Easy As Taking Candy From A Baby.
by Angharad (Bonzi's out killing things!)
part: 24 dozen (it is too gross!)

As I lay in Simon's arms, tired but unable to sleep, unlike him. Three glasses of claret and he's anybody's, providing he doesn't have to wake up for it, whatever it is. However, he had managed to put his arm around me before entering the coma. In some ways it was still enjoyable, at least he was there for me, sort of. Actually, it gave me lots of comfort to have him with me and I suppose he'd earned his night out and drinkypoos.

Stella had sent me a card, presumably chosen by Tom, but at least she had written it and ended by saying she was getting better each day. Tom had sent a card as well, so at least others were thinking of me.

Henry had sent flowers to me and a note with them. They were waiting by the front door when we got back from the restaurant. I love the way they do them now, in the plastic bag thingy which is filled with water. However, they don't seem to last any longer, except the carnations and chrysanthemums, they last for ages.

I lay listening to Simon's light snoring, which was like a heavy breather, or so I imagined, I'd never heard one to be honest and was quite happy to remain in ignorance.

Simon revved up a gear and the snoring went to medium loud, I tried nudging him, but he was too comatose to hear me. I got up, went to the toilet and instead of going back to bed, went to make myself a cup of tea.

I sat sipping my tea and looking at the flowers Henry and Monica had sent. They were from a different world, but they seemed to look after those they liked. I wondered if they were as thorough in the opposite direction, mal-treating those they actively disliked. I decided, I never wanted to know.

I spotted a vase on the dresser my dad had bought for my mum and the tears came. I knew I'd never see either again and it felt such pain, deep in my chest there was this aching void and I wondered if I'd ever fill it. I doubted it, especially as I could never have any children of my own, as my befuddled thinking seemed to reason that was how the void was filled, with the love of the next generation.

I wondered about life after death, and my rationalist scientist took over with all my prejudices and bias. I couldn't see how it could be. I'd read books on it assuring me they would convert me to a believer, but they didn't; most were so badly argued that even I would have enjoyed being on a debating team against them.

I had just finished my tea when it happened. I have mentioned before hearing my mother calling to me. I've also had good and bad dreams featuring her. I heard my name being called by a female voice, and immediately thought I was dreaming, except I had moments before put my mug on the table after drinking the last of its contents.

The voice I heard, whether it was real or in my head called my name and told me I was a good girl, and that she was proud of me as a daughter. The hairs on the back of my neck and on my forearms were standing on end and I swear the kitchen had got much colder. I could feel a cold sweat on my forehead.

The voice continued, "Cathy, do not be afraid we won't hurt you, we can see how much happier you are. Take care of Simon, and make him take care of you. He loves you very much."

The voice sounded so real, was I hallucinating?

The voice sought to reassure me. "This is not a dream or your imagination, this is real."

"Mum?" I said out loud, "Is that you?"

"Yes Catherine, it is me."

"What do you want?"

"To thank you for your love, even though we haven't always deserved it."

"You're my mother, of course I loved you and always will."

"Yes dear, I know. I wish we could have done things better knowing what I know now."

"What do you know now?"

"That what you believe is only important if it helps you to live a more godly life. Despite your disillusions, you were and still are more Christian than I ever was."

"Is this some sort of joke?" I said standing up and looking around, where in the classic ghost story do you hear of spooks and the living having discussions on theology?

I nipped up stairs and Simon was asleep snoring like a lawnmower, the old fashioned, push pull ones. I ran into my parent's bedroom and the spare room, even the bathroom. There was no one there.

Back downstairs, I checked out the lounge and dining room, even the cloak room. The doors and windows were locked. The voice came back.

"Catherine, I am here to say that we did love you although not as much as we should, you are a special child..."

"Mummy, I'm twenty three, hardly a kid anymore."

"...to us you will always be our child. Your father is here too although he is still tired from his recent experiences of passing."

"Don't tell me he's dead tired?" I muttered to myself.

"Still the sceptic?"

"Of course I am, this is either a dream or my head playing silly games with me. It's stress I expect."

"Of course it is, it would have to be an illusion to say we love you."

"Words are cheap, whoever you are. Daddy came to accept me only because he needed me. No other reason."

"That isn't true, he came to see his mistake when he realised you were happier as a girl."

"I didn't think my happiness had anything to do with it, you were both so locked into that evangelical crap, that love ceased to exist, just your judgementalism. My existence was seen by you both as an embarrassment, which was why I tried to end it. You hurt me that badly, yet I still loved you, even with your poisoned heart and mind. This the religion of love, had only fear and hate to offer, how dare you tell me you love me. You don't know the meaning of the word."

