Easy As Breathing On a Ventilator.
by Angharad.
part:367

I felt like I was floating in treacle. Sometimes the light would be there and sometimes it was dark. I wondered if the darkness finally had got me. Something in my brain kept telling me, ‘it wasn’t over,’ then I’d float some more.

At one point I thought I saw my mother. “Why are you here?” she asked me in quite an uncharacteristically off-hand way.

“I don’t know, where am I supposed to be?” I felt exhausted and very confused.

“You have work to do.”

“Yeah, okay, Mum, I’ll go and do it in a minute, I need a little rest first.”

“Catherine Watts, you will go and do it immediately.”

“Aw, Mum,” I protested.

“Go now, this instant and don’t you dare come back until it’s finished.”

“Yes, Mummy.”

She faded and I drifted some more, then as if I’d been gripped by a maelstrom I felt myself being sucked downwards. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe. The pain, it was awful and I couldn’t breathe.

“Relax, Cathy, it’s okay. Let the machine breathe for you–that’s right. Now don’t worry, you had a clot form on the lung, but we’ve sorted that. You also had a pneumothorax, where air gets into the pleural cavity. That will take a little while longer to sort. I’ve given you a jab to help with the pain, it might make you feel a bit strange. Oh, I’m Dr Finch, Judy Finch, and I’m the thoracic consultant.”

Voices come and voices go, but this goes on forever, or seemed to.

“Hi, Cathy, it’s your favourite pain in the arse again, yeah that’s right, it’s me, the one and only Trish. You’ve got a bit hot and smelly, so I’m going to give you a little wash down and hang you on the line. You’ll be alright, it’s almost up to freezing out there.”

I occasionally felt her touching my body. “Now for the naughty bits, your catheter looks fine, just pat you dry. Cor, for someone who hasn’t done anything for two weeks, you still look in good shape, girl.”

My mind latched on to the phrase two weeks, two weeks? What about my film? I fought to open my eyes, but they wouldn’t respond. I could hear the machine pumping and feel my chest rise and fall on one side. They’d depressurised half my chest, I was breathing on one lung only.

I had no idea of time. People came and went and talked to me in between. Then at one point, when Des was there, I managed to open my eyes. He was telling me that he was filming in my dormouse colonies with the help of my recording team. It was going really well. However, he hoped I’d be well enough to do a voice over and perhaps we could shoot some footage to be spliced in later.

He was chattering away, when he looked at me. “Cathy? Cathy you’re awake! Nurse, hey nurse, she’s awake.”

“Calm down, Mr erm Lane, she may or may not be awake.” Trish came up to look at my eyes, she shone a light and I pulled away from it. “Yes, she’s awake all right.” She switched off the machine and I began to breathe for myself.

“Is she going be okay?” I heard Des ask.

“Of course she is, my patients always get better or I kill them.” Trish was hustling him out of the room. “Look we need some space for about an hour, why don’t you go and get a cuppa and phone her family.”

“Yeah, course. Wow, she woke up on my watch. See I knew she couldn’t resist me.”

“Undoubtedly, Mr Lane, it’s your animal magnetism, either that or it’s your aftershave I can smell. Now be off with you for an hour.”

Trish came into me, “Okay, Sleepyhead, I’ve checked with the doc, she says we can whip out the tube from your lung. This isn’t very nice, but bear with me, I’ll be as gentle as I can.”

Not very nice! The understatement of the century, why would someone I’ve done nothing to, want to pull my lungs out through my mouth? Then it was over and I was breathing properly again, two lungs, I think. She lifted the head of the bed–an all electric thing–and I was resting with my head up.

“Just take your time, but you should be able to speak now, here have a drink first.”

I took a sip of the ice cold water and it helped to ease my burning throat. “Thanks,” I croaked.

“Right, now when Mr Wonderful–well he seems to thinks so, doesn’t he–comes back, don’t try to talk too much, or you’ll make your throat sore.”

“ ‘Kay,” I said and allowed her to fuss around me.

“Your hair could do with a wash, Missus. I’ll see where the hairdresser is tomorrow, if she can come, would you like that?”

“Could Stella do it?”

“I can ask her, she’s staying with your dad, isn’t she?”

“With Tom, yes.” It gave me a warm feeling to hear Tom called my dad. I think he’d like it too.

