(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2156 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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We arrived home and the girls made a real fuss of Danni, I left them to it while I had a cuppa. David asked me, “How did it go?”
“All right I suppose, the leader of the group of thugs, all of them towering above Danni, was gay.”
“How did you know that?” he asked pausing potato peeling.
“I just did, gaydar, whatever, I just knew it and when I asked him he got rather angry and stormed off.”
“Blue light stuff was it?”
“I have no idea, more a sort of intuition, I think.”
He shrugged. “Oh d’you mind if Ingrid does her hours tomorrow afternoon, she’s got to take Hannah to the dentist in the morning.”
Ingrid did sixteen hours a week for me, just enough to get her tax credit benefits including rent allowance. She did general housework with Jacquie, who was more responsible for the little ones if I wasn’t around or had work of my own to do.
“No that’s fine as far as I know, better check what Jacquie’s up to.”
“She said it was okay.”
“Fine then.” I took my cup of tea and went down to my study and opened my emails. I had one from Lizzie Alexander, my friend from university, whom I’d visited in Hove previously.
‘Hi Cathy,
I’ve got to come to Portsmouth on business on Thursday, wonder if you’d be available for lunch?
Lizzie Alexander.’
I checked my diary, I was free, though it was just as well it was this week, next week I’m working again. I replied that I was free and if she’d like to come to us, I’d organise lunch here.
A few minutes later my machine peeped and she replied she’d love to come. I went to speak to David who gave me an old fashioned look. “I’ve got Thursday off, got to take the car for its MOT, I did ask you weeks ago.”
“No problem, I’ll cook something. It won’t be as good as yours would be, but it won’t poison her.”
“Who put this on the fridge?” he pointed at a fridge magnet I’d bought on impulse. It bore a picture of some high heeled shoes with the motto, ‘I dress to kill, and cook the same way.’
“Why?”
“I hope it doesn’t reflect on my reputation,” he grumbled.
“No of course not, you’re a professional, I’m only an amateur poisoner.”
“Hey you, watch it,” he said waving a boning knife about.
I poked my tongue out at him and ran out of the kitchen. I decided I’d change into my old clothes, this suit was too good to sit around in, it just causes the skirt to ‘bottom’. In other words it becomes stretched and shiny. On the way up to my room, I heard a conversation going on in Danni’s room. I crept up to the door which wasn’t properly closed.
“So who’s gonna be coming to teach you?”
“I dunno, Mummy hasn’t said yet.” I’d forgotten what her name was.
“So, you gonna stay as a girl then?” asked Trish.
“I s’pose,” I thought Danni’s answer was as ambivalent as everything else she’d said recently.
“Hey, cheer up, being a girl is great,” offered Livvie.
“For you it is, for me it’s a bit different.”
“But you look great.”
“Do I?” asked the uncertain teen.
“Course you do, your makeup is really kewl.”
“Phoebe did it.”
“She’s gettin’ really good,” declared Trish.
“I wike you as a giwl, Daniewwe.”
“I quite like it myself, Mima.”
“Boys are borwing,” she replied.
“Was I boring then?”
“Yeah, course you was.”
“Gee thanks, Mima.”
She giggled her response to that.
“Why don’t you want to be a girl, you get to wear nice clothes and play with makeup and your hair and wear brill shoes?”
“An’ kiss a few boys,” added Livvie.
“Um...” spluttered Danni.
“You’ve got a boyfriend,” accused Livvie.
“No I haven’t.”
“She has, she’s blushing, not that boy from up in Scotland is it?”
“I uh...”
“It is, Richard somebody, he liked you, girl.”
“But I’m a boy, aren’t I?”
“Where?” challenged Livvie.
“You know where,” Danni’s voice was barely audible.
“Oh that, you can get it cut off, can’t you, Trish?”
I stood listening, Danni was saying something but it was so quiet I couldn’t hear it.
“Is it that important? It wasn’t to Pia, but then what’s she’s got is a bit of a mess.” Trish was so matter of fact.
“You haven’t seen it have you?” asked Livvie.
“Yeah and showed her mine, mine’s better.”
“What’d it look like then?”
At this point I withdrew, I didn’t need to know anything else about Pia and I had some further insight into Danni’s situation although it possibly muddied the waters further. Was she gay? The way she used to stare at Julie, worried me, though perhaps she was just taking on board every detail of the girl’s makeup and mannerisms and cleavage. Oh boy, it doesn’t get any easier.
I changed into a pair of jeans and my slippers, then pulled a sweatshirt on, it was definitely getting cooler in the evenings. Still at least we had some butterflies this year, except the small tortoiseshells were trying to start hibernating on our bedroom ceiling. The garden shed is fine, the bedroom–no, as soon as the heating comes on they wake up and because there’s little or no food about thy die. I scraped up a dead one a while back when I moved the bed for a good clean. I gave it to Trish to look at under her microscope.
