(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2199 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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“I’m worried about Danni.”
“Why? What’s she done now?”
“Julie, you make it sound as if she’s always doing something.”
“She is.”
“Is there something you haven’t told me?”
“Nah, it’s not important and I sorted it.”
“Something at the salon?”
“It’s okay, I sorted it.”
“Does that mean you won’t be taking her again?”
“Not unless I have Phoebe there to supervise her as well, I can’t do it all on my own.”
“What happened?”
“It was nothing.”
“Julie,” I said sternly.
“Okay,” she rolled her eyes, “I asked her to refill some of the shampoo bottles and other things we use, check for empty sprays and things and she put conditioner in the shampoo bottles.”
“Are the bottles clearly labelled?”
“Yes.”
“Did it cost you very much?”
“About twenty quid.”
“Let me pay you.”
“No, Mummy. I put it down as spillages.”
“If you’re sure?”
“Positive. She’s in too big a hurry all the time.”
“D’you want me to have a word with her?”
“No, we’ll try again and if she cocks up once more–she’ll have to stay home, or go and play football.”
“She seems to have lost interest in that.”
“Not surprised after that big oaf came to sort you out and you boxed his ears.”
“I think that might have been the only part of his anatomy I didn’t hit.”
“Anyway, back to Danni, why are you concerned?”
“It seems when she gets together with Cindy or Pia, she gets herself into a pickle.”
“Like what?”
“She went to the cinema with Cindy and they let two older boys chat them up.”
“That could have led to some interesting anatomical discoveries for the boys, that girls, or some girls have willies as well.” She smirked.
“I remember it nearly cost you your life.”
“Yeah, okay, rub it in why don’t you?”
“I wondered if perhaps you could have a big sisterly conversation with Danni.”
“You mean read the riot act?”
“I’ve already done that, I’d like you to do it from a teenage girl point of view.”
“Is she really into boys?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what’s happening.”
“You think Cindy or Pia put her up to things?”
“I don’t know. She certainly seems to get into more trouble when she’s with them.”
“Oh she was with Pia or whatever his name was then...”
“Peter.”
“The way they say it round ’ere, it wouldn’t sound much different, would it?”
“Woo it, nah, it woo-unt,” I replied exaggerating slightly the Portsmouth accent.
“She was with him when they got done by those two French bastards.”
“According to her, Peter said something to the Frenchmen, which I can only assume was provocative. It still didn’t give them justification for what they did.”
“No, nothing justifies that.”
“Will you speak to her, then?”
She nodded pulling a face. “It will probably be a total waste of time, but yes, I’ll speak to her.”
“Don’t let her know I asked you, will you?”
“Mummy, I’m not stupid–and neither is she. She’ll know you asked me.”
“Will she?”
“Well, yes–how did I find out about it otherwise?”
“Of course, sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Is that what old age does to you?”
I glared at her and all she did was chuckle.
“I’m going to be thirty not ninety.”
“Oh dear, middle age.”
“You’ll get there yourself one day–unless you continue to annoy me...”
“That there is fightin’ talk,” she said in a corny American accent–sort of like John Wayne after he’d shut his nadgers in a drawer.
“Go and talk to Danni.” I shooed her out of the kitchen while I cleared up the breakfast mess, during which David arrived.
“Did you miss me?” he asked.
“When?”
“Oh dear, like that is it?”
“We might have one extra for dinner.”
“Stephanie?”
I nodded.
“We might?”
“Yes, I haven’t spoken to her yet.”
“Better had then.”
“What is it?”
“Fish.”
I shook my head in frustration, “What sort of fish?”
“For da growed ups, Dover sole, for da kiddiwinks, plaice.”
“We have enough for Stephanie?”
He rotated his hand back and fore, “Maybe, just about, could be.”
“Have we or not?”
“Yes.”
I scowled at him, “You’re not supposed to tease the hand that feeds you.”
“With all due respect, ma’am, I do the feeding.”
“Only because I pay for the food and you.”
“Point taken, where would you like me to grovel?”
“Make some tea while I call Stephanie.”
“Your wish is my command, ma’am.”
I threw my hands up in the air and walked out of the kitchen with David roaring with laughter behind me. That’s two to add to my list, already.
“So what are you worried about?” asked Stephanie when I called her.
“She’s not a biological girl, is she?”
“Wouldn’t you be more worried if she were?”
“Perhaps, but on a different level.”
“Okay, what’s for dinner?”
“Dover sole.”
“What time?”
“As soon as David can catch the last one, if he can’t it’ll be fish fingers.”
“Shouldn’t that be toes, if we’re having soles?”
“Only if I foot the bill.”
“You certainly have sox appeal, Cathy.”
“I know, a pair of shoes tried to chat me up earlier.”
“In which emporium was this?”
“You have no need to know.”
“An’ if you told me you’d have to kill me?”
“No, you might get there first and buy them–what strange ideas psychiatrists have.”
“That’s news?”
“No, more a confirmatory exercise.”
“Hey, talk English.”
“You went to university.”
“So? I didn’t do English, did I? I’m just a dumb quack.”