“I’ll go and give her a ring.”

Some little while later, Trish reappeared and said, “She’s coming this afternoon.”

“Thanks,” I croaked.

Des came back and told me he’d called Simon and Tom, Stella, Gordon Brown, President Bush and Pamela Anderson. When he saw my eyes boggle he laughed. “I made up the George Bush one,” he said and laughed again.

I smiled at him and croaked, “If you leave now, you might make it out of the hospital before MI5 get here.”

“Yeah, then it’s off to a secret location and bang bang. Still I suppose it gives new meaning to ‘shooting on location’.” He saw me yawn and shut my eyes, “Goodness girl, you’ve only been awake five minutes and you’re yawning already.”

“It’s just being with you, Des; it’s this raunchy animal thing, wears me out.”

“Are you taking the piss, Cathy Watts?”

“Nah, I’m on a catheter,” I said smiling before I closed my eyes.

“Hmm, I’d better go. Get better soon, I need you for my film.”

“Our film, Des.”

“Hmm, you’ve only done half of it, girl.” I heard him chuckle, “Okay, our film.” He leant over and kissed me on the cheek. “Don’t forget to tell Simon, I kissed you.” He winked and left.

I immediately slipped into a sleep. Trisha woke me to eat some soup and even that was too much effort. I really didn’t know how I would cope with Stella washing my hair, but I was sure it would make me feel better and less like it had been deep fried.

I slept again and suddenly someone was stroking the side of my face. I opened a bleary eye.

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty, your coiffure awaits.”

“Stella,” I said and smiled at her.

“Well you look better than when I last saw you.”

“So do you,” I replied.

“I’m busy suing this place for wrongful dismissal, it’s amazing what a law suit does to get their attention.”

“Don’t do anything rash until I’m out of here,” I gestured at all the machines, “if the electric gets cut off ‘cos they can’t pay the bill through you, I’ll be cross with you.”

“Don’t worry, Sis, it’ll take months and you should be back on your bike by then.”

“I hope you’re still cycling?”

“Of course, then we’ll see who’s better up hills.”

I groaned, “Oh don’t, Stella.”

“Yes, Missy, I do a molehill a day, whether I need to or not.”

I laughed and then coughed and it hurt so I stopped. I watched almost helplessly as Stella and Trish pulled the bed out from the wall and put it down flat, then they took off the headboard.

“God, it’s ages since I did this.” I heard Stella say.

“Yeah, we don’t do it too often, too much like hard work,” agreed Trish.

They eased me up the bed and then put a blanket underneath my head and with a bowl of water and a cup, Stella wet my hair then shampooed it. She rinsed then added conditioner and rinsed again. Then with towel turban, I was pushed back down the bed and the end put back, whereupon, they raised me up to a semi-recumbent position and Stella blow dried and brushed my hair.

Altogether, I suppose they spent about an hour doing it, and I was exhausted when Trish brought me a cup of tea. I think I fell asleep while trying to drink it.

I still had my nasty dreams but I was working on the basis that once I could get my Specialized into one of them, I was going to slap the dark beast and ride off like the clappers. Maybe it would leave me alone then? Well, I can only try.

Helen, the night duty nurse came to see me, “Simon is on the phone for you.”

“Can you tell him, I’m a bit tied up at the moment?”

“You could tell him yourself.” She laughed and handed me a cordless phone.

“Oh! Thanks,” I took the phone and held it to my ear.

“Cathy?”

“Hi, Handsome, how are you?”

“I’m fine, Babes. Look Stella told me she’d done your hair, so I wondered if you would like to go dancing tonight?”

“I’d love to.”

“Oh good, where would you like to go?”

“Somewhere big enough for you to push this bed around and all the machines that go with it.”

“Hmm! Has it got to be disco?”

“Nah, something to smooch to would suit me better and if you get tired you could always hop into bed as well.”

“I like the idea of the second bit, Babes, do you think they’d notice?”

“I think the machines would go crazy when my heart beat rose off the scale.”

“Hmm, we have a problem then?”

“Yeah, maybe next week, see if you can get Abba to reform for us.”

“Yeah if Cream and Floyd can do it, why not?”

“I have to go, Si, love you lots.”

“Okay, Babes. I’ll be in to see you as soon as I can.”

I gave the nurse back the phone and after yawning went back to sleep.