(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2104 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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We arrived back at the house. “Had I better go and change back?” asked Danni.
“What for, isn’t the point of a makeover to show everyone how you look?”
“What about Daddy?”
“What about him?”
“He’s not going to like it, is he?”
“He’ll get over it, besides he’s already home.”
“Oh,” I glanced at his face in the rear view mirror and he looked very apprehensive.
“C’mon, let’s get it over with, then we can have a nice evening–are you staying over, Cindy?”
“May I?”
I nodded my reply. “Better call your mum though.”
“Yeah, okay.”
We went in and Simon’s eyebrows nearly disappeared over the top of his head his eyes widened so much. “This is Danielle,” I said and he managed to close his mouth then gave me a look which suggested he wanted words in private. I expected it so wasn’t surprised.
Everyone else was pleasantly surprised at the outcome including Tom, who seemed to take whatever his weird family threw at him, in good heart. He told Danni how pretty she looked and gave her a hug and a kiss. I looked hard at Simon and he did the same, the difference being that Danni wanted to hang on to her dad.
For a moment I thought Simon was going to say something stupid and Danni was saying something very quietly when Simon’s demeanour changed like a switch had been thrown, and he actively hugged the child and told her she looked really good, and I knew he was being honest.
David produced a delicious meal of baked cod with duchess potatoes and mixed vegetables, followed by a trifle. I ate too much and bending over to fill the dishwasher was uncomfortable, however, I managed to find room for a cup of tea and Simon followed me to the study and we closed the door.
“I never thought I’d see my son in a skirt and think he’d look pretty.”
“He’s a very pretty boy but you don’t see it because he’s usually doing boy things and that distracts the eye.”
“Maybe? When I first saw him I was horrified.”
“I know.”
“That obvious was it?”
“Yes–and I can understand part of it.”
“It took me a moment to get my head round it.”
“I know, that was obvious too.”
“Yeah well...”
“I thought there was some anger directed at me as well.”
“For a moment I thought you’d stolen my son, my final son...”
“How could I steal one of our children?”
“You know what I mean–he’d switched horses mid race.”
“You mean you thought I’d turned another boy into a girl?”
“For an instant–then I realised no one can do that except the child themselves.”
“Go on.”
“I still love him even if he’s turning into a girl.”
“I’m glad to hear it, but he isn’t.”
“Isn’t what?”
“Isn’t turning into a girl.”
“What’s that out there then?”
“That was someone honouring a promise.”
“Who’d he promise–not you, surely?”
“Simon, that is below the belt.”
“Who then?”
“His friend Peter.”
“He got himself dressed up like a girl for his friend Peter, the one with no–um?”
“Yes.”
“Why can’t Peter get himself a proper girlfriend?”
“Peter was having a makeover as well.”
“What for?”
“Simon, I’m sorry I thought you understood what was going on a bit better than you do. Since the attack in France the two boys have been having all sorts of problems which culminated in Peter castrating himself. Since then Danny seemed to be coping quite well but Peter wasn’t, I guess the assault made him question his gender and gender identity perhaps his orientation as well.”
“Danny’s done the same has he?”
“Just be patient a moment. Danny has been trying to maintain his friendship with Peter who has been exploring his gender identity and sometimes dressing up as a girl only Dan reckoned it was pretty awful and he tried to help him.”
“By dressing up too?”
“Apparently.”
“What else do they get up to?”
“I didn’t ask, but both are minors and one has no external genitalia, so I doubt it was very much, don’t you?” I asked sarcastically.
“Okay, I didn’t think.”
“Please wait while I explain how I see things.”
“Okay.”
“I saw Dan come home the other night with the remains of make up on his eyelashes and asked him about it. He explained he was trying to show Peter what to do, so I suggested Julie give Peter some lessons in a makeover. Somehow Danny got talked into it as well.”
“Not by Julie, I hope?”
“Simon, please shut up and let me finish.”
“Okay.”
I glared at him.
“He came and told me last night and I tried to talk him out of it but he’d made a promise to his friend.”
“So what? He could have broken it.”
“Simon, our son doesn’t break his word and I resent your suggestion that he should. Years ago people died because they gave their word, because their honour was stronger than their lives. You should be pleased we have children who have a degree of pride and honour in their lives, enough to sacrifice their own comfort to help a friend.”
He avoided eye contact and I think I heard him sniff a couple of times. There was a pause before he said, “I’m proud of him.”
“So you should be, most other boys wouldn’t have done it or coped if they had.”
“So is that it?”
“I don’t know. There is a possibility that Peter is coming to Scotland with us and if he comes as Pia, then Danny might become Danielle to support her friend.”