Simon and Sammi were early for once and I called the girls down for dinner as he came down from his wash and change. Sammi asked, “Which Danny is it?”
“You still have a younger sister,” I replied.
“Oh, it’s lasting longer than I thought it would.”
“Much longer than I thought it would. When I made her come away on holiday with us as a girl, a sort of saturation therapy, I thought she’d be back in trousers within hours of getting home. Mind you, I didn’t think she’d pick up a boyfriend.”
“You what?” gasped Sammi.
“She’s sort of got a boyfriend, up in Scotland.”
“Bloody hell, does he know?”
“I don’t think so.”
“She likes to live dangerously.”
“Here she comes,” I hissed and added, “So when are you taking a holiday?”
“I’m having January off.”
“That’s an unusual time for a holiday?”
“Well, I’m getting sorted, aren’t I?”
“You kept that quiet.”
“Well, it’s no big deal, is it?”
“If Trish could cope, I’m sure I will.”
“If I could cope with what?” asked big ears coming into the kitchen.
“The operation.”
“Oh that, yeah, no prob.” I have to remind myself she’s eight, well going on nine.
“What is?” asked Danni who’d disappeared for a minute–she’d gone to the loo apparently.
“She’s havin’ her op sometime soon,” summarised Trish, “It’s no big deal.”
“Oh God,” said Danni and burst into tears before rushing upstairs.
“What’d I say?” asked a bemused Trish.
“I don’t think it was what you said but the way it was received.” I said ruffling her hair.
“Shall I go and talk with her?” she asked.
“No, you sit and have lunch, I’ll go and speak with her.”
“I’ll put something in the slow oven for you,” said David.
“Thanks, David,” I set off up the stairs again.
Comments
I think you're doing an
I think you're doing an amazing job with painting the confusion and doubt that can occur within a teenager who's in the throws of puberty and questioning all and ever about his/her gender and sexuality in a family which has such an ambiguous atmosphere for anyone who's just that: Questioning and unsure.
On the one hand there is such an open climate where everything about gender and sexuality is open for debate and nothing is condemned or pushed, as a path to self-realisation and definition.
On the other hand it's also very confusing because there is no outspoken guideline, and there seems to be a lot of 'peer-pressure' which does tend to muddle the waters in one -underrepresented- direction.
It reminds me a bit of when I hosted powwows ( as we liked to call them ) for TG-folk, both MtF as FtM. It struck me as a bit awkward, and even a bit uncomfortable, for 'norms' :) Or non-TG who must've felt out of their depth, and maybe even a little guilty, for not 'having the urge'.
I don't know if this is your goal, making more people question and try to loose the overzealousness of some hardnosed TG's, but I think it's great.
We do question ourselves, that's without doubt, and rightly so. But do we question ourselves enough.
Okay, that last one was stolen and paraphrased, but still.
Thanks for your wonderful series Angharad.
Jo-Anne
Danni now has another problem
He (Danny) looked at Julia a lot, admiring her, and now....Sammi. Danni is like the rest, she is so used to having Sammi around she/he probably forget about Sammi being a male, like he is, under all the clothes and make-up and mannerisms. Now Danni is suddenly reminded of that fact, and she (Sammi) is preparing for THE OPERATION and Danni so far has been unable to make up her mind about herself and what she wants. Danni is getting a lot of things thrown at her rather fast that is affecting her deeply.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
So it's the girls then
This just gets more muddied. The girls are herding him forward and he'll either pop his cork or I don't know what. To be clear, I am in full support of someone who is truly GID having SRS, but Danny is clearly NOT full stop.
It is often said
that some welcome surgery to make themselves complete while others view it as a threat to all they hold dear.
I know of people (myself included) who feel that their body betrayed them at birth. Conversely there are those (often men but not exclusively so) who are sick at the thought of a surgeon going anywhere near their equipment with a sharp implement.
I know that this is a long drawn-out plot line but I think that you, Ang, are dealing with the subject of Danny/Danni's gender confusion and, by extension, Cathy's desire to do the best for her child, in a sensitive and realistic way.
S.
I can only re-iterate...
what I've written earlier.
Danni/Danny is going to have to sort things out for herself. The only thing that Cathy can do is to give Danni/Danny space and tolerance backed by unquestioning support; unquestioning that is insofar as any unknowns are not treated censoriously and any of Danni's actions are not criticised unduly harshly or preferably,at least criticised constructively.
The kid has got some very troubled waters to navigate and her/his coping strategies may not always please those around her. Mine certainly weren't and it upset the psychiatrists no end seemingly because the condition was so fluid and unpredictable. I suspect Danni is finding such fluidity to be painful at best and self-destructive at worst.
Cathy is going to have to be both beacon and 'bell-buoy' as Danni/Danny navigates his/her way. Shoal! Ware shoal! Cry I!!!
Watching this one with much interest and empathy.
Thanks Ang.
XXX
Bev.
Nice pair of pins
You going swiming, Bev?
Angharad