“How could I argue with a professional opinion?”
“Cathy, you are not supposed to say that, you were supposed to be sympathetic.”
“I was, totally.”
“Sure y’were.”
“Six o’clock, all right?”
“As far as I know my clock is in good health, so I’d expect six o’clock to be okay, why?”
“For dinner.”
“Ah, yes perfect.”
“If you bring your holy terror with you, I suspect we’ll have half a dozen offers to baby sit.”
“Only because if they are babysitting they can’t see me professionally.”
“Damn, you rumbled my plan.”
“Of course, remember we super-shrinks can see your plans before you make them.”
“Can you?”
“Of course, it’s called forward planning.”
“I thought that’s what football managers did.”
“Good one, your sense of humour is in good spirits–but we can soon fix that.”
“What exorcise the good spirits?”
“Something like that.”
“This conversation is getting silly and my tea is getting cold.”
She rang off and I went to collect my drink from the kitchen.
“That’ll be cold now, I made it ages ago. ’Ere, let me stick it in the microwave...”
“Ugh, no. That makes the milk go funny.”
“And pouring it into boiling water doesn’t?”
“No.”
He shrugged, “Suit yourself.”
“I will, and Stephanie’s coming to dinner–can we cook for about six.”
“There’ll be more than that here, won’t there?”
I’ll kill him. “Six o’clock.”
I boiled the kettle and after pouring out a bit of my cold tea, topped it up with boiling water. It tasted reasonably okay and was quite hot.
“Bloody hell, woman, you can’t drink that, it looks like pat’s kiss.”
“Get yer ’ands off me tea,” I said wresting it back from him and spilling half of it in the effort.
“Now look what yer done to me kitchen,” David teased me, pouring gnat’s pee all over it.”
“Enjoy clearing it up, I have a phone call to make,” and I escaped with the remains of my tea which I drank on the way back to my study.
Comments
Hoode tea ...
... used to be noted for the fact it was so weak it hardly had the strength to climb out of the pot. I suppose that was the sign I hated the taste of the stuff. Now it never passes my lips.
Glad Cathy is using Julie as a resource to advise Danni. She has enough real life experience to put the fear of the devil into her new sister.
Robi
Homeopathic tea
Mum likes her tea "too weak t' crawl out o' t' pot"
I never liked it, until I got her un-sugared (diet) cup by mistake one morning and realised I had been drinking brown sugary water for years. Although I drink my tea somewhat stronger by choice, and now black, I never did put sugar in it again after that day.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
serious undertone
But lots of laughter in this episode. Cathy Dangerfield can't get no respect.
Like seeing Julie take talking to Danni
Seriously. Not that long ago we were just as concerned about Julie and men. Hoping big sis can help out but knowing young teens I doubt it.
“Bloody hell, woman, you can’t drink that, it looks like pat
kiss
I agree with that comment, although I always said tea with milk looks like dirty dish water.
I think Cathy did well to have Julie talk to Danny, peer pressure and all, she is closer to her age.
I wonder what Stephanie is going to find during her visit.
Something that came to my mind the a few days ago.... will young Cathy or even Lizzie end up wanting to be a guy when they get older?
Good story as always Ang hug
Jackie
I see that someone is feeling
I see that someone is feeling punsomaniacal.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Danni is dangerous
I can hardly understand women when they first transition. I was about to be really critical of Danni snogging with boys, but then I remembered myself in 2006. I was wearing mini skirts clear to there, and teeny tank tops. From that experience I learned, with about 20 college age women, that the norm is small breasts, A's at the largest. They customarily wore no bras, didn't need them.
And here I am sat at my desk, and have decided to attend a rather conservative church function sans bra. :) When in Rome ... no that won't work. If I did as they do, it would be the whole harness including hold ups.
Gwendolyn
Getting a bit of a warm up
for Punday Night. Now on to the main event, wonder how much Dani is going to be non-plused about big Sis putting her two cents in.
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
British Humour
Another lovely episode. Angharad. The way we English speakers can play with words and their double meanings and or words that are similar enough to substitute for the one that would normally be used, is unique in the wide world. When I first found myself sent to foreign parts. it was one of the things I most missed. I remember soon after getting married for the second time - to a German, my new partner's teenage son spoke near-perfect English, having been taught it at school but also having spent a year in Bournemouth when his Mother dragged him away to England after his parents' first marriage ended, accompanied us to the UK to introduce my new family to my elderly parents. He sat and listened to my sister and her children who spoke Sussex dialect, not a very extreme accent, and after half an hour he asked me what was it they were talking about as he had not understood a word of it. I tried to explain, it was not about anything, it was just word play. His head around this he could get not.
There was one possible joke you missed though - about "boiling a kettle" - it is the WATER that we boil, not the kettle - if we boiled the kettle it would make a metallic mess in the kitchen and the electricity bill would probably make even Simon's bank feel sick ! I never realised how we all say we are boiling a kettle but it is understood, except by non native speakers, that we mean the water in it.
Anyway, thanks for yet another lovely episode of Bike, and I just wish I could be as funny as you can. I am trying - my kids say "Very trying".
Briar