"Poppa, why don’t you come live with us?" Mike's daughter had just called to wish him a belated happy birthday. Barbara was sweet to offer, but relocating to Seattle from Delaware would be difficult at best. His daughter and her husband were lovely people, but they were very involved with their church, and having Dad live with them, under the present circumstances, would have made things uncomfortable, to say the least.

Mike had been widowed for five years, and he missed Janey desperately. They shared a wonderful marriage with two beautiful daughters. Barbara, the older of the two , took after Janey’s parents, and was “old school” in regard to relationships, if you follow me. Charlie, the baby of the family, had moved to Virginia Beach, much to the chagrin of her older sister and brother-in-law, since she’d moved there with her partner Beth, an adorable young lady who up until recently had been Jimmy. So how would Barbara and Jason react now that Mike was Michelle? She had been living the past eighteen months as Michelle Alluccio; feminizing her first name and using her mother’s maiden name.

Michelle anticipated that while Barbara and Jason would reject her choice, she was going to live her life the way she saw fit. Sadly, they would likely never be ready for her change. Charlie was all for it, and she and Beth had even helped Michelle locate a support community in Wilmington, along with helping her shop for a new wardrobe. It broke her heart that this choice would inevitably estrange her from Barbara. Michelle prayed about it and wept over it, and knew it was right for her, but they wouldn’t understand, so why complicate things. She fibbed, just a little.

"Sweetheart, it’s too much of a change for me. I love you dearly, but I’m really happy where I am. It’s not like I’m old, honey. I just turned fifty-one last week, and I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in." It would have been awkward for Barbara to know that her dad's "shape" was decidedly different than what she remembered.

"Give Jason and his family my love, and hug and kiss Ashley and Joey for me, okay. I’ll be fine, sweetheart, really. I love you with all my heart, honey. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye."

Michelle hung up the phone, and walked over to the mirror in the hallway. Tears streamed down her cheeks, knowing that she would never be accepted by her older daughter. She was torn, as many of us are, when what we remember we had and lost gets in the way of what we want and need. Sadly, her loyalty to her late wife and the understandable fear of rejection from her older daughter made her begin to doubt her choice. What she needed was a different perspective, and providence was about to provide one for her.

"Did Mrs. Murphy come by for that dress we were holding?" Diane said as she was looking through some receipts. It was nearly lunchtime, and Mrs. Murphy could spend an hour or so making up her mind.

"Yes, and she bought a nice cardigan as well. She was here for just about an hour, and Lainey, God bless her heart, spent the entire time helping her." A voice came from the back.

A tall attractive blonde waddled up front; yes, she was even more attractive; glowing, some might say. April Esposito was three days past her due date, and had been spending most of her time helping out at the store with Lainey, her very nervous wife and mom/dad/whatever-to-be. Lainey had once again changed her mind, and was straddling the gender fence between being a mother and being a father, despite assurances from friends and family that she was a parent and a loving wife first and foremost.

Diane looked at the two and smiled. She loved Lainey and April’s company, and she looked forward to being a surrogate grandma for their daughter. Diane loved her friends, and she enjoyed the greatest relationship with her own daughter and son-in-law and their daughter, of course, but lately she’d been feeling…lonely. I know, it’s hard to imagine being lonely in a room full of people, but some of you already know that feeling all too well. Things were about to change, and in a way that was both touching and intriguing.

"Excuse me, can you help me? I’m trying to find the way back to Route 30. I got turned around after I got off looking to find a place to eat. And just where is a good place to eat around here?" Diane turned to see an attractive woman standing by the door. She was wearing cream linen slacks with a nice mauve cotton shirt, which was un-tucked. The woman’s hair was almost white, with very slight blonde highlights. Despite her hair color, Diane thought that the woman was about her own age, leaving the automatic “Oh, a new friend,” to come to mind. The woman looked at Diane, and she smiled warmly. There was something vaguely familiar about her; something that went all the way back to Diane’s past. The familiarity brought back glimpses of hazy snapshots of memories, but more than that, she felt a stirring that she had not felt since Ronni died; An odd but wonderfully comfortable attraction to the woman at the door.

