The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2195 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I showed Simon the locket, he just nodded. “You knew about this, didn’t you?”

He shrugged.

“You could have told me.”

“And spoiled her surprise?”

“I knew you must have known because this is a recent photo of you.”

“I grow ever more handsome,” he said preening himself in the mirror.

“But of course, darling.”

“You just can’t improve on perfection,” he sighed.

I was having difficulty keeping a straight face, “You seemed to have.”

“What?” he spun round.

“Improved on perfection.”

He gave me a perplexed smile.

“You were perfect when we first went out, but you’re at least a stone heavier now.”

“Muscle–they say it weighs more than fat.”

I snorted, he was talking pure rubbish–muscle doesn’t make your waistline expand and I told him so.

“It’s postural, the way I’m standing.”

I laughed again and he tried to stand holding his tummy in before he conceded he might be a tad overweight. “Anyway, who are you to talk?”

“I’m a few pounds heavier and a whole cup size bigger, but then I am feeding a baby–what’s your excuse for moobs?”

“Moobs? Those are my pectoral muscles. You wouldn’t tell Arnie he had tits would you?”

“If he had I might.”

“His chest sticks out.”

“Yeah, but yours sags, Si–you need to go on a diet.”

“It’s David’s fault, he makes too many fattening meals.”

“He didn’t force you to eat my fish and chips the other night as well your pizza.”

“That was unfortunate.”

“For me it was.”

“I did apologise.”

“After you ate them all.”

“I didn’t know at the time, did I?”

“Since when have we had two stodgy meals in one?”

“Okay, so it was a mistake–mind you the fish and chips were really good better than the pizza.”

“Glad you enjoyed them.”

“I’ll go on a diet if you do?” he threw back as a challenge.

“I’m already on one, lost two pounds so far.”

“You coulda told me; trust you to sneak a lead, typical bloody woman.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“Oh, how?”

“With my sylph like figure.”

“I quite like you with a bit o’ meat on yer bones.”

Tough, I’m going to lose half a stone and you mister, are going to lose that stone of blubber hanging over your trousers. “Thank you, darling, but I’m going to trim myself down a little.”

“Don’t overdo it, I quite like a woman with a nice...”

“Rack?” I completed for him.

“Body, I was going to say.” A likely tale seeing as all he’d done was look at my breasts, which admittedly were probably full of milk and thus dominating the landscape.

“Oh, I have to go and feed Lizzie before she gets all hot and bothered.” I also had to reduce the pressure on my udders which were getting squeezed by the bra and probably leaking a little into the pads I still had to wear. I thus managed to escape before he got all worked up and stopped listening to his large brain and listened to his smaller dangling one–or should that be two?

As I went downstairs I was thinking about how men are probably far more sex oriented than most women. Men would probably be more likely to take sex were it offered than food, I doubt many women would do so, especially if they were hungry. Though looking at Simon’s growing corporation perhaps he’d take the food as well. I’m sure my theory is correct and explains why we sell so much chocolate as it does nothing else save make you fat or rot your teeth.

“That’s a nice locket, Mummy,” said Trish waving her arm at me. I noticed the bracelet but pretended not to. “It’s warm in here today,” she said wiping her hand across her forehead in best dramatic style.

“That’s because it’s a kitchen, Trish, and David has been cooking things for a while–it’s all Newtonian, I’d have thought you knew that.”

“Of course I do,” she stood with her hands on her hips, her bracelets clinking together on her wrist. I still ignored it so she clinked them again. I ignored it once more.

I found Lizzie and started to feed her, she guzzled down the contents of my chest, nearly sucking my heart and lungs out as well. “Are you sure I’ll be able to do that?” Trish said looking envious.

“I can’t say it’s certain, but it’s certainly possible.” That confused her and she showed it by her expression, though she clanked her bracelets again.

Livvie came in and walking up to me she said, “Mummy, look, Auntie Siá¢n gave me a bracelet.”

“Oh that is lovely, darling,” I chirped fawning over the bracelet.

“She gave one to all of us girls.”

“Did she now?”

“Oh yes, Trish has got one too, haven’t you, Trish?”

Trish sat down and rolled her eyes. “I’ve practically shoved it up her nose and she still hasn’t seen it.” She waved the offending wrist so close to my face it almost hit my nose.

I pushed her hand away from my face, “Oh yes, dear, very nice–oh it’s the same as Livvie’s.”

“That was her intention, to avoid showing favouritism.”

“Does Danni have one as well?”

“Oh yes, Auntie Siá¢n wanted to be fair to everyone.”

So how come you didn’t get a skirt or Max factor makeup? Was the question I decided not to ask. “That was very kind of her, so I think you’d all better write her a note to say thank you her generous present.”

While I let my mobile suction device unload my other boob, I sent the girls up to write a note of thanks to Siá¢n which I’d post to her later on.

‘Dear Auntie Siá¢n,
Thank you for my lovely bracelet which I absolutely love. Every time I wear it I shall think of you.
Love,
Livvie.xxxx’

Dear Auntie Siá¢n,
Mummy said if I didn’t write and say thank you for my bracelet she’d take it back to the shop the big bully so here is my letter.
your sinseerly
Trish X’

I included letters together with one of my own thanking her for my beautiful locket, of which I felt really pleased. I also thanked her for her friendship and I wished all three of them well and hoped to see them again soon.

It was all quiet on the western front, so I nipped out with Kiki and posted the letter before settling down to the final chores of the day and then I hoped a good night’s sleep.