychiatrists and psychologists drives me to look upon Steph's analysis with a very jaundiced perspective. Danni/Danny is still only thirteen and wrestling with puberty so the whole issue of gender identity and/or sexuality is bound to be fraught with complexity.
For example, I'd be very circumspect about Steph wishing to curtail Danni's friendship with Pia et al. That could seriously antagonise Danny and Danni.
It's brave of you Ang, to tackle these issues and bring some exposure to the issues for it illustrates just how complicated the whole trans spectrum can be. I'm glad at least that you've brought it up in Bike and you'll have already read from the other comments, just how 'thorny' these issues are, especially for the tee community.
Well done girl, brave, controversial and penetrative. I like chapters that go deep like this and I don't argue about the issues any more. I'm past trying to debate the myriad different controversies and profiles to be found in the Tee communities.
A perfect example from my perspective is the conventional historic idea that gender has a binary construct. I don't believe it does but I know the vast rump of the heterosexual majority assume is does without ever having to address this question and consequently never so doing. They simply assume it is binary and unconsciously act to reinforce this convention then impose it on everybody else.
I can't accept this circumstance and consequently find myself constantly acting to confront the convention by drawing peoples attention to the existence of gender variance. (I e, going out and not passing or trying to pass just to make some people realise there are many different genders and/or sexualities out there.
Excellent chapter Ang and I'm still lovin' it.
Bevs.
They've...
They've quite a few challenges ahead... Quite a few.
Looking at Cathy's reaction to things, I wonder how much of her feelings about the situation is from her being uncomfortable with someone who is willing to admit to being a bit of this and a bit of that and how much from the uncertainty of things and how much from her honest concern for the safety of her child and knowledge that anyone that doesn't come fairly close to the stereotypes of 'male' and 'female' has a harder path to follow. (Could easily be half, half and half - yep, three halfs (3/2)...)
It also seemed that Stephanie really didn't want to tell Cathy all that...
After Cathy pushing Danny to "be there" for his mate Pia, keeping him away suddenly is going to be a challenge.
Thanks for this episode... In "real life" Stephanie would probably need many more sessions with Danny - to build on these first impressions and help him figure out who he really is...
Annette
I don't think I agree.
PLEASE, no flame war over this.
I was diagnosed as GID on my second visit. So, sometimes these things can be so obvious, so obvious.
Gwendolyn
*blinks*
What? Flame wars? I don't believe my comment was flaming... At least it wasn't intended to be.
As to diagnosis. My current doctor agreed on one visit. But, I'd already spent a year and a half in therapy back in '85/'86 and had been diagnosed back then (by two different doctors).
For some, it may appear obvious... And for experienced professionals it may be more so. But, I don't think I said that Stephanie was wrong in her assessment of Danny. I said (or meant to anyway) that should similar circumstances have occurred "out in the real world" I would have expected that even if she were sure of her current thoughts she'd be there helping Danny think through who he is and why he's been doing what he's been doing (not pushing him one way or another, but asking questions and such to help him figure it out).
Perhaps things work different over there, than here on the "right" coast... But, I've seen therapists who work with juveniles - and what they do. It may be different elsewhere. (I don't know of any who make house calls.)
Regards,
Annette
Finally
I don't comment as much as I should, Ang, I love Bike and would hate to see it end its run earlier than its natural course would dictate. Danni never felt right to me. I always felt that his transformation was not true and I was waiting and wondering how you would resolve the situation. This resolution makes sense to me and I approve.
Keep it up, we love you.
Jen
Remember
Stephanie has seen Danny/Danni lots of times, I haven't documented them all, so her opinion is based on several meetings, as it is with Pia. The breach of confidence is the only way I could enable the reader to know what the good doctor thinks is going on.
I hope all the ruffled feathers, my own included have been smoothed down and everyone is back to relative normal(is normal allowed on this site?). I try to write inclusively, so my apologies to those who might feel left out by my ramblings, I will try harder in future.
I must remind everyone this is a work of fiction and comes from the recesses of my imagination and that of two cats, one of whom has not been well recently. It is not my intention to upset anyone, though at times I do try to cause the reader to think or challenge current standards.
Angharad