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by Erle Stanley Garudumimus

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA9t1nSGXXE

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December 23, 1959, in what is left of the Municipal Courthouse, City of Los Angeles...

"Go ahead with your cross, Mr. Mason." The judge said.

"Isn't it true, Mr. Gojira...that Miss Mothra, and not you, wrote the note that lured the decedent out of hiding?" District Attorney Hamiliton Burger rises from his desk.

"Objection, your honor? Counsel is deliberately leading the witness! The person referred to is not female! I..."

"If I might interrupt my learned opponent's objection. (deep throaty breath), I've just been handed a note by my secretary." (Perry confers with Della and Paul Drake.)

"Your Honor, if it pleases the court?" Perry pivots slowly to face the gallery while continuing.

"I know this must be hard for you, Mr. Gojira, but....aren't you having an affair with....Miss Mothra?" (multiple gasps throughout courtroom)

"Just to be clear? Mothra... who sprays ropey gooey stuff? She's a transkaiju?" the judge interjects.

"What does that..."

"A male-to-female Kaiiju, yes. Where we might call her transformation chrysalis, it's more accurately referred to as transition?" Gojira nods slowly. DA Burger raises his hand in objection, but reconsiders and remains silent. Perry continues.

"And that it was she who wrote the note luring Mr. Rodan out of hiding?" Gojira raises a vestigal quasi eyebrow.

"The sculptor?"

"No, although I can imagine what he might have done with a pose by you two. No. Rodan, the pteradactyl-ish Kaiju that WAS the ultimate destroyer of much of downtown Los Angeles?"

"Okay...Yes I admit I was having an affair with her, but it was me who killed that...."

"No...You don't have to protect her any longer, Mr. Gojira. We already know you didn't because both you and Miss Mothra were seen at an Ouran High School Host Club festival in El Segundo at the time of the murder."

"It was me," Gamera screams from the gallery.

"I.. I killed Rodan."

"Oh, now I get it....Auguste Rodin," Ghiddrah's second and third heads laugh at the joke.

"Rodan the flying monster that destroyed LA!" Mason faces Gamera.

"I object, Your honor?" DA Burger stands up and is immediately eaten by Ghiddorah leaving everyone in the courtroom laughing the irony of the moment.

"Yeah...it was me," Gamera yelled.

"I shoulda had a shot at Tokyo...I coulda had class...I coulda been a contender... But instead Instead I got a one-way ticket to VanNuysville...."

"Oh... I get it," Ghiddorah's second head says aloud, laughing at head number three's joke.

"Burger for lunch!"

"Your honor?" Perry says with a wry grin. The judge nods and speaks.

"Baliff? Turn Mr. Gamera on his back and take him into custody. Case Dismissed!" Perry feels a large prehensile limb tap him slowly, evoking another grin. Baby Godzilla hugs his new stepmom Mothra and walks over to the witness stand while avoiding consuming the judge.

"Gojira bless us, everyone! Merry Christmas!"

All Kaiju images and characters are the property of Toho Ltd and/or Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures

Perry Mason is the property of the estate of Erle Stanley Gardner and CBS Television in association with Paisano Productions

Perry Mason Theme composed by Fred Steiner