"30’s not far from here. As a matter of fact, we’re just going out to lunch. You’re welcome to join us. The restaurant is just off the highway, so you can find your way back easy. Oh, I’m Diane…Diane McPherson. These are my partners, Lainey and April Esposito." Diane used her hand to gesture back to where the couple stood. Lainey was embarrassed, having been “caught” leaning over and cooing to her soon-to-arrive daughter through April’s Eagles sweatshirt. April smiled and rubbed her wife’s shoulder, trying to alleviate Lainey's unnecessary embarrassment. Lainey stood and smiled.

"Michelle...Michelle Alluccio. Pleased to meet all of you. And, yes, I think I'd like to accompany you fine ladies to lunch, but only if it's my treat." Michelle smiled, but she was puzzled about the vague familiarity she felt when Diane shook her hand. She looked at Diane again, and her eyes widened slightly in recognition, but she said nothing. Michelle worried that Diane wouldn’t understand, so why bring up something so awkward. She felt nervous, worrying if she might betray her secret with a word or a gesture, but fond memories of the woman before her convinced her that walking into this store was likely no coincidence. She thought about a conversation from years before.

“Mikey, you’ve got to tell her. You owe her that much.” Diane said to her friend. Ronni and Diane had met Mike for lunch at the pizza joint, and Diane was failing miserably at trying to get Mike to change his mind.

“I owe her that much not to ever bring it up.” Mike said with tears in his eyes; tears that were mirrored by the friends who sat across from him. “Janey’s parents are old school, and they would never ever understand. I love her too much to hold onto it.” Mike was caught in an un-winnable situation. He wanted to live his life with Janey as his femme self Michelle, but he was convinced that she would never accept him that way. They’d been married for two months, and his secret was buried deep down, with no chance of ever seeing the light of day.

Ronni knew from experience how difficult it was to be accepted as a woman, and lived her outward life as David, Diane’s fiancé and the father of Erica, their one year old daughter. Mike and Dave had hit it off as friends when Dave started driving for UPS, and had delivered supplies to Mike’s art studio. Their ensuing friendship grew and the dynamics changed as Diane and Ronni encouraged Mike’s femme side whenever he visited them. But things changed again when Janey came along. She was the most wonderful girl that Mike had ever known but her background as a pastor’s daughter precluded a relationship with a guy who wanted desperately to live as a girl. They really didn’t even have a word for it back in the early eighties other than the disparaging names misguided people used. So Michelle died, as it were, so that Mike and Janey could live. Mike remembered the last conversation they had before he and Janey moved away.

“Please don’t do this, Mikey. Please.” Diane had pled with him, worried that his life would be miserable without his other self. She was mostly right. While Mike would miss that part of himself, his life with Janey, as we’ve seen, blessed him with a life-long love and two beautiful children. While he wished things had been different, he never felt that Michelle would ever live another day, but Janey’s death changed that.

“What brings you up this way?” April said as she sipped her iced coffee. Michelle smiled and said,

“I’ve been widowed for nearly five years, and I just thought it was time for a change. I grew up in the Penn Wynne area, and I’ve been thinking of moving my Art Studio up this way now that my girls are out of the house.” Michelle had planned to move back eventually, but her realtor had a line on a nice property in a strip mall in the Ardmore area.

“You must miss your husband so much,” Lainey said. She usually teared up at sentimental moments, and she was true to form. She was surprised when Michelle said,

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t say….Sweetie, Janey and I were married for twenty-six years. She was the love of my life from…we were childhood sweethearts.”

Two sets of eyes widened in recognition. April had her suspicions as soon as she met Michelle, although she wouldn’t have been surprised if she was wrong, since Michelle was entirely female, if in appearance and demeanor only. April had learned the hard way not to make assumptions about anyone, especially about herself.

Diane’s eyes widened in recognition at the name, “Janey”. She looked at Michelle with her gaze filtered through the prism of memories past, and recalled a dear one who she had thought she’d never see again. She reached over and placed her hand on Michelle’s and mouthed silently with a barely discernible wink,

“Welcome home, Mikey.

Next: Oh Rejoice My Dove, Rejoice

Come My Love — Words (and music) by Andrea DiMaggio
From Song of Songs