"But you love me?" said the voice.

"Of course I do, you're my mother."

"Then forgive me."

"Why, what difference does it make?"

"It releases me from this earthly cycle."

"Where is all this stuff coming from?" I slapped at my ears but it made no difference, and it was now very cold in the kitchen.

"I am here and beg your forgiveness."

"I gave it to you when you died, when you mistook me for an angel."

"That was no mistake, you and Stella appeared to me as angels. You are an earthly angel with a purpose."

"Oh yeah, like what to save the earth. Mum, or whoever or whatever you are, I am not Flash Gordon."

"Believe me, you have a purpose."

"I'm sorry I can't because you can't prove to me that this isn't some auditory hallucination created by my grief."

"If I could, would you believe me?"

"Oh yeah, sure, God sent me to save the dormouse! Like hell!"

"That is a fortunate accident, but you will help save millions of animals in the years to come."

"What about this ache, this void in my heart, that only children could resolve."

"You will have children."

"Now I know this is either an hallucination or a sick joke."

"You will have many children, who will look upon you for love and guidance."

"Yeah sure, I suppose I'll have two litters a year to get the numbers up."

"Please do not jest about your purpose."

"What the hell are you talking about? How can my purpose be children, I have no bloody gonads, let alone a uterus."

"When the time is right, you will be shown what you are to do."

"What's going to happen then, I'll grow wings and a harp?"

"Do not mock things you do not yet understand."

"Pleeease, stop this nonsense, either tell me what you want or stop messing with my head."

"I need you to release me by forgiveness."

"I already told you that you have it."

"Say it with your heart not your mouth."

"Mother, I love you, what else can I say, except to go in peace and love, go and look after Daddy."

"Thank you my daughter. Now I can go."

"Yeah sure." I shook my head, maybe that wine was stronger than I thought or I was starting food poisoning.

"To prove to you that you have not imagined this, look under my dressing table, there you will find something I have left for you. Like everything in life, you will have to search for it. Goodbye my child."

I looked up and my mother was waving as she was sort of sucked gently or faded through the back door. I felt my jaw drop as I tried to call her. I broke down and wept for ages, I was going crazy, I had to be. Maybe I needed to get home and see Dr Thomas.

When I came out of my trance, it was nearly four in the morning. It was warmer - why? Shit! I just can't believe that supernatural crap. I was obviously going crazy. All this forgiveness stuff, how could my twisted little brain think that up? I was exhausted and went back to bed, glad to feel the heat of Simon's sleeping body as I snuggled alongside him. He rolled onto his side and flopped his left arm around me and the snoring stopped. I shivered and warmed off his body.

The next morning I felt like death, my eyes were sore and I was exhausted. I felt behind me Simon was gone. I started, suddenly I had the horror that he had gone back to work, then the door pushed open and I screamed.

"What's the matter love, did I frighten you?" He'd hurriedly dumped the cups and come to comfort me.

In the safety of his embrace, I told him about my hallucinations the night before. "Do you think I need to see my shrink?"

"That's up to you, I suspect it's just the stress of everything, grief does funny things to different people."

"But why my mother not my father?"

"Oh the spook? I dunno, unfinished grieving?"

"It was so real."

"So, dreams can appear real."

"She said something about under her dressing table, she'd left something for me."

"Okay, drink your tea and we'll go and look."

I did as Simon suggested and after pulling on a sweater and a skirt, led him into my parent's bedroom. The dressing table stood in front of a window. We both got down on our knees, it came nearly to the floor and we couldn't see much at all, it was too dark.

"I'd better go and get a torch," I said trying to think where there was likely to be one.

"Never mind that," and with a heave, Simon had pulled it a yard towards him. "Anything?"

"Only fluff, I'll get the vacuum cleaner." I trotted down the stairs and came back with the Dyson, and sucked up the rubbish.

"What would you have done if you'd found something?" said Simon heaving the dressing table a bit further for me to get at the fluff and cobwebs.

"Had to rethink quite a few things," I chirped.

He pulled the furniture piece sideways so it stood at ninety degrees to its original postion. I switched on the noisy vacuum cleaner and sucked away, suddenly there was a funny noise. I switched off. A piece of carpet about ten inches square had lifted out of the main carpet and underneath the floor board was screwed down differently to the normal nails.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed and felt a cold shudder run through my entire body.