Easy As Falling Into Bed.
by Bonzi Cat in the original Miaowish, translated by Angharad!
part 266.

I awoke at the sound of the front door closing, Tom was either getting the milk in, or going to work. Moments later, the Landrover coughed into life and I knew he was off to work.

I was glad we'd had our chat, it was nice to consider him like a father figure and one who had been so accepting of my changeover. I know that generally universties are pretty good at accepting people who are different, but even so, to practically adopt me - that is something else. I guess I loved him almost as a daughter does.

Thinking about his daughter, he never says anything about her and I wondered if I could find anything in the local paper archives. I know she died in a car accident, least I think that's what Mary had said. I was so busy then with my own thoughts, I probably didn't listen as well as I should have done.

Why do I want to know, more than pure curiosity, I hope, though I can't actually say what. Maybe it is just curiosity, in which case isn't he entitled to his privacy. I mean what if she died from drug use or suicide? That would be awful. I think I'll live with the uncertainty and perhaps one day he will tell me, least if he thinks I need to know he will.

I got up, washed and dressed, half my wardrobe was here, so I had plenty of choice. I hadn't worn jeans recently because they hurt me in a place which is still healing, so I slipped on a skirt. People will think I'm going all girly - ha me, girly! Erm, okay, so I am, what of it!

I made myself an egg on toast and checked my emails with Tom's computer. There was nothing urgent, so I washed up and went off to Southsea. An hour and a half later, I packed up all our stuff and lugged it down to the car. I thanked the staff for their kind attention and asked for the account.

"There is no account Lady Cameron."

"What about the meals I ordered and telephone calls?"

"They are all in, the cost is absorbed by the hotel."

"So can I leave a tip for the staff who looked after me?"

"That is not necessary either, those who look after the family get a bonus."

"Henry thinks of everything," I sighed.

"There is one thing you could do Lady Cameron."

"What's that?"

"Leave us a good comment in the visitors book."

"I think I can just about manage that." He handed me a 'VIP Visitor's Book.' It's mind boggling, how can I be a VIP? I'm just an ordinary Jo. Okay so I'm not so ordinary, but you know what I mean.

I looked over some of the other comments, so mine would be in keeping with the form used. In the end it was going to be so bland, I changed my mind and wrote, 'My stay here was enhanced by the care and attention of a super set of staff, who met my every need almost before I had articulated it. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to friends nor would I hesitate to commend the restaurant, whose food is a danger to health - a danger you'll eat too much of it, it is so good. Catherine.'

The manager looked it over and smiled broadly. "Thank you, Lady Cameron, you're very generous."

"I may need to stay here again," I said winking, "I want to make sure I get the same level of attention."

"You will, of that I am sure."

I thanked him and left for Tom's house. On the way, I bought some stewing beef and vegetables for a casserole and on reaching the farmhouse, carried in the cases and then got the meal on. I popped it in the slow oven of the Aga, knowing it would be ready for this evening, hopefully filling the house with the aroma of good food.
The casserole was big enough to put potatoes in and a few dumplings, not that I like them myself, but would be willing to bet Tom and Simon did.

Then I unpacked the cases and after a light lunch went off to the hospital. Stella was in good mood, she was getting stronger all the time and it was showing.

"So when can you come home?"

"Got room in the car today?"

"What? Of course I have and there's a beef casserole in the Aga."

"Oh bugger!" she exclaimed, "That means I'll have to cancel my night out with the women's wrestling team."

"Can't you do that and go out with the men's tomorrow?"

"I suppose I could, what's for dessert?"

"Pineapple roulade."

"Nah, too fattening, I can't make it tonight."

"Suit yourself," I sneered.

"I will Little Sister, I will. Now peel me a grape."

"Go take a running jump!"

"Sadly they won't let me do that yet. So you're back at Tom's?"

"We all are, from today."

"Oh okay. He's okay with the fact that you trashed his house."

"I didn't actually damage his house at all. It was all the others. I didn't fire a shot the whole time."

"Only because you didn't have a gun."

"Very true."

"So what else did you have?"

"Who said I had anything?"

"Someone, a little birdie who shall remain nameless, suggested something about Robin Hood."

"Who?"

"Don't gimme that, you know bloody well who I mean."

"This is Portsmouth, you know Nelson and all that, Robin Hood is Nottingham, Sherwood Forest. I know, I've seen the film."

"What, 'Men in Tights'?"

"Nah, well yes, but also the one with the Bryan Adams song."

"Prince of Thieves?"

"That's the one, dreadful film."

"It was, but I love the bit where he fires two arrows and shoots two things at once."

"Stella, that is absolute rubbish, you can't do that with a bow, they'd fly off anywhere."

"How would you know?"

"I've tried it, it was dangerous and I nearly got kicked out of the Toxophilly Society."

"Get you, Toxo whatever, sounds like a bacterium. So you know about bows and arrows then?"

I began to see where this was heading. "I shot the odd one in school, why?"

"Did you shoot a gun then?"

"A gun, ugh! No I've never fired a gun, why?"

"So a bow and arrow would be a preferred weapon to you?"

"You've been watching too much Ironside or was it Perry Mason?"

"Answer the question yes or no."

"No. I mean no I won't answer the question, I want to plead the fifth amendment."

"That's American, you dummy, you can't do that over here."

"Well if you're getting all Supreme Court on me, I felt it was equally appropriate."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the accused has refused to answer the questions which could indicate a degree of guilt. I suggest that you hold that in mind when finding her guilty."

"Hang on, you don't advise a jury to find someone guilty."

"I'm prosecuting counsel, yes I do, doubly so because you didn't recognise Rumpole. So before I pass sentence, have you anything to say."

"Pass sentence, I thought you were prosecuting counsel."

"I am, and judge and jury."

"How can this trial be fair, if you're doing all that?"

"Easy, simple multi-tasking, remember I'm female."

"Implying I'm not?"

"Not at all, you're the accused, counsel for the defence and a whole load of witnesses."

"Oh, can I add one more?"

"Course you can, you're a girl too. What is it?"

"Court of Appeal, and I just quashed your sentence."

"I want a recount!" She poked out her tongue at me.

"You could always go to the House of Lords."

"Not likely, Daddy's probably there on the cross benches, he'll find me a job to do."

"He pays quite well in my experience."

"Hmm, not me he doesn't."

"That's not very fair, and I'd have thought Henry was a fair man."

"I went into nursing against his wishes."

"What did he want you to do?"

"Commodities broker."

"Like Simon?"

"Sort of."

"I can't believe Henry wouldn't support you in doing what you love doing."

"He likes his own way."

"But he's been so nice to me."

"Yeah, he fancies you."

"He has no chance. Simon would kill him for starters."

"That wouldn't stop him."

"I would never say yes, that will stop him."

"We'll see."

"Oh geez Stella, it's bad enough fighting off Des, let alone your father. Maybe being a girl wsn't such a good idea."

"Not to mention Monica..." she began to laugh.

"That does it, I want to be a boy again...."