"Oh, sweetie, I haven't felt like this since...." Diane touched her daughter's hand and smiled and frowned at the same time. She was having feelings for Michelle that she had thought would forever be reserved for the two loves of her life, Ronni and David. Michelle wasn’t just a vague someday possibility. True to her word, Michelle had explored and found a property to which she would relocate her art studio. She had already rented her house in Wilmington and was living in a townhouse not far from Diane and the Esposito girl's store.

In the years between Mike's marriage to Janey and move to Delaware and now, Diane had seen her own dear love go to war, only to return a hero destined for burial forgotten by everyone except a loving spouse and adoring daughter. Ronni and David, being one in the same, perished together giving "their" lives for the sake of their comrades. Twin graves rested only yards from each other, both giving testimony to the precious lives that blessed Erica and her mother. Diane felt conflicted, even though Ronni had died over twenty years ago, such was the deep love she held for her lover and the parent of her child. The memories were precious, but she felt sad to realize they were fading; remaining fond but growing softly out of focus.

It was almost as if Diane was asking her daughter permission, not to love again, but to hold onto what was no longer there. She wished she had no choice to make, but she was faced with a choice nonetheless. Michelle was here and now, and Diane found herself attracted to her; it was unlike any feeling she had ever had. She remembered Michelle as Mikey, Ronni’s and her best friend, and a man of character and kindness. But Mikey no longer existed, so to speak. In his place was an attractive woman who had sacrificed nearly a lifetime to preserve the peace and safety of his relationship with his late wife. While still honoring and treasuring her late wife's memory, she nevertheless had moved on, becoming perhaps the person she was always meant to be. This not only intrigued Diane, but it confused her. Why would she be attracted to this woman after being content for so many years as a single parent and friend to all she met? Surely she'd gotten past her own need for relationships and companionship. Yet recently, each night brought uneasiness and growing loneliness, as if those emotions were waking up after a long sleep.

"Honey, what should I do? Daddy was so special. No one could take his place." She began to cry, and Erica got up and stood over her mother and held her, kissing her repeatedly to bless and comfort her mother. She knew that her mother would never violate the loyalty she had for David and Ronni; keeping an endless, perhaps needless, vigil over their memories.

"Mommy, what was the thing that made you love Daddy the most?" She stroked her mother's hair and kissed her cheek. "What was it that made him special?" Erica already knew, having heard her mother tell the story of how she and Ronni met. She remembered how Ronni was the love of her mother's life; the interesting and wonderful part of David that filled her mother's heart with joy. Two wonderful sides of the same person who came together to fulfill her mother's need for love and acceptance.

"Ronni wanted what was best for me. She always thought of me first. She made me feel special and important and alive." Diane fought back her tears as wonderful but sad sights and sounds swept through her soul as she remembered, almost even felt, Ronni's presence.

"And what would Daddy...what would Ronni say if she were here? What do you think her answer would be?" Erica reminded her mother with that one question that it was not her permission Diane needed, even though she would gladly stand by her mother whatever choice she made. It was Ronni's permission that Diane sought, and she feared the answer, whichever it would be.

Diane had tried very hard not to fall prey to her fears, but she was almost paralyzed by a dread that she would never ever love again, and that Ronni and David would be her last true loves. She hesitated and then said quietly, hoping against hope that she was right.

“She’d want me to be happy. She always wanted to be happy. She…..loved me.” Erica held her mother tightly as they wept together, both for the grief of their loss but for the absolutely wonderful realization that the love that sustained and nurtured Diane while Ronni was alive was the same love that gave Diane permission to love again. After a few moments, they looked at each other with the same wonder on their faces: what if Michelle doesn’t feel the same way.

Across town, two young ladies were walking up the steps of the townhouse with boxes and other such things that people move. Michelle’s daughter Charlie walked into the kitchen where Michelle was sitting down at the table, drinking some iced tea.

“That’s all of it,” she said, pointing to the boxes on the floor by the stairs going up to the bedrooms. She walked over and gave Michelle a hug. Her partner Beth was just placing the last box on the kitchen table. She walked over and kissed her “mother” in-law on the cheek and smiled.

“I only hope things go….” Charlie’s voice trailed off as Beth rubbed her back and finished her sentence for her.

“You gotta tell her sometime. Barbara’s going to be awfully surprised when she and Jason and the kids come for Christmas.” Beth was a fairly level-headed practical girl, even if she had grown up a fairly nervous impractical boy. She had her final surgery only a few months before; and somehow having her own self finally settled helped get everything else settled in her mind. She knew how much Charlie loved her sister Barbara, and it pained her that she and Charlie had been rejected for being who they were.

Never a very religious person, Beth had gained a perspective in faith and forgiveness through getting to know Michelle. She somehow apprehended the truth of forgiveness and acceptance by Michelle’s example, and that translated into a new-found love of God and a deeper appreciation for Charlie as well. Charlie had grown bitter toward God over her sister's treatment of her and Beth, but Beth’s choice to forgive Barbara whatever the cost brought her close to God and brought Charlie along as well.

The two wanted so very much to be accepted, and Michelle had provided them with a tangible example of God’s love. And they both prayed that Barbara would come to understand Michelle’s decision as well. Beth had been like a daughter herself in Michelle's transition. Michelle had gotten some flack from a few of the girls in her support group since she had not planned a complete transition. Michelle was going to live as she felt was best for her, but she felt pressured until Beth reminded her that it was her life and no one else's. And who better to understand about changes and decisions than someone who had endured the insistence and interference of others. So Beth became as much an encouragement to Michelle as Michelle had been to her.

