Easy As ....(you decide).
by: Wassername
part - something which is less than a whole.

Tom pretended to shrink upon seeing us. "My God," he said, "can't a fellow get away from these pestilent women, to eat in peace?"

"Apparently not," said a male voice behind us, "but if you're fed up with them, you can send them over to me anytime."

"But Tom, you said you'd stay with me even after it's born," I said pouting. His face was a picture.

"That is absolutely true Tom, you did give your word." Stella was such an accomplished liar, even I believed her.

"But your husband isn't going to like it," said Tom winking.

"Yes, I know he did threaten to kill you, but I'm sure he didn't really mean it. Oh, I can't think why he took his shotgun to work?"

"Pest control? In which case he should be shooting you two, not me."

"But you said you loved me Tom."

"So, I did then, today it's different."

"What's so different?" I pouted again, I was getting good at this.

"Well you're up the spout to start with, eating for two and in the pudding club. Will that do for starters?"

"Tom, there is no euphemism for pregnancy which involves starters or entrees," said Stella authoritatively.

"Would rape be forced entree?" I asked.

"He didn't, did he?" asked Stella.

"Ever since the Viagra, nothing is safe."

"Cathy, it's him who's supposed to take it not you."

"Oh!"

"So it was you who raped him?"

"Erm! He's so irresistible, those manly good looks," I said enjoying watching Tom blush and squirm.

"And the pot belly," said Stella.

"We'll have a matching set in six months," I offered.

By now the pub was in uproar. One of the entertained patrons came over, "Can I buy you ladies a drink?"

"Ladies! They're both blokes in drag," said Tom.

"Have you got a brother for me?" called some wag.

Eventually it calmed down and we followed Tom to his usual table and ordered a meal. He had a chicken curry with chips for change. I had a tuna salad and Stella went exotic and had a jacket potato with prawns and coleslaw. It takes all sorts I suppose.

"I like prawns, it reminds me of chess."

"Stella, I think you mean pawns not prawns."

"No I don't, I mean the musical, Simon took me to see it and we went out afterwards to dinner and I had a prawn cocktail and got food poisoning."

"Aren't you put off them then?" I asked, thinking if I got food poisoning from something, I'd never eat it again. Well tuna may be an exception to that rule and possibly chcocolate, and ice cream, oh, and .... perhaps I might eat it occasionally.

"Nah, I like prawns, they remind me of Simon."

"Because of the experience you just mentioned," I suggested.

"No because they're all pink and dumb."

"Hey that's my fiance you're talking about," I protested.

"See, even you got the analogy."

"Stella, are you implying I'm stupid?"

"Would I do a thing like that?" she looked so innocent, but then psychos always do, at least in the movies.

"In a word, yes."

"Damn!" she said and looked at Tom who was chuckling away to himself.

"You two ought to be on the stage."

"What sweeping it?" I asked.

"Certainly not, starring in something comedic, but preferably about five hundred miles from here."

"Gee thanks, Tom." I really did pout then.

"Kiki chased a squirrel in the garden this morning," Stella informed us.

"Bloody tree rats, did she catch it?"

"No, it scrambled up a tree and hopped over the fence."

"I want a tom cat called Elvis," I said loudly.

"Why?" asked Tom.

"I just think it would be cool, that's all."

"If it was a Siamese, Simon would probably buy it for you."

"No just an ordinary moggie."

"Would he have to be able to sing?" asked Tom.

"Yeah, I could just imagine him singing, Blue suede shoes." I offered.

"Or, Been speyed blues," suggested Stella. We convulsed at that.

We dropped Tom off at the university, giving him my medical certificate, which euphemistically referred to, 'post operative recovery' rather than anything more explicit.

I chatted with Pippa for a few minutes, just about long enough for a cuppa to go down. Stella wanted to see the dormice, so I took her along to the labs, where we were met by some of my students who hugged us both and told me they wanted me back asap! I always thought I was irresistible, it appears they meant irreplaceable.

"So that's the famous Spike," said Stella stroking the dormouse's head.

"It is, wanna hold her?"

"No thanks, she's not jumping down my vest."

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I have visitors over the Easter Holiday, so can't guarantee to post every day.