“Isn’t that going a bit far?”
“I have no idea.”
“You’re the expert on gender bending.”
“I’m an expert on dormice,” I growled back at him.
“Well you know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean, but I don’t know what Danny means. I’m as unhappy about it all as you are but if this is what the child needs to do at the moment, then that’s what we’ll do. If he wants to paint himself blue and run round in a kilt, that’s fine too.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Braveheart–William Wallace–Mel Gibson, remember?”
“Oh that.”
“He’s working through some serious issues and helping his friend do the same and we’re going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe so they can come out the other side.”
“Of course.”
“I’ve spoken to Stephanie who said it’s a little unusual but to go with it for the moment.”
“So there might be no boys at Stanebury?”
“Possibly, I’m trying to deal with things as they arise.”
“What about the ball and the barndance?”
“I’ll find them something suitable, though we might need to pop to Edinburgh or Glasgow beforehand.”
He shook his head, “Why does all this happen to us? What have we done to deserve it?”
“It isn’t happening to us, it happened to one of our children and his friend, we have a minor role in keeping them safe and giving them space to deal with the trauma in whatever way they can.”
“But isn’t there a danger this could make Danny–um–like...”
“Like me?”
He looked horrified for a moment, “Of course not, I don’t know quite what I meant.”
“If you meant gay, then I’d be equally angry.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
“You’d love him as much if he was black, or if he’d been born a girl, so why is all this so hard for you? You of all people.”
“I don’t know, perhaps because I’ve been so proud of my son with his football and so on, I didn’t look beyond that.”
“Simon, the reality is any parent could lose one of their children at any time from accident, illness, or some other means. We need to cherish them while we have them regardless of who or what they are. They need our support and we’re going to give it–one hundred per cent.”
“Of course. Okay, just tell me what to do if I look lost.”
I wanted to scream. “Tell them you love them, the rest will follow.”
He nodded and left the room, I think he was crying I know I was.
Comments
Danny's got a hard row to hoe.
Cathy and Simon are going to have to do whatever it takes to help Danny (and possibly Pete or Pia) to come out of it at the other end with minimal emotional scarring. I did say it would be a long journey and nearly every one of us on BC knows that!
Much food and room for thought Ang. Glad your exploring the uncertainties and doubts that perpetually and/or repeatedly beset us all to different degrees.
Still lovin' it particularly when thought provoking chapters like this crash into our inboxes/lives.
Thanks.
XX
Bevs.
“Tell them you love them"
The least you should do for any child.
S.
BLUE ! Painting ones self?
I wonder where they got all the blue dye? They did not have grape coolaid then.
G
They used Woad Gwen.
Woad is a plant in Britain that when crushed, produces a dark purplish blue sap that endures rather like beetroot juice. It's quite difficult to remove. The plant has actually become very rare in the UK now but it used to be very common in the extensive forests of early Britain.
By the way, is your Skype still kaput? I was concerned by your pm to Cathy and addressed to me as well. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. You're a good kid so be brave.
X Bevs
Simon is such a man...
Don't take the subject the wrong way please; I just had this conversation with my mother yesterday.
Generally, women talk to "share a burden", where men talk to "solve a problem." The dichotomy between the two is brilliantly illustrated here.
Cathy isn't expecting a solution out of this. She's ready to go with whatever Danny/i decides, and is there to support him. (Forgive my use of him here please, I still think of Danni as a "him" inside as I don't see him having gender issues, though I could be quite wrong.)
Simon is trying to prepare every little thing to make sure it goes smoothly. Thinking of every potential problem, trying to come up with a solution for everything, when this quite clearly has no "solution" per se other than letting the situation develop.
Masterfully written chapter Angharad. Thanks for sharing it.
Cathy and Simon
I really didn't read this as emotional until those last two lines. It has been quite a while since we have seen this deep of discussion between them. And this one left them both crying - Cathy because she got through to Simon what this is all about, and Simon because now he at least partially understands what is going on with Danny and Peter. More than a little bit could be because he is proud of his son for honoring a promise to a friend, for his ready involvement in male sports he likes, and for the way he is helping Tom.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Even now....
after all the time they have lived together Simon still manages to find different ways of saying the wrong thing, Given he still keeps doing it. Its very doubtful he will change over much, Maybe Cathy needs to accept that, We all know how much she loves the the big oaf that is her husband perhaps she should just try and educate him a little when he steps over the line, I know Cathy gets upset, Sometimes rightly so, But it will be far better for the both of them if she can get by that, Its not going to be easy but then is life ever ?
Kirri