“So what’s next, Mom?” Charlie had decided that it was not only permissible, it was entirely appropriate to refer to Michelle as Mom even though she grew up loving her as her Daddy. That part would never change, really, since the person who nurtured and taught and loved and blessed was the same, even if her name and title might have changed. And of course, Charlie would treasure forever the love and acceptance she received from her dear mother Janey. Michelle looked down, almost avoiding the question. She was conflicted with the same feelings her counterpart was experiencing across town. She wanted to move on, but she also did not want to betray Janey’s memory. Charlie spoke with the authority of a peer rather than a daughter.

“I know you never wanted to do anything to hurt Mom, but you sold her short. She loved you more than anything, and I just know things might have been different.” Seeing the pain in Michelle’s eyes, she continued, “At least I know one thing for sure. She’d want you to be happy, and I can’t think of anything better than to find someone to love again, Mom and I know just who fits the bill.”

Charlie and Beth had met Diane and April and Lainey only a few days ago when Michelle first started moving into the townhouse. Diane had everyone over for dinner and new friendships were formed. And Charlie noticed that neither Diane nor Michelle could keep their eyes off each other, even if they did avert their gazes when they thought the other was looking, Charlie knew just then, even if Michelle didn’t, that Diane had fallen in love with Michelle. No need for matchmaking; proximity and mutual friendships and acquaintances would take care of the details. All they needed was a little….push.

“April stood over the table, smiling. It was almost an ironic example of payback. Months before, Diane had invited Lainey and April to dinner without telling the other. The subsequent evening proved to be the gentle nudge that their tentative relationship needed to get going, and only a few months later, Diane gave away both brides at their wedding. Now April and Lainey had spent all day planning with Charlie and Beth’s help, and a romantic dinner was planned. Diane and Michelle thought it was a nice housewarming dinner planned for Michelle in honor of her move and the opening of her Art Studio. When they arrived at Michelle’s townhouse, they were surprised to see four lovely young ladies standing at the ready to serve dinner to two adorable but nervous friends.

“I recommend the Veal Scaloppini, ma’am,” Lainey said. She even placed a towel over her arm to appear like a waitress. April arrived at the table with a nice bottle of Chianti and two glasses, while Charlie and Beth stood back, ready to serve. Both Diane and Michelle were of fair complexion, but the realization of the purpose for the meal caused them to turn almost as red as the sauce. After a few minutes of hovering, the four young ladies bade their guests farewell. April handed Diane a card while Charlie leaned over and kissed Michelle.

“Bona fortuna, momma, Vi auguriamo amore.” With that the ladies exited the kitchen and left the two alone. Diane opened the card. It was from Erica, and simply read,

“All my love, Mommy. You deserve the best, and I think Michelle’s the one.” She showed the card to Michelle, who blushed. But she also grabbed Diane gently by the hand and held it while softly caressing her fingers. Diane looked at Michelle and closed her eyes, only for a few moments. As if in a vision, she saw Ronni, not as the teenager she first met years ago, and not the young parent who left life so suddenly, but as she might appear today. And Ronni smiled at her and nodded, with tears in her eyes, not of regret or sadness, but of joy and approval. When Diane opened her eyes, she saw that Michelle was looking at her with the same look of love and acceptance she received from her first love long ago. In that moment, the two realized that love can come softly more than once in a lifetime, and they kissed. They kissed out of love and acceptance and joy and fond memories and new beginnings.

And Michelle dreamed her own dream when she slept that night. Janey was as lovely and as warm and as wonderful as she remembered. And Janey had an odd look about her. Michelle felt she was in Janey’s presence with Diane at her side, not as Michael, Janey’s dear husband, but as Michelle, her new true self. Janey looked at both of them and smiled with a look that said, “I don’t understand this, but I know I love you with all my heart, and I release you to be who you are. Farewell, my love!” Michelle woke up the next morning with her pillow wet with tears, but secure in the knowledge that most of those tears were joyful and hopeful and wonderful.

A few weeks later, several people stood in Gina and Ben’s back yard, celebrating a new beginning. Unexpected joy filled the air; the group was much bigger than expected. Diane’s son-in-law Mark escorted the bride, who was radiant. She was accompanied by Erica, her daughter and matron-of-honor, along with a nervous young lady who had never been to a wedding before oher than her own, much less been a bridesmaid. Lainey was not only nervous because of her new responsibility, but also because she was anxious after hearing the cries of her new daughter Diane Joy Esposito, who was sitting on April’s lap in the front row.

More surprising and overwhelmingly joyful, Michelle was radiant as well. A new friend, Dr. Ben Kelly, escorted this bride. She stood at the altar, flanked by her daughter Charlie, her own matron-of-honor, as well as her bridesmaid Beth. But the biggest surprise was yet to be revealed. A little girl, Ashley, walked down the aisle placing flower petals carefully. She was accompanied by a little boy, her brother Joey, who held a pillow with two rings attached.
But the best surprise came last. A sweet song was heard from the woman standing next to Michelle. Barbara sang as sweetly and joyfully as she had never sung before. And the minister who presided? Jason had decided with his wife that life was too short to hold on to things at the expense of the real treasure in life; family, friends and forgiveness.

Words (and Music) by Andrea Lena DiMaggio
From Song of Songs